8. Freya
8
FREYA
I feel like I’m under fire, dodging as thoughts fly at me like bullets. My heart trips out rapid beats inside my chest. Adrenaline screams through my veins but there are no actual bullets, I’m running from my own mind.
I find my way through the police station like I’m free falling until I reach a door that opens up to the outside.
The fresh air helps.
I stumble down the short set of steps, gripping onto the railing. I drop onto the bottom step and stare out at the parking lot. I got like this a lot when I first moved in with Carmen at seventeen. Everything just becomes too much, all at once. She taught me a trick to help me breathe. Find one thing that catches your attention.
It’s hard to focus but I scan the parking lot until a yellow Beetle catches my eye. It stands out against the black and white police cars.
Now find one more thing.
A park bench on the grass behind the parking lot. It’s painted snow white. I track a line with my eyes from the bench to the Beetle, breathing in as I go. I breathe out and follow the imaginary line back to the bench. In and out. Back and forth. Just focus on two things. There’re only two things.
Slowly, I calm down. Once the dizziness passes, I take out my phone and look at the message I got back in the conference room. I sat there for an hour trying to decide whether to tell the guys about it.
Unknown: You must remember her hair at least. Long, blonde. Dad loved her hair.
The subject changed to my mother, and I had the perfect opportunity to share the messages but all I could see was Adelaide’s long blonde hair. All I could think was that my mother was just his type. That she was dead.
She has to be dead.
Because if she isn’t, then where the hell is she?
And why did she leave us with him?
The fire door behind me opens and I slip my phone back into my pocket. Part of me is aware I’m making things worse but the last thing I’m capable of right now is talking about my mother.
Jude sits down on the concrete step next to me. He knocks his knee into mine. We sit in silence for a while until he speaks up. “I think sometimes we forget.”
I swallow. My jaw aches as I talk. “Forget what?”
Jude sucks in his top lip. “You’re so fierce and kick-ass, which by the way is incredibly sexy.”
I smirk a little. Jude’s brain tends to get diverted and I honestly love how often I’m the cause of his distraction.
“But my point is,” he continues, “I think because of that, we forget how much you’ve been through. How difficult this must be for you.”
I dip my head, resting my arms on my thighs and studying the bumps in the concrete between my shoes. “I shouldn’t have stormed out like that.”
“We shouldn’t have brought up your mother like that.”
My phone burns a hole in my pocket. I look at Jude. “I just— I need to do something. Something tangible and real that will help us find my dad.”
Jude nods and sits up straighter. “Okay. Adelaide’s husband is coming in. We need to interview him to see if he noticed any signs of Maxwell in the run up to her death.”
I drum my fingers against the railing. “You think he’ll have anything actionable?”
Jude stares out into the parking lot, that brilliant mind of his analyzing the problem. “I think Maxwell has been forced to change his MO. You don’t just walk up to a house hoping to catch a woman on her own. He’ll have to have staked the place out, learned their routines.”
It feels like a long shot. My father is well adept at keeping himself hidden. But it’s something active, which right now sounds better than sitting in a stale room theorizing about my mother.
Jude and I spend two hours with Mark Janson, Adelaide’s husband. The most we get is a make and model of a car he’d seen a few times in the last week. A silver BMW with tinted windows. He didn’t catch the plate number, but we can canvas the area now, see if any traffic cameras or anyone else did.
We report the information back to the others and River calls it a day. There’s not much more we can do till the evidence analysis from the crime scene techs starts to trickle in.
I collect my laptop and notes and pack them into the new computer bag Oz got me. It’s navy blue with brown and gold clasps and it’s just one of the gifts he’s been showering me with over the past few weeks. I hook it over my shoulder, feeling warmth bloom inside of me.
I’m going to be okay. For once in my life, I’m going to leave work and go home to a family. A house filled with love and Scrabble and parents who worry and siblings who bicker.
Oz walks beside me as we leave the station. I was mad at him earlier but I know he was only trying to help. They all are. So I don’t know why I get so pissed off when River stops me as I head towards the truck we borrowed from Oz’s dad this morning.
“You’re with me, Freya.”
“What?” I turn back to look at him. “But I’m staying at Oz’s house.”
The hard cut of his jaw juts out. “Not tonight you’re not.”
My mouth parts, annoyance pulling my shoulders back. “Says who?”
River narrows his eyes. “Says me.”
I glance at the others. Jude stands near River, his hands flipping stones in his pockets. He looks a tad uneasy but doesn’t get involved. Eli is a few paces behind them, scrolling through his phone like I'm not even worth his attention. I look up at Oz beside me.
He settles his hand around my arm. “It’s okay, go with him.”
The warmth inside of me sours. “No. I said I’d stay with you.”
He rubs his thumb over the bare skin beneath my three-quarter length shirt sleeve. “I’ll be alright. Go with River.”
I scowl, my stomach knotting. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with River. He’s bossy and infuriating but I’m pretty sure I love him. It’s just I know why he’s doing this. He wants to be there if I have another nightmare. He wants to know what I’m not telling them and if anyone can figure it out, it’s him.
No, until I’ve decided what I’m going to do I need to stay away from River.
“He can’t just order me around,” I argue.
Oz quirks a brow.
“He can’t,” I insist.
River clears his throat.
I whip my head around to glare at him as he straightens his cuffs and strides over to us. Why does that have to be so damn hot?
River stops beside me and dips his head to whisper in my ear. “Freya, darling, walk your pretty stubborn ass over to my car or when I finally do get you back to my hotel room, you’ll spend the entire night cuffed to the bed.”
I tense against the arousal flooding through me, but he’s not done.
“That is,” his voice deepens, “after I’ve spanked your bratty ass, and you’ve apologized to me by taking my cock down your throat till tears run down your cheeks.”
My legs tremble and I grab Oz’s arm to keep me steady. I hate how much I want him to follow through on that.
I glower at River. “You’re not playing fair,” I grit out.
He reaches up and tucks a curl behind my ear. His touch leaves tingles in its wake as he draws his finger down to my chin and tips my head back. “Now when did I ever promise that?”
He lets go of my chin and threads his fingers through my hand.
Oz releases me and I shoot daggers his way for taking River’s side.
River’s grip on me doesn’t hurt but it’s tight enough to mean I have no choice but to go with him as he walks us to the rented SUV. Oh, this is so not happening.
I clench my teeth and tug against his hold.
He yanks me in towards him and spins to face me so fast I’m blinking. “Are you using your safe word, Freya?”
The question makes me pause. I don’t want to use my safe word. Not at all. As annoyed as I am, I trust River. When it comes down to it, it’s as simple as that.
I shake my head.
“Good. If you pull away from me again, you’ll be in for one hell of a punishment. Do you understand?”
Heat rushes through me and my panties dampen. At this point it’s instinct to fight against his control though. I look him up and down, analyzing his stance and figuring out how I could get out of his hold. A knee to the balls maybe.
He lets out a dark chuckle. “And just for even thinking that you’ll be over my knee later.”
My jaw drops but River just starts walking again, dragging me across the parking lot. “You don’t even know what I was thinking!” I protest.
He looks back over his shoulder at me and lifts a brow. “Do you want to tell me then?”
I gulp and open my eyes wide and innocent. I give a quick shake of the head.
“I didn’t think so.”
I twist around to find some help. “Jude, can you talk to him please?”
We stop beside the car and Jude grins at me. “Sure thing.” He turns to River. “Can I watch?”
River lets go of me and I throw up my arms. “Hey.”
“Next time,” River says. “She’s all mine tonight.”
“Uh, there’s not going to be a next time,” I protest, despite knowing that’s not true.
River’s response is to pull open the passenger door and lift me inside.
Jude comes over and bops me on the nose. “You shouldn’t tell lies, Angel, we banned those remember?”
I scoff and slump back into the seat. Jude leans over and secures my seatbelt. “You’ll be fine,” he murmurs in my ear before he pulls back.
I soften. “I know,” I tell him. And I do. I’m not scared of River hurting me. I’m scared of how he’ll feel if he finds out about the messages from my sister. I’m scared he’ll make me face my demons and follow the dark thread that leads to my mother. I’m scared of what I’ll find.