CHAPTER NINETEEN
Jaxon
There’s someone in my bed. I’m not sure how I know or what woke me up, but when I hold my breath, I can hear them breathing slow and deep.
Slowly, I slide my hand over the sheets and touch the warm body. My heart rate kicks into high gear and I slip out of bed like I’ve been training for this moment all my life.
It’s not the first time I’ve woken up with a stranger. I had a fan break into my hotel room and climb into bed with me while I slept when I was on tour a few years ago.
But no one knows I’m here. No one even knows I have a connection to this house.
I cross the room in my bare feet. Either this is a stranger who got lost in the woods, or this is a fan who followed us back from the restaurant yesterday.
I grab my cell phone from the dresser and head for the exit. I’m getting out of this house and letting the private investigator figure out what’s going on.
“Can you bring me a glass of water?” a familiar voice says sleepily.
I flick on the switch next to the door and wince as light floods the room.
“Argh.” Honey throws an arm over her face. “Why did you turn the light on?”
“Why are you in my bed? I thought you were a stalker or a serial killer.”
She pulls the comforter over her face. “I’m not talking to you until you turn off the light.”
I hit the switch and walk to the bed, but I’m totally blind in the dark now and hit my shin on the baseboard. “Ow, fuck.”
“Are you okay?”
I hiss in pain. Why does that hurt so bad? “Bashed my shin. I’m fine.”
Her fingers wrap around my arm, and she pulls me to her. “Get back in bed where it’s safe.”
I sit on the edge of the bed. “Why are you here?”
“I already told you when I asked if I could stay. You said yes.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “I don’t remember that.”
“I knew I should have woken you all the way up, but I didn’t want to interrupt your sleep too much.”
“How’d you get in here?”
“I broke in.”
“I have a security system.”
“I paid attention when you punched in the code the other day.”
I should probably be scared, but I’m too happy to have her here. I glance at the clock to see that it’s one in the morning. “I thought you were hanging with your sisters tonight.”
“I waited three hours for them to come home. They didn’t answer my texts, and I ditched Lila on her big night. I’m a terrible friend and my sisters don’t even like me.”
I climb back into bed and wrap myself around her. “Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is realize your family, the people who share your blood, don’t really know you or wish the best for you.”
She twists in my arms, turning to face me in the dark, her breath scented of sugar. “They aren’t bad people, Jaxon. Each of them cares deeply for the people they love, and I’ve seen them make sacrifices and give time to those people. I’m just not worthy of their time for some reason.”
I press a kiss to her forehead. “I’ve been where you are. My family has never loved me the way they should, even though they aren’t bad people. I had to learn not to take it as a judgment about who I am as a person. You should do the same, because there is no one in the world I’d rather be with right now, and I’m a rock star. I could be spending time with royalty if I chose.”
She snuggles against me and it is at once the best feeling and awkward, because my dick has gone hard and that isn’t what Honey needs.
“You aren’t a rock star.”
I run a finger over her ribs, feeling the ridges through the thin material of her tank top. “I make music, and I’m a star.”
“You make pop music.” She laughs and wiggles away as I dig deeper into her ribs, tickling her now.
“Some people have called my music rock.”
In a move that’s fast and unexpected, she rolls on top of me and sits up, straddling my waist. My dick thinks it’s time to play. “Those people lie.” She rolls her hips against my hardness and, though it’s too dark to make out her features, I swear I can feel her smile.
I grip her waist to keep her in place. “You are a snob.”
She leans over me, her hair a curtain around my head. “And a liar and a thief and a con artist. But I’m telling the truth when I say you aren’t a rock star.”
“You are the most honest person I’ve ever met.” I mean it. Honey might have a past of conning people, but I’ve been surrounded by liars and sycophants most of my life.
“Your reason is clouded by lust,” she says as she grinds against me again.
I pull her down and kiss her as I slide a hand under her panties and squeeze her ass.
She pulls away. “I’m not sure I’m in the right head space for this.” Her voice is as unsure as I’ve ever heard it.
“That’s okay.” I squeeze her hips. “We can just sleep if you want.”
“No.” She shifts on my hips. “I mean, maybe. I’d be fine with that. It’s just that what happened earlier today isn’t the norm for me.”
“Amazing sex?”
She giggles nervously. “No. Well, I mean yes, but it’s just that I don’t usually, you know, um, come so easily. It was just magic today. It won’t be that way tonight, and I don’t want you to get upset.”
Anger slashes through my lazy, happy, horny mood. “Someone’s gotten upset with you for not coming as quickly as they thought you should?”
She grips my wrists and squeezes. “For not, um, coming at all. When I was young and, um, less experienced, I was vocal about not getting off. Sometimes because I wanted them to take the time to get me there, but mostly just because I was too honest. I learned to just fake it and get on with it.”
I want to find those guys and beat the shit out of them. I’d bet money Dell is one of them. “But you don’t want to fake it with me.” Any pride I feel about that slips away. “And you think I’ll get angry if you don’t orgasm?”
“I’m pretty sure you won’t get angry, but you might get determined to make me come and we need to get some sleep tonight.” She grips my wrists harder. “I’m just saying I want to fool around, but it’s okay if I don’t have an orgasm. It’s okay if we just enjoy each other.”
“That sounds good to me. But if you don’t come, I don’t come.”
She groans. “See, I knew you’d say something like that. I want you to come. I love watching you.”
I roll her and hold myself up over her. “I don’t think you understand. I want to be in this with you every step of the way. If you don’t come, I don’t come. That’s my choice.”
“That’s not fair. I’m going to feel like it’s my fault if you don’t come and I’m going to try harder to come and I’ll put too much pressure on myself and make it likely I’ll never come again.”
“You don’t understand me. There’s something really cool about holding off an orgasm. It makes the anticipation so sharp it hurts and it makes the final release feel like the world is brand new.”
“You’ve done this before?”
Shit, I want her to feel comfortable, but I don’t want to lie to her. “Not on purpose, but I’m willing to try it. In my experience, I get off on pushing myself to my limits.”
“You’re making that up. There’s no way you just conveniently enjoy not finishing every time you have sex.”
I kiss her long and hard. “For someone so perceptive, I can’t believe you haven’t realized yet that we’re perfect for each other. Some might even say we’re meant to be.”
She snorts. “Now I know you’re full of it.”
I don’t argue with her, because pushing her emotionally will just push her away, but I’m not exaggerating. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about her.
Instead, I kiss her and run a hand over her waist, stopping just short of her breast.
She kisses me back and shoves at my shoulder. I roll off her and to the side. She laces her legs through mine and trails her nails over my back.
Just like that, we make out for a while. I’m only in my boxers and I’m sure she can feel my erection against her thigh, but she doesn’t touch me below the waist. And I don’t touch her breasts or her clit. I don’t even touch her ass.
We remain strictly on first base, making out lazily with no pressure to do more.
Not that I don’t want to do more. I definitely do, but this feels good and I’ll take what I can get for as long as I can get it with Honey. Touching her, kissing her, sleepily exploring her body is all I need.
Honey sighs and melts against me, and gradually, our kisses slow, and our wandering hands still. I think I’m never going to fall asleep with this hard-on, but with Honey in my arms, I drift away.
***
I wake to Honey’s mouth on my chest, her tongue twirling my nipple. I’m immediately awake and so hard I doubt I even got soft while I slept.
“Good morning.”
She smiles up at me. “Do you mind being woken up this way? I’m in the right head space now.”
“You can wake me up anyway you want, but didn’t I promise to wake you up with my mouth on you?”
“I woke up first. I win.” She goes back to kissing me, working her way down my body. As much as I want to feel her lips around my cock, I want to be inside her again more. And I’m so revved, I won’t last a moment with her mouth on me.
I pull her back up and kiss her, touching and teasing her everywhere I can reach. She might be in the right head space, but I want to make sure she’s as on edge as I am. I want to make sure she enjoys every moment of whatever we do.
As I move away to trail kisses down her neck, she gasps. “Jaxon. I want more.”
I stop and look at her, taking in her flushed cheeks and kiss-reddened lips, her hair a mess. She’s never looked more beautiful and I’m so hard, I swear I could come just from the sight of her like this in my bed. “Are you interested in an orgasm, or do you just want more of this?”
She scrunches her nose. “I can’t promise I’ll have an orgasm, but I want to try.”
I smile. “So maybe what you need is lots of foreplay? That sounds like my kind of fun.”
She strokes my cheek, her expression fond and gentle. “You really are too good to be true.”
I hate all the men who came before me who didn’t have the sense to give this woman everything she needed, but I’m also grateful, because it means I get to have her in my bed and in my arms.
I kiss my way down her body and sink between her legs. She moans at the first swipe of my tongue and it doesn’t take long before she’s screaming my name and coming hard. I feel like more of a rock star than I do on a stage in front of screaming fans as I rise up until I’m hovering over her, my cock inches from her delicious entrance.
She wraps her legs around my waist and pulls me against her. Her eyes are glassy, her expression dazed and sated. “Get inside me now, pop star.”
Sliding into her feels like a first sip of water after a long concert in the heat. Pleasure swamps me. “I’m not going to last long.”
“I don’t want you to.” Her voice is raspy as she lifts her hips to pull me deeper. “I’ve been waiting to feel you come inside me for far too long.”
I let go of whatever control I’d been hanging onto and piston my hips, reveling in the little gasps of pleasure I wring from her, the vibrations of her body as aftershocks of her orgasm roll through her.
She feels so fucking good. I never want to stop fucking her. But my body, strung so tight, can’t last long.
The orgasm doesn’t roll over me, it grips me hard and rips me apart, scattering my pieces in an explosion of pleasure so bright it sears my corneas and leaves me blind for a long moment.
Honey sighs with pleasure and rubs my back as I sink back into myself, alive and whole, my body singing with energy and pleasure. I pull her into my arms and roll, snuggling her tight against my chest, breathing in her sweet scent.
When I’ve caught my breath, I clean us both up and settle back into bed with her curled in my arms.
“What’s with the paintings here?” she asks in a sleepy voice.
She’s facing a wall with three of my favorites. One is of a fairy ring, all the delicate, ethereal creatures glowing as they dance. The second is of a unicorn racing through a forest. The third is of an ogre, cleaning his nails with a sharpened bone. “You don’t like them?”
She snuggles back against me. “They’re whimsical and beautiful, just not what I’d expect to see in the bedroom of a…” She pauses. “Oh, right. Never mind, they’re exactly what I’d expect of a pop star. Where’s your cotton candy slide?”
I pinch her hip, and she laughs.
“I love fantasy. It was my escape when I was a kid away from home, working at first for fun and, later, to support my family as well.”
“What kind of fantasy?”
“All of it. Books, movies, graphic novels. Anything and everything I could get my hands on. My aunt kept me stocked up with books even when I was on the road. She still sends me books. She found these paintings for me.”
“I love your aunt. She sounds amazing.”
“She is. I’m lucky to have her in my life.” I rub Honey’s hip where I pinched her. Who looked out for her and made sure she had the things she loved? “Do you have any aunts?”
She doesn’t answer. Her body is still, her breathing deep. She’s fast asleep.
I can’t get back to sleep. I don’t want to miss a moment with this woman and, no matter how I turn things over in my mind, I can’t find a way to move forward that won’t mean our time together is limited. I have a life and a career that requires me to be in LA and on the road touring. Honey has a family and a farm she loves here. She can’t make her ceramics and pottery on a tour bus or in hotel rooms.
Even with all my money and connections, I have nothing to offer her. It’s not the first time I’ve wished to be a regular person, but it’s the most painful.
I’d trade all my money and fame for the opportunity to spend every day of the rest of my life with this woman. She snuggles against me and lets out a little sigh in her sleep.
I wrap my arms more tightly around her and press a kiss behind her ear. Maybe there’s a way to make it work. I’ve been grinding hard for twenty years, and I’ve achieved everything I’ve ever wanted with my career.
Maybe it’s time for something different.
When Honey’s breath has deepened and she’s definitely asleep, I unwrap myself from her and carefully get out of bed. If I’m going to make this work, if I’m going to have any shot of a future with her, I need a plan. And I need to figure out that plan now.
I need her to know immediately how important she is to me. I need to be able to tell her we have a future together if she wants it.
I have contracts and schedules that need to be adjusted, and all of that takes time.
I don’t bother putting my boxers back on. I took them off so quickly to get inside Honey that I have no idea where I threw them.
Instead, I pull on my most comfortable worn sweatpants and head downstairs. The house is dim, the day outside overcast and dark. As I mix up a tofu scramble and cut fresh fruit, I dial my agent.
She answers on the second ring, already in the office and starting her day at seven in the morning. “Jaxon, where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you.”
Which is why I turned off my cell phone. Rafaella doesn’t have the number for my landline and she never will. I didn’t want to listen to her lecture about allowing myself to get caught on video fighting in a run-down diner. “I want to talk to you about my schedule for the—”
“Have you been online? Everyone is crazy to know who the woman is.”
“Woman? I don’t really care about another cheating claim, Rafaella.” I stir the tofu scramble and pop bread in the toaster.
“It’s not another cheating scandal, Jax. I’m talking about the woman in the diner. The one you got into a fight over.”
“I didn’t get into a fight over her. She’s—” But as much as I like Rafaella, I don’t trust her not to use my personal life to propel my career. “It doesn’t matter. She’s part of the reason I’m calling. I—”
“It does matter, Jaxon. She is perfect. She’s adorable, and she has an edge. Your perfect match. The world is desperate for you to have a love story after your cheating ways, and your fans love the idea of you falling for a non-celebrity. You have to bring her to LA when you come back.”
My blood goes ice cold. I am not sharing Honey with the world.
I’m not subjecting her to the scrutiny and the ugly words, because no matter how Rafaella is trying to gloss over it, I’m sure there are haters out there on social media too.
“Shut this down,” I say as calmly as I can. “Find another story or announce the release of a new song or find another cheater. I don’t care how you do it, but you need to make people forget about her.”
She sighs. “You have an ad with Spartan active wear next month and we need to get you in the studio to work on the next album. The songs are written, and you’ve been in hiding long enough. Come back and bring this woman with you. Who wouldn’t want a free trip to LA?”
“Absolutely not,” I say, louder than I intended. “She stays out of this or I walk away from it all. I will not have her involved in the shit show that is my life.” As I say the words, I realize how completely I was fooling myself when I thought there might be a way forward for us.
I’ve seen all the nasty things said about me and Roxy and Vivian. Hell, Roxy was stopped in a club a couple of weeks ago and some woman threw her drink in Roxy’s face.
Roxy’s entourage got it on video and she was thrilled with the sympathy and attention it got her, but that’s not Honey. She’d be miserable having her life scrutinized and there’s no way the story about her father and her own con artist past wouldn’t come out.
“Jaxon, have you even talked to her? Maybe if you suggest—”
“I will walk away. I will take my money and go somewhere so off the grid no one will ever find me again. Shut down the story now. I don’t care how you do it.”
“Fine.” The sound of her nails drumming on her desk is a clear sign of how annoyed she is with me. “I’ll do what I can, but you know how these stories can take on a life of their own.”
“And I know the power you wield when you want to.”
“What about that guy who attacked you? Want to press charges? I’ve fielded three calls from the Catalpa Creek PD. They want to talk to you.”
“I’ll call them.” Pressing charges might put Dell back in jail for a few months, but that won’t do anything to prevent him from coming after Honey once I’ve left. I need to know he’s going to leave her alone and the ‘pressing charges’ card might be just what I need to convince him to stay out of her life for good. “I’ll be back in three weeks for the Spartan shoot.”
I hang up and punch the air. I grip my head and pull at my hair until I feel the sting of pain.
If I’d known what I’d be sacrificing when I was eight and I signed on for this life, would I do it again?
It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. This is the life I have, and the reality is I have three weeks with Honey. Three weeks to enjoy every moment, then I have to walk away and end all contact.
If I was a better person, I’d probably walk away now, but we’re safe out here. The chances of someone seeing us are slim to none. I can hide a little longer.
“That smells good,” Honey says as she walks into the kitchen. She hasn’t bothered to put on more clothes than she slept in, just a tank top and panties, and I’m instantly hard and ready for her again.
I move the pan off the heat and turn off the burner before I pull her into my arms, resting my hands on her firm ass. She sinks into me immediately, no hesitation.
She looks up at me, expression open and happy, and my heart cracks knowing that I can’t have her.
I open my mouth to tell her, but she’s known all along that I’m going back to LA. She doesn’t know I’ve been thinking about changing my life for her.
Instead, I say, “Good morning, sweetheart,” and kiss her.
She kisses me back, and things escalate quickly. I lift her and set her on the kitchen island, so I can feel her legs wrap around me and have my hands free to play with her nipples.
She smiles against my lips and slides her hands under my sweatpants to grip my ass. “Commando. I like it.”
I kiss her long and hard and step away, not wanting to put any pressure on her. “Hungry?”
She hooks her ankles behind my back and pulls me back in. “I want to taste you.” Her voice is filled with so much longing I nearly drop to my knees.
She doesn’t wait for my answer, but releases me and gives me a tiny shove until I take a step back. She slides down me, taking my sweatpants with her, so I barely have time to think before her mouth is on me.
I drop my head back on a moan. She feels so good and, even after the release I had this morning, I’m not going to last long.
I lace my fingers through her hair and give a slight tug. “I’m close, baby. I’m really close.”
She doesn’t back off, but sucks me harder, cupping my balls and driving me so high I lose all ability to think rationally.
I come hard and she pulls off me, using the back of her hand to wipe her mouth.
She looks so proud of herself. On the heels of the immense pleasure I just felt, a wash of love for this woman fills me so that I feel like I must be glowing with it.
I pull her up and kiss her, tasting myself. If I can just keep kissing her and touching her, I won’t have to think about the reality that I’m going to have to leave her.
I slide a hand inside her panties and feel the dampness there, but she pulls away with a light, happy laugh. “None of that. We have breakfast to eat and a treasure to find.”
As if in response, rain pours down from the sky in a deluge that pounds the roof. “We’re not going anywhere today.”
Her smile widens. “My sisters think I’m working, so I can’t go home. Would you mind if I stay?”
I screw up my face in mock consideration. “I guess if there’s no other choice, I can handle you staying. I have a closet full of board games and a guitar.” Though I have every intention of making every moment of this day the lazy kind of foreplay that demands nothing but pleasure.
She frowns thoughtfully. “I guess that would work.” But she can’t hide her smile long and she throws her arms around my shoulders, hopping up to wrap her legs around my waist. “Show me how a pop star spends a rainy day.”
I kiss the soft skin of her neck and whisper, “I’m a rock star.”