Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
OLIVER
There’s really no reason for me to check on Shea.
When I stopped by Blade and Arrow yesterday to meet with the team, I asked about her—out of professional interest, of course—and Cole reported that Shea was fine. Home at her house in White Plains with Niall and Jade. And Leo, the resident tech expert for B and A, had been over there in the morning to set up extra security.
“She’s not going back to Texas with Niall?” I asked, certain her brother would have insisted on it.
“No,” Cole replied. “I don’t know the specifics, just that Shea is staying here. We’re coordinating surveillance at her house and escorting her to and from work. So we’ll make sure she’s safe.”
I’d been over there to discuss updates on the case—unofficially, since it’s technically a police matter. But I know they’re running their own investigation, and I’m willing to stretch the rules a bit if it means solving the case sooner. It’s not that I’m not confident in my own investigative abilities, or those of the department, but Blade and Arrow doesn’t have to follow the same rules as us. They can operate more in the gray area of legality, unlike police work, which is more black and white.
Unfortunately, neither side has much to go on yet. It’s been just about thirty-six hours since the attempted abduction, and all we have is a burned out van and some grainy footage of two unidentified men. Which is not great.
It’s especially not great when I know the women who were nearly taken.
Were Shea, Jade, and Elle specifically the targets? Was it just one of them? Or could it have been any of the women associated with Blade and Arrow? If Maya had been outside, would the men have gone for her instead?
There’s no way of knowing until we get the suspects in custody, or we find evidence linking them to a larger organization. Could the men have been sent to take the women as retribution? To punish Blade and Arrow for one of the cases they’ve handled over the years? Or was it someone carrying a sinister obsession, and Blade and Arrow had nothing to do with it at all?
It’s a damn mess. A shit ton of unanswered questions and one solid conclusion.
Until we figure this out, none of the women are truly safe.
Not my sister. None of the women who live at Blade and Arrow, who’ve all been through their own struggles and traumas. And not Shea.
That’s why I keep thinking about her. We were together for over three years. It would be strange if I wasn’t concerned.
But she’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about. Shea has the entire Blade and Arrow team looking out for her. I doubt she’d even want to hear from me.
Except.
I can’t forget how she looked at me at the Hop-less Horseman. Not at first, when she was hurting and clearly in shock, but after. How her gaze kept sliding back to me, the same way it used to whenever she was worried or nervous. She’d just give me this look, like she was trusting me to take care of her.
Her eyes weren’t filled with anger or resentment or flat indifference. No. There was something else going on, some emotion she didn’t want me to see.
Could Shea have been as unsettled by our meeting as me? Or was it just situational, and now she’s going about her life without giving me a second thought?
Shit. I’m supposed to be past this.
I’m thirty-six years old, not a lovesick teenager.
But it’s Shea.
And now that the floodgates have come down, I can’t stop thinking about her.
Or I could do something else to distract myself. Since I worked the day shift, I have the entire evening at my disposal. There are lots of things I could do. I could head to the park and play a pickup game of basketball. Check out Hollow’s Edge, the new indoor rock-climbing gym. I could even offer to babysit Clara so Cole and Maya could have some time to themselves.
As I change out of my uniform, I sort through the possibilities, but none of them holds any appeal.
In the shower, I contemplate starting any number of the home improvement projects I’ve been procrastinating on, but I come up with an excuse to delay each one of them.
Once I’m showered and changed, I make my way into the kitchen, where I end up staring into the fridge long enough to air condition the room.
Dammit.
Grabbing my phone off the counter, I text Maya.
Hey. How’s it going?
Less than a minute later, her reply appears.
Everything’s fine. Cole and I are having a movie night with Clara. Some princess movie she’s very excited about. She has a tiara to wear and everything.
A smile lifts my lips as I respond to her message.
Nice. And is Cole going to wear a tiara, too?
The three dots blink for a second.
Maybe. If I can convince him, I’ll definitely take a picture .
A pause, and then another text comes in.
Were you just texting to say hi? Not that I don’t like hearing from you, but we just talked this morning.
This time, I hesitate before answering. I could say yes, that I just wanted to make sure she’s okay. It wouldn’t be a lie. But…
Fuck it.
Before I can rethink it, I type out a quick response.
I wanted to say hi. But also, have you heard anything about Shea? Is she doing alright?
The dots blink longer this time before Maya replies.
As far as I know, she’s okay. Zane brought her to work and back. He got back from White Plains a little after five and said Shea seemed fine. Just settling in for the night.
Wait. Zane brought her to work today? It hasn’t even been forty-eight hours since Shea was hurt. Shouldn’t she be taking some time off to recuperate? And why isn’t Niall taking Shea to work if he’s there visiting?
That’s it.
Forget basketball or climbing or replacing the light fixture in the hallway.
I’m heading to White Plains to check on Shea.
This seemed like a good idea until I actually got here.
On the way over, I convinced myself there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for this impromptu visit. After all, as one of the responding officers, it only makes sense that I’d update Shea on the case in person.
Yes, Kane called her yesterday. And Niall got all the information from Cole. But no one’s spoken to her today, as far as I know. What if she has questions? Shea’s always been shy around people she doesn’t know, so she may not have felt comfortable asking Kane.
Plus, if Shea’s the same way she used to be, she wouldn’t want to say anything that would worry Niall. It’s been just the two of them ever since their parents died over a decade ago, and I remember Shea telling me how she never wanted to tell him anything concerning, too afraid he’d be distracted on a mission and end up getting killed.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I wonder how many things she didn’t tell me when we were apart? Back then, I never considered it. But now?
Dammit.
Maybe I made a mistake coming here.
As I stand on the front step of Shea’s little ranch, I wonder if it’s too late to turn around and go home. But of course it is; I can see the little doorbell camera right there, so obviously she knows I’m here. I can’t leave now.
Man. I haven’t felt this insecure about seeing a woman since… Well. The first time I approached Shea.
I’d been jogging through Turkey Run Park in McLean, not a place I usually went to, but I wanted a change of scenery. It was winter, so I wasn’t expecting to see many other people out, but all of a sudden, there she was. Sitting on a stone bench overlooking the water, all bundled up and wearing a fuzzy red hat with a little pompom at the top.
Despite the perception some people have of CIA agents being suave and confident like James Bond, I wasn’t. Maybe on the job I was, but when it came to approaching women? Not even close.
But there was just something about her. Not just how pretty she was, her cheeks all pink from the cold and her dark hair catching glints of copper and bronze in the winter sun, but she just had this… way about her.
Shea had a journal on her lap and she was just looking out at the water with a wistful look on her face. While my brain was telling me she probably wanted to be left alone, my feet didn’t want to listen. As I approached her, I was mentally preparing myself for a rejection, but instead, she invited me to join her.
And that was it. I never believed that people could just know from the moment they met, but with Shea… She changed my mind.
Or at least, until everything fell apart.
Dammit.
This isn’t good for either of us, showing up like this. Dredging up old memories. Old hurts. I’ll just give her a quick update, make up some excuse like I was meeting a colleague with the White Plains PD, and be on my way. Five minutes, no more.
“Hang on.” Shea’s voice filters through the door. “There are all these new?—”
Something metallic rattles. A deadbolt slides open. Then the door swings open to reveal a flustered Shea, cheeks pink and forehead creased with frustration. “Sorry,” she continues, puffing a loose strand of hair off her face. “Leo installed all these new locks. So it takes me five minutes just to unlock them all.”
“Well. Locks are good.”
Did I really just say that? Locks are good?
A corner of her mouth quirks up. “I suppose they are.” She stares at me for a second, tiny lines of worry forming between her eyes. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
“No.”
What is wrong with me? Somehow, I’ve transformed from a highly-trained law enforcement officer into a babbling idiot.
“No? No, everything’s not okay? Or no, nothing happened?”
Puffing out a sigh, I try again. “Sorry. Everything’s okay. Nothing happened. I just wanted to stop by to give you an update on the case.”
“Okay…” Shea takes a step back and gestures for me to come in. “But Kane called yesterday. And Niall?—”
“I know. But I was thinking probably no one called you today. So I just thought?—”
“You’d drive all the way to White Plains to tell me?”
Well. When she puts it that way… “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any questions. Concerns.”
As I shut the door behind me and latch the deadbolt, Shea snorts. “Questions, no. Concerns, yes. But unless the men are in custody, I’m not sure my concerns really matter.”
“Of course they do.” I take a moment to inspect her face, noting the bluish smudges under her eyes and the blossoming bruise on her cheek. “If you’re worried, or scared…”
Shea walks over to the couch and perches on one arm. Absently, she plucks at the fabric as she says, “I’m okay, Oll.”
But she doesn’t look okay. Not the dark circles or the bruise or the pallor of her skin. And not the way she’s fussing at the couch in that anxious way she always did when she was nervous.
I’m not saying that, though. Instead, I change the subject. “Where are Niall and Jade?”
“They went home. Their flight left first thing this morning.”
“And you—” Stop. Not my business.
Shea answers my unasked question. “Niall really wanted to get Jade back to Texas. She went through some pretty bad stuff last fall. It’s safer for her there.”
My jaw clenches. “What about what’s safe for you?”
“I have a job here, Oliver. A house. There are things—” She stops. “Anyway. Blade and Arrow set up enough security here to rival the White House. And they’re bringing me to work and back. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
Shit. Now I’m screwing this up even more. “I didn’t think you would, Shea. That’s not what I meant.”
“No. I know.” Sighing, Shea adds, “I’m a little on edge, I guess. But… Oll. Why are you here? Really? Did Maya put you up to this? Cole? Niall?”
I take a moment to glance around the room as I consider my answer. The space looks just as cozy as Shea’s apartment back in Virginia, the couch and chairs draped with handmade blankets I know her mom made. On the walls are dozens of photos, some of her parents, some of Niall in his uniform, and scattered among them, candid pictures of Shea and Jade. Dozens of books line the bookshelves on either side of the TV, with little mementos tucked among them.
Mementos from our memories. The little stuffed bear I won her at the Arlington County Fair. The replica of the Hope Diamond we bought at the Smithsonian, Shea laughing as she pretended to put it on her finger. And— oh —the framed cherry blossom back from our first spring together.
Why did she keep all of it if she didn’t want to be with me?
Why am I here when I don’t have to be?
Why haven’t I dated anyone since Shea, or even considered it?
“No one put me up to it.” As Shea looks at me with an unreadable expression, I admit, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“But.” Her delicate features crease in confusion. “I’m sure you knew. Cole would have told you. Or Maya.”
“Yes.” I cross the room to look at her bookshelves, studying the rows of books. Her collection of Stephen Kings is front and center, all hardcovers since he’s her favorite author. “Still reading these gory books, huh?”
I glance over at Shea to catch her making a little face at me. “They’re not gory, Oll. There’s violence in them, but it’s secondary to the plot. And not all of his books are like that. The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon , Elevation , and plenty of his short stories?—”
“I know.” Smiling, I add, “I just like to get you going.”
“You always did.”
And there .
As her gaze meets mine, my heart flips over. Stutters.
How could I have ever thought I was over her?
“I know what Cole said. And Maya.” Heading back towards her, I raise my eyebrows at Shea in silent question.
She glances at the couch, then back at me. “Do you want to sit down?”
“Sure.” Once I’m seated, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know they said you were okay, Shea. But it wasn’t enough. I needed to see for myself.”
“Oh.”
And in the silence that follows, my heart drops to my feet.
The back of my neck goes hot.
Now’s the point where Shea politely asks me to leave. Tells me it’s not my business anymore.
Then.
She smiles, for real this time, not like the strained one she greeted me with at the door. Then she slides off the arm of the couch and onto the cushion. “I’m glad you came.”
Turning towards her, I say, “I know I should have called. Texted. Not just shown up like this. But I couldn’t stop thinking?—”
Stop. Do not continue with that statement. Stopping by to see Shea is one thing. But saying I haven’t stopped thinking about her is verging on obsessive and strange.
“It’s been… a little weird, now that Niall and Jade aren’t here.” Her teeth dig into her full lower lip. “So… I’m glad you came by…” Trailing off, her cheeks go pink. “Not that I want you here just to be a stand-in. I just…”
“It’s fine. I get it.”
Shea opens her mouth to speak, but clamps it shut before anything comes out. The flush in her cheeks grows deeper.
It feels like we’re balanced on a tightrope, each of us at opposite ends. The wrong word, the wrong move, and we both fall, getting hurt all over again.
If I were smart, I’d leave.
I’d remind myself of how much it hurt when Shea cut me out of her life, refusing to answer my calls or even see me when I went to her, hoping to work things out.
I’d think about how shitty I felt standing at her door, flowers in hand, hearing her tell me over the intercom, “It’s over, Oliver. Just go home.”
But then I look at her, and my heart has a different idea.
It’s right on the tip of my tongue to suggest ordering something for dinner. Offer to stay for a couple of hours, just to keep Shea company.
But of course, just as I’m about to ask, her phone rings.
Shea casts an apologetic look at me. “Sorry. It’s Niall calling. I just want to make sure he got home okay. And that Jade’s feeling alright.”
“Of course.” It’s probably better this way. “I’ll head out. Let you talk to Niall.”
“Wait.” She grabs the phone and says, “Niall. Can you hang on one second?” Then she glances at me. “I won’t be long. If you want to stay…”
“It’s fine.” Standing, I take a few steps towards the door. “I don’t want you to feel rushed.”
“Oll… I don’t want you to feel like?—”
“It’s fine. Really.” Forcing a smile, I continue, “Don’t worry about it, Shea. I’m sure Niall’s worried about you and wants to talk.”
Her nose wrinkles as she holds the phone to her chest, muffling it. “He always worries.”
“That’s what brothers do.”
She jumps up from the couch and follows me over to the door. “Well. If you have to go.” A shadow moves across her gaze. “Thank you for coming over.”
I grasp the doorknob, self-preservation mode in full effect. But I pause to say, “Call me if you need anything, okay? Do you still have my number? Do you need it again?”
In a small voice, Shea replies, “I still have your number.”
“Okay.” I force another bright smile. “Lock the doors after me. Right away. Okay?”
“I will.”
As the door shuts behind me, my breath comes out in a heavy gust.
I feel deflated. Hollow. Off balance.
In the car, I turn the volume up louder than normal in an effort to drown out my thoughts. To silence the voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t have left.
But this is the smarter choice. The safer one. I checked on Shea, she’s fine?—
No. Not fine .
But she’s not my girlfriend anymore. Until the other day, we hadn’t spoken in years.
And anyway, she broke up with me.
I’m sure her offer to stay longer was only to be polite.
But.
If that’s true, then why did she look so sad when I left?