34
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A V R I L
To say that claiming my mate didn’t go as expected was an understatement.
Koen’s screams shattered my euphoria, dragging me back to reality. Before I could even process what was happening, he collapsed to the floor. Desperate, I rushed to his side. When none of my attempts to wake him worked, I grabbed a robe to cover him, preparing to hurry him to the hospital. But just as I started wrapping the fabric around him, I noticed black lines creeping up his forearm, etching themselves into his skin like a magical brand.
For a moment, I froze. Everything was happening too quickly for me to comprehend the consequences of the reckless decision unraveling before my eyes. Kea jolted me out of my stunned state, urging me to take him to the pack doctor, hoping she could heal him. The hours that followed felt endless as I struggled to make sense of the situation, but no answers came.
Despite the relief I felt when Koen woke up - seemingly well, at that - it wasn’t easy to face him. As Vereya shared what little insight we had about his situation, guilt overflowed from within. Whatever transformation he was undergoing, I had caused it.
I couldn’t decide if this was a blessing or a punishment. Was it proof that Koen was destined to lead by my side all along, or was the Goddess showing me that I tainted everything I touched? Koen was inherently good, and my kind…our history was steeped in blood, our future stained just as red. If this was true - if my mark had truly turned him into an Ashen Wolf - would it change him?
I feared the shadows might consume his pure essence.
“Keep your senseless doubts to yourself!” Kea scolded, baring her teeth at me. As if I could stop her from hearing my thoughts. “This is a gift,” she said with unwavering confidence. “Not that our mate wasn’t already strong enough to be our King, but him becoming an Ashen Wolf makes everything easier. There will be no conflict within our pack, no questions to answer. He will share our powers now.” She paused briefly before repeating, as if to silence my uncertainty, “ This is a gift. ”
As she cut our connection, her words lingered, echoing in my mind. I wrestled with the weight of my doubts, trying to push away the shadows of negativity. We didn’t even fully understand how my mark had changed Koen yet. Experience had taught me to always expect the worst, but this time, I needed to find a sliver of hope - if only for him.
“Avril?” I heard Koen call me softly.
Blinking a few times, I noticed him staring at me, confused. He must have been trying to catch my attention for a while now. Then, I noticed we had already made it to the training grounds. A chill ran down my spine, but I tried my best to ignore it as I cleared my throat.
“Sorry. I zoned out for a bit.” Turning to him, I forced a smile, attempting to show him the tranquility I lacked in that moment. “Why don’t you shift, and we can go from there?”
With a nod, he stepped back. Drawing in a couple of breaths to control his own hesitation, he removed his shirt before allowing his wolf to come forth. I held my breath, unsure of what to expect.
Still, never in a thousand years could I have anticipated the scene unfolding before my eyes.
By the time Columbus stood right in front of me, I could barely recognize him. His frost-kissed, pure white coat had darkened, as if the night itself had claimed him. His new, opaque charcoal fur was nearly as dark as Kea’s. His eyes, once serene emeralds that held the quiet strength of untouched forests, now blazed neon green - alive with the untamed magic surging through him.
The wolf cocked his head, his reflection flickering in my wide eyes. As he stepped closer, I stumbled back, shaken. The creature staring back at me - was it still Col? The answer struck me like an arrow. Yes, of course it was him. I could feel it through our newly established mate bond, sense his reaction to my hesitation.
My chest tightened. Koen needed me now more than ever. I had to be strong for him.
Be a damn alpha, I urged myself. Contain your emotions. But they kept spilling over uncontrollably. Like a ruptured dam, there was no use trying to plug the cracks with my bare hands. Avoiding the inevitable collapse was impossible.
And when the torrent struck with full force, my knees buckled.
Crumpling to the floor, I buried my face in my palms. I couldn’t bear to look at the mess I’d made any longer. When the tears came, there was nothing I could do to stop them.
“I’m sorry,” I quavered, my voice trembling with guilt. “It’s my fault you’re like this. I did this to you,” I acknowledged, the tears pouring harder.
Since Koen arrived in Azure Smoke, he had longed to become as strong as an Ashen Wolf, but he never wanted to become one. He was kind, honorable, and gentle - traits my kin rarely possessed. It wasn’t in our nature. How could it be, when destiny had bound us to kill or be killed?
Now, Koen would be forced into that fate as well. Not only would he carry our burden, but he would also be at risk. If his identity were discovered, he would be hated and hunted down just like the rest of us. By becoming a target of all werewolf society, he would lose the freedom he was born with.
Even if he wasn’t found, there would come a time when war would find its way to us. At some point, it would be us against them, and aside from fighting his morals, he would have to fight for his life - one he never asked for in the first place.
A life I forced him into because I was too selfish to let him go.
As I sobbed uncontrollably, I prayed no one would walk in and see me like this. It was bad enough that Koen was here to witness my breakdown, to see me at my weakest. The fact that I couldn’t even be strong for him only deepened my shame.
Then, something cold and damp bumped my arm, and for a moment, the hurting stopped.
Inhaling a quiet breath, I lifted my face to find Col standing beside me, his large head lowered to meet my gaze. As my eyes met his, now vivid peridots, I saw they still held that quiet, reassuring tranquility that always eased my fears. I wanted to lose myself in them, just as I had on the day I first realized I loved him.
When I finally calmed down, I heard Col’s voice echo in my mind, “I can feel your guilt, mate. Please, don’t be sad for me. I’m not sad,” he reassured me as he slowly drew nearer, inviting me to touch his face.
As my fingers brushed through the soft fur on his cheek, I was awestruck. Receiving a mindlink from him, after sharing no telepathic connection with him for so long, had startled me, but it was nothing compared to the overwhelming sense of closeness I felt upon touching him. It was as though his emotions had become my own, and I could testify that his words were true.
“I understand that power comes with a price,” Koen said, his voice steady. “I won’t lie and say I would have confidently made this trade if I’d had the choice. To be honest, I don’t know what I would have done, because I never even deemed it possible in the first place.” His words were sincere, and I listened closely to every single one.
“But I won’t let you carry this burden, Avril,” he continued, firmly. “I chose to be your mate, and even now, knowing what it means, I have no regrets.” Staring deeply into Col’s eyes, my fingers resting on the side of his face, I knew it was true.
Then, his voice mixed with his wolf’s as they both told me, “You are all we want. All we need.” A warmth settled in my heart at my mate’s soothing reassurance, spreading through me as they added, “No loss could ever be greater than the gift of winning you.”
As the wound in my chest began to heal, I wrapped my arms around Col’s neck. My grasp was tight, fearing he could slip through my fingers like the shadows that constantly surrounded me. At that moment, I didn’t care about strength or weakness. Everything else seemed frivolous as I gave in to the feeling, pushing the darkness away as his words sunk in.
For worse or for better, I would always have him - he was mine, and mine only.
When the storm passed at last, and I pulled away, I couldn’t help a chuckle. Whether as a regular wolf or a mythical beast, Koen remained my anchor. Even when I should have been the one holding it together for him, he showed me his support instead.
I smiled as a thought crossed my mind. If someone told me a few months back that I, Avril Fletcher, Alpha of the Ashen Wolves, would fall in love with the mate who rejected me, I would have deemed them insane. What a funny thing destiny is , I thought to myself.
Forcing the lump in my throat down, I regained my composure and rose back to my feet. “There’s no doubt anymore. You’re an Ashen Wolf,” I admitted, more so to myself than to him. Inhaling a sharp breath, I continued, “Let’s have Vereya make you a bracelet. Then, I can teach you how to use your new powers.”
A wolfish grin spread over the gray wolf’s lips as Koen joked, “Careful, Alpha. They say the student often surpasses their master.”
Normally, I would have felt threatened. If anyone else dared say my strength could be beat, I would take it as a challenge. It was simply in my blood - a consequence of having alpha genes. Yet, when Koen said it, I could only feel pride.
“I would hope so,” I replied out loud.