Session 33

Chapter fifty two

I couldn’t stop pacing. My head was a mess, and it felt like if I didn’t keep moving, I’d lose it completely. The walls of my own damn house were closing in on me, and all I could think about was Solomon’s smug face when he told me about him and Angel getting married. Like he’d won something. Like he knew exactly what the fuck he was doing, rubbing it in my face.

Silas was leaning against the wall, watching me with that look, like he didn’t know if he should try to calm me down or just stay the hell out of my way. Smart choice.

Dr. Bailey was sitting on the edge of my couch, looking too casual to deal with the shit going on in my head. Silas had called him after I went looking for my .38.

“What’s going on, Cassius?” he asked, his voice too steady, too controlled.

“He’s talking crazy right now,” Silas said.

He had no idea how close I was to the edge. “I’m not talking crazy,” I snapped, stopping just long enough to glare at him. Then the words just spilled out. “I want to kill Rico Suave.”

The room went quiet—the kind of quiet that makes your ears ring. Dr. Bailey’s face didn’t change, but Silas shifted like he was ready to step in if I lost it completely and tried to leave the house. Like he could even stop me if I decided to go through with it. I’d beat his ass.

“Cassius,” Dr. Bailey said, his voice still annoyingly calm, “you can’t go around saying shit like that. You know I’d have to report it if you’re serious.”

“I’m not just saying shit,” I snapped, the anger twisting tighter, burning hotter. “When he told me about him and Angel getting married, I saw it in his eyes. He knew what he was doing. Naomi ass was always in my ear, trying to play relationship whisperer. She helped put that doubt that I had about Angel and a baby in my head, but she can’t see that he’s not right for Angel.”

Dr. Bailey leaned forward, locking his eyes on mine. “Cassius, you can’t threaten to kill anybody,” he repeated, ignoring what I had said. “I’d have to call the police. Are you serious?”

I stared at him, the words on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say I was dead fucking serious. I wanted to make him understand how much rage was boiling inside me. But I knew what would happen if I did. After a long moment, I shook my head.

Dr. Bailey exhaled, relaxing just a bit, then leaned back, dropping the professional tone. “Look, Cassius, man to man, I know this feeling. But you’re not gonna be any good to anybody, including your son, if you don’t get yourself together. You’ve got to control this anger, let go of whatever idea you’re holding onto about you and Angel. It’s done, man.”

I clenched my jaw, trying to process what he was saying. “I get what you’re saying about the rest, but when Solomon told me, I looked Angel dead in the eyes, and I saw the regret and sympathy. I know she still loves me.”

Silas, who had been quiet until now, spoke up. “I don’t want to encourage him, Doc, but I believe it too. There’s something there. I’ve seen it.”

Dr. Bailey shook his head, but he didn’t argue with us. He just sighed like he was tired of both of us, like he’d seen this kind of mess before. “Cassius, you’ve got to focus on moving forward, not backward. Whatever Angel feels or doesn’t feel, that’s out of your control. But your future, your sanity, that’s in your hands. Don’t fuck it up by holding onto something that’s gone.”

I nodded, not because I agreed, but because I needed to end this conversation.

Dr. Bailey wasn’t done, though. He leaned forward. “I want you to do something for me, Cassius. Every time you feel that anger coming up, every time you feel like you’re about to lose control, I want you to stop and think about your son. Think about what he needs from you, not just today, but in the long run. Write it down if you have to. Keep that thought in the front of your mind, and let it guide you. Because if you let this anger take over, you’ll lose more than Angel. You’ll lose your chance to be a father to Ekon, and that’s something you can’t afford.”

“Fuck,” I cursed. Ekon’s name took all the wind out of my sails.

And as much as I hated to admit it, I knew Dr. Bailey was right. I couldn’t afford to lose control, not again. Not if I wanted to be the father Ekon needed me to be.

“Okay, Doc. Fine. You’re right,” I muttered, running a hand over my face, feeling the stubble that I hadn’t bothered to shave. “Since you have all the answers, tell me how to get over Angel.”

Dr. Bailey let out a laugh, shaking his head. “If I had the answer to getting over a woman, Cassius, I’d be a billionaire by now. There ain’t no easy fix for that, my friend. It takes time, and even then, sometimes it never fully goes away.”

I scoffed, not satisfied with that answer but knowing it was probably the most honest thing he could’ve said. “So, what? I’m just supposed to live with it? Knowing she’s out there with someone else, happy, while I’m... here?”

Dr. Bailey nodded. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”