Chapter 17
Seventeen
Sometime later, I’m not even sure how long, I can’t stop laughing. For no real reason, laughter is billowing out of me like a cloud of smoke.
“Well, I think you can check getting drunk off your list.” Kol holds out his hand. “Here, why don’t you give me the bottle now?”
I raise the bottle over my head, grinning. “No way! This is fun.”
He shakes his head. “Maybe so, but you’ll regret it if you drink any more than you already have, trust me.”
I guffaw. “I think you just don’t know how to have fun.”
Kol gives me a “really” look. “I’m twelve years older than you, spent over a decade in the military, and was raised by a billionaire, and you think I don’t know how to have fun?” He arches a dark eyebrow.
I burst into a fit of giggles. “I guess when you put it that way.”
He shakes his head and props up on his knees to pull the bottle away from me, but I don’t let go. Instead of him plucking it away from my hands, I go with the bottle, losing my balance and falling forward. Kol falls back onto the grass with a grunt, me on top of him, the whiskey bottle rolling out of my hand onto the grass.
He looks up at me, his gaze intense, and I feel every bit of his muscular body underneath me. Both our breathing is shallow as our eyes scour the other’s. Kol’s gaze dips to my mouth, and I can’t help but slide my tongue over my lip, wishing it was Kol’s tongue.
A low groan rumbles in his chest beneath me, and I suck in a breath. I want so badly to lower myself so that our mouths collide. He clears his throat and takes my hips in his hands, maneuvering me off of him.
I frown and straighten myself until I’m sitting on the grass again, avoiding his gaze.
“What’s wrong, Rapsody?”
Do I dare confess to him my feelings? Tell him that I think about him all the time, think about the things I imagine us doing together with our bodies?
Oh, the hell with it.
“I thought of something else I want to explore moving forward.” I keep staring at the dark water of the pond, afraid I’ll chicken out if I look directly at him.
“What’s that?”
“My sexuality. I want to know what it means to be desired, to give my body to someone else.”
Kol doesn’t say anything for a beat, and the urge to turn my head and see what he’s thinking is so strong, but I resist, afraid I’ll see either disgust or judgment.
“Um…” He clears his throat. “Does that mean you’re still a virgin? You and Alistair…”
I blink a few times, realizing he probably assumed if I was marrying Alistair, we would have. “No, we never… we just kissed. He wanted to wait until marriage.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted, too?”
I meet his gaze, and the air rushes from my lungs like a burst balloon when I see the look of possession on his face. “Not anymore. I want to live. And I think I’ll come to find that’s a big part of feeling alive.”
Kol’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, pupils growing larger by the second. “And where do you plan on finding someone to explore all of this with?” He drags his fingertip from my shoulder down to my wrist, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
“I don’t know.” My voice is breathy, barely there. “I suppose I’ll have to go looking for someone who’s willing and able. Maybe Nero?—”
Kol’s hand whips around to clutch the back of my head, weaving into my French braid. “Finish that sentence, Rapsody, and you’ll regret it.”
My nipples pucker in my bra. “Does that mean you want to help me?”
Kol growls. “You know the damn answer to that. I’ll kill anyone if they get in my way.”
He leans toward me, and his lips crash into mine, firm and insistent. I open for him, sighing in relief when his tongue crests over mine. It’s only now that I realize how desperate I’ve been to feel him like this again.
His hand tightens its grip on the back of my head, and he uses the leverage to move me where he wants. My body heats, and a moan escapes me. What I want, I don’t know, but I know I need more of whatever he’ll offer.
Kol pulls away, and I whimper. He rests his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. He doesn’t say anything for a beat, and if he pulls away again, I may just find someone else.
Seconds tick by, his eyes searching mine.
“Fuck it,” he says. “Let’s explore.”
His hands slip down to my waist, and he lifts me as if I weigh nothing at all. He hauls me over his lap, spreading his legs and setting me between them. I’m facing away from him so that my back is pressed against his firm chest.
“What… what are you doing?” My breathing is shallow.
“What you asked for. Helping you explore.” He tugs my braid to one side so it rests between my breasts and drags his tongue from the base of my neck up to my earlobe. “Let’s find out what you look like when a man makes you come, shall we?”
Anticipation twists in my abdomen, and I nod eagerly. Kol chuckles as his hands coast over the fabric of my dress, over my breasts. I can’t help but arch into his touch, wanting more. But he continues his descent until he reaches my upper thighs. He pulls the fabric of my dress up until it lays at my waist, exposing my white cotton thong.
Kol brings a hand to the waistband, trailing his fingers back and forth under the elastic. My body feels alive in anticipation, but he goes no further.
“Kol, please.”
He pushes his nose into my hair with a dark chuckle. “All good things to those who wait, sweetheart.”
“I’ve waited a lifetime.”
He tilts his hips, and the hard length of his arousal presses into me from behind. My eyes drift closed, and my head falls back onto his shoulder, offering myself for him to do what he wants.
He breathes me in as he finally pushes his hand under my panties, his fingertips trailing down to my mound. He cups it in his large hand.
“Fuck, Rapsody.” He groans. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to touch this pussy? Make it mine?”
His vulgar words do the opposite of what I would have thought they’d do—they ratchet up my arousal to a level I’ve never experienced before. My hips gyrate of their own accord.
“Ah, you like that, do you? Like me talking about your cunt and how much I crave it?”
A moan escapes my lips.
“Answer me, Rapsody.”
“Yes.”
He dips his fingers between my folds to find me wet and wanting, and he slides his finger over my clit. I buck up off his lap, my legs drawing together on instinct. Kol wraps an arm around my middle to keep me in place.
“You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart. Now bring your legs over my thighs.”
I do as he says, spreading myself wide. I’m rewarded when he spreads my arousal up over my clit and moves his fingers.
“That’s my good girl.”
“Oh, god.” I arch my back again, but his arm around my middle keeps me in place.
“Me. I’m your god, Rapsody.” Kol increases the pressure, moving his fingers in a steady rhythm, and I move one rung further up the ladder. He tucks his face into my neck and inhales deeply. “You always smell so fucking good. Drives me crazy.”
The pressure throughout my body mounts, and all my muscles feel as if they might snap.
Kol opens his mouth on my throat as though he might bite me, but instead holds himself there like a predator asserting his dominance over his prey. And god, does it do something to me, that feeling of being at his mercy, under his control. Every part of my body warms, and my limbs and lips tingle.
He increases the tempo and pressure again. I won’t last much longer, and I can’t really tell if I want to or not. This feels so, so amazing, but I can only imagine what my climax might feel like when it comes.
The sound of Kol’s slick fingers working me and the feel of the sun coming out from behind a cloud will stay with me for eternity. My brain tries to commit every single sensation to memory.
My hips move, desperate for more friction. I suck in a breath and hold it as I reach the crest of the mountain Kol led me to, and I cry out.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Come all over my hand. Give it to me. Only me.”
Air leaves my lungs in a whoosh as stars settle over my vision, and I feel as if I’m the shooting star. I have no idea if I say anything, what I’m doing with my body, nothing. All of it is secondary to the feeling of bliss when my body comes apart and slowly, slowly starts piecing itself back together.
I’ve never experienced anything like that sensation in my life. Of course, I’ve masturbated before, but I’ve only ever had the use of my own hand, and even when I finished, the results were… tepid at best.
But with Kol… I’m not sure I even have words to describe what I just felt. I didn’t know anything could ever feel that way.
He says nothing as I lean back against him, catching my breath. My inexperience puts me at a disadvantage. I don’t know what to say or do. What do people do after they fool around? Do they talk about it? Pretend it never happened? Am I supposed to reciprocate now?
Feeling a bit like a fool because I can’t answer any of those questions, I pull my dress down so I’m covered, then crawl out of Kol’s lap. When I dare to look back at him, he’s leaning back on his hands, chin up, eyes shut, and his nostrils flared. He almost looks as if he’s in pain.
“I—”
“Just give me a minute,” he rushes to say.
“Are you okay?” Did I hurt him when I came? I sort of blacked out, so I’m not really sure what I did. Maybe my head jerked back and hit his chin, or maybe I accidentally hit him in the—oh.
Oh wow.
Kol’s erection is pushing against his shorts, looking as though it might tear the fabric, and the outline… is… huge.
Not like I have anything to compare it to, but I thought the average guy was supposed to be six inches or something? I mean, I can’t see the whole thing, but there is definitely more than six inches pushing against those cargo shorts.
“Fine. I just need to get this hard-on under control.” He sounds pissed off. Maybe I am supposed to return the favor.
“Do you want me to…” I gesture toward his lap.
His eyes whip open, glaring at me. “Talking shit like that isn’t gonna help, Rapsody.”
I press my lips together. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.” My hands fidget in front of me.
“Talk about something. Anything that’ll get my mind off how badly I want to rut inside you right now.”
My cheeks heat at what I’m choosing to think of as a compliment, and I search my addled brain for anything. The first thing that comes to mind is something Nero mentioned earlier. “Nero said that today was a bad day for the Vosses. What did he mean?”
Kol sighs. “Yep, that’ll do it.”
He looks down at his lap. I can’t help but look, too, and I realize the bulge isn’t as pronounced as it was.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.” Though I really want him to trust me and open up.
He sits up straight and reaches for the whiskey bottle that’s lying on its side and somehow still has some liquid in it. He brings it to his lips and takes a generous swig before passing the bottle to me. “Today is the day my father died.”
My stomach takes a freefall off a high rise. “I’m so sorry.” I lift the bottle to my lips, cringing as the alcohol slides down my throat.
“Don’t be. He was the worst sort of human being. I was happy when he died.”
What kind of man must his father have been for him to feel that way?
I’m not sure what to say, but the raw pain in Kol’s eyes has me reaching out to take his hand. He lets me, linking our fingers together.
“It’s not that today is hard because I’m mourning my father. It just brings up all the shit from my childhood that I’d rather forget.”
I don’t know how, but some instinct tells me not to ask what he’s referring to. At least, not today. So instead, I try a different tactic.
“Well then, I guess I understand why you and your brother were on a mission to get drunk, so let’s do it,” I say with false cheer.
It seems to work though, the corner of his lips creeping up ever so slightly. “Let’s then.”
I take another swig from the bottle and pass it back to him.
An hour later, I realize why Kol tried to warn me as he holds my hair back while I throw up into the grass.