5. Chapter Five
I’m kicking rocks around the junkyard, half-heartedly looking for treasures for my mom’s shop. It’s the perfect place to hide while playing hooky from school. Plus, I know Tank won’t find me here.
Someone groans from inside one of the cars, making me jump. But I quickly recognize the cursing that follows.
“Ash?” I ask, hesitantly peeking in the window of a rusted El Camino. He waves his bottle at me, sloshing the foul-smelling liquid over the rim.
“Ash,” I sigh, climbing in through the open window after trying to pry on the door unsuccessfully.
He gives me a crooked smile. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“I thought we talked about this.” I grab the bottle out of his hand before he registers what I’m doing. I hold it out the window and pour it out.
“Kelsie,” he groans, pushing his fingers in his hair.
“No. We talked about this. You need to accept your sister’s offer and get some help. There’s no shame in that.”
There was a time I had a crush on Ash, but I realized early on a romantic relationship was not in the cards for us. Not that we aren’t friends … we are. That was what he needed from me. So I put my feelings aside to be there for him, and as time passed, they began to change. I love him dearly, but it’s the same kind of love I feel for the twins.
“I want to …” Ash says quietly, beginning to rock himself back and forth.
“Then you’re halfway there,” I tell him, scooting to the middle of the seat and wrapping my arm around him.
He laughs harshly, finally turning his red-rimmed eyes my way. “How do you figure?”
“You have the desire to quit. Now you just have to act.”
Tears spill down his scruffy cheeks as he closes his eyes. “I do want to quit,” he whispers, laying his head on my shoulder.
I squeeze him tighter. “Why don’t you let me give you a ride to the farm?”
He nods, chuckling sadly. He wipes his nose on the sleeve of his flannel. “You must think I’m the biggest loser you’ve ever met.”
I wait for him to look me in the eye, and when he does, I tell him what I think. “What I think is you’re a man who has experienced things he can’t unsee.”
He blinks at me as I continue.
“It was a sacrifice you were willing to make for your country, but more importantly, your sister.”
His head falls forward.
“I know you think you failed her, but it couldn’t have been any other way.” I reach over and grab his hand. “Willow would never have met Jackson, and I wouldn’t have found your survival guide.”
He rubs his arm over his eyes. “I’m no hero, Kelsie.”
My gaze bounces over his face. “You’ve given everything and expected nothing. I think that’s the very definition of a hero.” I hand him the empty bottle still in my hand. “But you’ve given so much of yourself that you’ve drained yourself dry. You need to fill yourself back up, but not with this.” I tap the glass with my nail.
He pulls me to him, kissing me lightly on my hair. “You remind me so much of Willow.”
I snuggle against him, soaking up all the comfort I can from a man who doesn’t make me feel the bad feeling. My fingers trail over my throat, absently searching for the necklace Charlotte gave me.
“Oh no!” I bolt upright, patting myself down, praying the necklace is just caught on my clothes.
“What’s wrong?” Ash asks, helping me look even though he has no idea what I’m looking for.
He avoids my chest as his hands roam over me.
“Charlotte’s necklace. She gave it to me today, and I’ve already lost it.”
Ash pulls my hair up to see if it’s stuck under it. “It’s okay, Kelsie. Don’t cry.”
I hurl myself out the car window. “It’s not okay. Everything is not okay,” I choke.
He hurries after me. “Kelsie, calm down. Talk to me.”
Taking a deep breath, I turn to face him. “You’re right. I … it’s just that I know the necklace is important to everyone.”
“Hey.” He brushes my hair away from my face, holding my cheeks in his hands. “Accidents happen. No one is going to blame you.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I pull away from him. “Maybe it’s in my car.”
“I’ll help you look.”
We spend a considerable amount of time searching, but no luck. I drop him off at the farm before heading home. My parents are both sitting at the counter when I walk in.
“Hey, sorry I’m late. I bumped into Ash after school, and I gave him a ride home.” I quickly make my way through the house as I speak.
My father’s snap echoes through the house when my foot hits the first step. “Park it.”
My shoulders fall at his order. Reluctantly, I back up and plop down beside him.
His big hand wraps over my forehead. “Charlotte said you went home sick today. Your mother didn’t get a call from the school.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, it was right before the final bell rang, so I just left without telling anyone. I’m sorry. There were only a few minutes left in the day,” I lie.
“What’s wrong with you?” my mom asks, her gaze darting between my father and me.
“Cramps,” I blurt out.
My mom bounces on her toes. “Kelsie,” she warns, looking at her husband nervously. She knows I’m lying.
“Yeah, well it came early.”
“Why are you lying to us?” she asks, not backing down. She does look to my dad for support.
When I don’t respond, he runs his big hand down the back of my hair. “You can go to your room and think about it,” he says, shaking his head sadly.
When I stand and head for the steps, he hollers after me, “I don’t want you spending any more time alone with Ash. Do you understand?”
I open my mouth to argue, but the look on his face makes me snap it shut. Giving him a little nod, I run up the stairs and slam my door shut.
The curtains suck through my open window. I storm over to it. Were my parents snooping around my room?
I’m about to slam it closed when the flicker of a small light along the dark tree line catches my attention. I place my hands on the windowsill, squinting my eyes. Something digs into my palm as I lean against the wood. I roll my hand over to find the dragonfly necklace I lost.
I jump back, pulling it to my chest. My heart beats fast and my ears begin to ring as my focus returns to the small light across the lawn. A dark figure tosses it to the ground, snuffing it out.
Is he stalking me?
My eyes pull away from him to roam over my room. My bed is rumpled as if someone was sitting on it, but other than that, nothing seems amiss. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out, expecting to see a message from the twins, but that’s not who it’s from.
Unknown: Make sure you remember to lock your window tonight. I would hate for someone to get in.
Slowly, my gaze goes back to the open window. My heart is beating doubly fast now. My thumb bounces over my phone as I block his number. Then I rush to the window and slam it shut, locking it as quickly as I can.
The dark figure slowly backs into the trees as I pull the curtains closed. The phone vibrates in my hand.
Swallowing hard, I glance at the screen.
Unknown: Good girl.
I know I just blocked him, but I do it again.
Several minutes go by before I realize I’m still standing in front of the window. I move away and throw myself back on the bed, dangling the chain over my face. It’s shiny and new. I must have broken the old one. The little dragonfly dances over my face, catching the light.
“What a day it’s been,” I whisper to the little trinket. “But the worst thing of all … the bad feeling is back, and I can’t shake it.”
Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.
Wrapping my fist around it, I roll over and cry. I had avoided it for so long. I’ve been busy being a cheerleader, a girlfriend, a sister … a daughter. Keeping all the light on the new me while I left the old me tucked away in the shadows. Until Jason reminded me she’s still there. She still feels …
My heart slows as do my tears. I let my eyes fall closed; the heaviness that comes after a good cry pulls me away from this world. As sleep wraps its arms around me, the last thing I see are green eyes peering at me as I hide in the shadows.
Can he see me here?