Chapter 17
Chapter
Seventeen
August 1 st
12:27 P.M.
He was going out of his mind.
Cole couldn’t concentrate, had zero appetite, and had been unable to sleep last night. All because one word kept running on a loop through his mind.
Mistake.
It taunted him, screamed at him, whispered its way through the recesses of his soul. It was always there, a constant companion, and the more he heard it the more he realized it was true.
While he’d been trying to get himself and Susanna on the same page so they could build a proper foundation, he’d forgotten one thing.
Sometimes you had to prepare the ground before laying the foundation.
A vital step.
One he’d never even thought of yesterday when he was in Susanna’s apartment. He’d been too focused on himself. What he needed. Trying to protect himself so he didn't wind up in the same position he’d been in three years ago when he broke up with his ex.
Because of that, he had once again prioritized his needs over hers.
Exactly what he’d promised he’d do—catch her when she fell—he hadn't.
He’d failed.
And it wasn't even like she had fallen, it was more like he’d shoved her over the edge.
How could he ever expect her to trust him after this?
To build the foundation he wanted, he had to first prove to her that she could trust him. So far, he hadn't done that because she wasn't yet comfortable enough to share herself with him.
Only as he thought about it, she had shared small pieces.
She’d sought comfort in him twice when she’d offered him her body, a gift he hadn't quite realized the magnitude of until this moment. She’d also shared that she believed she couldn’t give him her trust, not that she didn't want to. A small distinction, but one he thought went to the very heart of who Susanna was. Whatever had made her that way, he wanted to know, wanted to fix somehow, but if he wanted her to share her deeply buried secrets he had to prove that he really would catch her when she fell.
The only way to do that was to just be there.
Always.
Without fail.
Until his presence became as natural to her as her own.
He was an idiot to still be sitting there when she was right next door, sad and alone, probably feeling as miserable as he did. Worse, because he was the cause of her misery so there wasn't much she could do to fix it.
Jumping off his couch, Cole didn't even bother to shove his feet into a pair of shoes, he just checked to confirm the time was after eleven when she should have finished up with her first of two patients for the day and then headed into the hall. After spending a couple of hours yesterday afternoon literally staring at the camera that monitored Susanna’s front door to see if she was going to come to him, he’d had to make himself stop.
But his siblings were monitoring it, and he hadn't been told by one of them that she’d left so she had to be in there. He was going to beg her to open up, and when she did, he was going to explain every single thought process he’d had yesterday, then apologize for not getting it. If he had to, he’d get down on his knees and say he was sorry as many times as she needed to hear it.
Susanna was worth it.
His siblings were right, he’d been obsessed with Susanna from day one, he just hadn't realized why. Now he knew it was because something about her called out to him, and he wanted a chance to see if they could build something amazing that would last the rest of their lives.
Would fight for it.
Starting now.
The first knock he gave on her door went unanswered.
Not unexpected since she could probably guess it was him. She hadn't allowed any of her friends to come over, it seemed the only person she connected with very much since they came home after the car incident was Willow.
Maybe she should text his one-day sister-in-law and ask her to come and speak to Susanna, maybe at least talk her into giving him a chance to explain.
Knocking on her door again, Cole waited for any indication that she was on the other side.
“Sprinkles, it’s Cole, can you please let me in so we can talk?” he called out, uncaring if any of their other neighbors on the floor could hear him. He had nothing to hide and was willing to make a fool of himself if it came down to it, he just needed to see Susanna with his own eyes and try to explain himself. Keep trying. He wasn't giving up on this. Not when he thought that he and Susanna could be happy together if they could learn to stop letting their issues get in the way of their happiness.
There were no sounds of her moving around inside so he plowed on.
“I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean it to sound like an ultimatum, but you were right that’s what it came out as. If you could let me in, I’ll explain everything. Where I was coming from, what I really meant. I know I don’t deserve it, sprinkles, but I'd love it if you could give me another chance.”
It was a lot to ask of her, especially on top of everything that had happened to her these last two weeks.
He still couldn’t hear anything from inside Susanna’s apartment and unease prickled through him.
She should be in there, at the very least he should hear some sign of life with him standing on the other side of her door. If nothing else, she should at least want to yell at him to leave her alone or tell him no.
Not that he was taking no for an answer. Not when the stakes were this high.
“Susanna, can you at least tell me you're okay. If you're not ready to talk I’ll sit outside your door until you are, but I need to know that you're okay, that you're not hurt or sick.” She’d had a head injury, while it was unlikely it would develop severe enough side effects to have her passing out days later it wasn't impossible. There had also been no signs of infection in the wound so there shouldn’t be any reason she was too sick to answer him.
But she didn't.
Silence was all he got.
Placing his hand on the doorknob almost absently, Cole was concerned when it turned. Why would her door be unlocked when she knew there were people who wanted her dead?
She was smart and scared, a perfect combination when it came to paying attention to your safety. In everything that had happened after he’d gone to her apartment yesterday, Cole had almost forgotten the look of fear on her face when he first opened the door.
What had she been coming to tell him?
Had something happened?
How could he let anything take priority over her safety? Before he walked away, he should have at least thought of that and found out what was wrong.
“Sprinkles, your door is unlocked and I'm coming in,” he warned just in case she’d somehow forgotten to lock it after her patient left.
Again, all that met him was mocking silence, and when he opened the door fully and stepped inside the living room was empty. Susanna’s apartment was open plan, and he could see the coffee cups and a tray of cookies set out on the coffee table. The plate was full, so it didn't look like anyone had eaten any. There was an old-fashioned kettle sitting beside the stove, but when he hurried over to it, it was full, no one had used it. Likewise, the coffeemaker sitting on the counter was full.
It was like she’d prepared for a visit that had never happened.
Had she rethought going back to work?
Running through the apartment, Cole found an empty guest bedroom, an empty office, and an empty bathroom.
The master bedroom suite was his last chance, and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to find a different result.
Its door stood open at the end of the hall.
His steps slowed as he approached.
Please let her just be asleep.
Sticking his head through the doorway, he was met with a room that oozed Susanna. The walls were a pale lavender, and the quilt on the bed a darker shade of purple that matched the curtains. Her sweet lavender scent filled the room, leaving an ache in his chest because the room was as he’d expected to find it.
Empty.
Giving a quick check of the attached bathroom, he found it empty just as he’d thought it would be, then he ran back through the apartment. He hadn't brought his phone with him, and he needed to get to it, needed to find out where Susanna was and why none of his siblings had told him she’d left her apartment.
In her living room, the plate of cookies and mugs on the coffee table mocked him. She’d been expecting a client, but it was like they’d never showed up and Susanna had just … vanished.
There was every chance she’d gone out of her own free will, that she’d decided to go shopping or hit the gym or a dozen other things. But his gut was screaming at him that something was wrong.
His frantic gaze landed on a tub of ice cream on the counter. It had obviously been sitting there a while because ice cream had melted down the sides and puddled beneath it.
As he approached, he could see the ice cream had sprinkles in it and a card was sitting beside it with a picture of a cake and sprinkles on it.
Sprinkles.
His nickname for her.
Had she gotten this for him but never given it to him because of the ultimatum he’d given her?
If this was all he wound up having of Susanna, a tub of melted ice cream and a blank card, Cole would never forgive himself.
August 1 st
12:39 P.M.
Pulsing pain stabbed between her temples.
It felt like someone had hooked her up to an electrical outlet and was sporadically switching it off and on.
Susanna groaned and lifted her hands, pressing them to the sides of her head in an attempt to still the horrific pain.
An agonized moan fell from her lips.
It hurt so bad.
Bad enough that tears squeezed out the corners of her scrunched-up eyes.
What had happened?
Had she fallen and hit her head?
Had she developed an infection in her wound?
They’d been worried about the possibility since the wound had been open for so long after they were run off the road. Well, Cole had been worried about it, and she’d been careful to keep the wound clean and applied antibiotic cream regularly.
Neither of those two options felt right, but the pain slamming around inside her head made it difficult to focus enough to think.
Slow your breathing.
Focus on only one thing.
You know how to do this.
There had been plenty of times over the years she’d had to practice handling pain. One of her father’s favorite games when she was a kid was to put a spiked collar around her neck. It was attached to the wall, and the inside was a ring of small needles. Her father always put it high enough that she had to remain on her tiptoes in order to keep her skin from getting pricked, but inevitably, sooner or later, her muscles would begin to cramp, and she’d stumble, poking those thin needles into her neck.
Some days her father would leave her there for hours, laughing at her cries of pain each time she lost her balance. By the time he finally got bored and set her free, her legs would be cramping so badly it was pure agony to use them, and she’d have to drag herself along on her stomach up the stairs to her bedroom. Which, of course, her father thought was hilarious and loved watching her slow process, mocking her, and enjoying every one of her tears.
But she wasn't a little girl anymore. That small child had learned the hard way how to survive in the darkest of circumstances, and those lessons had served her well over the years. Maybe they’d kept her isolated, but they’d kept her sane.
They had to keep her sane now.
Focusing on her breathing, Susanna slowed it down. Once she’d done that, she was able to take on the raging pain in her head. While it wasn't possible to just will it out of existence it was possible to get it under control.
Had to be.
Because there was an uneasiness beneath the pain. An unsettled feeling that bordered on panic.
So, through slow breathing and relaxing her entire body, she was able to box away the pain enough that her mind began to clear.
Once it did, the fear came rushing in like a flood.
All her memories came back. Cole’s ultimatum, her decision to go back to work, waiting for Albie Roberts to arrive. Opening the door only to meet the eyes that haunted her waking and sleeping moments.
Vinny Vitoli had been in her apartment.
He’d drugged her.
Where was he?
Jerking upright, Susanna’s eyes popped open and grew wide in horror when she took in her surroundings.
This wasn't her home.
She was in a dimly lit room, maybe twenty feet by twenty feet. There were no windows and only one door. She was lying on a small single bed in a corner of the room, but there was other furniture in the room. A table and two chairs, bookshelves lining the opposite wall. There was a hole in the floor by the wall opposite the one where the door was and a shower head and faucets beside it.
It looked like …
A miniature, dark, somewhat dirty version of a home.
Like …
This was where Vinny intended for her to live.
“No,” the word croaked out of her throat with a whole lot less vigor than it roared through her head.
Stumbling to her feet, her head spun, taking her back down to her knees.
They hit the concrete floor hard, but she barely felt the pain.
Shoving back up, she staggered to the door and grabbed the handle.
Yanking on it achieved nothing.
It didn't budge.
“No,” she screamed again, louder and stronger this time.
How had this even happened?
She was supposed to be safe in her apartment. The cameras should have caught Vinny taking her out of her apartment because she sure as heck wouldn't have walked out with him on her own.
Besides, she didn't even remember leaving, which meant she’d been unconscious when he got her out of her place. There should have been no reason that Cole or his brothers wouldn't have seen him leaving with her.
Unless …
No.
Cole wouldn't do that to her.
Would he?
He’d given her an ultimatum, but surely, he wouldn't take away the protection she needed to be safe from the people who wanted her dead because of him and his family.
There was no way she could picture Cole telling his brothers to take down the cameras, or to stop monitoring them. No way. And yet … how had Vinny gotten her out without anyone noticing?
It made no sense.
Yet there she was.
Hammering on the door she called out, hoping he was close enough to hear. “Vinny? Are you there? Vinny, please. My head hurts and I don’t feel well. Whatever you gave me to knock me out isn’t reacting well with my system. Please, Vinny, come so we can talk, so you can tell me why you brought me here.”
Her pleas went unanswered, and tears of anger, frustration, and terror rolled down her cheeks. Why would he kidnap her? It didn't make any sense. It was one thing if he’d taken her to whoever he was working with or for, whoever had ordered him to rape her, but he hadn't done that. This wasn't about the people involved in the rape of Cole’s mother wanting to use her to teach the Charleston Holloway family a lesson.
This was about Vinny.
From the photos she’d seen in the house he’d been staying in, she knew he was obsessed with her, but she hadn't expected him to kidnap her.
Maybe she should have.
Maybe she should have seen what a threat he was to her, but she hadn't.
Too much had been going on with running for her life and these new feelings she had developed for Cole. Because of that distraction, she’d missed another threat, one that had snuck up on her.
Trapped.
A prisoner.
Worse, she had no idea what Vinny’s plans were for her. Was he going to rape her again? Was he going to kill her? Was he going to keep her there indefinitely until … he got bored, or his psychosis took over, and he lost control and hurt her?
It had been too long since she’d seen Vinny as a patient, so she didn't have a good read on where he was or what to expect from him. It was obvious he had devolved a lot over the last several years, but until she could see him, talk to him, she wasn't going to be able to come up with a plan.
A plan.
That’s what she needed.
Because if she couldn’t form one, she wasn't getting out of there alive.
While she’d like to believe that Cole wouldn't be so petty as to take down the cameras his brothers had put up because he knew her life was literally at stake, she couldn’t count on it. She also wouldn't have thought Cole would be the kind of man to give her an ultimatum when she’d already gone so far as to say she didn't know how to trust.
Trusting him now would be suicide.
There was every chance nobody knew she was missing and nobody cared. Sooner or later, if she stopped responding to texts or returning calls, one of her friends would look for her and realize she was gone. Maybe even Willow. The woman had quickly become a friend after their couple of interactions, and she was pretty sure that even if Cole had ordered his family to back away from her, Willow wouldn't.
Pretty sure.
But not positive.
If she allowed herself to put even an ounce of trust in anyone but herself, there was almost zero chance she would get out of this alive.
Just like always, her safety relied on herself. No one was coming for her. People didn't care about others, they just pretended that they did to make themselves feel better. You couldn’t rely on others, they wouldn't be there for you when you needed them. If you wanted to survive life you had to be your own support system.
Susanna prayed she had what it took to get herself through this.