Space for Growth (Spire Station #3)

Chapter 36

36

A muttered curse and the sensation of something vibrating against my chest stir me awake. My eyelids flutter open and it takes me a moment to realize the source. A soft, adorable fuzzball is nestled right above my heart, purring in contentment.

Hadrell’s breathtaking face appears above mine, their brow furrowed in concern. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

“S’okay,” I murmur groggily, cupping Leilit against me as I roll over onto my side so she won’t slide off or get crushed under me.

My lovely seladin slides back into bed next to me, reaching out to place a hand atop mine cradling Leilit. “Val needed to take care of some business with Tari, so she dropped Leilit off. I was going to put her in her bed, but she kept sighing and looking at you with those tiny, pathetic eyes, so I brought her over.”

I bring both the tiny flesstra and our joined hands up to my lips, pressing a kiss to Leilit’s head, then one to the back of Hadrell’s hand. “I’m happy she’s here with us. Maybe I’m a bad pet parent, but I don’t mind her sleeping in the bed if you don’t.”

They smile indulgently at me. “No, not at all. Though we’ll need to get her accustomed to sleeping in her own bed too, for the times I need you all to myself.”

My stomach dips, and my sleep-addled mind finally catches up with what happened earlier. “God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep like that.”

When I palm my face with a groan, my beard is soft and clean rather than the mess I expected. They must’ve cleaned me up while I was passed out. The idea is simultaneously heartwarming and embarrassing. Also, more than a little arousing.

Hadrell chuckles. “I’ve never made someone pass out from fucking them, so once I was sure you were asleep rather than in distress, it was a pretty big ego boost.” They wink at me, then bring a hand up to cup my cheek. “Though I missed thoroughly taking care of you afterwards, so next time I’ll know not to torture you for quite so long.”

Some of the embarrassment eases, but in its place comes curiosity. “What kind of care do you mean? It seems like you cleaned me up, which I’m very grateful for.” Waking up to dried cum in my pubic hair is not my idea of a good time.

“That depends on what you’d enjoy. We did a bit of aftercare when we were practicing, but I didn’t want to do anything too affectionate in case I was misreading your interest as more than lust.”

I smile at him, scooting in closer so I can press a lazy kiss to his mouth. Leilit’s purr grows into a loud rumble as she’s nestled between our bodies, like she’s in heaven being snuggled by the pair of us.

“What are my options?” I ask, truly unsure what kind of care they could provide.

“Hmm, other than cuddling, I’m a fan of pampering. I can’t draw you a bath on the ship, but I can clean you off, brush your hair, massage any soreness in your muscles, and get you something to eat and drink.”

I blink back at Hadrell in surprise. The concept of someone putting so much effort into making me feel good after they fucked me the way I wanted them to doesn’t make sense. “Oh, I don’t need any of that.”

The saelit on their brow draws together slightly. “You don’t need that, or you don’t want that?”

“I…” The question makes my throat grow tight. “You already do so much, I couldn’t… I’ll be fine.”

His frown deepens. “I want my partner to be more than ‘fine’, Paul. You being a plaything for me to use for my pleasure is a gift. A very enjoyable one for both of us, but a gift all the same. I want to treasure and honor that gift, not take it for granted. Just like I have no plans on taking your affection for granted. I want to care for you. I crave it. It will bring me as much pleasure as bending you to my will.”

“Oh.” Holy shit. How are they real? “Okay.”

“You’d do the same if we ever wanted to reverse our roles, yes?”

“Of course!” I don’t even have to think before I respond. “Is that…uh, is reversing our roles something you’d like?” I ask hesitantly, unsure if I’d be good at dominating them, but intrigued by the idea.

They take a moment to think. “It usually requires too much vulnerability for me, so I haven’t tried it more than a few times.” A slow smile spreads to their lips. “With you, though? Absolutely.”

A vision of pumping into Hadrell from behind as I tangle their hair in my hand has my cock swelling under the blanket they’d tucked around my hips. “Okay,” I croak.

They let out a rumbling laugh at my reaction.

I flush. “Sex has never been this… robust or nuanced for me. But I’d try anything with you, if you thought it could be fun.”

“Yet another reason I’m inclined to keep you around,” Hadrell says with a smirk, and I roll my eyes, but my chest expands at the thought of staying.

Could I stay? Leave behind my life and be with Hadrell, here on this ship, adventuring across the galaxy? I hadn’t let myself consider it before now. This entire time I’ve been focused on helping so that we can go back to Spire without dire consequences for Hadrell and their crew.

They kiss me, nipping at my lower lip as they pull away. “I want to keep you, l’thran .”

“I want you to keep me,” I admit. My heart rises in my throat and I’m barely able to get my question out as more than a hoarse whisper. “How would that work?”

“How do you want it to work?” they ask back, and for once I wish they’d be less considerate and demand something from me. Tell me they want me here in their bed forever. Tell me there’s no fucking way they’re taking me back to Spire and leaving me there.

I give them a weak smile. “I… I need to think about it, I guess. Figure some things out.” Internally, I’m screaming at myself for not declaring that I’m staying and they’re just going to have to figure out how to make that work for them.

Hadrell’s tender expression flickers, but is quickly replaced by a forced smile. “Of course. ”

“Hadrell, I?—”

Their comm buzzes on the table next to us. “ Esh’et , that’s probably my contact that’s doing the decryption.”

“Take the call,” I say, stomach sinking at the reminder that getting that information is one step closer to me going back home. A home I’m not even sure I want anymore.

I stare at my comm, fingers numb as I type out a reply to the hacker I hired to decrypt the source of the job request

Hadrell: Are you certain there are no other possibilities? If you need more resources to confirm, I’ll get them.

PX: More resources won’t change what the data says. You’re lucky I was able to untangle it at all—whoever gave this to you would’ve been counting on it being impossible.

Vash-ka. If they say that’s the case, they’re right. PX is the best hacker I’ve ever encountered and has access to all kinds of black market tech most wouldn’t even know exists.

Hadrell: Thank you for confirming. That’s all I need for now.

PX: You know how to contact me if you need anything else in the future. But I’m charging double if you bring me another job like this.

Hadrell: Fair enough.

I close the message and stare down at my comm screen with unseeing eyes.

The anger and shock of this new information doesn’t hit like a betrayal normally would. There’s no rage, no need to scream and call for bloody vengeance. There’s only a slice of my heart carved out and put on a plate to be shoved in my face as proof that trust will only ever end in pain.

“Everything okay?” Paul asks from the other side of the partition I’d stepped behind to take the comm.

I open my mouth to lie and tell him it’s alright, but when he peeks around and looks at me, concern etched on his handsome face, any ability to bluster my way past my pain shatters.

“No.” The word comes out in a whisper. I clear my throat. “No, it’s not.”

“Shit.” Paul reaches out and pulls me from behind the partition, tugging me against his chest and wrapping his arms around me. He doesn’t ask what’s so upsetting, he just holds me. Which is good because right now I feel like I could break and he’s the only thing preventing that from happening.

“You know how you said I could trust my crew?” I ask in a strained croak when the knowledge of the betrayal becomes too much for me to bear on my own.

Paul’s breath catches in a small gasp, and he pulls back to look up into my eyes in horror. “Oh god, was it one of them? I really thought I was right. I’m so sorry.”

“You were. It wasn’t them.” I give Paul a reassuring squeeze. “You’re very good at reading people. Makes me wish I’d included you more in the conversations about this whole mess from the beginning. ”

Paul’s thick brows knit together. “If it wasn’t the crew…” He winces, eyes widening again. “You don’t think it was me, do you? Because I swear on Gigi’s and Leilit’s lives I would never do anything to betray you and also don’t have the skills needed to pull off some convoluted entrapment scheme.”

He’s so earnest that it startles a laugh from me, despite how upset I am right now. “On both your imaginary pet and your real one? Wow, that’s even better than a handshake promise.”

He scowls at me. “I’m serious! I would never , Hadrell.”

I may be skeptical and untrusting, but if I’m going to have faith in anything in this universe, my soul tells me it should be the word of this wonderful human.

I reach up and smooth away the line between his brows with my thumb. “I know, l’thran . Though I appreciate a good declaration of loyalty.”

As soon as I speak the words aloud, there’s an ache in my chest from the fresh wound. I thought I had that kind of loyalty from my friend, but it’s clear now that he’s been playing me for a fool.

“It’s Frea’set. The person I took the job from. The whole thing was a fabrication. There was no secretive client or shadowy enemy. Just the friend I’ve had since I left Sela 2, setting me up.”

“Oh god, what?” Paul’s mouth hangs open. “That can’t be… Why would he do that?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “I wish I knew. Your guess is as good as mine. Or better, probably. Everything I thought I knew was apparently wrong.”

“Fuck, Hadrell, I’m so sorry. That’s devastating. Are they sure it was him?”

“Yes. The person I hired to help is the best there is. They said the comm request for the job originated from the same source it was received at. It pinged across the galaxy through multiple proxy servers and encryption protocols. So many layers of concealment that it should’ve been impossible to determine. Frea’set was confident in that, otherwise I doubt he’d have risked sending me the data.”

Esh’et , I looked him in the eyes and asked him about this. He told me he didn’t know. He seemed so confused. I told him I was worried about kidnapping Paul and he reassured me. Turns out he was playing me for a fool, despite my best efforts to read him.

Paul nods, his stricken expression morphing into indignant anger. “What a fucking bastard. I don’t care why he did this. There’s no reason in the universe to betray your friend like that. Dammit, you and your whole crew could’ve died fleeing Spire. Or when the remote pulse went off and tried to take the defenses down!”

There’s something oddly comforting about Paul being furious, given I can’t work up the rage myself. I could kiss him for caring so deeply on my behalf.

“I love you, Paul,” I whisper.

“Huh?” He stops his angry tirade and blinks up at me.

“Thank you for caring so much.” I stroke a hand across his bearded cheek, the knowledge that I have him on my side helping to staunch the wound of Frea’set’s actions.

Paul’s eyes soften. “How could I not care? I love you.”

Any of the discomfort and tension there was between us when we were discussing what the future holds for us melts away in my mind. Whatever Paul wants to do, I’ll find a way to make it work. I’m not letting him go, even if it means selling my ship and settling down on Spire. Maybe this fa-shar nonsense with Frea’set is a sign it’s time to change.

“What’s that look for?” Paul asks, narrowing his eyes at me a little.

“Oh nothing. Just thinking about what comes next.”