32. Logan
32
LOGAN
H ome. It was strange to think that, after years of trying to leave, I was anxious to come back. A three-day trip had turned into four days, thanks to an apocalyptic snowstorm that turned half of the Midwest into a frozen tundra, and grounded every flight for the better part of twenty-four hours.
When I finally landed back in North Carolina, the three-hour drive from the airport back to the coast moved at a snail’s pace. I hit traffic at every turn, and had a near miss at being rear-ended, thanks to a driver who was texting and eating a fried chicken leg at the same time.
It was nearly midnight by the time I pulled into the driveway. Every light in the house was on, making it glow like a beacon.
Warm beams danced over the bay, streaking the lapping waves like strands of Christmas lights. I left my bags in the car and hurried up the porch steps. I could bring them in later.
I had returned from Chicago with little more than what I had left with. Before her, I would have been perfectly content living my grayscale life in my vacant city apartment with my minimalist pantry and complete lack of furnishings.
But ever since I had gotten a taste of what life was like in blazing color, there was no going back. She was the sun, the moon, the stars, and the rainbows. She was the full spectrum of miracles and magic that made life worth living.
Leah was the difference between existing and thriving.
I unlocked the front door and slipped in.
The living room was a sprawling mess of blankets, pillows, and bodies. Leah was fast asleep in the recliner with her feet up and the pregnancy pillow wrapped around her. Kylie and Bryan were cuddled up on the couch. He lifted his chin in acknowledgement as I slipped in. Zoey had made a nest on the floor, curling up beneath a pile of quilts.
Bryan eased out from beneath Kylie as she continued to snore like a foghorn. “Hey,” he whispered. “How was the trip back?”
Leah stirred, but she didn’t wake.
“Long,” I said as I shucked off my coat. “Why does my living room look like a really lame slumber party?”
Bryan chuckled. “The girls have spent every night together since you left. I’m starting to think that you and I play second fiddle.”
I bit back a smile. “Sounds about right.”
“I was over at Will’s and Zoey heard I was coming over here for the night, so she tagged along. I’ll take her home.”
I peeked at the clock. “It’s already midnight. Stay over if you want.”
He grinned. “I know she’s your sister, but I want my wife in my bed.”
I glanced at Leah as she snuggled that pillow. “Nah, I get it.”
“I’ll take Zoey back to Will and Kristin’s,” he said.
“How’s Leah?” I asked before he woke up the girls. I wanted to get a feel for things since she had grown more and more quiet the longer I was gone.
“Kylie kept her busy, but I think she’s gonna be glad to have you back. She’s probably wiped out. I think they hit seven thrift shops between here and Swansboro today.”
“Jesus.” I glanced back at the closed nursery door, wondering what the hell kind of furniture haul they had done. Bryan had a truck, and Kylie had a trailer she used to haul event decor. The girls could have done some serious damage with that kind of capacity.
“Logan’s back,” Bryan whispered to Kylie as he gently woke her up.
The snoring stopped immediately. “What? Huh?” She sat up and blinked. “It’s about damn time.”
I tipped my head in Leah’s direction. “Thanks for staying with her.”
Kylie nodded and yawned. “You’ll thank me less when you see all the furniture you have to move tomorrow.”
Zoey roused at the sound of voices. “What time is it?”
“Midnight,” I whispered.
She blinked with heavy lids. “You’re back.”
“Yeah. You wanna stay on the couch or go back to your house?”
She stretched, then debated. “I’ll go. I’m getting too old to sleep on the floor.”
I laughed. “You’re still a teenager. Call me in fifteen more years.”
“Lo?”
My attention immediately snapped to Leah as she tried to wiggle out of the cocoon she had made for herself in the recliner.
“Hey, beautiful,” I said as I stepped over Zoey to kiss Leah.
“You’re back,” she said, startled and blinking.
“I’m back,” I said as I cupped her jaw and kissed her. A tear streaked down her cheek, and I kissed it away too.
“Sorry,” she said, quickly drying her tears. “I’m such a mess. I just missed you and the hormones make me cry over everything.”
“It’s all right, honeybee. You ready to go to bed and get some sleep?”
“Hey,” Kylie said as she eased in beside me. “We’re gonna head home. Zoey’s coming with us.”
Leah reached out and squeezed her hand. “Thanks for . . . for everything.”
Kylie smiled. “Text me tomorrow. Get some sleep.”
While the three of them slipped out the door, I dug Leah out from under the blankets and pillows she had burrowed in. When I looked back up at her, the tears hadn’t stopped falling.
“Baby...” I pulled the lever on the side of the recliner so she could sit up and get out. “Why are you crying?”
“I told you,” she whimpered. “It’s just the hormones. Everything makes me cry.”
“Maybe, but I still want to know why you’re crying,” I said as I kneeled in front of her and wiped her tears away.
Leah chewed on her lip. The bags under her eyes were prominent. It looked like she hadn’t been sleeping well. There was a weariness about her.
“I just missed you is all,” she said.
I had a feeling that was only the tip of the iceberg, so I pressed a little harder. “I missed you too. But why are you sad now? I’m back.”
She shook her head. “It’s stupid.”
“If it matters to you, it matters to me. Tell me what’s got you upset.”
She let out a trembling breath. “I was scared.” My furrowed brows must have clued her in that I was confused, because she continued. “I just...I didn’t know what was going to happen when you got to Chicago. Everything with the baby was so unexpected, and I wondered if you would want to go back to your life there when you remembered how good it was.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “How good it was?”
She nodded. “You worked so hard to get out of Beaufort. You had the job and the office and the city apartment—all of it. You weren’t tied down with a baby and a girlfriend. I just...I want good things for you. I never wanted you to resent me. That’s why I kept the pregnancy a secret until you found out.”
“Leah,” I said, interrupting every wrong thing that was coming out of her mouth. “I’ve had good things. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I tipped her chin up so she had to look me in the eye. “There is no life for me, apart from the one where you’re my friend, my love, and the mother of my child. I could not ask for more than this.”
Her lip quivered, and her eyes were glassy. “You’re sure?”
I took her hands in mine, and kissed her palms before lacing our fingers together. “You know what I’m excited about?” I leaned up and kissed her forehead. “To give our son things we never had. Unconditional love. Showing up for him. Parents who put his well-being first. And parents who are madly in love with each other. You and I get to do that. Together. We get to put the best of both of us into the world, knowing that his future is rewritten because we’re choosing us. Our family.” I smiled against her lips as I cupped her cheeks. “Do you realize what you’ve done, sweetheart? You haven’t just given me the best life I could imagine. You’re setting the standard for every generation after us. I’m just honored that I get to be your partner in it all.”
Leah threw her arms around me and buried her face into my shoulder.
I couldn’t help but laugh as the baby kicked against our bodies. “How’s our boy doing?” I said as I pressed a kiss to her temple. “He didn’t give you too much trouble while I was gone, did he?”
Leah shook her head as she sat up and took a deep breath. “He just used my insides as a bounce house the whole time.”
I rolled up the hem of her shirt and pressed my lips to her bump. “Be nice in there,” I murmured.
That made her laugh.
“How was your doctor’s appointment yesterday?” I asked as I pushed up to my feet and took her hand to help her up. “Did you guys talk about your birth plan?”
Leah let out a sharp breath and steadied herself as she stood. I held her hands, waiting for her to get her bearings. She smoothed her hand over her bump and nodded. “Yeah. My mom went with me. The nurse who did my vitals helped me test my blood sugar and stabbed me with that fucking insulin pen. We got lunch after. He’s still measuring really big, so next week we’re going to talk through inductions and C-sections so I know what my options are and what to expect.”
I could feel the nerves radiating off of her as I ran out to the car to grab my bags, then locked up. When the day had been rinsed off in the shower and tension had been eased with slow kisses and wandering hands, we crawled into bed.
“Come here, baby,” I said as I pulled her into my arms, then waited for her to get the pregnancy pillow arranged just the way she liked.
Leah was tense as her back settled against my chest. I stole the chance to skim my palm over her hip and thigh as she tucked herself into my body.
“Comfortable?”
“Yeah,” she said into the silent darkness. Leah was right here with me, but she might as well have been a million miles away. There was a distance in her gaze as glimmering eyes stared at the wall, deep in thought.
“What’s on your mind?” I yawned.
Leah thought for a moment, then sighed and shook her head. “Nothing. Just tired.”
“You can tell me anything,” I said into her hair before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You know that right?”
She nodded.
I stroked her arm, her back, her waist, and hip, but the tension never eased.
“I’m scared, Logan,” she said into the dark midnight.
“Of what?” I asked as I held her tighter.
“All of it.”
“Going into labor?”
She nodded. “I tried to put it out of my mind because you were gone. Kylie stayed with me, and that helped. I guess...It just got really real, and I don’t know if I’m ready.”
I found her hand beneath the covers and laced our fingers together. “Remember our deal? You’d let me help you, and you would be my friend?”
Tears streaked my chest as she buried her head between my arms. “Yeah.”
“I will always keep my promises, Leah. So I’m promising you that you will not have to go through it alone. I’ll be there at your next appointment to support you in whatever plan you make for you and the baby. I’ll be there to take you to the hospital. I’ll hold your hand and remind you what a badass you are. I’ll be right there beside you for whatever you need. I know it has to be scary for you, because just the thought of you going through labor, however it happens, terrifies me. You will always be the most important person in my world. I will do everything I can to protect you and keep you safe.”
She sniffled.
“But I’m not just talking about the hospital,” I said. “You and me. For better or worse. Here on out. Making each day better than the one before.”
“I love you,” Leah whispered as she began to relax in my arms.
“I love you more,” I said as her breathing settled and she slipped further and further into a restful sleep. I wasn’t far behind. The stress of the trip and the battle to get back to Beaufort was catching up with me, but I would never pass up the chance to simply hold her.
Loving Leah and being loved by her was like seeing a row of sevens flash before my eyes and winning a Vegas jackpot. It was a royal flush with all the chips on the table. It was a shooting star, walking through a field full of four-leaf clovers, and seeing the green flash on the ocean’s horizon.
She was every summer rain that brought life to wilting flowers. She was the breeze through the night air, calm and serene. She was unbreakable like the palm trees, standing strong amidst the storm. She was every joy-filled flower that bloomed after the torrent.
Leah was the lighthouse that guided me home.