18. Logan
18
LOGAN
I stripped down while Leah lifted her hips and slid the dress up and over her head. Her breasts spilled out of a soft cotton bra.
I stalled with my undershirt looped around my shoulder. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. “Goddamn. You look like a fucking angel.”
Leah crooked her finger at me. “Bring me that dirty mouth.”
I chuckled and shucked off my slacks. “Yes, ma’am.”
She laughed. “Always so polite, even when you’re making me be naughty.”
“Who said anything about naughty?” I crawled up the bed and straddled her hips. I couldn’t help myself. I circled her belly before moving up to graze her breasts. “I don’t know about you, but I think this is the furthest thing from naughty.”
Leah clapped her hands over her mouth and screwed her eyes shut as I massaged her heavy breasts. They had grown and changed in such a short time. They were fuller now, hanging in beautiful teardrops.
“Does that feel good?”
She nodded. “They’re so sensitive now.”
“Good sensitive or bad sensitive?”
“Good,” she whispered.
I took a chance and rolled my thumbs over her nipples. Her cry of ecstasy was sharp and immediate.
“That makes me want to come again,” she gasped.
“Condom or no condom,” I asked. “It’s up to you. I haven’t been with anyone since you. I have one in my wallet.”
Leah peeled an eye open. “Do you always keep your condoms in your wallet?”
I paused the massage. “Yeah? Why?”
“For how long?”
I shrugged. “Honestly, you’re the only person I’ve had sex with in...like...a year and a half. I’ve had a bunch of check-ups between then and now.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “You do know that keeping condoms in your wallet can make them wear down after a month because of the friction and change in temperature, even if they’re not close to expiring.”
I leaned down and rested my forehead on hers, feeling her bump pressing against my stomach. “Have I said I’m sorry yet?”
“Quite a few times.” Her smile was soft, making her eyes crease in the corners. “But you know what?”
“Hm?”
“I’m not sorry.” Leah tipped her chin up and kissed me. The fact that she initiated it wasn’t lost on me. “Now fuck me,” she whispered against my lips. “Sober and bare. So I know exactly what my fantasy is really like.”
I shifted and looped my arm under her knee, lifting her thigh so she didn’t have to do a moment of work. I notched the head of my dick in her entrance and slowly, slowly pushed inside. Leah groaned at the stretch.
“You okay?”
“Slower,” she said as her breathing quickened.
“Take your time.” I caught her hand with my free one and laced our fingers together, drawing it to my mouth to kiss the back of her hand. “There’s no hurry.”
The corner of her mouth trembled. “My body’s changed so much. It...doesn’t feel the same.”
“We can stop,” I said.
Leah shook her head quickly. “I don’t want to stop. I just need a minute. Everything feels so different.”
“Just breathe,” I said, peppering her chest with kisses while she eased through the adjustment. I kept her leg elevated, holding her inner thigh to my hip as I slowly rocked inside of her. “How’s that?”
She nodded. “Better.”
“Wanna know something, honeybee?” I pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’re my fantasy.”
We moved as one, slowly easing into comfort with each other. Taking and giving in the most primal, yet intimate way.
Thirty seconds in, and I was about to blow. She felt so fucking good. So right . Her soft moans and desperate pleas were music to my ears. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
Leah looked ethereal.
“I’m gonna come again,” she whimpered, her hands tightening on my thighs as I pushed in and out of her slow and steady.
“Take your pleasure. I’m just waiting on you.”
Her nod was listless, brows furrowing as she focused on every miniscule sensation. I paused deep inside of her, grinding against her clit until she was gasping.
“Logan—” Leah arched, trying to press deeper.
“That’s it. Say my name,” I growled as I cupped her breast and pinched her nipple.
“Lo—” She didn’t get my name out the second time. Leah shattered beneath me as I unleashed inside of her.
My release poured into her cunt as I hit my peak alongside hers. I kissed her, desperate to keep the connection as we came down from our highs. She parted her lips first, inviting me in.
While our tongues slid beside each other, learning and exploring, I pushed my cock inside of her one more time, feeling my cum inside of her.
“Tell me what you need,” I murmured against her shoulder when we broke the kiss.
She let out a quiet laugh. “Not gonna lie, I’m probably going to need help getting to the bathroom. Or at least help standing up.”
I chuckled. “Tell me when you’re ready. I’m gonna go grab a washcloth.”
Leah lay still while I eased out of her. Something about seeing my cum spill out of her pussy made me feel like a caveman.
Leah Holloway was mine .
I came back with a warm washcloth and gently wiped the mess I had made between her legs. Slowly, she sat up, pausing with her hand on her belly.
Fear flashed inside of me. “Are you okay? Is something wrong? Is the baby okay?”
Leah shook her head. “I’m fine. I just got a little lightheaded. It happens.”
I didn’t like that one bit.
“What do you need?”
She laughed. “Food. And a shower, probably.”
We divided and conquered. While Leah slipped into the bathroom for a quick rinse, I pulled on my boxers and threw the takeout I had ordered from Revanche into the microwave. It was a shame we hadn’t been able to eat our dinners the first time. It was an even bigger shame that Leah’s parents were dickheads, but that wasn’t a problem I was going to tackle tonight.
The one I had in mind was much, much bigger.
My overnight bag was still tossed on the floor where I had left it when I barged in. I was fine sleeping on the couch, even though I really wanted to sleep in her bed.
Hell, as long as she didn’t kick me out, I’d sleep on the floor.
“Something smells good,” Leah said as she padded into the kitchen, tying the sash of her robe over the top of her bump. The sides of the fabric parted ever so slightly, giving me a peek every time she took a step. Her skin was flushed pink from sex and the steam of her shower. Her hair was wet and piled in a bun on top of her head.
I handed her the first takeout container as I threw the second into the microwave. “Your pasta from earlier.”
She looked up with wide eyes. “But...we left. We didn’t box it up or anything.”
“I swung back by and ordered some to-go. It’s a shame this is the second dinner you haven’t gotten to eat because of your parents, and I saw how you looked at that pasta when they brought it out. Maddie even threw in a dessert for you.”
Tears flooded her eyes.
“Leah—”
She waved her hand and reached for a fork. “I’m not sad. I just cry over everything these days. Especially pasta.”
I caught her around the waist before she could dart off, and cupped her cheek. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
She tipped her head and kissed my palm. “Promise.” Leah surprised the hell out of me when she eased up on her tiptoes and pecked my lips.
I grabbed my food from the fridge and joined her on the couch.
“Can I ask you something?” Leah said after ten minutes of silent eating.
I scraped my fork across the bottom of the container. “What’s that?”
She set her plate aside. “Why did you come back?”
I opened my arms. To my surprise, Leah came willingly, climbing onto my lap. “After my parents got arrested, I started having panic attacks. When I was younger, it often resulted in some poor decision making. Through some observation and process of elimination, I found that they get triggered when I feel like a situation is out of control, and I go into a fight or flight response. Usually, I opt for flight. I’m not proud of it. It’s just the way that it is.”
“I mean, it makes sense,” she said. “You were so young when it happened. Everything changed for you so fast.”
I nodded. “I have a habit of trying to control everything now. If I don’t let something slip out of my grip, it can’t trigger that response.”
Leah raked her fingers through my hair, and it was an immediate balm. “That’s so much pressure to carry. Too much pressure. No one can be in control of everything all the time. Sometimes life just happens.”
“I don’t spend money unless I absolutely have to. I think that’s probably got something to do with the fact that we went from doing fine to well below the poverty line overnight. I never let it slip that I knew, but Kristin made a lot of invisible sacrifices for us. She’d pretend like she had eaten at work if there wasn’t enough for all five of us. She slept on a couch because we didn’t have the money or space for her to have a bed. Things like that. I don’t socialize often because I don’t like the unknown dynamics. I don’t date because relationships are risky.”
“Logan . . .”
“I’m not looking for pity, I’m just trying to explain.” I sighed. “Since college, I’ve tried to build a life for myself that’s unshakeable. And the night I found out you were pregnant, I realized that everything I had been working toward was just a house of cards. And it came tumbling down.”
Leah tucked her head into the crook of my neck, snuggling close. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight.
“I was trying to hold it together tonight. I wanted to prove to your parents that I wasn’t worthless. That I had made something of myself. I was already a little tense because it was out of my comfort zone, and everything spiraled out of our control. And I left because I was a coward.”
“Panic attacks don’t make you a coward, Logan,” she said as she sandwiched my cheeks in her palms, and stared hard into my eyes.
I chuckled. “I know that, honeybee. Will talked me down when I got back to his house. He’s always been intuitive and knows when I’m struggling. In no uncertain terms, he told me I was being a dumbass by walking away.”
“He and I agree.”
I took her hands in mine and kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry for walking away. Me coming back isn’t me trying to control you or our situation. But I’m going to try my best to be all in. To do a little better every day.”
Leah reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a worn Whitney West paperback. The seven of hearts playing card I had left her was currently being used as a bookmark. I could make out the scribbled message I had put on it.
A little better every day. That’s what I could promise her. That’s what I could control.
“I promise I’m here for you,” I said as I thumbed the playing card and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m not gonna let my problems be your problems. I’m gonna get it together.”
“It’s okay if you let your problems be my problems,” she said. Her reassuring voice was the sweetest calm. “That’s what friends do. They carry each other’s burdens, even if they’re unseen. That’s the whole point. You wanted a friend and now you have one. Ask Kylie. I’m annoyingly loyal. She’s been stuck with me for twenty years.”
Our smiles faded as both of our minds went to my sister and the fact that she hadn’t said a word to Leah in a month and a half. Hell, she had barely spoken to me, keeping it to hellos and goodbyes.
I kissed Leah’s temple. “What can I help you with?”
She sighed. “I need to grab my belly butter but it’s in the other room. And honestly, you’re comfortable and I don’t want to get up.”
I slid out from under her and took our takeout containers to the kitchen trash can. “Belly butter? Like in the fridge?”
Leah laughed. “No. It’s just lotion that helps prevent stretch marks. Or so it claims. Honestly, it might be a scam, but it smells good.”
“Where is it?”
“On the bathroom counter.”
I found the screw-top tub and grabbed it. But instead of giving it to Leah, I sat on the couch and patted my thigh. “Come here, pretty girl.”
Her cheeks turned pink, but she crawled back onto my lap without argument.
“Straddle me.”
“Why?”
Leah had her answer when I opened the tub of lotion. I set it to the side and tugged on the sash holding her robe closed. The sides opened and fluttered apart.
“Where do you put it?” I asked as I scooped a little bit out of the jar and smeared it between my hands.
“Uh . . .” Leah chewed on her lip. “Everywhere?”
“You’re not dissuading me,” I said with a half-cocked grin. I started with her bump, gently smoothing my hands over the place where our son was growing. I took my time, committing the shape of her to memory.
She was perfect.
I moved down to her hips and thighs, at least what I could reach as she straddled me. Leah let out a soft groan, leaning forward to rest her head on my shoulder as I massaged her lower back.
“That feels so good,” she murmured.
I didn’t rush it. In the middle of life upheaval and uncertainty, this was where I felt the most at peace.
I slid my hands up her waist, pausing to grab a little more lotion before massaging it into her breasts.
Leah’s smile widened against my neck before she slowly sat up to give me more room. “You’re gonna make me horny again.”
I grinned. “That’s not a problem.”
Her eyes fluttered closed. “Feels so good.”
“Good. I want you to feel good.”
I moved my hands back to her belly and rested them there. If she had let me, I would have used up that whole damn jar of lotion in one night, just for a continued excuse to touch her.
A skittering sensation danced against my palm. Leah must have felt it too, because her eyes popped open and met mine. She sat in stilled silence for the longest moment until it happened again.
“Oh my god,” she whispered in shock, as if speaking at a normal decibel was going to scare away her muscle spasm. “Do you feel that?” She pressed her hand on top of mine in an effort to keep my palm right where it was.
“Yeah?”
“That little flutter?”
We were both silent, waiting to feel it again. Then, it happened.
Realization dawned on me. “Is that . . .”
“That’s the baby kicking!” she whispered.
I let out a slow breath staring at our hands. “Holy shit.” I looked up at her. “What does it feel like for you?”
She laughed as tears of joy dotted the corners of her eyes. “Like...I don’t know how to describe it. Like that DVD sign on a dormant TV screen, where it floats around and bumps a corner, and then I don’t feel anything and it’s a little bump on the other side. That’s a weird comparison.” Her smile was blinding as she grabbed my hand and moved it to the lower part of her bump. “Wait for it.”
I felt it again, that little thump. My throat tightened. “He’s not a little baby bumblebee anymore.”
She giggled. “Nope. I guess that means you’ll have to find something else to call me. Honeybee doesn’t quite fit anymore.”
“Nah. It fits.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re sweet. Optimistic. A hard worker. Pretty cute too, but you have a sting and you’re not afraid to use it. I like that about you.”
Leah laughed as she shook her head. “The app on my phone says the baby is the size of a coconut this week.”
Shit...She meant the brown, husky coconuts, right? The small ones. Not the giant green ones. Did she mean the giant green ones? If the baby was that big already, it meant we didn’t have much time. There was no way. She was only twenty-two weeks. But that was over halfway.
“Hey,” Leah soothed as she cupped my cheeks. “Where’s your head at?”
I couldn’t land on what to start with. It was a jumble of to-do lists to get everything in order so the panic would subside.
“We don’t have enough time to get ready,” I said between shallow breaths. “I’ve missed so much time already.”
Leah’s hands were soft and steady as she ran her fingers through my hair. “I promise we have time to get everything ready. We can game-plan tomorrow. And what’s important now is that, no matter what happens between you and me, you will have all the time you want with this little guy from this day forward.” She pressed her palm to my cheek. “And I believe that you’re going to be a great dad.”
I couldn’t quite put into words what I felt for Leah. But as she soothed my stormy seas, I knew that I wanted her to be a part of “this day forward.”
“But there is something that you can stress about for me,” she said.
“Anything,” I said, because I was a glutton for panic.
Leah smiled. “He needs a name.”