11. Cole
11
COLE
I sat outside the boardroom with my head resting on the wall behind me and my eyes closed. We'd just gone through a very intense meeting about the pending lawsuit aimed at the hospital, primarily, but they were looking for a scapegoat now. Corporate would rather tank my individual career than admit fault, and now they had a nurse willing to testify that she knew it was my mistake.
Anger didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling and I just wanted to escape. I thought of Friday night last weekend when Rose got a little drunk and did that lap dance for me. Everyone in that club was fifteen years younger than me and it made me feel a bit out of place, but when she started doing that, I was lost in her and nothing else mattered.
I lost a bit of control over myself too, getting carried away with the idea that she actually wanted me. We were both drunk and it led to incredible sex in my car, after which she passed out on my chest for a good thirty minutes before I felt sober enough to drive her home. She rattled off her address, and I walked her up to the front door. Her roommate didn't seem thrilled to see her coming home black-out drunk, but I was a perfect gentleman once I realized how drunk she was.
We'd spoken this week a few times too, and while things were slightly awkward given that we couldn't just come out and talk about the sex because we were at work, she gave no indication that she was upset with me. It was a mild relief to my heart that good things could coexist among the weeds in the garden that was my life.
"Dr. Hastings?" I heard a voice say, and I opened my eyes to see my HR rep standing next to me. I wasn't a fool. These HR people never looked out for the individual. They weren't employed by a third-party company designed to advocate for employees the way a union operated. They were employed by the hospital and its greater owners to advocate in the interest of what was best for the organization. It made me hate everything about working for such a large entity now that I was under the gun.
"Yeah," I said, and I scrubbed a hand over my face and rubbed my eyes. Then I looked over at her as she sat down in the seat next to me.
The blue pencil skirt she wore inched up above her knees as she placed her laptop on her lap and rested her hands on it. She'd been in the meeting with me and heard everything the hospital board was saying about this situation. I'd been forced to give testimony detailing the entire procedure down to trying to remember what we talked about or whether any jokes were told. I swore they paid off that nurse to say what she said, that I'd known about the patient's comorbidity and drug interactions. But none of that was on his chart until after the procedure was finished and he was in his recovery room.
"Dr. Hastings," she started, and she glanced around nervously, "I'm not here on official business from Premier Health." This was interesting. She looked nervous to be talking to me, and if she was nervous, it wasn't because I was a threat. It was because she was taking a risk.
"Then why are you here?" I was too grumpy to deal with drama or hearsay. Their throwing me under the bus was a load of shit. I didn't deserve to have my career tanked because someone in administration flaked on their responsibility and a patient was injured. The hospital didn't want the suit to come down on them, and they were finding ways to make it someone else's fault to distance them from the mistake that was clearly their responsibility to correct.
"I just wanted to tell you, I think what they're doing to you is a crock of shit." Her lips pursed and I watched her nostrils flare. Hearing that was a surprise, but it changed nothing. If I couldn’t fight them, she couldn’t either. They'd just fire her and replace her as easily as they were ousting me.
"Tell me about it," I grunted, and I laid my head back against the wall again.
"I mean, if you fight this, you could win. There is actually a paper trail indicating that someone else didn't update the patient's files the way they were supposed to." Her voice grew so quiet I almost had to strain to hear her. I turned my head and narrowed my eyes on her.
"What do you mean?" If the board was withholding information in this lawsuit that would clear me, I was going to be livid.
"I mean, they pay me to watch out for them, but I think it's disgusting. You don’t deserve what they're doing, and I think you should seek legal representation before they tell the patient that their investigation has fingered you." Her tone was so hushed now, I knew she was scared of losing her job over this. "And I think you should do it soon."
So I had the one decent human being to ever take a position as HR advocating for me for a change, but it still felt impossible. I had the money to fight this but Premier Health was a huge organization. Twin Peaks was only one of their hundreds of hospitals. They could bury this easily, pay off the patient and make it go away, but they wanted someone to take the fall instead. They weren't going down without a fight.
"Thank you for telling me that…" I closed my eyes again and sighed. there was no point in hanging her up in this. "You should go before one of the board members sees you talking to me and figures out you're on my side." I knew two of the board members personally—self-righteous jerks who'd definitely go for the jugular with her if they saw her cluing me in.
"Alright… Just… I’m sorry," she said in a rushed voice as she stood and tucked her laptop under her arm and walked away. I watched her scurry like a church mouse and sighed.
The entire thing pissed me off and I felt powerless to fight the giant. But if she thought hiring a lawyer would help, it was probably a good idea. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, but this slight tremor in my hand would tell a different story. The board would find out and that would be it. They would fire me without hesitation and leave me to defend myself. As it was, right now, the hospital's legal team was handling things, but even they weren't fighting for me. They just wanted the suit to go away.
I made it to my office and locked myself in. The lights were off, and I left them off as I sank into my desk chair and raked both hands through my hair and then down over my face. Each day that passed brought more bad news from that front and more challenges as I faced surgeries with the fear that my tremors would be noticed and pointed out, or worse, that I would make a real mistake because of them and hurt someone.
I found a clinic in Kansas City, Missouri, that would do the testing and diagnostics for me discreetly. It was outside of the Premier Health network, and my records could be sealed there and not shared with any of my insurance providers or my bosses here, but it would mean taking a short trip from work. That would only raise questions, so I'd been hesitating.
I was just torn. I knew I needed to do the right thing, but with this threat of a lawsuit looming, it felt like the right thing was the hard thing and it would destroy my career. All of the back and forth felt like it was consuming my time and energy, and I felt frustrated and distracted.
Until I thought of Rose.
Each time she crossed my mind, I paused to take a deep breath and smile. Like a ray of sunshine in the middle of a storm, she brought me peace and stability in this chaos. Thinking of the way we connected and how she made me feel capable and in control again made me desire to speak with her and be around her, and it was a small comfort I needed.
I rose and walked out of my office deciding to go in search of her. But my brooding mood went with me. I walked through the oncology ward where she typically worked, but she wasn't around. So I breezed through pediatrics, where I'd also seen her. My mood was growing worse by the minute, but I held out hope that if and when I did see her, she'd accept my invitation to join me for dinner again.
After twenty minutes of searching to no avail, I walked out to the employee break area outside and sat down, and moments later, Rose approached me. She carried a smoothie in her hand and her ponytail swung behind her.
"Hey, Cole," she said, and even though I wanted to see her and talk to her, her chipper tone grated on my bruised ego.
"Yeah," I grunted, not wanting to be grumpy with her but not knowing how to change my mood.
"Is everything okay?" she asked softly, and she sat down next to me. She smelled good and that softened my edge, but thoughts of the board meeting still burned my conscience.
"Uh, not really, but I'm just not in the mood to talk about it." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her wince and her head dropped.
"Sorry, I just thought… Uh, it's okay." Rose stood and faced me. "I'll catch you later?"
She looked hurt, and I felt guilty.
"I'm sorry, this isn't your fault. It's something I'm dealing with right now." I stood next to her, and she smiled again.
"It's okay. I understand…"
"I was just thinking how well dinner went last week and maybe you'd want to do it again?" The comfort of her presence was what I was craving. I missed having someone to come home to and talk about my day. While I didn't think I could or should open up about what was going on, at least the distraction of her sweet smile and conversation would help me get my mind off things for a while.
"I'd love that… Friday night?" she asked, and she tilted her head to the side.
"Sounds good. I really am sorry for being grumpy," I told her again, and she patted my arm.
"Go have a run. That's what I do when I'm down." Rose turned and walked away, and I wished it were Friday already. Hiding from my reality wasn't a good coping strategy, but at least it worked for a while.
Now I had to find a lawyer and figure out how to fight this giant, and I had to make a plan to get to Kansas city and get something to help with these tremors before I really did lose everything. Getting fired and being unemployable wasn't a good look, and no woman would want to date me then. Not even a powerhouse like Rose.