Something to Someone (Someone, Somewhere #2)

Chapter 33

THIRTY-THRE E

STANDING ALONE

Ryder

I didn’t think, I just started moving the second I realized what she was doing. She was halfway across the dance floor before I reacted, but I followed her out the antique French doors and onto the patio.

I don’t know what changed or made me want to confess my feelings in the middle of the dance floor at my best friend’s wedding. I could blame it on the alcohol or the emotions of watching Stephen and Miles exchange their vows. But neither of those reasons felt right. I think I’d finally just given up trying to hide everything I’d been feeling.

It was stupid. I knew it was, yet I did it anyway. Not that I could have stopped it.

A few people were huddled around cocktail tables strategically placed at the edge of the fountain and under the lights strung from tree to tree. I lost sight of Caroline for a moment but caught a glimpse of her blonde hair as she turned the corner around a hedge, heading deeper into the garden.

My dress shoes, that I should have broken in before today, clicked across the stone patio. Once I rounded the shrubs and I was ou t of sight of the other guests, I broke into a jog. The freaking garden was like a goddamn maze. Plants and flowers lined grassy trails that occasionally broke off into alcoves that held more fountains or benches or large, old trees.

It was a guessing game. Somewhere between her turning the corner and me turning the same corner, I’d lost her. But I was determined. Taking left and right turns and feigning confidence, I refused to quit.

Finally, breathing hard and cursing my damn shoes, I found her on one of those benches staring up at a tree that looked like it was twice as old as my grandfather. My initial reaction was to start spewing my feelings. I wanted to get them all out before she had a chance to run away again. But I knew that wouldn’t go over well.

Instead, I kept my steps light and crossed to the metal bench. I slipped down beside her, but didn’t look at her. My eyes were fixed on the tree in front of us. Its trunk was still strong yet worn from years of battling the elements, and its branches, that rose several feet in the air then dropped lower toward the ground, were thick with leaves and a few small purple flowers.

I considered it a small win when she didn’t sprint away.

I made it a point to leave space between us. Almost a foot between her thigh and mine, yet it somehow felt like miles.

I’d never felt silence so heavy. Even with the sounds of the reception raging behind us and the odd wind rustling the leaves, it felt like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest and with every breath, I hoped and prayed she would let me in.

“I’m sorry,” I began quietly. “That wasn’t the time or place for that.”

She didn’t answer, so I continued, bracing for her reaction. “But it’s the truth, Caroline.”

“It’s your truth,” she said, and I chanced a look her direction. Under the moonlight, her eyes were shiny with what couldn’t be unshed tears. Caroline didn’t cry. Ever.

But the thought made my heart leap into a rhythm I didn’t know i f my body could sustain. Especially when I spotted the ring she was fidgeting with in her lap.

Still staring at the tree, she blinked and then slowly turned her head toward me.

“If you’re saying you don’t agree, I’m not surprised,” I said.

I felt her scoff like a knife to my gut. When she stood, I also wanted to cry, but she paced to the tree and turned with her arms crossed over her chest.

“What do you want from me, Ryder? I’ve been clear from the start—I can’t give you a relationship. And you said you would take whatever you could get. I knew this was a horrible idea, but I can’t think straight around you.”

By the time she was done, she was almost yelling, which might have made me second-guess my actions if it had been anyone else. But not with Caroline. I was just happy she was showing emotion, that her mask was slipping.

“If you can’t think straight around me, don’t you think that’s a good sign there’s more here than what we’ve been doing?”

My legs bounced beneath me, and I was dying to get up and cross to her.

“Oh my god, you’re infuriating!” she exclaimed with a frustrated groan. “Why can’t you just take no for an answer? Why can’t you just drop it? You will find someone else, Ryder. Probably someone your own age who wants the white-picket-fence dream you’re craving.”

With that statement, I was out of my seat, unable to contain the energy and my frustration with the beautiful woman before me. “Who the fuck said I want that? Now you’re putting words in my mouth, and that’s not fair.”

“Then tell me, Ryder. Enlighten me. If I’m so wrong, what do you want?”

“You!” I bellowed, but I wasn’t worried about who was listening. I wanted to fight for her, for us. Everyone else be damned. “I want you. Yes, I said that I would take whatever you offered, and I would play by your rules. But between that night in you r pool and right now, things changed. I crave you, Caroline. You’re all I think about, all I want. Yes, I thought you were just my teenage fantasy, but you became my everything.”

“Ryder.” My name was barely above a whisper, but it was enough to make me close the space between us. She didn’t drop her arms when I stopped in front of her, but I didn’t care. I reached up and brushed her hair over her shoulders and grasped her neck, using my hold to position her defiant eyes on mine.

“Let me in, baby. I don’t understand why, but I know you’re scared. And you don’t have to be. Don’t you want to be something to someone? Something to me?”

A flicker of emotion stirred behind her eyes. It was a moment. One single second among the billions we get to live, and it would be the one I would hang onto forever. I’d replay it over and over again to justify every sliver of hope she would decidedly shatter in the next.

“No.” One second, one word, one shattered heart.

She said it so forcefully, so firmly that I took a step back. My hands fell to my sides, but she stood her ground. A force against any feeling. Arms still crossed over her chest, her breathing was even.

I knew what was coming, but I didn’t want to believe it.

“I’ve been something to someone before,” she said, her voice eerily calm. “And I won’t do it again.”

“So, that’s it then?”

She nodded once, and I felt like my world was collapsing.

“I’m not going to give up on you, Caroline. I’ll give you space to figure it out, but I can’t walk away. You’re going to have to be the one to do it.”

It took a few seconds, but eventually she took one step then another. I didn’t move, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw her stop just behind me. My heart stuttered when I thought she might have changed her mind, but the sinking in my stomach felt never-ending when her steps continued.

And I just stood there and stared at the tree where Caroline had stood.