Someday Never Came

Chapter Fifty-Nine

May 4, 2023

Dear Jensen,

You aren’t here. I came back to Phantom Shores to find an empty beach house. The silence is damning. It makes me feel as if I’m drowning; it’s as if each wave breaking on the shore is whispering secrets to me that I just can’t quite understand. As if the secrets are being swept away in the wind before they can reach my ears. I don’t know what I was expecting when I came here, but it sure as hell wasn’t a For Sale sign.

You’re selling the beach house? Your grandparents’ home? The people who raised you? The people that took you in when your parents died. This house is all they had. All that they could offer you in the end. You always said you would never sell it…what changed? If you needed money, you could have reached out. I may not have a lot, but I have enough. I could have helped.

I would have helped.

I keep expecting Wyhtt to come bouncing up the driveway, or Grayson to stride from atop the deck asking what I’m doing here. I even tried finding them, but I found nothing. How do three grown men just…disappear? I hope whatever it is you got yourself into that you’re safe. I hope you find your way home. Not to this damn house, but to me, where you have and always will belong.

If I thought that I could out-wait you, I would. If I could just sit here, I would. I would stay here if I thought you or one of the boys would show up, maybe they could lead me to wherever the hell you’re hiding. I would make you look me in the eyes one last time because I still don’t truly believe you could look me in the eyes and tell me honestly you don’t want this…that you don’t want me.

You never want to see me again, never hold me, kiss me, or let me steal your coffee. Never love me again, never see my face turn bright red when you catch me reading a smutty romance novel or sneak off for a late-night swim…

Those nights where there is nothing and no one else around but us, the night sky, and the water coursing between our bodies as your hands grip my hips and pull me close—you don’t want any of that? You never want to hear my laugh again or a snarky remark that I know makes you smile, even when you try to hide it.

If I could find you, I would make you tell me in your own words you don’t want the house, the yard, the babies, the life we whispered of…the life we handpicked under the quilts your grandma made. On all those long nights while you held me so tight, I foolishly believed you would never let me go again. That you spoke the truth when you whispered desires of our future when you thought I had already fallen asleep.

I never said a word because I never needed to hear the words from your lips in the light of day, I knew by the way you watched me, the way you touched me so gently as if you were afraid I was going to break. It wasn’t your touch that broke me though, it was you.

You.

Your lack of words, your lack of action for all these long months, and the choices you are making can’t be undone. Not this time. I wish you could feel this heartache, then maybe you would realize what you are doing to me.

Next letter in June.

With all my love,

Your Serenity