Shattered Wings

5. Lachlan

For the past two weeks, all I’ve been able to think about is Ellie. When I sleep, my dreams are plagued by her. When she messaged me a few weeks ago about Jaxon, I didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t want to break her heart or destroy her fucking soul. By telling her everything I knew, that’s exactly what would have happened. I just can’t take part in that. One day I’ll tell her the truth, the truth about everything, but that won’t be anytime soon.

Jaxon has been one of my best friends since we went through basic together. We’ve been through a lot. I just don’t agree with what he’s done to Ellie. He doesn’t deserve her. Yeah, because you deserve her. You always have. He’s treated her like shit for a very long time. Jax started fucking Christina during AIT. I tried to talk his dumbass out of it, but he wouldn’t listen. Ben had been in his ear goading him on, fucking Ben. Jax thinks that Ben is a true friend, but I don’t think that could be further from the truth. In my opinion, Ben wants Ellie for himself. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s wanted to fuck her since they met at our basic training graduation. Maybe he saw her at his house party all those years ago. Throughout the years, I’ve seen the not-so-subtle glances that he’s thrown in her direction when Jax wasn’t looking.

Thinking back on it, I could see the heated looks. Ben was always staring at her. There was a hunger in his eyes. He was jealous as fuck, and he wanted what Jax and Ellie had. He really wanted Jax to fuck up and get caught so he could steal his girl. But Jax had his blinders on to the whole situation. Ellie has always been Jaxon’s angel, but there’s been plenty of times that I just wanted her to be mine, a lifetime if I’m being honest with myself. She almost was once upon a time. I want her to be my little butterfly, free from her cage and the shackles that she’s been too innocent to see for most of her life.

Ben was my friend too, but over time, I began to see just how poisonous he really was. I saw how he bated Jax on more than one occasion. Bated him to do shit that once upon a time he’d never even consider. But we’re battle buddies, a family, so I kept my mouth shut. That’s something that I’ve come to regret over the years.

I am just ready to get the hell home. The need to make sure that Ellie is safe is eating at me. After she told me about the messages and the slit tire, I almost flipped the fuck out on Jax, but she didn’t want him to know. This is all his own damn fault and if something happens to Ellie or Blakely, I’m liable to kill him my own damn self. I’ve known about Christina, but I had no idea that he was screwing some other chick down in Colombia. I’ve told the idiot that he needs to stop.

When we found out that Ellie was pregnant, I thought that would be a game changer for him. That was a fucking joke. He amped up his shit even more. I know this because I spent even more time with Ellie back then. Jax was always gone, telling her he had training and shit, which was a fucking lie. I should have swooped in right then and there and took what was rightfully mine. What the fuck is wrong with him? He has had this perfect girl by his side for years and what’s he done? One step at a time, day by day, he’s destroyed her, while she unknowingly sat at home, being the good little wife that she is.

Ellie and I got close when we lived in North Carolina. I’d go as far as to say that we were best friends back then, and we still are. I knew what Jax was doing at that point and I should have told her, but I couldn’t bring myself to break her heart. She’s going to hate you…too. I did have a feeling that she suspected something was going on, anyway. I’ve wanted Ellie for years. She used to be yours. You could have her back if you wanted to. All it takes is a little honesty. I wanted more than what I knew I could have. Of course, I fucking wanted more of her. The woman is pure perfection.

If Jax keeps fucking up, I’m going to steal his girl. He’ll realize his mistakes then. I’ll make damn sure of it. Umm…She’s got a tight little ass and the most perfect breasts. I’ve paid more attention than I should have over the years. What man wouldn’t want more with that sexy ass woman? She was so sweet and kind, always putting others before herself. That’s one of the things that makes her so damn special. She’s always been special, even back then. I’ll have to live with the fact that I knew what Jax was doing behind her back for the rest of my life, and I regret it. I regret not telling her. He”s getting the life that should have been meant for me. I saw her first. I loved her first, and I’d put her first if I was ever given the opportunity. Neither of them know those facts, though. And I plan on keeping it that way for as long as I can.

I wish that I could be the one to piece her back together. If Jax doesn’t get his shit together, I will take her from him. I swear I will do it if I have to.

Jax and Ellie have a beautiful little girl together. So many times I’ve wished she was mine. I might be her godfather, but I want more. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that little girl. But at this point, I don’t know if Jax will ever let Ellie go. Knowing what she knows now could change all of that. She hasn’t had a conversation with Jax, but when she does, I don’t see it going well. If it were me, I’d beat his fucking ass. I’m pretty sure she’s waiting for him to get home. She doesn’t want to cause any unnecessary stress or distractions that could get him killed.

During this deployment, I’ve seen a change in him; it’s subtle, but it’s there. Is he trying to be better, to do better? We used to tell each other everything, but he’s yet to tell me about Christina being pregnant. He probably knows that I”ll kick his fucking ass. Why the hell didn’t he wrap his dick up? Knowing Christina, she probably did the shit on purpose. She’s known about Ellie the entire time she and Jax have been messing around. I’m pretty sure that he told her he’d never leave his wife for her, either. I know that he loves Ellie in his own way, just not in the way she deserves to be loved. He’s been obsessed with Ellie since before our basic days. He’ll never let her go willingly. You would treat her like the queen she is, Lach. Shaking the thoughts of what can never be away, I get back to the task at hand.

This is the first deployment that Jax and I have been on together in a very long time. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. Shit, I’m not even supposed to be in Florida. But that’s a secret that I haven’t told anyone. I ended up there because of the two most beautiful girls in the world. Moving to Florida was all for them. It needed to happen, so I made it happen. For this deployment, they were asking for volunteers, so I figured it would be a good way to keep an eye on Jaxon. Now I regret that decision. I’d rather be back in Florida, knowing that my girls are safe.

This deployment is coming up on its six-month mark. We were all ready to get the fuck out of here. Tension is high all the way around. Being downrange isn’t always fun and games. Being special forces means something, though. We have a job to do and we’d make damn sure we got it done. There is one more high-value target that we need to deal with and then we are home free. We are so close, I can taste it.