25. Amber
25
AMBER
I walked back and forth, my mind racing. Every step felt like I was getting further from where I needed to be. My palms were sweating, my chest tight, and the pit in my stomach wasn’t getting any smaller. I kept running over everything in my head—what I was going to say, how I was going to say it. But no matter how many times I thought it through, the nerves didn’t let up.
Shelby was sitting on the couch, but her eyes were on me. She wasn’t letting me lose myself in my head. She was waiting for me to stop pacing, waiting for me to just breathe. She’d been with me through everything, and I could feel the weight of her concern even though she didn’t say a word.
Mom had been quiet so far, focused on her knitting, but I knew she was watching me too. Watching and worrying. She always worried.
Finally, Shelby got up from the couch, crossing the room and placing her hands on my shoulders, stopping me mid-step. “Amber, listen to me. You’ve got this. I know you’re scared, but this isn’t just about him. It’s about you too. You’ve been carrying this for so long, and it’s time to put it down.”
I let out a shaky breath, my chest tightening again. “What if he doesn’t get it? What if he can’t forgive me?”
Her hands gripped my shoulders, pulling me back to her. I knew I couldn’t hide from this moment anymore. “He’ll understand, Amber. You’re not the same person you were all those years ago. And neither is he. If he loves you, he’ll find a way. But you have to be honest. You have to let him in.”
I shook my head, but it didn’t feel as defeated as it had before. Shelby was right, of course. But it still didn’t feel real. It felt like the ground was slipping beneath me.
Mom spoke up then, her voice quiet but full of that knowing warmth. “No matter what happens, we’ve got you, Amber. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I felt a tear slip down my cheek before I could stop it. I wiped it away quickly, though it didn’t make me feel any stronger. There was no turning back. I had to go through with this. For me, for Evan, and for the twins.
“Should one of us go with you?” Mom set her knitting down to look up at me with creases on her forehead. “It’s a shocking truth for anyone. What if he’s angry.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Mom, he’s not going to hurt me. I swear, you worry too much.” Tugging the hem of my sweater I refocused on Shelby’s calming face while I listened to the chatter of the twins filter out from their room. She let her hands drop from my shoulders, but I still saw the concern in her narrowed eyes.
“You love him, don’t you?”
Her question was one I’d asked myself a hundred times in the past three days. The answer was the same every single time. “Of course I love him. It’s why I did everything I did. It might have been the wrong way to show it, but I do love him. I only wanted him to be happy.” I swiped more tears off my cheeks. It felt like all I did all week was cry. I was so ready to be calm again.
Shelby stood in front of me. Her expression was serious as she grabbed my hand. “Amber, love finds a way. I’ve seen it. You’ve spent so much time worrying about what might go wrong. But if he loves you, he’ll work through it. Love isn’t easy, but if you both want it, you’ll make it work.”
I thought about her words. The fear didn’t go away, but something inside me shifted. Maybe she was right. Maybe it wouldn’t all fall apart.
Mom spoke then too, reminding me how wise she was. “Love isn’t perfect. It’s messy. It doesn’t always look the way you expect. But you and Evan, what you’ve shared…it’s real. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a chance.”
I let her words sink in. Real. I needed to believe that. I couldn’t hide behind my fear anymore. There was a chance, a real chance, if I allowed myself to believe in it. Evan loved the kids; I saw it in his eyes when he looked at them.
Shelby nodded. “He won’t run. If he loves you, he’ll be there. But you have to give him the chance.”
I slowly nodded back, feeling a little steadier. “I hope you’re right,” I whispered.
Shelby smiled. “I know I am. Now, let’s get you off on your dinner date.”
I sucked in a breath and blew it out. I wasn’t ready for this. My hands still trembled; my thoughts still raced. Not knowing what would happen crippled my ability to stay calm, but I slid my arms into my jacket and let Shelby shove my car keys into my hand.
“I can’t do this.” I pleaded with my eyes for someone to make this entire situation go away, but no one could.
“You’ve got this.” Shelby opened the door and I walked into the hallway. When I heard it click shut behind me, I knew I was alone in this. Or at least, this part. They’d be here for me if it went bad and I came home sad. And they’d stand beside me through any mess or battle that sprang up.
One foot in front of the other. It was the only way to walk a path, and it was what I did.
The car doors were frozen shut. I pried them open and wished I had left myself time to warm the car up. I drove across town shivering the whole way there. Traffic was light, and it took me less time than normal to make the short trip from Buffalo to Crescent Springs. I parked in front of Evan’s house and stared up at the light streaming out of his front window onto the yard. I didn’t see any movement inside, but I knew he was in there waiting.
Taking a few minutes to prepare myself and attempt to calm down, I whispered a silent prayer that things would go well. The hard part was done. Jacob had already told Evan the truth. That part was out of the way already, which meant all I had to do was accept his reaction without breaking down.
I opened the car door and climbed out. My feet crunched on some rock salt sprinkled on his driveway to prevent ice from forming. The first hints of movement in the house caught my eye, shadows on the wall revealing his presence. I shut the car and locked it, then made my way up the walk trembling.
He had to have been watching me because the door swung open right when I pressed the bell. Evan stood inside wearing a soft-looking sweater and jeans. I expected a suit, which was what he always wore, and was pleasantly surprised. He looked more handsome than normal, or maybe that was because I hadn’t seen him all week.
“Come in,” he said gruffly. I stepped inside wondering what tortures awaited me. The elephant in the room was so giant there was no avoiding it.
“Hi,” I mumbled quietly. I moved to the side so he could shut the door. As he did, he handed me a folded-up piece of paper. “What’s this?” I glanced at it and then caught his gaze again.
He said nothing. All he did was stare at me and wait, so I unfolded the paper and read the heading. It said “Buffalo Health” and under it, smaller print said “Paternity Results.”
Tears immediately welled up and I dropped the paper and covered my face. This wasn’t what I expected. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run away.