33
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K O E N
One moment, it felt as though I had ascended to heaven. The next, I was being dragged through hell itself as every nerve in my body ignited in a searing inferno.
After the most intense orgasm of my life came a pain more excruciating than anything I had ever experienced. It wasn’t the sharp sting of battle wounds, not the gnawing ache of wolfsbane, or even silver. This was an explosion - instant, all-consuming, leaving no room for breath or thought. The high of pleasure dissolved into a storm of torment so fierce it drowned out all my senses. My vision blurred, the world dissolving into darkness as I collapsed to the floor.
It was impossible to tell how many hours I spent trapped in the confines of my mind. My senses betrayed me, leaving me adrift in nothingness. There was no light, no scent to ground me. No sound, except for my wolf’s heavy breathing.
What’s happening? My thoughts floated aimlessly as I searched for Col in the shadows of my mind. Just before the darkness had claimed me, I’d sensed something unnatural in him. His veins bulged as he thrashed and writhed in my mind, as though poison coursed through his bloodstream. And his eyes…I could have sworn they glowed, a brilliant, unnatural blue.
I called out to him, desperate for an answer. But none came. His silence pressed down on me, amplifying the chill that crept into my soul.
Then, like a lifeline, her voice broke through the suffocating silence.
“How is this even possible?” Avril’s words were laced with disbelief, the sound piercing through the darkness like a beam of light.
The sound was all I could focus on, pulling me toward it. The weight of solitude seemed lighter as her presence wrapped around me, a tether to the world I was desperate to return to. I could almost feel her essence - a faint warmth brushing against the cold emptiness that surrounded me.
“I don’t know,” another voice replied, more measured but equally uncertain. It sounded like…Vereya. “There’s no record of this happening before. I’m afraid we’ll have to wait and see.”
What are they talking about? I forced myself to push harder against the shadows holding me captive.
When I finally broke through, the brightness was blinding, searing my eyes as I squinted against the light. I blinked rapidly, trying to adjust, my chest heaving as I drew in a shaky breath. My body felt foreign, like I’d been stretched and reshaped into something I didn’t yet recognize.
“Koen.” Avril’s voice trembled with relief, and when my vision cleared, her face was the first thing I saw.
She hovered over me, her usually serene blue eyes wide with worry, her features softened by the weight of guilt. Her fingers brushed my arm, and that small touch sent a spark of warmth through me, chasing away the lingering cold.
“How are you feeling?” she asked softly, her voice fragile, as if she feared the answer.
“I…” My throat felt raw, the word rasping out. “I…feel fine. I guess?”
My gaze darted around the room as I tried to orient myself. The sterile smell and bright walls told me I was in the pack hospital. How did I end up here? Fragments of memory pieced themselves together, and my hand shot to the base of my neck.
The mark.
My fingers pressed the spot where Avril's teeth had pierced my skin. I felt the rough texture of the scar - the mark of her bite. It pulsed with her presence, the threads of the bond I had severed years ago pulled tight once more. Simply tracing the proof of her claim on me sent a shiver through my body.
But the peace it brought me was short-lived when I noticed something on my forearm.
I froze. The intricate tribal design was impossible to miss. It looked like a tattoo, but certainly didn’t feel like one. Just looking at it, I knew it was beyond removal, a part of me now, embedded in the core of my being. The black lines were not branded with ink - they were etched into my skin, more alive than simple art, more permanent than any scar.
“What…is this?” I struggled to ask, confusion making my head spin.
My gaze darted to Avril as I searched for answers, but it only caused her expression to twist, her lips pressing into a line that conveyed the deepest guilt.
“Alpha Koen,” a different female voice cut through the tension. Panicked, I turned in the direction of the sound, acknowledging the shaman’s presence for the first time. “It seems the alpha’s mark did more than just rekindle your bond. Somehow, it appears to have…transformed you.”
“ Transformed ?” My voice was barely a rasp, uncertain as I tried to deny the truth before my eyes. “How?”
“It turned us, Koen,” Col chimed in, taking me by surprise. “We’re Ashen Wolves now, just like our mate.”
My wolf’s words seemed to flip a switch inside my head, and I suddenly remembered. The bond. The fire. The mark. It all came rushing back, pieces falling into place, though the picture they formed was one I couldn’t quite comprehend.
I had so many questions. So many contradicting feelings. To prevent myself from spiralling, I focused on my counterpart instead.
Col had finally awakened, but something still wasn’t right. I could barely see him, as if he were a shadow hiding in the depths of my mind. But I could definitely sense that something was different about him.
Before I could ask him any questions, our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the pack doctor. “Alpha Koen,” she greeted, offering a curt bow of her head. “It’s a relief to see you’re awake.”
Avril stepped away from my hospital bed, giving the doctor room to work. She asked how I was feeling, performing some routine tests before removing the IV from my left arm.
“Well, you’re good to go!” she assured me, turning to Avril afterward. “Alpha.” She bowed her head in respect, excusing herself as she left the room.
Vereya was next, after letting us know not to hesitate to come to her if we needed anything else. Avril stayed with me, watching me like a hawk as I pulled myself up to get dressed. Aside from constantly reassuring that I was okay, she didn’t utter a word. Her expression was unreadable, serving only to spike my nervousness. She was holding back, and I didn’t know why.
Once I was ready to leave the hospital, I decided to address my questions at last, finally breaking the silence. “How long was I out for?” I began.
“Almost twenty-four hours,” she revealed in a low, shameful voice.
I flinched. “Wow. It didn’t feel like it?”
“What did it feel like?” she asked quietly, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.
"Honestly, it’s hard to explain," I confessed thoughtfully, trying to organize the confusion in my mind before briefly describing what I had gone through, even though I could hardly understand it myself.
She nodded silently. “Do you feel any different?”
At her question, I instinctively glanced at the new mark on my forearm, rotating it to analyze the tribal symbol. For the first time, as I filled my lungs with air, I turned my focus inward. As oxygen reached my cells, they seemed to come alive with an eerie energy. With every beat of my heart, a pulse of raw power coursed through my entire being.
Was this the power of an Ashen Wolf?
“Col says I’m like you now,” I finally answered, repeating my wolf’s exact words.
Avril lowered her gaze, and I sensed her becoming more distant. “I didn’t know this would happen,” she said, her voice trembling with guilt. “I didn’t mean…”
“I know,” I reassured her, turning to look at her. “But what does this mean? Is it true? Could I really have turned into an Ashen Wolf?”
She shrugged, drawing her shoulders in. “There’s only one way to find out,” she said, and I immediately understood. The easiest way to confirm what changes I’d undergone was to shift and test if I could use any of her kind’s abilities.
Yet, it was obvious she was apprehensive. Hell, I was, too. Even if the idea of becoming as powerful as her thrilled me, I was reluctant about the consequences. The hesitation of finding out the truth made my stomach turn.
But then, Avril’s hand found mine, stealing my focus. The jolts of electricity that surged from her contact were even stronger now. Her touch anchored me, pulling me from the storm of uncertainty swirling in my mind. When I glanced into her eyes again, they sparkled with soothing confidence.
“Whatever happens,” she said softly, her fingers tightening around mine, “we’ll face it together. You’re my mate, and that’s all that matters.”
My lips curled into a faint smile, and I brought her hand up to my lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of it as I agreed, “Together.”
But in the back of my mind, a single question lingered, unspoken but persistent:
What had I become?