Shattered Wings

4. Illiana

It’s always a clusterfuck when Jax deploys. The week before last, the washing machine quit working. While heading into town early today, I ended up with a flat tire. When it rains, it fucking pours. I swear, my luck can’t get any worse. Blake and I got to talk to Jax before we left, and that’ll probably be the highlight of my day. At least it won’t be much longer until he gets back home. During our talks, he seems like a totally different man. It’s thrown me off a bit. He hasn’t been all distracted and disconnected, which I’m grateful for. I hope that when he returns, we’ll get to work on our relationship, like he said before he left. As long as we’re both honest with each other, I know that we can make it work. I want to make it work for myself as well as for our daughter.

So here I am, sitting at the tire shop. Blake is preoccupied with her tablet while I’m scrolling social media. TikTok didn’t do the trick, so now I’m on MyBook, seeing what my family and friends are doing. I love checking in on them. It always brings a smile to my face, knowing that they are all happy and healthy.

People you may know pops up and I see Jaxon’s profile. That’s weird. We are already friends, so it should not be showing up as people you may know. Clicking on the profile, I see that we are, in fact, not friends. What the hell is this? Taking a closer look, I see that this isn’t his regular profile at all. None of our friends and family are friends with this profile. Why would Jax have a second profile? It makes no sense at all and I’m trying not to internally freak the fuck out. Maybe someone made a fake profile with all of his information. I’ve seen it happen one too many times. So that’s a definite possibility.

The mechanic brings me out of my thoughts. “Ma’am, your car is ready. Come on up to the register and I’ll cash you out. I need to talk to you as well.” From the tone in his voice, you can tell he means business.

Taking my time to gather my thoughts, I follow the guy up to pay.

“Be careful out there. It looks like someone purposely slit your tire. The hole wasn’t huge, but if you had been going down the I10 interstate, it could have been really dangerous for you and your little lady.” Slit tire? Who the hell would have slit my tire?

“Thank you, sir. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on things. It makes no sense that someone would slit my tire.” My thoughts are going fifty miles a minute right now. Someone slit my fucking tire and my baby girl was in the car with me. Let’s not forget that Jax has another MyBook profile, too. It seems like my world is spiraling out of control today and there’s no end in sight.

Grabbing the keys off the counter, I pick up Blake and all of our belongings. Then I’m out the door. It feels like ants are crawling all over my body, the hair at my nape stands on end. Now I can’t shake the feeling that someone is watching me. I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. Who would want to hurt me, let alone an innocent child? I’ve got to be missing something here. Nothing is making sense. Deciding to forgo grocery shopping, I head in the direction of my house. Fuck being outside. I’ll get groceries delivered. Now I don’t feel safe. I feel like Blake”s safety is in jeopardy and that’s something that I cannot accept.

As I pull into the driveway, some of the tension eases from my shoulders. Usually I’d just park in the driveway, but that’s not happening now. Pressing the button for the garage, after it lifts, I pull in, parking next to Jaxon’s truck. I wish that he was home. I’d take Lach too. One of them would know what to do. I’m just at a loss right now.

Once we’re out of the car, we head into the house. The alarm is set, and we’re settled in, I pull up the app to order groceries. Blake is already sitting on the floor playing with her tablet so she’ll be occupied for a bit. Don’t forget the milk, Lia. It takes me less than five minutes to order everything that we will need for the week. Then I place my phone on the coffee table. There’s no reason to make huge meals because it’s just the two of us. MyBook, Lia. Check out MyBook. In my frazzled state, I almost forgot.

Picking my phone back up, I open the MyBook app. Clicking on the profile I found earlier, I go through everything that I already went through at the tire shop. What I’m seeing really makes no sense. Honestly, It’s confusing as fuck.

“Blake, mommy will be right back, so keep playing on your tablet for a bit. Mommy has to go into the other room for a few minutes.” She’s a good girl, so I know she’ll listen to me.

She glances up at me, “Otay Mama.” Then she goes back to her game.

The only place that I could possibly find answers is in Jaxon’s computer room. I never go in there, but right now I don’t think I really have a choice. Opening the door, I inhale deeply. It smells just like Jax, mint and spice. My heart squeezes in my chest as memories assault me. Who knows what I’m about to find. Something tells me that it’s going to rock me to my core. I don’t have a good feeling about this, whatever this is.

Pulling the chair out from under the desk, I sit down as the buttery leather caresses my skin, and then power up the computer. I’m so nervous for what I could potentially find that my hands are shaking, fuck my whole body is shaking and my teeth are literally chattering. It feels like I’m about to get caught, like a kid stuck with their hand in the candy jar. Once the computer is powered on, I click on the internet tab. For shits and grins, I check the search history first. And fuck my life; what I see has me shocked beyond belief. There’s porn site after porn site listed. There’s even multiple sites that you have to pay to use. Is this why he quit touching me like he used to? Is he addicted to porn? Is he too scared to tell me what he wants? I’d be more than willing to try any of these positions. He’s the vanilla one, not me. But what about the MyBook app? Quickly exiting out of the history browser, I type MyBook into the search bar. His profile is already logged in. Looking at it, I can already tell that this one isn’t the same as the one I saw in the mechanic shop.

Being in the military, Jaxson has had so many different email addresses through the years. Some I don’t even recall. But there is one in particular that I do remember. It’s one that he was given around the time he was in AIT after basic training. Logging out of this freaking account, I clear out his normal email and enter the one that I remember. He’s had the same password for as long as I can remember, so I put that in. If you’re up to no good and are sneaking around or doing something that you should not be doing, there’s no way in hell you’d use the same password. I guess he’s a dumbass, or he wanted to get caught, because the password works.

Immediately, messages start coming through. What the fuck is this shit? Clicking on the first one that pops up, I start reading. Most of the messages are in Spanish, so I have to use Google Translate to figure out what they say. All those years ago, when I knew that something happened when he was in Colombia, I should have listened to myself. My gut told me that he screwed around, but now the proof was staring me right in the face. I am such a freaking idiot.

Juliana: ?Vienes esta noche? Te extra?é anoche, papi. (Are you coming tonight? I missed you last night, daddy.”)

Jaxon: Joder, cari?a. Tienes mi polla tan jodidamente dura. Déjame hacer una llamada y luego estaré allí. (Fuck, baby. You”ve got my cock so fucking hard. Let me make a call and then I”ll be there.)

Pictures, fucking pictures! There’s pictures of the two of them together. WHAT THE FUCK! A sob catches in my throat. This can’t be happening to me. He’s always told me that he loved me. He swore it on the angels.

Juliana: te amo, papi. (I love you, daddy)

No…No…No…FUCKING NO! This can’t be happening.

Jaxon: Yo también te quiero, cari?a. (I love you too, baby.)

There’s more, so much more. This can’t be happening to me. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, blurring my vision, as my life spirals. I thought he loved me. I thought he fucking loved me. Oh, I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was all lies, all of it. Our whole life together has been one fucking lie. Have I been a fucking joke to him this whole time? Just as I’m about to drown in tears, another message comes through.

Christina: You’re going to have to speak to me sooner or later, Jaxon. This problem isn’t going to go away.

Problem? What problem is she talking about?

Scrolling back up through the messages, I see that Christina has been messaging him for a while now, but he hasn’t been responding. Wait, oh my fucking god. This can’t be the same Christina that he went to AIT with, could it? Looking back at the messages, I see that they’ve spent a lot of time together, too. At times when he should have been out training, he was with her. He was with her instead of being home with me and his baby. The higher up I go in the messages, the more in detail they get. He’s been screwing her behind my back for years—fucking years. I can’t believe my eyes. He’s been screwing her since they were in AIT together. It’s no wonder why she was giving me dirty looks any time I went to visit Jax. But what has me scrolling back down quickly is even more shocking. I can’t believe my eyes.

Christina: Jaxon, I’ve been trying to call you. We need to talk about this. You can’t just run away when I tell you that I’m pregnant with your baby.

Pregnant? She’s pregnant? Not only was he cheating on me but he was doing it without protection too.

Jaxon: I told you to get rid of it. I have a family that I don’t plan on abandoning. You were a fucking mistake. Get rid of the baby and forget about me, Chris.

Christina: Don’t you dare say I was a mistake, Jaxon. I wasn’t a fucking mistake. If your wife would have been giving you what you needed at home you wouldn’t have come to me. Hell, you’ve been coming to me for years. Long before she was your little precious wife. You know she can’t fuck you like I do. I’ll tell her Jax. You think I won’t destroy your fucking life? Don’t tempt me.

Jaxon: Don’t say a fucking word about my wife. We’re done! This is over. Get it through your thick skull. Talk to my wife, say a damn word to her and you’re dead. You fucking hear me? You’re fucking dead.

Christina: We’ll never be over. I’m going to be the mother of your child. Karma is a bitch, Jax. You’ve fucked with the wrong woman for far too long.

Christina: Don’t ignore me, Jax. You won’t like the consequences.

Christina: JAXON, YOU BETTER MESSAGE ME BACK!

Christina: Can you keep your little Lia safe while you’re deployed? I know where she lives, Jax. You know I do since we fucked in the same bed you share with your pretty little wife. Don’t you wonder how those blue eyes she has would look if the life was drained out of her?

Christina: You fucked up, Jax. And now you’ll pay the price.

Holy fucking shit. She’s pregnant! Jax has been cheating on me for years, and not just with her. Is she the one who slit my tire? This bitch is crazy. No, she’s more than crazy. She is fucking psychotic. Who else knew that he was cheating on me? I’m a fool. I’m such a fucking fool. My heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. The tears continue to fall. I have to keep it together for my baby girl. I can’t live like this, though. We were supposed to be together forever. What happened to us? The old Jax would have never hurt me this badly. And what am I supposed to do now? It’s not like I can pick up the phone or send him an email about what I’ve found out. I don’t want to distract him from his mission. That could end up with him dead, and I don’t want that. I’m at a loss right now. I need time to think. I need to talk to Lach. Oh my god, did Lach know? He’s been my best friend for years. If he knew and didn’t tell me, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him. Maybe he was trying to protect you, Lia. Think about that for just a minute. He’s always been here for you. That man would never intentionally hurt you.