6. Chapter Six
The next day, I manage to hide out in the little church about a mile behind our house. I love it here. Some of the stained-glass windows are broken, but I don’t mind. It lets the wind in. Unfortunately, it lets the rain in too. I’ve loved this place ever since I found it.
Rumor is Jesse wanted to burn it down when the club bought the property. I’m not sure why she hasn’t done it yet, but I’m glad for it. It’s beautiful … and peaceful.
I walk around, pulling dried flowers from their vases, replacing them with the fresh ones I brought. When I’m finished, I lie back on one of the pews and stare at the dome above me. The paint is cracked and worn, but I don’t care. It’s what calls me here almost every day.
I’m hoping no one notices I’m not in school.
The wooden door bangs open and then shut. I hold perfectly still, until the wooden seat behind me creaks. I turn my head, peaking between the back of the pew and the seat. I’m met with a pair of large black boots.
“Don’t get up on my account,” he says gruffly.
“Go away.” I turn my attention back to the dome.
He huffs. “Why aren’t you in school today?”
“Why were you in my room yesterday?” I stare at the ceiling not expecting him to answer.
“I was returning the necklace you broke when you ran from the school.”
“Breaking into my house is a strange way to return something.”
“Is it?”
I’m not sure if he’s joking or not.
“You need to go back to school, Kelsie. No one is going to pick on you anymore.”
I laugh, focusing on the white puffy clouds painted above me. “I’m not going back.”
“So, you’re just going to stick your head in the sand?”
“Maybe.”
“That doesn’t sound very Skull-like.”
“Well, if you must know, I was adopted. I’m not one of them.”
His face suddenly appears over the back of the pew. He folds his arms across it, his chin resting on his hands as he stares down at me. I try my best to focus on the ceiling, ignoring the way my stomach tightens with each breath that he takes.
“Are you going to tell on me?” I ask hesitantly.
“Do I look like a snitch?”
My gaze falls to his green eyes. “Yes. Yes, you do.”
He tips his head back and laughs at this. I cross my arms over my stomach, demanding it stop whatever it’s doing. I turn back to the ceiling.
“I’m not one of them either, if that makes you feel better.”
“You’re a fucking VP. Give me a break.”
“What if I told you I’m a spy?”
I jump up and storm away from him. He’s making fun of me, and I put up with enough of that at school. I’m not going to tolerate it here.
“Leave me alone, Tank,” I spit out his name, ignoring how it makes me feel to say it out loud. I hurry out of the building.
“Go back to school tomorrow!” he yells before the door closes behind me.
My feet slow as I step away from the church. Is there nowhere that’s safe from him? He shows up everywhere I go. I’m sure there are more important things going on in the club besides me and my bullying problem.
I startle, tripping over my own two feet when he steps outside and leans his back against the door of the church. A grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. He’s enjoying my internal struggle. He pulls something out of his pocket, bringing it to his nose. My mouth falls open. Are those … are those my panties?
Oh my god, they are! They’re my favorite ones, too. The navy blue ones with little gold stars on them.
I nonchalantly make my way to my car, struggling not to run. I don’t want him to know how much he flusters me. When I’m safely sitting in the driver’s seat, with the doors locked, I lift my gaze to meet his through the windshield. He winks at me and smirks.
“Stop it,” I whisper harshly to my stomach after it does a complete somersault in response to the look on his face.
As soon as I’m home, I run up to my room. I pull open my panty drawer to see what else he may have stolen. My hand wraps around a box. What is this? Oh! I drop the item and back away from the dresser.
He didn’t take anything else, but he did leave something.
I have to tell someone about this … it’s … it’s crossing a line, right?
My stomach flips again as I picture him in my room, touching my intimate things.
“Kelsie.” My mom knocks on the door.
I throw myself at my dresser, slamming the drawer shut right as she steps in. Her gaze travels over my space, looking for anything amiss. “Everything okay?” she asks. “You didn’t even stop to say hello.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I was just in a hurry to change.”
“Oh good. Dad must have told you about the party then. We’re going early to help Jesse set up.”
Inwardly, I groan. I love club parties, but Tank will be there, and I cannot face him right now.
“I meant I was going to change into my comfy clothes. I think maybe I’ll just hang here tonight.”
Her face falls. “Kelsie, Dad expects you to be there. I’m sorry, but we want to keep an eye on you right now. You just haven’t been yourself.”
“Fine, but I don’t want to go early. I’ll meet you guys there.”
“But Billie Rose will be there with the kids. I’m sure she would love your help with the baby.”
I give in. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”
She smiles, patting me on the cheek with her dainty hand before turning away from me. “We’ll leave as soon as Dad gets home.”
When we get to the warehouse later that evening, I make a beeline for Billie Rose. She immediately dumps Tate in my arms.
“Thank goodness you’re here. This momma needs a break.”
Tate smiles up at me. “Awe, I’ve missed you, you little cutie,” I coo, rubbing the tip of my nose against his.
“Yeah, about that. Did you forget where I live? I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been busy with school.”
The minute Tank steps outside, I know. His presence isn’t like everyone else’s. It’s like a living breathing entity. The intensity of his gaze sears hot against my cheek.
“Lily told my mom you quit the cheer team.”
“Yeah,” I sigh, turning my back to Tank.
“Why?”
“It’s just not the same without the twins.”
“I get that.”
Billie Rose taps under my chin with a single finger, forcing me to look at her. Her gaze bounces over my face. “You haven’t relapsed, have you?”
Her eyes then drop to my arms. She’s checking for fresh cuts. I rub my own hands over my skin, the scars like a raised map of my life.
“No. I’m not hurting myself.” Not physically anyway, but my mental state is torture.
“Well, you know you can always talk to me.”
I run my finger over her baby’s brow, making him close his little eyes. “Can … can you keep a secret?”
She scoots her chair closer to mine, waving Elijah over to take Aurelia. He immediately sets his beer down and walks over to us.
“Everything okay?” He squeezes my shoulder gently before leaning over to take his daughter from Billie Rose.
“Fine. Just a little girl talk.” I offer him a smile.
He takes the hint and leaves us to it. My eyes follow him as he jogs down the hill, bouncing with his daughter in his arms. She laughs and wraps her arms around his neck to hold on tight.
“So, what is it? I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
“Jason and I broke up,” I say quietly, keeping my eyes on the baby.
“What happened?”
The bad feeling burns in the pit of my stomach as I deliberate how much to tell her.
“Hey.” She rubs her hand over my arm.
“It’s stupid really.” I glance over my shoulder, locking eyes with the green ones that have lingered over me since he arrived at the party.
When I turn back around, Billie Rose is staring at me. Sighing, I decide to come clean. “He wanted to have sex. He said his friends had been making fun of him because we hadn’t done it yet.”
She remains quiet. There is no judgement whatsoever on her face.
“I thought I could handle it. It’s not like I’m a virgin. I mean, he was my boyfriend, right?” I shake my head, fighting back tears. “I freaked out on him afterward.”
“Oh, hun.” She wraps her arm around me. “He shouldn’t have pressured you.”
The party starts to come to life behind us as more club members arrive. “It doesn’t matter. He’s with Lexi now.” I rub my hand over baby Tate’s fuzzy head.
“What?!” she screeches.
I laugh at the way her eyebrow cocks high on her forehead and her face turns red on my behalf.
“It doesn’t matter. I never really liked him anyway.”
“Then why have you been dating him for the past year?” She takes Tate from my arms when he starts to fuss, placing him at her breast.
I shrug. “I wanted to be normal, but I see nobody ever really thought I was normal. Everyone at school was only being nice to me because of the twins. This year has sucked.”
“Kelsie,” she scolds gently. “You are normal. You didn’t need to date him to prove that.” Her gaze roams over my shoulder, and her face turns red again. “What the fuck is he doing here?” she hisses.
I follow her gaze. Jason is chatting with my mom and dad on the patio. I jump up, instantly scanning the area for Tank. He’s gone. Thank god. My mom waves me over when my attention returns to the happy trio, and we make eye contact.
“I’ll get rid of him,” Billie Rose says, juggling Tate on her boob as she tries to stand.
“It’s fine. I’ll handle it.” I walk backward as I leave her behind. “Please don’t tell anyone about Jason and me.”
She draws a little x over her heart as I rush up to the patio.
My dad pats Jason on the back. “Have her home by midnight,” he tells him.
“Yes sir,” Jason agrees, saluting him. Then, he grabs me by the hand and starts pulling me away.
“Wait,” I whisper yell to him.
My mom waves us on. “Go on. Have fun.”
When we get around the building, I yank Jason to a stop. “What are you doing here?”
“There’s a party at Matt’s tonight. I thought you’d like to go.”
“Well, you thought wrong.” I cross my arms over my chest.
He drops his head. “I’m sorry. I was an asshole. I was only using Lexi to make you jealous.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and a shiver runs down my spine. I don’t know which man scares me more at the moment. The one hiding in the shadows watching me or the one standing right in front of me.
I grab Jason’s hand and rush to his car. “Fine. Let’s go.”
The minute we get to the “party” I know I’m in trouble. “Where is everyone?”
Jason doesn’t answer me. He just heads up the stairs. When we get inside, there are only a handful of guys and one girl. Lexi.
She gives me a dirty look as the boys start to joke with one another. Matt shoves a beer in my hand. “Drink up, buttercup.”
“I … can you take me back to the warehouse? I’m not feeling very well,” I ask Jason, setting the beer on the counter.
Matt starts laughing. “The party’s just getting started,” he says with a wink. “Why don’t you take her to my room and let her lie down for a bit. I’m sure you’ll get to feeling better.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” I start to say as Jason wraps his arms around my waist, pushing us out of the kitchen and down the hall into a dark room. The only light is from the moonlit window behind a large bed.
“Jason, I’m serious. Take me home.”
He ignores me as he surveys the room. “Seriously, did you have to embarrass me in front of my friends like that? You know what they’re going to expect us to do in here, don’t you?”
When he grabs the bottom of my shirt, I try to yank it out of his hands. “What are you talking about? They don’t care about our sex life, Jason.”
This makes him angry. He forcefully tugs me close to him and pulls my shirt over my head before shoving me to the bed.
“Jason, please stop. I don’t want to do this.”
He continues to ignore me as if I’m not even speaking. His fingers work at the button on my jeans as I press against his chest.
“Jason,” I begin to beg.
Oh god. Should I scream? Would the others help me? My heart already knows the answer to that question. Matt would only help Jason, not me. So, I continue to plead with him. Why did I trust him again? I knew this wasn’t going to end well. I’m so stupid.
“Stop fighting me,” he growls, taking my hands and holding them over my head. “You’re such a freak. I’m your boyfriend for god’s sake.”
The bedroom door opens, and both of us turn to find Lexi standing in the doorway.
“Get the fuck out of here!” Jason shouts at her.
“Lexi. Lexi, please,” I whimper.
“Shut up.” Jason turns back to me, spitting in my face as he speaks.
Matt walks up behind her. “Come on. There’s plenty of dick to go around,” he tells her, backing her out of the room.
We exchange a look before the door is closed. She looks hurt, and I’m not sure if it’s for me or herself … maybe both.
Jason hovers over me until they’re gone. I don’t even know who he is anymore. He used to be friends with my brothers. I thought he was someone I would always feel safe with.
His hand starts rubbing over the seam of my jeans. “That’s better,” he whispers.
Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.
Just as I’m about to fully zone out, I notice a red light shining on Jason’s forehead. A red dot.
A red dot?!
Oh, oh shit.
“Jason, don’t move.”
Again, he chooses to ignore me, leaning back so he can tug my jeans off. When he lifts his focus to his own pants to unbutton them, the red dot moves slowly down his body. He finally notices it and pats at his chest, trying to brush it off.
“What the fuck?” he rasps.
The red dot slides lower, lower, stopping over his groin.
“Don’t move,” I warn. “They’ll kill you.”
He begins to shake as he balances himself on his knees above me.
The door to the room slams open, the light from the hallway spilling across the floor. An enormous shadow falls across the carpet.
“Oh fuck,” Jason breathes out.
“Oh fuck, indeed,” Tank repeats, stepping toward the bed.
Neither Jason nor I move. His big hands wrap around Jason’s neck. Tank pulls him straight up from the bed. Quickly, I slide out from under him, stumbling as my feet get tangled in the blankets.
Jason’s eyes begin to bulge, and his face turns purple as Tank watches me find my shirt and slip it over my head.
“Don’t kill him,” I plead quietly, waiting for him to loosen his grip.
“Why?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Because I don’t want you to go to jail.”
He chuckles. “Awe, that’s sweet.”
But he still doesn’t release Jason.
“Tank. Please, he isn’t worth it!” I screech, rushing over to them.
Instantly, he releases Jason, letting him fall onto the bed. Jason coughs loudly as he sucks in air. Tank wraps his arm around my waist before I have a chance to get away.
“He might not be worth it, but you are.” He grunts as he swings me up and over his shoulder.
The red dot flits over Jason one last time before disappearing. We leave him gasping for breath as Tank hauls me from the room.
“I can walk,” I grumble, trying to reposition myself so his shoulder isn’t digging into my stomach.
He pauses, setting me on my feet, but he doesn’t let go of me entirely. He keeps one hand firmly wrapped around the back of my neck, directing me out of the house.
When we pass the living room, I think I hear Lexi crying but Tank doesn’t seem to notice. He continues to march me through the house, his boots thumping loudly over the wooden floor.
The minute we step outside, Ash is pulling up in front of the house in his truck. Tank yanks the passenger door open, shoving me inside. He climbs in beside me, sandwiching me between the two men.
Ash peels out of the driveway, spraying gravel everywhere.
No one says anything until we’re on the highway.
“You need to tell Dan what happened tonight,” Ash says, bumping his shoulder into mine.
The bad feeling eats at me. I don’t want anyone to know. I rub my hands over my arms.
“Kelsie,” he warns, sensing my reluctance.
I turn to look at him. “I can’t. Please. It was no big deal. Nothing happened.”
He sighs loudly, shaking his head. “It was a big deal. You have to tell them. You go to school with Jason. He isn’t safe.”
“He isn’t going to do anything to me at school.”
Ash punches the ceiling of his truck. “Do you know what would have happened if we hadn’t followed you?”
“Take me home.”
“Do you?!” he yells again. He’s so angry.
I sit back against the seat, closing my eyes. Of course I know.
“Let’s just get her home,” Tank finally chimes in. “We can discuss this when we get back from the run in a few days. I don’t think the kid will be brave enough to come for her anytime soon.”
Ash doesn’t argue. He sighs loudly and taps me on the knee. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
I should be thanking them. I know this, but I’m so embarrassed. Ashamed.
When we get to my house, Tank opens the door and steps out. I slide to the passenger side to follow him, but I pause, my ass on the edge of the seat.
“Thank you,” I say quietly to Ash.
“You don’t have to thank me, Kels. I love you. You’re my friend.”
I nod, not looking at him as my feet hit the ground. Tank walks behind me as I make my way to the porch. I stop and stare at the door, patting my pocket for my keys. Crap. They must have fallen out at Matt’s house. Could this day get any worse?
“You don’t have a key?” Tank uses the toe of his boot to lift the sunflower welcome mat. Like my dad would leave a key in such an obvious place.
I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from crying out in frustration. “I must have left them …”
No matter how hard I try to control my emotions, my tears have a mind of their own. They fall silently down my cheeks.
He turns me around gently by the shoulder when I don’t finish my sentence. His green eyes soften when he notices I’m crying. “Hey, we’ll go back and get them.”
“I … I don’t want to go back there,” I say to his chest, unable to control the tremor in my voice.
He guides me over to the porch swing. “Stay here. Ash and I will be right back. No worries, okay?”
I offer him a tiny nod, sitting down. He removes his jacket and drapes it over my shoulders.
“I’m okay,” I argue, shifting forward to shrug it off.
“Take it,” he orders, backing away.
My gaze follows him to the truck. Ash and he have a brief discussion before they finally pull away.
Guilt gnaws at my gut that they have to go back to Matt’s for me.
I didn’t realize Jason and his friends were so … so disgusting. They’ve never acted that way around me before. It was the first time I truly felt unsafe since coming to live here. Tonight was so much worse than the way Jason coerced me the other night. This was … scary.
Ash was absolutely right; I am lucky they followed me.
There’s no way I can go to school tomorrow. I’m not sure why the school hasn’t called my parents to report my absences, but I’m sure it has something to do with Tank. He said my principal used to be a stripper. I don’t know how he knows that … I shake my head to clear my thoughts. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care how he knows.
My fingers curl around the leather jacket keeping me warm. I inhale deeply, groaning out loud as his scent rolls over me. It takes me right back to the day he kissed me on the hood of my car. God, why does he have to smell so good?
I guess I’m glad he gave it to me. I would be freezing by now if he hadn’t. I’m always cold. I hug my legs to my chest and allow myself a moment to think about him. His dark hair and those green eyes. I’d be lying if I said he hadn’t caught my attention when he and his club arrived at the warehouse. It would have been impossible not to notice him. He stands out from the other bikers. He’s different. Maybe he is a spy.
Honestly, I didn’t give him much thought after the first time I saw him. He was trying to eat, and Charlotte was talking his ear off. For one, he’s older, and besides that I already know club men are off limits to me. My dad would never approve. But for some reason the universe keeps putting him in my orbit. Or he keeps putting himself there.
Nothing feels right anymore … everything is changing.
Mom says it will be better when I get to college next year. That once I’m back with the boys, everything will fall into place. My head drops to my knees. When the boys first left, that was all I wanted. But now … now I don’t know what I want.
The thought of leaving here makes my stomach tight with anxiety. Their college is hours away. I know eventually I’ll have to leave this place. It’s what you do. You graduate high school, and then go to college. After that you go out into the world and pursue your dream.
What is my dream?
I’ve only ever had one. And that was to have a family. I’ve got that now. I don’t need anything else.
I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts, I don’t notice Tank has returned. That is until his hand lands on the back of my head and he speaks.
“I’ve got your keys, sweetheart.”
“Oh.” I jump up, shrugging out of his jacket. How did I not hear the truck? My gaze bounces across the driveway. “Where’s Ash?”
Tank unlocks the front door, turning away from me. “He had some business to take care of. I’ve got my bike. It’s parked on the other side of the trees.” He points down the road.
He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s here.
He opens the door, holding it open for me. When I hesitate, he doesn’t flinch, just continues to stare down at me. Ash knows he’s here. I’m sure I’ll be safe with him. I take a step forward, but then I remember he was in my room. He stole my panties!
I begin to back away.
“Get inside, Kelsie.” He sighs, rubbing his hand over his eyes tiredly.
It makes little goosebumps break out over my skin. I hug his warm jacket to my chest. His hand reaches out and he takes a piece of my hair, curling it around his finger.
My hair used to be short. I kept it that way for a long time. My uncle used to make me keep it long. He said men liked it that way. It was the first thing I did when I got away from them. My therapist thought it would be healing for me to let it grow out.
“You remind me of a scared baby deer,” he says quietly.
I blink up at him. “I … you should go.”
“Is that what you want?” he asks, his thumb rubbing over the strand of hair twisted around his finger.
When I don’t answer, he asks again. “Is that what you want?”
“You’re stalking me,” I accuse, unable to pull away from him, and not just because he still has my hair in his big hand. He has a way of holding me hostage without any restraints.
He tips his head back and forth, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Stalking … protecting. It’s all about perspective.” He gives my hair a gentle tug before releasing it.
“You stole my underwear and left a sex toy in my drawer.”
He shrugs. “You said you were too embarrassed to go in and get yourself something. Remember? I told you I’d take care of it. You seemed interested. So, I picked out a little item I thought you might enjoy. I put it in your underwear drawer because logically I thought that’s where a woman would keep her toys. That or in the nightstand, and you don’t have one of those.”
Woman?He called me a woman. Which of course I am. I’m a woman. It’s just that no one has seemed to notice. No one but him.
“Well, I didn’t think you were serious. I didn’t really need anything.”
“Need and want are two separate things.”
“Just stop. I only wanted one to see if it would make me feel ba …” I stop abruptly, covering my mouth with my free hand.
“Make you feel what?”
“Nothing,” I brush past him, flipping on the light in the living room. “Thank you for getting my keys. You can go back to the party now. I’m sorry for taking you away from it.”
I turn around, holding my arm straight out in front of me, his jacket dangling from my fingertips.
He doesn’t take it from me. Instead he pushes me back, joining me inside. He closes the door behind him.
“Were you going to say bad, little shadow?”
Maybe it’s from spending so much time with Jesse and Billie Rose, but my eyes, as if on autopilot, roll dramatically. “I’m not little or a shadow.”
The chuckle that erupts from him echoes through the room, filling it with his presence. It wraps itself around me like a warm blanket.
“If you think the toy is going to make you feel bad, go get it and I’ll throw it away.”
My mouth falls open. “I didn’t say that.”
“When men touch you, it makes you feel bad. You wanted to see if it would be the same if you do it to yourself.” He plops down on the couch. “I can help you with that, you know.”
How dare he. I stomp my foot. “Jason said the same thing to me the other night, and it didn’t work. Maybe you’re just like him,” I mumble under my breath.
This makes his jaw tick, and while I instantly regret my words, I don’t apologize for them. This man has been stalking me!
But I quickly realize he’s not upset with my comparison. It’s the fact that he now knows Jason used my past to coerce me into sleeping with him.
“I knew I should have killed that little fucker tonight,” he growls, rising from the couch.
Rushing toward the door, I plaster myself in front of it. “No.”
His chest rises and falls fast as we stare at each other.
“Kelsie, I have to go out of town tomorrow. How …” He tries to regain control of his emotions, running his fingers through his hair. “How am I going to protect you if he’s still breathing? Just let me go take care of the problem.”
My arms fall to my side, the concern pulling at his brows makes me pause. He’s giving me a glimpse of the vulnerable parts of him that are hidden beneath all that glower and ink.
“I won’t put myself in that position again. I can promise you that.”
He shakes his head, spinning in a circle as if he’s coming out of a fog. “I’m … I’m sorry. This is all very … God, I’ve been so inappropriate with you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Right before my eyes, a new man emerges.
His fingers wrap around his jacket as he stares down at it. He shakes his head sadly. “Go get the toy, and I’ll get rid of it. I’m sorry.” He closes his eyes. “I’ll leave you alone.”
The air leaves my lungs, but weirdly not in relief. I feel like someone just punched me in the gut.
“Um, it’s okay. It’s not hurting anything.”
He combs his fingers through his beard. “I’m not like Jason, Kelsie. I … I just got caught up in the persona.”
I don’t like the way he calls me by my real name. It feels cold coming from him. “What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter. It will all be over soon.” He shrugs into his jacket, not looking at me. “Ash is right. You should talk to Dan about what’s going on with your boyfriend and school. Trust him. He’s a good man, and he’ll know how to handle it.”
When he starts to walk toward the door, toward me, I don’t move.
“Kelsie, move.”
I stare at his chest. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I don’t want him to leave. “No,” I whisper.
“Kelsie,” he groans. “Don’t make this any harder for me than it already is.”
“When are you coming back from the run?”
He sighs loudly.
“When?”
“I don’t know. A few days. A week maybe.”
“You’re right, you know.”
“About?”
“It does make me feel bad when men touch me,” I admit quietly, dropping my head to stare at his boots. “But it doesn’t feel bad with you.”
I might be the biggest fool right now, but what if he is my only chance at making that deep, soul sucking feeling go away? What if he’s the only one who can fix me?
When I feel his fingers brush along my cheek, my eyes fall closed. For a brief moment, I allow myself to lean into the palm of his hand. For reasons I don’t understand, it feels safe. Good.
“When I get back, we start again,” he says quietly.
I nod, fighting back tears. He leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead. “You stay clear of Jason.”
Again, all I can do is nod as he backs away from me.
The motor of my dad’s bike rumbles from the driveway. As if someone flips a switch, Tank winks at me before calmly making his way toward the back door. He pauses on the threshold.
“I’ll see you later, little shadow.”
My shoulders fall in relief when he uses his pet name for me. The minute the door closes behind him, the front one bumps against my ass.
“Kelsie, what are you doing home so early?” my mom asks as I quickly jump aside.
My dad steps in behind her. He gives me a quick peck on the top of my head as he walks around me, heading toward the stairs.
“Oh, I thought I’d call it a night so I could say goodbye to Dad before he leaves in the morning.” I shrug, walking over to the fridge. God, I hope they didn’t catch the tremble in my voice.
My dad pauses at the bottom of the steps. “How did you know I was leaving tomorrow?”
Mentally, I kick myself. I pull the milk out slowly, giving myself time to respond. “I overheard some of the guys talking about getting ready for the run tomorrow.”
He and my mom exchange a look.
“It sounded like it was important,” I continue, hoping they don’t ask me who it was. Club business is supposed to stay behind closed doors. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.
Dad sits down at the counter, watching me pour cereal into a bowl. “It’s nothing for you to be worried about, okay? I’ll be home before you know it.”
I nod, blinking back tears, because I really do hate it when he leaves. He knows it, too.
“Listen, I was thinking, when I get back, we need to make a trip over to see the sunflowers. Maybe the twins can meet us there.”
He chuckles when I sit down beside him, and my Cheerios spill over the bowl. “Yeah, that would be great.”
My mom gives both of us a hug. “I’m going to go up and get your bags ready for you.”
“I can …” my dad begins to say.
She covers his mouth with her hand. “I know you can, but I like to take care of my man.”
He gives her a little love tap on the butt before she heads up the stairs. What I wouldn’t do for a relationship like theirs.
When his focus returns to me, the smile falls from his face. He reaches over and wipes a runaway tear from my cheek.
“So, I take it you’re not home early to say goodbye to dear old dad,” he guesses.
I shove a huge amount of cereal into my mouth, so I don’t have to answer.
“I’m a very patient man, Kelsie.”
I watch as he gets up and pours himself a bowl of cereal too. He isn’t giving up, but do I really want him to?
“Jason and I broke up.”
“What happened?” His spoon begins to drown Cheerios under the milk with a little too much gusto, milk spilling over the edge.
“Mom’s going to kill us both if we keep making a mess,” I laugh, grabbing a paper towel and handing it to him.
“What’s going on, sweetheart? You haven’t been yourself for weeks now.”
Myself. I don’t even know who that is. A cheerleader? Jason’s girlfriend? A model student? The quiet girl hiding behind a book?
Big Dan and Lily have always encouraged me to do what I want, so I can’t blame them if I haven’t been authentic. I have no one to blame but myself. I don’t know what I want. I’ve just been busy trying to fit in … to be normal.
“I’m just really confused right now, I guess.”
He gives me his full attention as he continues to eat. “What about?”
I release a long breath. “I feel like I’m one of those plate spinners, you know? Constantly running around trying to keep all of them going, so none of them fall and break. I was able to do it for a long time, but I can’t keep up anymore and my plates are crashing to the ground.”
“Well, that makes it easier to keep what’s left spinning.”
This makes me chuckle. “You would think.”
“So, cheerleading and Jason were a few of those plates?”
I nod. “I’ll talk to you about it. I will. I just need to make sense of it all first.”
“Am I going to have to pay that kid a visit?” he asks, concern pulling at his brows.
There’s no way I would ever risk Big Dan getting in trouble for me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because I stupidly trusted the wrong boy.
“He just isn’t who I thought he was.”
A thump upstairs makes us both look at the ceiling. We laugh when mom mutters, “Gosh darn it.”
“Go on.” I stand, grabbing both of our now empty bowls. “You better get up there before she breaks out the real curse words.”
“We’ll talk more when I get back. That will give you a little more time to process.”
He helps me finish cleaning the kitchen, then together we make our way upstairs. The hug he gives me when we say goodnight temporarily sets everything right in the world.
As I’m closing my door, I see him pick up my mom and toss her gently to their bed. She bounces a few times, sending the nicely folded clothes she had laid out for him to the floor.
“Dan,” she scolds, but it quickly turns to a giggle when he jumps on the bed beside her.
Quietly I close my door, standing alone in the dark. I imagine Tank manhandling me the same way.
My stomach tightens, and I’m not sure if it’s out of dread, nervousness, or excitement. All I know is that it feels different than anything I’ve ever experienced.