Chapter 37
37
I steel myself as I enter the mess and join my crew, who have gathered for a meal and meeting at my request. Paul gives me a surreptitious pat on my back for reassurance before moving to sit at the open spot on the other end of the table.
Everyone’s eyes land on me as I sit, and the conversation falls away to silence, like they can sense I’m about to share big news. Did Tari end up telling people about the attack on the ship’s defenses?
“Thanks for coming, everyone,” I say with a calm smile that certainly doesn’t reflect the emotions roiling inside me. “I need to address something serious that affects the entire crew, so if you could please?—”
“If this is about me mating with Bret’u, I already told you it wouldn’t be an issue! We’ve discussed it and figured out an arrangement that works and it’s none of your fa-shar business who I love,” Rema huffs, interrupting me.
“That isn’t what—”. My mouth drops open in surprise as her words register. “You love zir?” I notice that she’s clutching Bret’u’s hand and ze has zir arm wrapped around Rema’s back in a protective, possessive hold.
“Well, yeah. Otherwise, why in the void would I have accepted being zir mate? I’m not as reckless as you think. I care about this crew and I wouldn’t endanger us by casually sleeping with Bret’u. Again, not that it’s any of your business. If you want to worry about anyone, look at Tari and Val!”
Val’s eyes all widen in shock. “What do you mean? We’re not doing anything improper.”
Tari runs a hand across the affronted vuloi’s forearm. “Not yet.”
“Tari!” she sputters, but she looks pleased at the mechanic’s words. “We… I… It won’t be an issue, captain. Tari and I have amicably resolved our quarrel.”
“Is that why she’s grabbing your thigh and you’re releasing arousal pheromones?” Yaz asks, cocking his head at Val.
“Don’t smell her pheromones, pervert,” Tari snaps, glaring at Yaz, who looks bewildered at her accusation.
“It’s impossible for me to not detect them. Just as I can scent Bret’u’s fresh seed on Rema’s skin. And the faint remnants of Paul and Hadrell on each other.”
Everyone stares at Yaz, whose antennae droop and wings flutter behind them in confusion. “Was this meeting not meant to discuss the various bondings between crew members? I must admit that it’s been fascinating to see these pairs develop. I hope that someday we’ll add a member to the crew who triggers my mating instincts. Though if that happens, I’d need many cycles of leave for the accompanying breeding period, which could prove inconvenient.”
This is the first time I’ve heard Yaz mention a desire to find a partner. Despite his measured tone, there’s a hint of longing in the trill of his voice that takes me by surprise. It must be difficult for him to be surrounded by couples pairing up.
“Don’t worry about the leave,” I say. “If the rest of us are allowed to be this messy with our relationships, the least you deserve is the proper time to, uh, breed.”
“Can we go back to where Yaz said you and Paul were fucking?” Tari asks, eyes darting between me and Paul, who is turning a dark red under his beard. A strange gleam fills her eyes, like she’s imagining us having sex.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Paul squeaks.
“Enough.” I bark, cutting anyone who is about to speak off. “Paul and I are together. I doubt that’s a surprise to anyone, but we’re in love and, no, I will not go into the details of our sex life.”
“I bet it’s good though, needing to ‘not be disturbed for the rest of the cycle’, right?” Rema says, winking at Paul.
I growl at her and she chuckles, leaning against Bret’u. “Alright, so why are we gathered together if it’s not to discuss our relationships?”
Any amusement I felt at the crew’s antics evaporates with the reminder of what I called this meeting for.
“The hacker got back to me about who the job request came from.” I clear my throat as all eyes fall on me, expectant. “It was Frea’set.”
Rema explodes out of her chair, knocking over her bowl of porridge. “What?! I’ll kill him. That fa-shar coward! I knew he was a prick when I dumped him, but this? Setting us up?” Her eyes narrow at me. “I told you, Hadrell! I warned you he’d changed, and you didn’t listen.”
Her accusation hurts more than Frea’set’s betrayal, but she’s right. I chalked Rema’s criticisms up to the normal vitriol that comes with a nasty breakup, and didn’t take her concerns seriously. She’d said we shouldn’t work with him as much, but I didn’t want to choose one friend over the other.
“I know,” I sigh. “I’m sorry. I should’ve listened to you.”
Her rage sputters a bit and she grimaces. “It’s not your fault. Esh’et , you don’t need to apologize. You’re not the one who screwed us over.”
My stomach twists. “No, but the safety of the crew is my responsibility. It’s my job to assess risks, and I was blinded to this one.”
“Then maybe you should let us help with the assessments going forward instead of shouldering all the responsibility,” Bret’u says evenly, gesturing for zir mate to sit back down. “One person can’t be expected to see every angle of a situation. It’s a miracle that we haven’t run into issues like this before, given our line of work.”
“I…” This isn’t the first time Bret’u has accused me of not letting others help me. Void, the whole crew has been telling me in their own ways that I need to rely on them more. Paul pointed it out when we barely knew each other, but I didn’t want to hear it.
I meet Paul’s gaze across the table and he gives me a small smile and a nod. Telling me silently that it’s okay. That I don’t have to shoulder everything on my own. That I can trust these people who have been by my side for ages, waiting for me to break through my stubborn bravado and come to that realization on my own.
“You’re right.”
Bret’u blinks like ze didn’t hear me correctly. “I am?”
“Yes. You are. From now on, I won’t make these kinds of decisions on my own. We can’t run everything by a committee, but for big decisions, we’ll come to a consensus together.”
Yaz’s antennae flick with interest. “That is the correct course of action, Captain. I am cut off from many social cues due to other species’ lack of pheromonal signals, but you and the rest of the crew have shown me that there is no shame in relying on the assistance of trusted friends to bridge the gap. In return, I am able to provide insights that others may miss by being distracted by those same social cues.” He looks around the table and his mouth sets into a determined line. “Our differences strengthen us as a whole, and you would be remiss to ignore that tactical advantage.”
My throat grows tight at his matter-of-fact statement. I’ve prided myself on my ability to take care of everything on my own. After my family tried to tell me I’d fail and didn’t have faith in me, I was on a mission to prove them wrong. To show everyone in no uncertain terms that I could handle anything that came my way. Realizing that mindset isn’t serving me or the people I care about is more than a little humbling.
“Alright, well, now that we’ve decided that,” I say, clearing my throat. “What are your thoughts on how to approach the setup?”
“Easy,” Rema says with a sharp grin. “We go to where he lives and kill him.”
“I adore your fiery spirit, mate. However, I don’t believe that’s the right course of action.” A hint of a smile curves Bret’u’s lips as ze looks at Rema. “Killing him won’t fix anything.”
“Yeah, but it’ll make me feel a lot better,” Rema grumbles, and Bret’u chuckles, squeezing her hip affectionately.
“We still have the cargo he had us liberate from customs. Could we return it to him somehow and tip the Consortium off to its whereabouts?” Val asks.
“That’s a great idea,” Tari says, and Val lights up. “ Though… that won’t exonerate us from the crime we were conned into doing. The Consortium will still shoot us on sight if we return to Spire.”
“Forgive me if this sounds naive,” Paul interjects hesitantly. “Would it be possible to inform the Consortium that you were deceived? I know stealing whatever you did was a crime, but could there be a way to twist that information to work in your favor? You stole ration bars so that they’d get to people who desperately needed them before they starved. Or at least that’s what you thought you were doing… Do you know if that’s what you really stole? Have you checked them?”
Bret’u nods. “Yes, I did a chemical analysis on a random sampling of the bars. Their composition is odd, lacking some of the nutrients you’d expect from these types of rations. But even after sampling them myself, and studying Yaz, Val, and Rema after they consumed some of the rations, there were no side effects or harmful reactions to them.”
My mouth falls open, aghast. “You never said anything about eating them!”
Ze shrugs. “I said I was conducting a comprehensive study. What did you think that meant?”
“ Vash-ka , you’re lucky you’re alright. They could’ve been poisoned. Or drugged.”
Paul clears his throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but it wasn’t comprehensive. No humans or ankite partook in the study.”
“You’re correct,” Bret’u sighs. “I didn’t have any ankite at my disposal, and wasn’t sure how Hadrell would feel about you taking part in the test, so I didn’t factor in human or ankite reactions. Would you be amenable to trying some?”
I scowl at the shikzeth. “No, he would not be amenable!”
“I can speak for myself,” Paul grumbles. “Will you be able to aid me if I have an adverse reaction? ”
“Most likely, yes. However, my medical knowledge of human biochemistry is not as robust as other species, so I cannot one-hundred percent guarantee your safety.”
“Then you shouldn’t eat it!” I protest. “It doesn’t matter what’s in the bars. That won’t help us solve this issue with Frea’set or remove the bounty on our ship.”on
My handsome human’s jaw sets. “We need all the information available to us in order to find a solution, and I can’t believe that the Consortium would want to blast your ship apart for stealing a dozen crates of shitty rations.” He turns to Bret’u. “Let’s go test it out now so we can figure things out one way or another. I can ask K'thi for their help as well, if you’re more confident about taking care of an ankite subject.”
My heart leaps into my throat. “What? No, Paul, it’s too dangerous.”
“You don’t get to decide what risk is acceptable to me,” Paul retorts, rolling his eyes at me. “Besides, you said you’d let everyone contribute to major decisions. This is me contributing, l’thran .”
Rema’s eyes go as wide as mine at hearing Paul use that endearment in front of the others. She turns and gives me a gleeful look, and I sigh, running a hand over my face. “Fine. But if you get hurt, I… well, I don’t know what I’ll do, but no one will like it!” I let out an impotent huff.
Paul stands and rounds the table to my side, bending down to kiss my cheek. “We’ll be back soon. Keep brainstorming.”
I look up at him, gripping the edge of the table as he leaves with Bret’u, so I won’t get up and grab him to keep him here with me.
“ L’thran ?” Rema asks with an amused chuckle. “You both have got it bad.”
I snort at her teasing. “And you and Bret’u don’t? ”
She smiles wider. “He’s good for you. As much as I want to murder Frea’set, at least his fa-shar actions brought you Paul.”
My chest tightens. It’s true. No matter what we end up doing and how angry I am, my traitor of a friend accidentally gave me the greatest gift in the universe. I can’t wait to rub it in his smug, lying face.