Session 33

Chapter fourty

My day had gone nothing like I planned. Everything just seemed to be going wrong. First, the furniture I picked out for that fucking house Cassius bought me—and wouldn’t take back—was delivered. The company refused to return it, so now I was stuck with twelve thousand dollars' worth of furniture and another six thousand in appliances that I had no use for and had insisted on paying for out of my own pocket.

I didn't want shit to do with that house. I called Cassius to tell him so. I hadn’t called or texted since that day in the mall, and I thought he might answer, but he sent me straight to voicemail. It had been four months since I’d heard his voice. I hated cowards, and Cassius was showing me he was one of the worst kinds. He hadn’t even called or texted me about his child, but today I found out he’d requested info about our health from my doctor. I found that out after the doctor told me I’d have to have a C-section in two weeks instead of the natural birth I’d planned.

I should’ve been on bed rest, like the doctor ordered, but sitting idle made my mind spin.

For months, I tried to convince myself that I was too old, too established, had too much pride in myself to let bitterness take root where Cassius was concerned. I didn’t need him. I was above it all. But here I was, drowning in it. Anger and resentment clung to me like a second skin, and it wasn’t a good look. I swore I wouldn’t be the woman who stayed mad at a man who clearly didn’t want her. But I was mad as hell.

I found myself outside of Cassius’s house, wanting answers. Wanting to take my pain out on him. He deserved it. I’d blame it on my hormones and the Uber driver later. She played Lauryn Hill’s "Ex-Factor" on the way from the doctor’s office, and it hurt just listening to my pain being sung. I had transitioned from her car into mine and drove forty minutes in the rain to Cassius’s house.

He was home. I saw him moving around before he realized I was outside.

All I wanted was to scream at him. I needed answers. I wanted to make him feel just a fraction of what he put me through. But what was the point? How did I end up here? Because I made a fucking wish?

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice Naomi approach until she tapped on the window. When I looked up, she was standing there, an umbrella in one hand, her face sad.

I rolled down the window, letting the rain hit my face. “He called and said you were out here,” she said, her voice soft.

A bitter laugh escaped me. “Fucking coward couldn’t even face me himself,” I spat out. Before I could stop myself, I shoved open the car door. Naomi jumped back. I stepped out into the rain, not caring that I was getting soaked.

Jonas was standing at Cassius’s door, which was half-open. My mind was set on the man hiding inside. I knew he was watching me.

“Cassius!” I screamed, my voice hoarse and trembling. “Come out here and face me, bitch!”

Jonas ducked inside, and the door closed. My anger spiked. I rushed toward the house, barely seeing through the rain and tears. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a brick half-buried in the flower bed by the door.

Without thinking, I grabbed it and hurled it at the nearest window. The glass shattered, and the sound cut through the downpour.

“You fucking coward!” I screamed again. “Come out here, you piece of shit!” I was acting a whole fool, taking a page out of his book. Seething mad.

Naomi was beside me now, trying to pull me back, trying to talk some sense into me. “Angel, stop! This isn’t going to solve anything!” she pleaded, holding the umbrella over us. But I was beyond reasoning. Lauryn Hill’s ass had sung out every emotion I’d bottled up for four months, and they were coming out in a rush.

I picked up another brick, but that seemed to sap all of my energy.

Just as quickly as my breakdown started, it stopped. The fight left me. My shoulders slumped, and the brick fell from my hands. I was just so damn tired. The anger drained out of me, leaving behind nothing. I shook Naomi off, turned around, and walked back to my car. Just as I settled in my seat, a curtain from the second floor pulled back. My eyes connected with the girl from the mall. She watched me, but I cut my eyes away from her. I didn’t care what she, Jonas, or Cassius, or anyone thought.

I slammed my door and peeled out of the driveway. The tires screeched against the wet pavement as I drove away. I didn’t go far. A few blocks down, I pulled into a small park and cut the engine. My hands were still shaking, my heart was racing.

I sat there, staring out at the rain-soaked swings, trying to get myself together.

A part of me felt lighter, like I’d finally let out everything I’d been holding in. Cassius had taken so much from me, and I wasn’t sure how to get it back. But now that the rage was out of my system, I knew one thing for sure—I would be okay.

I wiped the rain and tears from my face and took a deep breath. I wasn’t done, andwasn’t defeated. Cassius might have fucked me over, but he damn sure wasn’t going to break me.