Seven of Hearts

24. Leah

24

LEAH

“ L ogan.” I knocked on the bathroom door as I squeezed my legs together.

The spray of the shower was the only answer.

I knocked again. “Logan, I have to pee.”

Still no answer.

Shit.

Well. We were about to hit a relationship milestone. I was going to have to pee in front of him if he didn’t hurry the hell up and get out of the shower.

I knocked again, louder. “Lo, I’m coming in.”

Steam billowed around me as I opened the door, and I froze.

The glass walls of the walk-in shower were steamed up, but still see-through. Logan had his hand braced on the glass, his head hanging low as he pumped his cock with hard, steady strokes.

His breath was shoddy, mixing with the sounds coming from his phone.

Then I heard my voice.

Oh my god. He was listening to our sex tape.

Wait. Was it still considered a sex tape if it wasn’t actually a video?

Logan pounded his fist against the glass, as thick ropes of his release slapped the glass. His chest heaved as he came off the high, then turned to grab the shower head out of the cradle and spray down the glass. The fog washed away as water streamed in rivulets.

Logan’s eyes widened when he saw me on the other side of the glass. “Shit—Leah—” He cut the water and reached out to grab a towel as the sounds of us fucking in his hotel room at the Taylor Creek Inn continued to play.

“I’m sorry. I really have to pee,” I squeaked. “Just close your eyes or something.”

Logan stepped out of the shower and hit pause on the voice note. “Sorry. I—uh—I didn’t hear you knocking.”

“Close your eyes!”

He turned his back to me as I dropped down onto the toilet just in time.

“I’m sorry. I swear, this baby gives me no warning.”

Logan’s laugh was light-hearted and kind. “It’s not a big deal, honeybee. I’m sorry I took so long.”

I hunched forward and wrapped my arms around my belly. We’d had sex a handful of times, but it was always fairly quick and gentle.

I wasn’t na?ve. I had a hunch that Logan was probably taking care of his needs himself, but I always thought it was for practicality or because of schedules not matching up.

But Logan listening to the recording of us . . .

Was he not attracted to me anymore?

The notion stung. Things had changed so rapidly for us. He had only gotten the old me for one night.

What if he didn’t want me?

Maybe that’s why we hadn’t readdressed what we were to each other. He was affectionate and gentle with me—always touching my belly, holding my hand, cuddling with me when we slept.

Was what little sex we’d had just out of pity?

I finished up in the bathroom while Logan slipped into my bedroom to get dressed for the day, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.

I didn’t want to be with someone out of pity. I wanted him to want me. To be attracted to me.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Logan murmured when he appeared behind me in the bathroom mirror. “You look upset.”

I dabbed moisturizer on my cheeks and forehead, and rubbed it in. “I’m fine.”

“I grew up with three women in my house. I know that you’re not.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Are you nervous about your appointment today?”

I had my gestational diabetes screening later today. I wasn’t looking forward to shotgunning a sugary drink, but I hated getting blood drawn with a fiery passion. Logan had offered to go with me so I didn’t have to wait an hour for the blood draw by myself, and I took him up on it without argument.

“No.” It was a half truth, but I didn’t want to admit how insecure I felt.

One moment of watching him jerk off to the memory of us and suddenly everything was painted in shades of pity.

The house we were about to close on...All of his kind gestures and the massive overhaul he had made to his life because of me...

All of it was cloaked in patronizing compassion.

“Okay. You’re being quiet which means you’re thinking, so I’m going to go with that not being it.”

“I’ve gotta get to work,” I said, peeling away from the bathroom counter.

Logan caught me around the waist. “You’ve got twenty minutes before you have to be at the Lawsons’ house, and it only takes seven to get there. Talk to me.”

“No.”

That made him rear back in surprise. Logan looked...hurt. He quickly erased the expression. “Leah, if something’s wrong, I want you to tell me so I can fix it.”

But I didn’t want him to fix it.

I didn’t want him to pretend to be attracted to me if he wasn’t. I wanted him to be honest.

“Tell me what’s going through your head. And if I can’t deal with it, that’s on me. Not you. But at least give me a chance.”

But I couldn’t. My eyes watered, and I looked down so he wouldn’t see me cry. Stupid hormones...

“Leah...” Logan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “Come here, baby. Talk to me,” he soothed.

“I’ve gotta get going. We can talk later.”

“If you don’t let it out, it’ll just eat at you all day. And if it’s something we can’t tackle right now, we can take the day to make a game plan.”

My tears soaked into his shirt. “I just want to be beautiful to you.”

“Sweetheart, you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me.” He kissed my forehead. “What have I done that makes you think otherwise?”

I waved my hand at his phone that still sat on the edge of the sink. “Because you still want her .”

Logan peeled back just far enough to search my eyes. “Her? Who? Leah, you’re the only person—” He froze. “You mean the night of the wedding? The recording?” His dark eyes softened.

“I don’t want you to pretend. If you’re not attracted to me in that way anymore, just be honest about it.”

“Listen to me,” Logan said as he licked his lips and took two steps, backing me up against the sink. “Nothing about the way I pleasure myself has anything to do with me not thinking you’re beautiful. It’s the exact opposite. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t keep my hands off you. I have never wanted someone the way I want you, and it scares me. I don’t know how to handle it, so I’m trying to take it slow and give us a chance to do things right.” Logan cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away. “So let me be clear. I am more attracted to you—physically, sexually, you name it—than I was the night that we made our son. And I really wanted you that night.”

Logan turned me so that I had to look at our reflections in the mirror as he skated his hands up and down each curve and valley of my hips and belly and breasts. “We’ve known each other for a long time. Sometimes as my sister’s best friend. Sometimes as high school acquaintances. Sometimes as the nanny to my friends’ kids. So I should probably admit something.”

My eyes met his in the mirror.

“I still look at you like my sister’s best friend who I have to sneak glances of because she would cut off my nuts if she knew that I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I still look at you as that bubbly blonde I’d see in the hallways sometimes. And yeah—I stared at your ass back then. I would watch you walk away and wonder what it would be like to kiss you.”

I gasped as Logan punctuated his point by kissing and ducking his way up my neck and around my ear.

“When I’d come to visit Kristin and Will, I’d see you next door with Gio and Ellie and wonder how one person could be beautiful, and sexy, and kind. I’ve watched you put Band-Aids on skinned knees and coach them until they were brave enough to get back on their bicycles to try again. And now I get to look at you without trying to hide it. I get to watch you grow a life that’s half you and half me. I get to watch your body change. Because yes, it has changed in the most incredible ways.”

My eyes stung with tears, and my heart thrummed as it soaked in everything I needed to hear.

“Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always wanted you. Maybe it’s some primal instinct that makes me crave you more than all those other things combined. But it’s always been you. A lot’s changing for us, and it scares me too. But one thing has stayed the same. For me, it’s never been anyone but you.”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling just a little bit stupid for making him say all those things. All those sweet, wonderful, compassionate things. A tear streaked down my cheek. I went to wipe it away, but Logan beat me to it.

“And before you start spiraling and blocking me out again, I know I said a lot of things about how beautiful you are, because I want you to see yourself the way that I get to see you. But I know that’s not what you were really upset about.”

I stared down at the toothpaste foam that hadn’t made it down the sink.

“I was trying to take it slow to prove to you that I was a good enough man for you. That I’m here for you as a partner, and not just a hookup. I’m sorry that I did wrong by you in an effort to do it right. I think about fucking you day and night. I relive every time we’ve had sex over and over again.” Logan pressed his body into my backside, making it evident that he was extremely aroused. “All day long, Leah. It’s really fucking hard to get work done because I’m?—”

“Really fucking hard?” I joked through the tears.

“Yeah,” he murmured as he wrapped me up in his arms and rocked from side to side. “And I will take my sweet time proving it to you the first chance I get. But right now, we actually do have to get to work.”

I turned and kissed him. “Thank you.”

Logan kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my neck and breasts and belly until I was laughing. “I’ll pick you up at ten.”

I stole one more kiss. “See you then.”

“Oh my god, that tastes like cherry-flavored lighter fluid,” I groaned as I handed the empty glucose drink bottle back to the nurse and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “At least you didn’t pick the orange flavor. That one’s the worst.” She glanced at the clock and then scribbled down a time on my chart. “Hang out in the lobby and we’ll call you back in an hour for your blood draw. Let the receptionist know if you need something or just poke your head back here and someone will help.”

“Thanks,” I said as I eased out of the chair and waddled through the maze of medical hallways. My head was swimming from the sugar.

Logan was waiting for me in the lobby with one foot kicked up on his knee, looking casual and relaxed. “Hey, how’d it go?”

I sighed and plopped down beside him. “That drink has to be corrosive. It’s like they mixed fruit punch and battery acid.”

He chuckled and brushed my hair out of the way so I could rest my head on his shoulder. “How was your morning?”

I yawned. The sugar in that drink had nothing on near-Christmas break exhaustion. “The kids always get really rambunctious right before school gets out for the holidays. Getting them into school today was a more trying task than it usually is. But in just a few weeks, I will have two blissful weeks of peace and quiet and sleeping in.”

“So you’re off between Christmas and New Years?” he asked.

“Yeah. The DeRossis and the Lawsons usually spend Christmas together in New York. I’ve gone with them a few times. It’s pretty chill. I still get paid full-time for only working a few hours a week when they want to go on date nights. The rest of the time I just gallivant around the city.” I smoothed my hand down my belly. “I figured, this year, a break was long overdue.”

“We’ll have to do something. Just the two of us,” he said, then laughed. “Maybe I’ll finally take you out on our first date.”

“That sounds nice,” I said as I reached for his hand and laced our fingers together. “I just need to make it through this stupid blood test.”

“What happens next?”

I sighed. “I have to go see Dracula’s assistant to get stabbed and pray I don’t pass out. And if everything looks good, I’m fine. If the numbers are close, I have to come back for another test to confirm if I have gestational diabetes or not.”

His brows knitted together in concern. “This is just a routine screening, right? That’s what I read.”

“Yeah,” I said as I tried not to think about getting my blood drawn. “It’s just routine. Nothing to worry about.”