Chapter 24
Being in sports for my whole life, I’d never had a shortage of guy friends, at least on the surface. But nothing had the power to forge deep ties the way single fatherhood did.
Our group of single dads met nearly every Saturday. We made a collective effort to ensure we all had childcare for those few hours each week, the others often sharing a sitter. My family made themselves available to watch Danny.
Some nights we played cards or darts. Sometimes we took my boat out. Every once in a while, we hit a bar, usually for a birthday or another occasion. We frequently had sports on the TV wherever we were.
Tonight I was hosting at my house for the first time. We’d be breaking in the lakeside terrace and taking my new grill, which was admittedly big enough for a guy my size to sleep on, for a test run. If the air temperature cooled enough after sunset, we might try out the fire pit as well. I’d had the terrace built in early summer but had been waiting on the back-ordered grill before having the dads over.
Danny was staying overnight at Levi’s. My brother had picked him up midafternoon so I could get ready. I was serving ribeye steaks, grilled potatoes, and corn on the cob.
I’d told everyone to come to the backyard when they arrived. The grill was heating, and the drink cooler was full of Rusty Anchor when Chance Cordova and Luke Durham appeared at the side of the house.
“Welcome,” I called as they came down the incline toward the terrace.
“We finally get an invite to the coach’s fancy house, and we’re relegated to the backyard. Feels like my childhood,” Chance said with a big grin. He was a pretty boy who generated female attention wherever he went.
“You can go inside to use the restroom, but only if you take your shoes off first,” I joked. “Hey, Luke. What’s up?”
“How’s it going?” Luke owned a farm outside of town where he worked his ass off growing strawberries, apples, and Christmas trees.
“Good to see you,” I said. “Is your dad with Addie tonight?” His daughter was four years old and full of energy.
“As usual,” Luke said. “He might not be able to help around the farm much anymore, but he’s the best grandpa known to man.”
“Family’s everything,” I said, meaning it. “Help yourself to a beer. What’s Samantha up to tonight?” I directed the question to Chance.
“She’s grounded. I’ll be checking her location to make sure she stays home. I wouldn’t put it past her to cause trouble expressly to ruin guys’ night.”
At fourteen, Samantha Cordova was living up to the stereotype of a difficult teenager and making the rest of us appreciate the tame-in-comparison challenges of younger kids.
Ben arrived next, carrying a large thermal travel cup I’d bet was full of some kind of health elixir. Without a word, he set a bottle of top-shelf whiskey on a side table, then sat down.
“Thanks,” I said, a little puzzled. “We’ll have a glass after we eat.” He gave a two-finger salute.
I’d put chips, guacamole, and salsa on the outdoor table, along with cut veggies and dip, mostly for our resident health-nut veterinarian. We four sat around the appetizers, digging in and listening to Luke’s dad’s latest medical challenges and Chance’s experience being summoned to the middle school principal’s office on behalf of his daughter.
“Compared to her, I was a model student,” Chance said, shaking his head.
Chance and I were about the same age, but he’d moved to Dragonfly Lake as an adult, so I couldn’t attest to what kind of kid he’d been.
“Being a teenager is hard,” Luke said. “We can try all we want to be everything our kids need, but I imagine being a girl without a mother figure makes it even harder.”
“I wonder if I could hire one,” Chance joked. “Wanted: mother figure for fourteen-year-old hellion. Pay sucks. Father not interested in relationship beyond sex.”
We laughed and drank to that just as West Aldridge rounded the house and headed toward us.
“There he is,” Chance bellowed.
“Welcome to the party terrace,” I said as he approached.
“Glad you made it,” Luke said.
West didn’t look particularly happy.
“Need a beer?” I asked.
“Got anything harder?” West didn’t smile, nor did he help himself to the drink cooler.
“You okay?” Ben asked him.
“Just about didn’t make it tonight,” West said.
I was due to put the steaks on the grill now that everyone who was expected had arrived, but I stayed put, curious.
“What’s going on?” Luke asked him.
West leaned forward, elbows on knees, and blew out a heavy breath. “April moved out two nights ago.”
“Oh, shit,” Chance said.
“What happened?” Luke asked.
I stood and dug a Lunker Stout out of the cooler, knowing it was West’s preferred beer, opened it, and handed it to him.
He took it without a word and downed a third of it while we all waited to hear more. He’d met April close to a year ago. She’d moved in with West and his three little girls not long after.
“We haven’t been getting along lately,” West said. “Arguing a lot. About stupid things, big things, you name it. She got sick of it. Said we were toxic, and our relationship was doing more harm than good.”
“I’m sorry, dude,” Chance said. “That sucks.”
West shrugged. “She’s probably right. It was overdue. But my girls…”
He had six-year-old twins and a three-year-old.
Anxiety tightened in my chest before he could say more, because I knew where he was going.
“They’re heartbroken,” West said.
At their ages, those girls would bond readily with any woman West moved in, at least the first time. They’d just had a dose of the same lesson I’d learned as a kid. Same lesson my cousin Jamie had learned. Sometimes people you loved left for good. April might’ve only been there for eight or nine months, but for those little girls, that was an eternity.
“Damn,” Ben said. “That’s rough.”
West crossed his hands in front of his mouth, and his eyes watered as he tried to regain his composure.
“I’m sorry, man,” Luke said. “That’s gotta make it hurt double.”
“Quadruple,” West said. “Once for each of us. I might be more upset on my girls’ behalf than my own. Which says a lot about where our relationship was.”
“In all the years since Erin died, I’ve never introduced a woman to Sam,” Chance said. “I never want her to hurt like that again. There were times when I didn’t think we’d get through her mom’s death.”
“Yeah.” Ben nodded. His wife had also died too young.
“April loved those girls from the first time she met them,” West said. “I didn’t think it’d end up like this.”
“Maybe she’ll still want to see the girls?” Luke asked. He was coming from a unique spot among us. He and Addie’s mom were on good terms. Not romantic and never married, but cooperating when it came to parenting. Jessie was full-time military, so Luke having custody worked for both of them. But he didn’t have experience with losing a parent or a spouse.
“I don’t know if I want her seeing the girls,” West said. He sat up straighter. “Hell, I don’t know much of anything other than I hate that my daughters’ hearts hurt because I made a mistake and trusted the wrong person.”
My mouth had gone dry, and my throat was clogged with emotion. Because that was exactly one of my biggest fears with Danny. He’d already lost his biological parents. I never wanted him to experience a loss like that again.
“You didn’t know she was the wrong person,” Ben said. “You need to cut yourself some slack.”
“You’d never do anything to hurt your girls on purpose,” Luke said.
“And yet they got their hearts crushed anyway.” West shook his head. “Fuck, guys. I’m sorry to bring the party down.”
“No need to apologize,” Chance said. “We get it like no one else gets it.”
I got it so fucking much I hadn’t been able to say anything at all. I tipped my beer back and poured some of the cold liquid down my throat, barely tasting it but appreciating the coolness.
“The biggest bitch of it all?” West said. “We hadn’t even had sex for weeks.”
“Ouch,” Chance said.
“I miss sex,” Luke said.
“Who doesn’t?” Chance said with a laugh.
I felt Ben’s weighted stare on me and tried to ignore it.
“I suspect Max might not,” he said, grinning.
Everyone’s attention turned to me, and I flipped Ben the bird.
“You got a girlfriend you forgot to tell us about?” Chance asked.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” I said. “You asshole. I caught your fucking llama for you.”
“That’s what the whiskey’s for,” Ben said.
“I’m missing something,” West said, eyeing the two of us.
“Max has a secret friend,” Ben said.
“You don’t know that,” I said, not hiding my irritation.
“I do now.” He laughed. “I’ve suspected you had something going on for a couple of weeks. You just confirmed it with your reaction.”
“Asshole,” I repeated, not putting much heat behind it. He didn’t know enough to out Harper, so I’d take a little shit from these guys, and then it would pass.
“You gonna tell us about your lady friend, Dawson?” Chance asked.
“Maybe it’s not a lady,” West cracked.
“It’s a female,” I growled.
My confirmation elicited howls and hoots.
“Are we back in middle school or what?” I asked.
“Must be a reason you’re keeping things secret,” Chance said as he reached for more chips.
“It’s a fling,” I said. “Nothing serious. Just fun.” Saying that made me feel itchy. I took another swig of beer.
Everyone’s eyes remained on me, as if I was going to tell them more.
“It’s not worth talking about,” I continued. “I need to put an end to it soon.”
“So she’s just a fuck buddy?” West asked.
My gut churned as I nodded. “That’s what it’s supposed to be. I’m afraid if I let it go on much longer, one or both of us will get attached.”
“Would that really be so bad?” Luke asked.
“Did you hear West’s story?” I shot back rhetorically. “I’ve been that kid. My dad left when I was thirteen. Having a parent take off isn’t something you completely recover from.”
“What if you found the right person though?” Luke persisted. “What if you found a woman who’d stay? Be a mom to your boy?”
“How the hell do you figure out the difference?” West asked.
“Good damn question,” Chance said.
“I can’t risk it.” I shook my head, resolute.
“So you’re fine with being alone for the rest of your life?” Ben asked.
I pegged him with a half grin. “There’s a happy middle ground.”
“Sneaking around?” Luke frowned. “I’m all for a fling here and there, but I wouldn’t mind finding a wife.”
I shook my head. “We’re all here because of a loss. Loss of a spouse, loss of a relationship. Loss of Danny’s biological parents in my case. All of us. For every single one of us, shit went sideways and already affected our kids. I don’t like those odds.”
“You lost your cousin, which sucks, but Danny’s not going to remember it,” Luke pointed out.
“And Knox’s Juniper,” Chance said, referring to Knox Breckenridge, who was no longer single but often still joined us, just not tonight. “She was young enough when her mom deserted her that she probably won’t have emotional scars.”
“Danny’s old enough now he’d get hurt just like West’s girls,” I said.
“It’s a risk,” Chance said. “We all gotta decide, if we’re lucky enough to find someone we click with, whether it’s worth that risk.”
That much was true. I wouldn’t fault anyone who wanted to take the chance, but I knew when the odds weren’t in my favor.
Harper, by her own admission, wasn’t the staying type. That very fact was why we’d gotten together in the first place. She didn’t want anything serious. I didn’t want anything serious. We’d had our fun and then some. I’d be stupid to hold on much longer.
“Screw waiting till after dinner,” I said. “I’m breaking open that whiskey right now.”