Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Her house was set up for girls’ night, and it was the first thing she had been seriously excited about in over a week.
Jade, Ashlynn, Chloe, Avery, and Cora were coming over for their monthly get-together. She had extended the invitation to her mother—only because Cora was coming—but Marie had other plans. The relief she felt after getting that news seemed odd, but things had been strained with her mother for a little while now. Actually, it was that way for all of her siblings, but…she knew they’d get over it. They always did.
When the girls showed up, Billie was thrilled to see them. “Welcome! Wine and cheese are set up on the island—Ash, there’s juice for you—I’ve got a lasagna in the oven and I’ve got all the makings for ice cream sundaes! I hope you’re all hungry!”
Everyone was talking at once, but it was always like this. Ashlynn was talking about a crazy client who came into the salon earlier looking to get a perm, but then wanted it straightened with a flat iron. “What was the point of making her hair curly if she was only going to straighten it?”
Chloe was sharing how her and Tanner’s kindergarten classes were competing in a reading challenge. “Tanner thinks his class is going to win, but we’re already twenty-five books ahead!”
“Are you scoring by page or book?” Billie asked.
“Book. So I keep picking shorter books,” she said with a wink. “And he hasn’t caught on yet!” Laughing, she poured herself a glass of wine.
“Why Chloe Donovan-Westyn, you cheating evil genius!” Ash said as she hugged her. “I’m so proud!”
They were all laughing and teasing her, and honestly, it felt so good to laugh and just feel happy. Ever since Marcus walked out on her, she had been in a funk, forcing her to keep to herself. Tonight was a little like therapy.
“Speaking of reading, Silas is struggling in his English class,” Jade chimed in. “They are heavy on the literature this year, and my child does not enjoy reading. I don’t even know how to help him with it because every time I encourage him to read or even offer him a reward, all he says is that he’d rather take the F. I mean…how do I change that?”
“Not everyone loves to read,” Chloe assured her. “When he finds a subject or a book that he enjoys, it may change. In the meantime, maybe encourage him to read in short sprints, like fifteen minutes at a time, two times a day. You know his teacher is going to let them read some in class and…maybe that will help?”
“I tried having him read out loud to me,” Cora shared. “That worked for a little while, but he’s easily distracted. Maybe talk to his teacher?”
“Maybe,” Jade said before taking a sip of her wine. “I’m so glad I’m not nursing anymore and can enjoy this!”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Ash murmured. “That just means I’ve got like…two years before I can drink again.”
“Talk to your OBGYN,” Jade said. “I was allowed a small glass of wine now and then while I was pregnant. I can count on one hand the number of times I did that during the pregnancy.”
While everyone was chatting, Billie took the lasagna from the oven, sliced the garlic bread, tossed the salad, and put everything on the table. “Let’s eat!”
“It all looks wonderful!”
“Everything smells delicious!”
“Good thing I’m eating for two!”
This was what she loved—making food that her friends and family enjoyed and then sharing it together. It made her happy and…
“So,” Ashlynn began after everyone served themselves. “There’s been some interesting gossip going around the salon this week.” She had that teasing amusement in her tone, and it was always fun to hear what was going on in Sweetbriar Ridge.
“Ooh…I wonder if it’s the same gossip I’ve been hearing at Books & Beans!” Jade commented. “You go first!”
Now Billie was even more intrigued because even though she had been kind of keeping to herself, while she was at work, she engaged with a lot of people. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened—at least not from anything she’d heard.
“Well,” Ash went on, “it seems like there was some hanky-panky going on at Iris and Jared’s wedding!”
Oh no…
Nodding, Jade said, “That’s what I heard too!”
Oh no, no, no, no, no….
“Oh my goodness!” Chloe said with a grin. “Did they get caught?”
“Apparently, they were seen practically clawing at each other in a corner right outside the reception hall!”
“They probably thought no one could see them, but…everyone could see them,” Ashlynn said as she met Billie’s horrified gaze head on. “And what was even more fascinating was the fact that these two, who were really packing on the PDA, have a history together. And not a great one.”
“No!” both Jade and Chloe said while giggling.
“That is brand new information!” Cora loudly commented.
“Oh God…”
“Care to share with the class how you ended up making out with Marcus Calloway?” Ashlynn asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Because last we all heard, you had a simple dinner, texted Levi to pick you up, and then changed your mind and claimed you got closure.”
“Okay, well…”
“And we’re gonna need details this time,” Chloe stated. “You’ve been incredibly vague about the whole Marcus thing for years, so…spill it.”
“Wow,” Jade murmured, raising her glass. “I like this confident side of you, Chloe. Very impressive.”
Smiling, Chloe picked up her own glass. “I kind of like it too! People really listen when you sound firm.” Then she glanced at Billie. “Details!”
“Fine!” she snapped. “Sheesh!”
As much as she loved her privacy, she knew there was no way she was going to get through the night without telling them everything. They would be relentless. So rather than fight it, she embraced it.
Sort of.
After the initial breakup ten years ago, Billie swore she’d never tell anyone about where she and Marcus were supposed to go that next day. All she ever said was that she wasn’t happy, and she wanted to come home. No one had questioned it. But now she felt ready to share her deepest secret with them.
After going over their dinner date, arguing over the letter, the kiss, and then him showing up at the wedding, she gave a bare-bones description of what happened up in her hotel room, leaving out the super sexy and intimate details.
“So there we were, lying there all sweaty and satisfied…”
Cora cleared her throat and stood. “I’m just going to, uh…get some more wine.”
“Oh my God! Why would you sleep with him?” Ash demanded. “I mean…with your history, both way back when and the whole dinner thing, why on earth would you sleep with him?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say she was horny, but she wanted to be a little respectful considering Cora was there, plus…it would be a lie.
“I slept with him because…I really wanted to. Our sex life was never the problem and I guess my curiosity got the better of me. As soon as he touched me, I pretty much lit up like a damn Christmas tree.”
“Okay. I guess then you had to,” her sister mumbled. “I thought you would have had more self-control than that.”
“Believe me, I did too. But afterwards, you know…lying there all sweaty and satisfied…in my head, I thought that this was a good thing—we were either going to get back together or it was a one-time thing and we were going to really have closure,” she explained. “But the more we talked, the more it became blazingly obvious that he hadn’t changed. He was as stubborn as ever, expected me to give up my life here, and said I should have gotten this baking thing out of my system by now!”
“No!” they all cried in disbelief.
Taking a sip of her wine, she went over the rest of the argument right until he got to the door. “Okay, so…there’s something I never told anyone,” she began slowly, staring at her glass instead of anyone in particular. “The day I left Marcus…well…we were supposed to leave for vacation the next day.”
“Where were you going?” Cora asked.
“Mom! Shh! ” Jade hissed. “That’s not important right now!”
“We were going to Hawaii…to get married.”
“What?!”
Then all the questions started.
“You were eloping?”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Why would you have a wedding without your family?”
“I can’t believe you kept this secret all these years!”
“Look,” she finally interrupted, “I’m not proud of it, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life! I loved Marcus—a part of me still loves Marcus—but the life we were creating wasn’t…I wasn’t happy! The longer I stayed with him, the further apart I was growing from all of you.”
“What a jerk!” Cora stated. “Good riddance!”
“Mom! Please!” Jade warned before looking at Billie. “Sorry. Go on.”
“I’m sure you all know that Marcus’s mom passed away. It was a little over twelve years ago and we were still together then. She had cancer but she didn’t tell anyone except John, and she begged him not to tell Max and Marcus.” Pausing, she shook her head. “When he finally told them, she was nearing the end. They came home and…it was awful. She wanted to die at home and John honored her wishes, but Marcus never forgave him. He swore that if they had gotten her better treatments, gone for second, third, or fourth opinions that she wouldn’t have died. Basically, he blames his father for all of it, claiming he withheld treatment. It was…you have no idea how heartbreaking it was to watch.”
Chloe reached over and squeezed her hand. “Why didn’t you ever say anything to us about any of this? We’re your family and you’ve been carrying this burden—pre- and post-breakup! You’re always there for us, but you never let us be there for you.”
“The stuff with Marcus’s family, that was private. Although, I think everyone in town ended up knowing at least some of the details because Marcus was so hateful at the funeral.”
They all nodded. “We didn’t know the specifics,” Cora said, “but I remember hearing a lot about it.”
“He changed after that,” Billie went on. “He was obsessed with his career and making money and never wanting for anything. Looking back, I realize he thought maybe his parents couldn’t afford the care his mother would have required and he wanted to make sure something like that never happened again. All I knew was his drive was becoming an obsession, and he projected that onto me. You know I always enjoyed my career in finance—it comes natural to me. It was all we talked about, and it was exhausting. When he proposed, I told him I wanted things to change. I wanted us to spend more time with our families and to maybe do things we enjoyed rather than working so much. But he never listened and after a while, he became openly hostile every time I brought the subject up.”
“I get that he was hurting and clearly didn’t know how to handle his grief,” Jade said, “but he shouldn’t have expected you to feel the exact same way he did.”
“He booked the Hawaii trip without asking me and made all the plans for us to get married on the beach. He said he knew that was my dream vacation.” She sighed. “It would have been gorgeous, but…I couldn’t do it. I knew if I stayed, I was going to lose myself. So, I had to do something drastic and…I left while he was at work and didn’t speak to him again until the day he showed up at Books & Beans.”
It was silent for longer than she would have thought possible.
“So that’s it,” she said. “That’s all there is to it. We are still two very different people and there’s no way to meet in the middle or compromise. Marcus will never change, and…it is well and truly over.”
“Well that’s just sad,” Chloe said. “And I’m sorry you felt like you had to deal with that all by yourself while having to deal with all of us and our issues.”
“Yeah,” Ash agreed. “You came home when we were all freaking out in different ways, and you never let on that you were grieving. We love how strong you are, but I feel like I love you more after hearing your story tonight. You’re way more relatable now instead of being this perfect woman who always says and does the right thing.”
Nodding, Chloe said, “I have to agree. Sometimes I felt like there was something wrong with me because there were always things going on that freaked me out, but you were always calm and cool and it didn’t seem like anything bothered you.”
“You know, I think we sometimes feel like it’s better to look strong,” Cora said solemnly. “We want everyone to see us as women who can handle anything. What we don’t realize is that our vulnerability inspires others. I remember being part of a parenting group—it was really just the moms—when Jade was growing up. We had this leader, a mentor woman who always talked about how wonderful her children were and how great everything was all the time. She thought it encouraged us, but the truth was that it made us feel like failures.” Pausing, she gave Billie a small smile. “Never be afraid to be vulnerable. You never know who you’re helping.”
“Mom…” But this time, Jade wasn’t admonishing, she was nearly in tears. “That was beautiful!”
Billie felt emotionally exhausted and said as much. “I could really use a change of subject.”
“Okay, I promise we will, but…what are you going to do when you see Marcus again?” Jade asked.
“Oh, I don’t think that’s going to happen. He stormed out of that hotel room, and I’m sure he checked out of the hotel before the sun was up. This isn’t where he wants to be and…that’s it. It’s over.”
“Um…” Cora murmured.
“Mom? What’s that um about?”
“Well, I’m friends with Nancy Jameson. She came in for coffee earlier and was telling me that John Calloway fell off his roof the other day and her husband was the one to call 911. They got him to the hospital and John’s got a fractured hip and two fractured ribs, plus some scrapes and bruises…”
“What does this have to do with Marcus?” Ashlynn asked.
“Well…” Looking at Billie, Cora said, “Marcus is back in town and apparently he’s staying for a while.”
“Marcus? Can you make me a sandwich?”
Rubbing his temples, Marcus took a moment before responding. It was his father’s fourth food request of the day, and it wasn’t even noon yet.
“Sure, Dad! Turkey okay?”
“Do we have bacon?”
“Why me?” he mumbled before walking into the den where his father was sitting in his recliner. “We finished the bacon yesterday. I was going to make an online grocery order this afternoon. Why don’t you make me a list and I’ll make sure I get everything.”
“Any chance you can go into town and get some cake? I’d kill for some crumb cake right about now.”
They’d been able to avoid this particular conversation because the Jamesons had brought over a gigantic box of cake from Books & Beans on Monday. Now it was Thursday and it was all gone. He’d been toying with the idea of going out and picking some up, but…he wasn’t ready to face Billie.
“If you go later in the day, there isn’t as big of a selection, but you won’t run into Billie,” his father said as if reading his mind.
“Then I promise to go in later this afternoon and get you cake. For now, I can make you a turkey sandwich, but no bacon.”
“I guess that will work. Boring, but I guess it’s okay. It’s better with bacon. I don’t know how we ran out so fast. I just bought it last week and I know I haven’t eaten much of it…”
“I had some, okay? We both had turkey clubs on Monday when you got home, then I made BLTs for myself yesterday and Tuesday. It’s not a big deal. I’ll put it on the grocery list and we’ll have it tomorrow. I’ll even order extra.”
The only response he got was a shrug, so he turned around and went to the kitchen to make the sandwich.
Only…now all he could think about was cake, dammit. Would it be inappropriate for him to call the Jamesons and ask them to pick up more? Was there a delivery service here in town where he could order it and have it delivered himself?
“ Pfft …of course not. This town’s too small for that kind of thing.” Groaning, he pulled the turkey, cheese, and mayo from the refrigerator. “I miss my life.”
And he did, but…so far, they were four days in and he and his father were getting along fine. There was a nurse who came in the morning, and one who came in the evening. It wasn’t necessary to have someone around the clock, but he appreciated the time that they were there. To be honest, he was almost terrified of moving his father and doing anything to hurt him. The scrapes and bruises looked incredibly painful, and the fractured hip and ribs meant you had to be extremely careful whenever his father needed to get up and do anything.
While the nurses were there, Marcus tried to get some work done. Stella had done an incredible job of clearing his schedule as much as possible, but considering his job was handling people’s investments, he couldn’t be completely incommunicado. That would be incredibly unprofessional, and he prided himself on being the absolute best financial advisor he could be. He was making mid-six figures and, with any luck, that was going to go up by twenty-five percent in the next year. Everything was going according to his current five-year plan, and by the time he retired, he would have a very healthy retirement account.
There was no way he was going to live like his father was—in an outdated home in desperate need of repairs, with his children taking care of him.
That thought stopped him cold.
Because I don’t have any children.
Basically, if anything happened to him, he had…no one.
Looking around, he cursed the fact that they didn’t have any bacon or cake because he really could use them right about now.
Muttering another curse, he made the sandwich and brought it to his father. “Here you go. What can I get you to drink?”
“Some sweet tea.” Pausing, he looked up. “Aren’t you going to join me?”
“Oh, uh…yeah. Sure. Let me go make myself something. I’ll be right back.” All the talk about the bacon made a plain turkey sandwich completely undesirable, so he went with some ham and cheese. Grabbing a bottle of water for himself, and a glass of tea for his father, Marcus balanced it all and walked back to the den.
“Do we have any chips?”
“Seriously, Dad?” he snapped. “You couldn’t have asked while I was still inside?”
“I just thought of it.”
With a huff of annoyance, he went back to the kitchen, grabbed three different bags of chips and strode back to the den, placing them all down within his father’s reach. By the time he sat down, he had to take a moment to relax.
“Do you remember when you and Max were little and eating here in the den in front of the TV was considered a treat?”
The memory instantly came to mind, making Marcus laugh softly. “I do. We used to sit on the floor by the coffee table, and it was either a Disney movie we were watching or one of the holiday specials.”
“She always chose a meal that wouldn’t spill easily or make too much of a mess,” his father said with amusement.
“Grilled cheese,” Marcus remembered. “I remember a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches at the coffee table. Or pizza, if we were really good.” Nodding, he took a bite of his sandwich as memories flooded his mind. “They were never fancy meals, but she always made them feel special.”
“She did that with everything,” his father murmured, his voice gruff. “It didn’t matter if it was just the two of us sitting down to breakfast, or a big Thanksgiving feast. She always put her whole heart into it and made you feel like you were a VIP or something.”
They ate in silence for several minutes.
“Remember the winter when we were without power and we set up this room like we were camping?” Marcus asked. “We made s’mores in the fireplace and roasted hot dogs on sticks…”
“That ended up being the reason we got the bigger generator for the entire house.” But he laughed quietly. “I think we used every sheet and blanket we owned because you and Max each wanted your own tent. It was chaos in here and it took days to do all the laundry once the power came back on.”
More silence.
More memories.
“I miss her,” Marcus admitted, his own voice thick with emotion. “I try not to think about it, but…”
“She would hate that,” his father whispered before clearing his throat. “She would hate knowing you found it too painful to think about her. It’s one of the reasons she didn’t want you boys to know about her being sick. She wanted genuine memories with you, not ones that were forced or purposely fabricated because you knew she was dying.”
It took everything in him to stay calm and not argue.
“The thing is, Marcus, your mother was the strongest person I’ve ever known in my entire life. There wasn’t anyone that she wouldn’t help. She wasn’t afraid to try anything, and she loved life. Those six months of treatment were…they were awful. Every day was a struggle for her. When she went for the next round of scans and the cancer had spread—it was more aggressive than the doctors thought—she told me she’d rather live the rest of her time without struggling.”
He paused, and Marcus saw him wiping his eyes.
“I know you think we should have done more—that I should have done more—but what I did was honor her wishes, even though it damn near killed me.”
“Dad…”
“You can hate me all you want, but I couldn’t save her. If I could have traded places with her, I would have in a heartbeat. I would have sold my soul to the devil if it meant taking away her pain.” Pausing, he pushed his plate away. “I like to think of her dancing in a field of flowers up in heaven—pain free and just as beautiful as ever. I see her in every rainbow, every sunrise and sunset. I see her everywhere I look in this house.” Another pause. “I see her in you and your brother. You got her stubbornness, that’s a given, and Max got her charm.”
He refused to take it personally because it was completely true.
“Your mother…one of the last things she said to me was…no regrets. She hated like hell that she wasn’t going to be here with all of us, but she loved the life she was blessed to live. Me? I have regrets. Lots of them. Every petty argument, every time I lost my temper, every time I just had to be right, every time I worked late…I lost those moments—those precious moments that you never get back. What I wouldn’t give to turn back the hands of time and handle things differently.”
Swallowing hard, all Marcus could do was nod.
“This is all I’m gonna say and then I’m going to lie back and take a nap—don’t live with regret, son. I know you have them. If you have the chance to be happy, grab it with both hands. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us and trust me, there will come a time when it’s too late.” He winced as he shifted slightly in his chair. “Thanks for the sandwich. Wake me up before you go pick up the cake.”
He was asleep in less than a minute, and Marcus envied him for that. He hadn’t slept well in years, no matter how exhausted he was.
And sleeping in his childhood bedroom had him sleeping even less.
Popping the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth, he glanced over at his father. This had been the first time since his mother’s death that they’d been this honest with each other, and it was the first time he had ever listened instead of reacting. Being older and hopefully more mature, he realized how his emotions had played a big role in how he reacted to his losing his mother. It seemed natural to blame his father, but…listening to him talk about his grief, well…it made him feel ashamed of how he’d been carrying on all these years.
Max’s words from last week came back to him.
You act like you’re the only one who grieved, or the only person who’s ever been hurt. Newsflash, bro, we all have.
That had been his thinking all these years. He took his mother’s death personally instead of recognizing that they all lost her, not just him.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he leaned back against the cushions. It was bad enough being here when he didn’t want to. It was worse now that he was being forced to deal with all these feelings.
And regret.
Because yeah, he had a boatload of that.
Not just where his father and family were concerned, either, but with Billie.
Again.
“I’m too old to keep screwing up this much.”
It was easy enough to say, but he was far too clueless—and possibly stubborn—to know what to do to change anything. It wasn’t like he was going to go to sleep tonight and wake up a different person. Dickens’s three ghosts certainly weren’t going to come and show him his past, present, and future.
It was crazy to wish it were possible, but he kind of did. Right now, he’d love a freaking road map to tell him what he needed to do to or how to stop being the way he was.
Although, to be fair, he was here taking care of his father. Granted, he did it begrudgingly, but he was still here. Plus, he had come back a few weeks ago as well when Max had reached out to him. So maybe he was already on the right path with his family.
But what about Billie?
Yeah, that one was infinitely harder because he had screwed up so many times, even the times he didn’t realize it.
Thinking back to the things Billie tried telling him at dinner, it made him reassess their time together and it was shocking when he realized all the signs that he’d missed. It was easier to blame her for being unreasonable when the truth was that he was the villain in their story, not her.
And that was a bitter freaking pill to swallow.
Raking a hand through his hair, he let out a long breath. “So what the hell do I do now?”
“For such a smart guy, you can be incredibly stupid,” his father sleepily mumbled.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was dozing, but then I heard you mumbling over there. You want my advice? Get up off your ass and woo the girl like she deserves.”
“Woo? Did you seriously just say woo ?” he asked with a short laugh.
“Yup. Now hush. I’m trying to sleep.”
It wasn’t the worst idea.
Now he just had to figure out how, exactly, to woo.