Skies Over Caledonia: A Small Town Marriage of Convenience Romance (The Highlands Series Book 4)

Chapter 33

By the end of the next day, the man who had ravished me last night was gone. And yes, I’m using the word ravished in the twenty-first century because what my husband did to me the night before was nothing short of a ravishing. I ached deliciously between my thighs. Our bedroom still reeked of sex that morning, and I’d had to open the windows to air it out.

The sheets were covered in us, so I’d ripped those off the bed and put them in the laundry.

I’d done all this humming under my breath, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world, even if I was exhausted from lack of sleep. Little did I know I’d feel so differently just a few short hours later …

Waking up to Jared would have made it a perfect night, but he was already out of bed and showered by the time I’d woken because he’d switched off the alarm to let me sleep.

There was a missed call from Aria on my phone, which I intended to return as soon as I found my husband. I’d wanted to see him before I headed over to my studio. Mamma and Dad had invited us to dinner tonight, and I wanted to make sure he remembered.

Jared had already fed the chickens, so I said hello and chatted with them a little before jumping into my Wrangler. It took me twenty minutes to find Jared. He was on the field he called Caledonia Sky. Surprise shot through me as I parked behind his Defender, which was parked behind a large truck.

The foundations were being laid for the pods and were almost complete.

As I pushed through the turnstile onto the field, a figure in the distance pointed at me and then the man he was with turned to look. Jared. I waved. He hurried down the field toward me.

The closer he grew, the clearer his expression got, and he did not look happy.

Uh-oh.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“What are you doing here?” he bit out.

I flinched at his snappy question. “Why?”

He scrubbed a hand over his beard. “There’s just a lot of work going on.”

“Okay.” I didn’t understand. “Well, I’m at a safe distance if that’s what you mean?”

Jared shook his head impatiently. “What is it you need?”

Shock clamped my lips shut for a moment. After last night, I would have thought Jared would be in a great mood and, actually, kind of all over me. Instead, he could barely look me in the eye, his gaze darting around.

“We have dinner with my parents tonight. I just wanted to remind you.”

“I can’t go,” he answered before I barely finished the sentence.

Irritation zinged through me. “What happened between you three last night?”

“Nothing.” He took my elbow and tried to turn me away. “We’ll talk later.”

I ripped my elbow out of his hold. “Why are you being so weird?”

Jared glowered. “I’m not being weird. We just can’t talk here. We’ll talk back at the house.”

For some reason, panic started to rise. It made me furious. “No, we’ll talk now.”

“I’ll meet you back at the house around four. We’ll talk then.”

“Talk about what?”

“Allegra,” he blew out my name in exasperation.

“Don’t Allegra me.” Searching his face I saw only impatience. With me. “What happened between the early hours of this morning and now?”

“Nothing,” Jared gritted out, anger rising. “I just can’t talk right now with men behind me building foundations.”

“Well, I’m not waiting an entire day, anxious about your weird fucking mood, until you have time to tell me why you’re being an asshole to me this morning.”

My husband squeezed his eyes closed and sighed. Heavily. When he opened them, remorse glittered in them. But still there was hardness there. A distance. A detachment. “I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on, Jared?”

“We really can’t talk here.”

“You’re scaring me, so you’re going to get in your car and drive back to the house. Now. So we can talk.”

He gestured behind him. “I really do have to be here for this. I promise. But I will meet you?—”

“When they break for lunch.” I gestured up the hill to the men. “You will meet me at the house then.”

Jared gave a reluctant nod and I just as reluctantly got back in my Wrangler.

Jared never showed at lunchtime.

He didn’t answer my calls or texts.

There was a part of me deep down that knew. But the hopeful part of me was stronger and kept taking charge. That part kept reminding me that Jared wouldn’t have spent all night worshipping my damn body if he intended to end things.

No. My parents had clearly said something to upset him last night and he was just processing. We’d figure it out.

I was pissed at him for not showing when he said he would and for making me spend the whole day at the farmhouse, my stomach churning with anxiety.

When he didn’t show at six o’ clock, I had to call my parents and apologize for the no-show. My mother was full of annoying questions that I evaded like a champ until I could politely get off the phone.

By the time I heard Jared’s Defender come up the drive at seven thirty, I was ready to kill him.

My indignation grew like a ball of fire catching as I heard him come in through the mudroom and take off his boots. The bastard then had the audacity to walk through the kitchen into the living room where I was and say without looking at me, “I’m going to shower.”

“Where the fuck have you been?” I snapped, shooting to my feet.

Jared paused, expression annoyingly calm. “Don’t start, Allegra.”

I guffawed. “You stood me up. Twice! You ignored my calls and texts, and you think that’s okay?”

He turned to me, anger quickly blasting that stupid blank look off his face and honestly, it made me feel better. Anything was better than indifference. “I told you when you showed up that I was busy.”

“Too busy for me?” I asked, hurt.

“Allegra … a farm doesn’t wait for you. Sometimes it has to come first. You knew that when you married me.”

I ignored the pain of realizing that even after our relationship had morphed into something real, I still wasn’t his main priority. He’d said I was, but actions spoke louder than words. “So it’s okay for you to ignore me? What if there was an emergency? Did you forget all the shit that happened this summer?”

His eyes widened slightly and I realized he had. He’d forgotten. Jared swallowed hard and looked away. “It was my dad. We dealt with that. You’re safe here.”

What could have Jared so preoccupied that he’d forget that only a few weeks ago he was worried about leaving me alone? “Whatever you’re avoiding, please stop. The Jared I know wouldn’t treat me like this.”

Pain tightened his features. “Treat you like what?”

“Like I don’t matter. Like I’m a nuisance you married for money.”

At the hurt in my voice, Jared blanched. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“Then please talk to me.”

Bracing his hands on the back of the couch, Jared bowed his head. It was the posture of defeat.

Fear cut through me.

No.

No, please.

He looked up, eyes blazing. “I think we should take a break.”

The breath knocked out of me, I shook my head, unable to voice the question.

Jared answered, anyway. “I think we’ve been living in this weird bubble together and not thinking about the reality of a real relationship long term. So maybe we should just take some time to see if this life, here, together, is what we both want.”

“What?” The air whooshed out of me and I stumbled back, falling down into the armchair. “I don’t under… why?”

“We don’t fit.”

Rage-filled confusion made me growl, “Bullshit!”

The muscle in Jared’s jaw ticked. “I don’t mean … I mean, it’s possible that long term we don’t fit. Look, it became very clear last night that you and I are living in a fucking fantasy right now. We are totally different people and sooner or later, it might dawn on you that you’re actually miserable being married to a Highland farmer.” He opened his arms wide. “This is my life. I’m not going to jet-set around the world whenever you feel like it. I don’t want to.”

I was even more confused and pissed off at that stupid explanation. “Who said I did? Did my parents say something to you?”

“Only the truth. And it wasn’t just them. Allegra, you fit back into that world with ease because you were born into it. You are used to privilege, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not about money because I know you have your own. It’s about the lifestyle, which I can’t give you, and I don’t want to be the person who takes you from it. Frankly, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to live up to it. Feeling like I’m not good enough. Like the life we have isn’t good enough. So I think we both need to take some time to think about if this is what we want.”

Flying to my feet again, I rounded the couch to approach him. “Have I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough?”

“No.” Jared crossed his arms over his chest, his body language screaming back off. “But in time … it might happen. I might make you feel trapped here. And if that happens, we’ll just end up resenting each other.”

I couldn’t believe he was saying all this.

Only the day before yesterday, we’d been so happy.

Or had we?

Maybe … it was Jared who needed time to think. He did keep saying “we,” even though he only mentioned me. But maybe Jared, the perpetual bachelor, was growing bored. Maybe the party last night was just an excuse …

“Oh God.” I stepped away from him, suddenly needing distance. “Did you … did you know you felt like this when we came back here last night?” My expression was baleful.

He flinched. “Allegra?—”

“Did you know?” I yelled.

Jared looked away. “I didn’t want to … I wasn’t sure. That’s why I needed today to think it through. And I’m not saying it’s over. I’m just saying we should take a minute. A break.”

Resentment and bitterness soured my tongue. “But you made sure you thoroughly fucked me in case you decided it was over.”

His eyes flashed. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Like hell it wasn’t.” My stomach was sick as I retreated. “You …you knew and you … you used me.”

“Allegra …” Jared stepped toward me, something like panic in his expression, but I couldn’t register it. All I could see was someone I didn’t recognize. How could I have thought I loved this man when I didn’t recognize him at all?

I felt so cold, I physically trembled as I turned and blindly walked into the hall, looking for my car keys.

“Allegra, it wasn’t like that.” Jared followed me as I grabbed the keys off the sideboard. He took hold of my arm but the thought of him touching me made me lose it.

“Don’t touch me!” I shrieked. The tears that had been locked inside blurred my vision as I wrenched open the door. “You are just like every man I have ever known. Except worse. Because I was stupid enough to think you loved me when all this time I was just a convenient piece of ass. What’s worse is you standing there pretending this is all about what I want when clearly, you’re the one who wants the break.” Shoving out of the door, I stumbled toward the car.

“Allegra!” Jared followed me. “That’s not what happened! And you can’t drive in this state!”

Yanking open the driver’s door, I wiped the tears he didn’t deserve off my face and hissed, “Why not? You might get lucky and I crash. Then I’d be dead and you’d inherit all my money. It’s all you really wanted from me, anyway, right?”

“Fuck you!” His face suddenly mottled with rage and pain. “Don’t ever fucking say that!”

Jared rarely raised his voice, so for a moment, it shocked me into silence. Enough to give me a moment to breathe. To speak without fury inciting my words. “Tell me the truth, then.”

Blinking with surprise at my sudden change in tone, Jared straightened. “Truth?”

“My truth is what you’ve always known. Which makes your suggestion for taking a break completely stupid. I married you because I was desperate to stay here. In this place that I love. This place that nowhere compares to.” Fresh tears fell down my face. “So your excuse that we come from different worlds and that I’ll maybe get bored, it makes no sense. Right?”

“Fuck.” He rubbed a hand over his beard. “I … I … I don’t know.”

A tiny spark of hope lit in my chest. “My parents said something. Didn’t they?”

He nodded. “It wasn’t just them, though. It was seeing you in that world …” His expression tightened. “You didn’t just live here, Allegra. You were constantly traveling. Finding inspiration in new places. Scotland was just your home base. And what I said still counts. My life is here. The farm is here. I can’t up and leave whenever you fancy. You come from a world of parties and travel and art. I come from a world where I had to hold a knife to my dad’s fucking throat to get him to admit he was killing animals on my farm.”

“Jared—”

“There is a possibility that long term isn’t in the cards for us.” He shrugged unhappily. “We are so different. Eventually, one of us could remember that. Isn’t it better to take some time to really think about it, instead of possibly hurting each other later on?”

That hope didn’t just extinguish. It felt like my entire chest caved in on it. “I’m hurt now. Because the idea of taking a break from us kills me. The fact that you would even suggest it tells me we are in totally different places.” I brushed impatiently at my tears and climbed into my car.

Jared caught the door before I could shut it. His eyes blazed. “What you said … about last night … I wasn’t using you. I’d never use you.”

“Were you thinking of ‘taking a break’ last night?”

He swallowed hard but nodded.

That knowledge tainted everything about our night. “Then you should never have touched me. What I gave you”—my words shook—“was not yours anymore. And it was wrong that only you knew that.”

Pain shone in his eyes. “I don’t want to let go. I wasn’t using you. I’m just trying to be smart here. For us both.”

“Do you love me?” I asked bluntly.

Jared glanced away, something indiscernible working behind his eyes. “I’m not saying anything that will manipulate you. Because I need you to really think about this. For both of us,” he repeated.

I expected to feel more incredible, unbearable pain at his refusal to admit how he felt. Instead, I just felt numb. I reached out to shut the door but the gold band on my finger caught my attention. Calmly, I removed it and tossed it at his feet. “You want a break? Here it is. I’d rather get kicked out of the country than stay married to you. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” I grabbed the door out of his hand and slammed it shut.

As I spun the car around and wiped at more tears that silently leaked out of my eyes with no sign of stopping, I made the mistake of looking in my rearview.

Jared lowered to his haunches to pick up the ring. He didn’t get up. And as I drove out of sight, I’d never felt more confused by anything in my life.

Usually relationships ended with clearly defined reasons.

But I didn’t even think Jared knew why he’d suggested we break things off between us. Okay, so he’d suggested a break. But he might as well have dumped me. Suggesting a break was the same fucking thing!

It didn’t matter either way.

The end result was the same.

Because if he loved me as much as I loved him, he could never do this to me.