Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
BE PATIENT
Ryder
I could have stood there forever. I didn’t plan on moving until my phone vibrated just a second after Caroline walked away. I barely felt it the first time, and the second it almost pierced my mental fog. Finally, the third time, I retrieved it from my pocket and numbly looked down at it.
Miles: Hey, man, where’d you run off to? Need best man help.
Fuck. There was still a wedding reception happening in the distance, and I had to be there. I had to put on a happy face and pretend like the only woman I’d ever loved hadn’t just ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it.
Taking a breath, I typed a quick response to Miles letting him know I would be back in a second and shoved my phone back in my pocket. I tried to slip back into that carefree, happy Ryder everyone expected when I walked back in there, but I couldn’t find him. There was just…nothing.
Turning, I cursed once again at my sore feet and th e stupid dress shoes and walked back into the garden and toward the house. I took a sharp right and made it halfway down the trail before I stopped in my tracks.
Standing in the middle of the walkway was Caroline. Suddenly, I realized her footsteps hadn’t disappeared out of earshot, she’d stopped.
“What—” I began to say, but that was all I could get out. She had her back to me and was staring up at the moon that was high in the sky.
I didn’t have a second to think up something else to say before she spun around. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn’t move. She looked so beautiful yet defeated under the moonlight.
With her arms crossed over her chest, she shook her head as her eyes landed on me.
“Fuck, Ryder. I made it this far,” she said, and I didn’t miss the way her voice shook. “I only made it this far, and I couldn’t keep going. I walked away, but I couldn’t keep going. What—what have you done to me? I’m not supposed to, I’m not?—”
Hearing the pain in her voice, I couldn’t stand idly by. In a few steps, I was in front of her, but she raised her hands and pushed against my chest.
“No, don’t,” she warned, her voice angry. “You did this. I was fine. I was happy , then you came along and blew up my life. This is why relationships are bad. They never work. Someone always gets hurt. You did this . Are you happy?”
Unshed tears shined in her eyes as they bounced between my own. I didn’t know if she expected an answer, but it felt like a rhetorical question. I hadn’t meant to blow up her life as she claimed I had. I’d just wanted her.
“Now, I don’t know how to live without you, but I also don’t know if I can give you what you want either. I don’t think I can?—”
She fought me for a second, but I won. I pushed her arms aside and wrapped mine around her. A quiet sob broke from her lips, and she dropped her head against my chest. My heart broke all over again hearing the sadness and frustration in her voice.
I smoothed my hand over her hair and the other down her back as she stuttered out a broken breath and clenched her fists against my jacket. I peppered the top of her head with kisses and held her as tightly as I could as if that would keep her from walking away again.
Several minutes passed, and I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. I couldn’t tell if our fight was about to pick back up or if it was the second chance I wanted. I was never going to stop fighting for her, but I didn’t expect to turn the corner and find her standing there.
I knew there was something more to it. Her words minutes before all but confirmed it— “I’ve been something to someone before, and I won’t do it again.” But I was still in the dark, and until I knew what was going on inside her pretty little head, we couldn’t overcome it.
Several minutes passed, and she picked up her head. The tears slowing, she wiped at her eyes and took a shaky breath.
“Is my mascara running?” she asked, and I couldn’t help the startled laugh that jumped from my lips. Clasping her cheeks, I tilted her head higher and appraised her beautiful face.
“Actually, it’s not. And you’re a very pretty crier.”
She wiped under her eyes and the beginnings of a smile tilted her lips for a moment before it vanished. Her chin started to wobble again, and I rubbed my thumbs against her cheeks, quietly, but not dismissively, shushing her.
“All I’ve wanted for the past few months is for you to show some emotion or tell me how you’re feeling, but now that you are, I don’t like it one fucking bit.”
Another humorless chuckle, another deep breath, and she straightened, squaring her shoulders and seeming more herself.
“I’m also not a fan,” she said quietly. “Umm…look, I want to keep talking, and I know we need to. But we both have to go back in there, and I can’t do it right this second. ”
I nodded my agreement and smoothed my hands down her arms. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”
“I just need to get through this weekend. With the brunch and everything tomorrow, and the reception still going on, I need to be focused on that. Miles and Stephen deserve a wedding coordinator who isn’t distracted.”
“I understand,” I said, and I couldn’t help the dejection in my voice. The last thing I wanted to do was let her walk away again without finding a solution. But she was right—Stephen and Miles deserved their perfect weekend.
Her shaking hands clasped my cheeks, and I brought my eyes back to hers. The anger had ebbed, but there was still so much more emotion behind the gray than I’d ever seen before.
“I’m not…I’m not walking away again. At least not until we can have another conversation,” she said like she knew I needed to hear that. “Just please be patient with me.”
I nodded and tried to tamp down the urge to do everything I could to fix it all immediately.
“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll try my best to be patient.”
“Thank you.”
“I really want to kiss you right now,” I admitted quickly. I needed that connection with her. I needed to feel her lips on mine and remind her how good and right it felt. If she was thinking about giving it all up, I needed to remind her why she shouldn’t while she was still in front of me.
She licked her lips and glanced at my own. “I would really like that.” Her response surprised me, but I didn’t question it. I leaned forward and placed a soft, chaste kiss on her tear-dampened lips.
And I just hoped it wasn’t our last.