1. Ace
1
ACE
Four and a half years later
Yawning, I open the sliding doors onto my back patio and take in the glorious sunrise. Sundays are my one day I indulge by getting up late. Well, I guess it’s all relative, but sunrise is late for me. Usually, we’re up long before the sun to get our PT done ahead of the workday. So, when I’m home, I gift myself Sunday.
Coffee cup in hand, I take a seat on a rocker and watch the spectacular display mother nature puts on, the colors shifting and changing quickly as the sun climbs past the horizon. All is quiet except for the birdsong that breaks the complete silence.
I inhale deeply, appreciating the scent of the roses planted throughout my garden and feel my soul settle. The past few months have been difficult with a couple shitty missions. Yeah, I get they can’t all go smoothly, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel the ones that don’t. When a mission goes south, more often than not, there are losses. And we feel them. Each and every loss.
Makes me appreciate moments like this — the sunrise, birdsong, a well landscaped garden awash with blooms of all kinds and colors. I’ve poured more hours into this garden than I possibly should have, but it’s the one place I can go to turn my brain off. To deal with all the ugliness of my career. It’s my coping mechanism and my salvation.
That and Sheri and her boys.
I try to spend as much time with them as I can. We all do. It’s a promise we made to Mav when we lost him. A promise he never got to hear, but one we honor all the same. We’ll never replace him in those boys’ lives — we wouldn’t want to anyways — but we can be a male presence in them. Teach them the things their father would have were he here to do so.
My coffee cup empty, the sun fully up, I get to my feet and head on inside. I’m meeting my folks, brother, sister-in-law, and niece for brunch, and I have a couple stops to make before I get to the restaurant. We’re celebrating Mom’s birthday today and, as usual, I have yet to get her anything.
Dashing through the shower, I make quick work of getting myself dressed and out the door in search of a gift. Thankfully, by the time I arrive at the restaurant, I’ve managed to find her favorite chocolates and flowers, and a crystal vase Shawna, my sister-in-law, tells me Mom’s had her eye on. And I’m on time.
The hostess greets me with a warm smile and a slow once-over. As beautiful as she is, I’m flattered but in no way interested. Lately, I’ve had one woman on my mind. One that’s probably off limits. It wasn’t a fast free-fall into feelings, more like a slow, gentle tumble into love.
Until, one day, I looked into her captivating gaze and realized I am completely, irrevocably, stupid in love crazy for Sheri.
As the widow of one of my best friends, my fallen brother-in-arms, how the hell do I deal with these feelings. I’m pretty sure my teammates would have a shit fit if they knew how I felt. I mean, she was Maverick’s wife. As off limits as it gets, right?
The hostess begins to lead me over to our table when “Uncle Kevin,” is all I hear right before a small body plows into me.
How is it that someone barely four feet tall and maybe seventy pounds soaking wet manages to exert such force on impact?
“Hey, pumpkin,” I reply, picking my nine-year-old niece up and giving her a hug. “You beat me here. Again. What are you, Batgirl? Did you fly here?”
She giggles. “No, silly. I came here with Mommy and Daddy in the car. Besides, if I were a superhero, I’d be a Powerpuff girl. Prolly Blossom since she’s the oldest, and I’m going to be a big sister, so I’ll be the oldest.”
“Ah, okay. Gotcha.” I nod solemnly. “Are you excited to be a big sister?” The hostess is watching the interaction between us and gives me a “swoon” look before excusing herself.
“Yeah, I can’t wait for the baby in Mommy’s belly to come out.” Grinning at her, I stop beside the table.
“Come sit here with Mommy, baby girl, and let Uncle Kevin say hi to everyone,” Shawna says to Shaelynn. She wriggles to be let down, and as I bend to place her on her feet, I drop a quick kiss on Shawna’s cheek.
“Hey handsome, you good?” Shawna smiles up at me as I straighten.
“Yeah, but that was going to be my question. You doing okay?”
“Yep. Baby and I are doing just fine.”
“Good to hear. Now best I go wish the birthday girl or risk getting my ass kicked,” I quip, then full on laugh out loud when my mother replies, “I heard that, you insolent little whippersnapper.”
My mother gives me a huge grin and pulls me in for a tight hug. When she steps back, she studies me. “You’ve been a little scarce lately. Everything all right?” she finally asks.
“Yes, ma’am. Work’s been a bit crazy, otherwise all good,” I reply.
A long, intense scrutiny follows my words, as if my mother can see into my soul. And she probably can. It’s damn uncomfortable, because I bet she sees way more than I want her to. My mom knows me better than anyone else — except maybe Sheri — and her Spidey mom-senses are pinging off the charts.
Knowing she’ll probably see through my words, I reply anyways, “It’s all good, Mama. I really am fine.” She gives me one final study, then nods.
Without another word, she takes her seat while I finish greeting the rest of the family before taking my own seat. As always, there’s plenty of laughter and teasing around the table, and I feel my restlessness of this morning settle. I’m blessed to have all my loved ones around me and feeling pretty damn appreciative in that moment.
A tingle of awareness has the hairs on the back of my neck coming to attention and, looking out across the restaurant, I spot Sheri and one of her school mom friends standing at the hostess station. I take a moment to study her while she’s unaware and absorb her beauty.
She has a riot of curls cascading down her back, a curvaceous figure that has a man’s fingers itching to trace every last curve and dip, and her short stature belies her huge heart. Sheri’s one of the most loyal, loving friends a person could be gifted with in life.
And what I wouldn’t do in that moment to make her mine.
The knowledge slams into me like a wrecking ball. Yes, I’ve just realized I have feelings for her, but sitting in a crowded, noisy restaurant surrounded by my family, all I want to do is disappear somewhere secluded with Sheri and declare them out loud.
Three things hold me back. I’m out with my family. She’s out with a friend. And I have zero idea how she would react to any kind of declaration. Until recently, we’ve been comfortable in each other’s company, somewhat like siblings. But now, I’m decidedly uncomfortable with how what I’m feeling has morphed into anything but brotherly affection.
“Uncle Kevin, you’re not listening to me,” Shaelynn says, her irritation clear to hear.
“Sorry, pumpkin. It won’t happen again. What’s up?”
“What’s it like to be a big brother?”
“Hmm, good question. Since your dad’s the older brother, I can’t really say. Are you worried about being an older sister?”
She nods. “I don’t know how to be one. I want to be the best I can be, but I don’t know how.” I take in her sad face and open my arms to her — to this little girl who is such an old soul.
She slips out of her chair opposite me and comes around, walking into my embrace. Wrapping her up tight, I hug her close to my heart. “Ah, sweetie, you’re going to be the best older sister anyone could ask for. That baby is lucky to have you.”
“You think so?” Her earnest question makes me hug her a little tighter.
“I don’t think so, I know so, pumpkin. You’re smart, fiercely loyal, loving, and tons of fun to be around. How can you not be? You’ve got this. And I’m always here if you need me. Okay?”
“Yeah. You’re the best, Uncle Kevin.” Shaelynn tightens her arms around me for a moment before turning to her mother. “Mommy, can I go play in the play area. Please?”
“Sure, just give me a second,” Shawna replies.
“Sit, sweetheart. I’ll go with her,” my mom says.
“It’s your birthday, Mom. You should relax and enjoy it,” Shawna replies.
“Yeah, but I’m not the one growing a human. You rest and let me watch her for you.”
Giving my mom a grateful smile, she tries one last time. “You sure?”
“Absolutely. Granny privilege.” Mom gives Shawna a wink, holds out a hand to Shaelynn, and the two of them head off.
Tracking their progress across the room, my gaze snags on Sheri’s across the way. The smile that woman gifts me has me shifting uncomfortably in my seat, while melting on the inside. Before I can decide better of it, I get to my feet and excuse myself. I’m halfway across the room when I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
The warm reception at the table assures me it wasn’t the wrong thing.
“Hey Ace,” Sheri greets me warmly. “This is Karen, Jagger’s mom.”
“Hi,” Karen replies.
“Hey, Sheri. Hi, Karen, nice to meet you.” Now that I’m here and the greetings are out of the way, I’m not sure what to do with myself. It’s clear I’m interrupting a girls’ afternoon out.
“You too,” Karen responds.
“Sheri, I ...” I start to ask if we could talk sometime, but with all eyes on me I chicken out. “I should probably get going — leave you ladies to your brunch,” I say instead. “I just wanted to come over and say hi.” I give Karen another smile, then turn to look at Sheri, wishing I could telepathically convey what I’m thinking.
“It was nice to meet you, Ace,” Karen says.
“I’ll give you a call a little later.” Sheri studies me, a tiny frown marring her otherwise smooth brow. Then she gives me a smile. Her words, however, make me a little nervous and excited at the same time. God, what am I, thirteen?
“Sounds like a plan,” I reply. “Ladies.” I dip my head at the two women and head back over to my own table, fighting hard to keep a stupid grin from taking over my face, alerting my family that something’s up.
Dropping back in my seat, I take a sip of my drink.
“Who’s that with Sheri?” Shawna asks.
“The mother of one of the boys’ friends,” I reply, a little distracted.
My brother, Daniel, leans closer to whisper in my ear so no one else can hear. “When are you going to quit fighting it and just ask her out, bro?”
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“Seriously? That’s how you want to play it. Don’t play dumb with me, little brother. I know you’re not stupid.”
“It’s complicated,” I reply, feeling more than a little dumb as I utter the clichéd line.
Dan snorts. “Yeah, except it isn’t. Do it before someone else does.” Turning back to Shawna, he says, “You doing all right there, babe? Can I get you anything?”
I watch Dan interact with his wife and long for what he has — they have. As if drawn by a magnet, my gaze goes back to Sheri sitting across the room to find her looking at me. She gives me another smile. Sitting back in my seat, as she looks back at her friend, I can’t help but sigh, wondering what the hell to do.
I can’t talk to Dan or my dad — they wouldn’t understand the dynamic of my world. And I can’t talk to Merlin, because he and the team are at the source of my dilemma.
Fuck.