Chapter Forty
Serena and Wyhtt burst out of the truck before Grayson has the chance to place it in park. Child-like laughter erupts from the pair as she jumps onto Wyhtt’s back, yelling for me and Grayson to follow them. Her anticipation for the night is boiling over and I want nothing more than to run to her, but there is an invisible wall separating us.
A wall that is separating me from everyone currently around me.
Time slows as I watch hundreds of townies and tourists pour into town square. The moment I feel everything closing in, her laughter is the only thing keeping me temporarily grounded. My chest tightens as I watch them disappear into the crowd, only catching glimpses of her as she races from vendor to vendor.
Grayson’s sudden grip on my arm forces me to take a deep breath. “You are not okay.” It’s not a question, but a statement. “We need to leave. We can come back for them later,” he offers, already trying to herd me back toward the truck and away from her.
“No! No—no—” I jerk away from his grasp. “I am not leaving. I will be fine once we get there.”
Grayson scoffs. “You’re joking right? We’re basically walking into your own personal hell. A crowded bar where we will watch fucking fireworks from the patio. Wyhtt’s right, you should have told her. None, and I mean none of us should be here. How do you plan on explaining why the three of us aren’t drinking? What’s the plan here? Are we just supposed to casually tell her Wyhtt and I refuse to drink anywhere near you, and that we do it in solidarity?”
Everything around me is spinning. Grayson’s words ring true, but sound distant as I struggle to focus on what he’s saying. The world is closing in around me and sharp pain starts in my neck before racing down my chest, making it feel like my heart is going to combust. The pounding of my heart fills my ears, making it impossible to hear or focus on anything around me. Through my spiral, Serena’s face becomes less fuzzy as she reaches for my hand.
She guides me through the crowd as she’s excitedly chattering, but all I can focus on is the roaring in my ears. Forcing my eyes to stay open, I train my gaze on her hand that is still wrapped around my own. I catch a glimpse of Grayson on my left and Wyhtt on my right. Serenity is the only one truly clueless one in this situation.
We walk through the open doors of the bar, and the smell of alcohol immediately seizes my senses. My whole body reacts as the compelling urge to drain this whole goddamn bar floods my nervous system. My friends—my brothers—stand guard of my sobriety, once more herding me through the back doors to the patio.
“We made it! Anyone want a drink?” Serena asks while grabbing us one of the last remaining tables. All three of us look at her in horror before shaking our heads.
“What’s the issue? The three of you look like you’ve seen a ghost, lighten up.”
Wyhtt quickly jumps in to distract her, quickly whisking her away to the makeshift dance floor just feet from us. Grayson returns to mother hen mode, checking my raging pulse. He knows my heart rate has skyrocketed, and he’s attempting to keep me level . . . or as level as I can be right now. Irritated, I swat him away, I just need space. I watch as Wyhtt spins her on the floor. With every turn, his green eyes land on me, concern etched into his frown line before landing back on her.
“Five ‘til!” The final alert for everyone to gather for fireworks blares over the speaker. Excusing myself from Grayson, I make my way back through the crowd. Hoping to find the nearest bathroom to hide and just wait it out. I can offer her some excuse later, but for now, I just need to make it through the fucking crowd.
Panic takes over as shoulder after shoulder bumps into me and voices talk over my own thoughts. I’m not gonna make it. The countdown has started: thirty seconds turns into twenty, and twenty quickly turns to ten. The crowd yells as they continue counting: five, four, three two, one! The first boom lights up the night sky and shakes the door frame from its impact.
I go down, dragged into the depths of war I am no longer fighting.
Trying to force my mind to remember where I am, a man’s face comes into view. His words are lost on me, but the beer—the beer in his hand is all I crave. Decision made, I nod, reaching for his drink.
“I owe you one.” I say before pouring the liquid down my throat. It warms my insides, erasing any hesitation I still held.
I push my way to the bar, ordering shot after shot. Downing them with each boom that echoes from the outside. I drink until I am nothing, until I no longer feel the panic that was once there.
The crowd slowly dissipates as the show ends. Serena, Wyhtt, and Grayson come back through the patio doors to find me. Still at the bar, I raise the shot in my hand in a greeting. Wyhtt and Grayson stop in their tracks. Disappointment shines in their eyes, mixing with my own rage and guilt. But Serena . . . my sweet Serenity . . . is right next to them, shuffling up to me.
She leans in to kiss me, as if I would kiss her now. I can’t fucking kiss her now, not like this. I lean away, out of her reach. The realization I’m rejecting her in front of everyone causes her face to redden.
“What’s wrong?” Serena questions. I just smirk, knowing nothing I say will make a difference. “Seriously?” Her tone is full of accusations. “You’ve been MIA all day and now you act like this?”
“What can I say? You can just add it to the list of reasons you hate me.” I chuckle dryly. I’m purposely trying to make her mad enough to run off—to protect her from the man I truly am.
“I don’t understand,” she replies, her voice trembling.
“Understand what?” I slur. Disgust and disgrace radiates from my brothers as they stand next to her, watching everything unfold.
“What happened? What could have changed in the last few hours? You—you’re acting like you did when you left last time . . . ” her voice cracks. Here it is, my opportunity. The one way I can end this now, prey on her insecurities of the past. Of our past.
The past, it turns out, I cannot outrun.