Speak Easy to Me

Chapter 8

Ifucked up. I fucked up big time. Lottie was pissed at me. I couldn’t blame her. She had every right to be as mad at me as she was. I was an asshole, and I had no excuse. I wanted to tell her the truth so many times. I was just a coward. I knew if I told her the truth she would never want to see or talk to me again and being the selfish bastard I am, I couldn’t risk that.

I had decided I was going to come clean with her and let the pieces fall as they may. Now, I’ll never get that chance because that bastard Cameron beat me to it. I might have had a chance to explain myself if Lottie had heard it from my mouth, not pulling the rug from underneath her in a very crowded public space.

I have no idea how Cameron knew I would be here tonight. It wasn’t a secret, obviously, but it wasn’t public knowledge. I’d have to let Simon know so he can figure out who’s blabbing. I keep my circle small and tight. I’ve seen what can happen if you let too many people in. People cannot be trusted, especially when it comes to money and bootlegging brings in a lot of money.

I started making my way back to the lobby a safe distance behind Lottie and Cameron. She was so hurt. I couldn’t stand the way she looked at me. It was pure and utter betrayal in her eyes. Hurt and anger were there too, but it was the betrayal that flared brightest in her eyes as she looked at me. I would give anything to take that away. I have been shot, stabbed, beaten, someone even tried to drown me one time, none of that compares to the pain I felt the moment I saw that look in Lottie’s eyes.

From the look on Brooke’s face as I approached her, I knew I was looking worse for the wear. I was debating on whether I should go clean up in the bathroom or walk around with defeat clearly written on my face. My mind was made for me as I saw Cameron enter the men’s room. My feet started leading me before my brain could stop them. “Go find our seats.” I snapped at Brooke.

It was going to take everything in me not to cold cock him the second I got close enough. He didn’t notice me right away as I entered. He looked up in the mirror as he wet a towel at the sink. “Come back for more, Holden?” He said as if I hadn’t just stood there as he hit me the first time. He was either too stupid or too proud to conclude that I never raised my hands up in defense. I’d allowed him to hit me square in the jaw. Something I wouldn’t be doing again.

“If I was, you wouldn’t be standing upright right now.” I spewed with as much hate as I could muster, quelling the dragon of fury inside. He just smiled in the mirror as he started wiping his lip with the wetted towel.

“Whatever you say, lover boy.” He was checking to make sure he’d wiped all the blood away. “I knew you were going to try to pull some bullshit, but going after my fiancée, tsk tsk, not a good look for you, Romeo.”

He tossed the towel into the laundry basket. “Not sure what you were going to accomplish with that, but she will be my wife and she will be pregnant with my baby soon enough.” His baby. I could barely stand the thought of him putting his hands on her. Her being pregnant with his baby was unimaginable.

“I guess I should thank you for breaking her in for me. I do want to have fun on my wedding night and virgins usually aren’t too fun.” He was just goading me now. Wanting a reaction, I didn’t give him one.

I felt I had already betrayed her enough with the quip about Cameron tasting me on their wedding night. I didn’t want to further violate her, even if she wasn’t present to hear what I said. “You don’t deserve her.” Neither one of us did. She was too good for us, as much as it pained me to admit and lump myself together with Cameron about something.

Cameron left me in the bathroom feeling defeated. I’m a fixer. I fix problems for my boss without feelings or regrets. The people I deal with are bad men. There has never been a man who hasn’t deserved what I dished out. People fear me, with good reason. Yet here I was not having a clue on how to fix this situation with Lottie. I couldn’t just go kill Cameron and drag Lottie away by her hair like some caveman, although the idea was starting to sound pretty good, not to mention, the most logical way to right things.

I grabbed a towel and cleaned my face off the best I could without really caring all too much how I looked. Walking around with blood on my face would help perpetuate the idea people had of me. I walked a fine line between the upper crust of the Chicago elite and the dirty underbelly of corruption and criminality that was peppering the city. The two recently started overlapping.

I tossed my towel on top of Cameron’s in the laundry basket. That should give the laundry service something to talk about. Violence started to run a little too rampant on the streets of Chicago lately and we were all told to cool it for a while until the heat was gone. We were only to do necessary jobs and nothing more.

Brooke was still standing in the lobby when I made my way out of the bathroom. She knew not to ask any questions. That was about the only good thing about her. That and she was an occasional decent fuck. I hadn’t touched her since my run-ins with Lottie and I had no plans to change that any time soon. Brooke had been a means to an end, but after having Lottie, I knew no one else could compare to the way she made me feel. I would just end up feeling disappointed with anyone else.

Brooke looked meek as she said, “I wanted to wait for you before sitting down.” I just nodded and kept walking. I was over her and her desperate desire to make this thing between us into more than it was. She threw herself at me at every opportunity and it was starting to wear on my nerves.

As we took our seats, I scanned the room. Lottie was hard to miss in her light pink silk and lace dress that hugged every delicious curve of her body. Her long, curly brown hair was a contrast to most of the women’s short bobs. I watched as she and Cameron got cozy in their seats. I could have sworn I saw Lottie looking at me as we sat down, but she never even glanced in my direction the rest of the night.

The conductor raised his baton starting the hour and a half long concert. I couldn’t take my eyes off Lottie the whole concert. It had been that way since the moment I laid my eyes on her. My plan had been to seduce her and ruin things with her and Cameron. It was going around that Cameron would get disinherited if he didn’t clean up his act and settle down. His father had given him an ultimatum; marry whomever he chooses or be cut off, nothing in between.

Nathaniel had found out that his estranged cousin was set to marry Cameron and we set our plan up. Nathaniel and I both disliked Cameron for different reasons. For Nathaniel, Cameron was someone his father held above him, after his brother Thomas. Nathaniel wasn’t second in line in his father’s eyes, he was third. With Cameron out of the way Nathaniel could take over his role in Lon’s business.

My issues with Cameron stemmed from something a little deeper than that. Cameron’s father was my ultimate enemy, and by default, Cameron was now, too. My father was a chronic gambler. He owed some bad people a lot of money and he didn’t have it. It would have gone unnoticed for the most part, but Cameron’s father turned my father in, therefore, bringing attention to his debts. He was killed by loan sharks when I was 14.

Despite his flaws, my father was basically a good man; generous when he was able to be, kind, gentle. He was the only person I had left in the world. My younger brother died when he was 5 years old, and I was 8. My mother then died a few years later. I had my whole world torn apart in six years’ time.

Cameron’s father’s legacy is his biggest source of pride. I wanted to strip him of that pride in any way I could. I had to bide my time in order to figure out the best way to strike and do the most damage. My plan had been to seduce Lottie, have Cameron catch us in the act and Cameron would end things. I can be a heartless bastard when I need to be and some woman I didn’t know was the least of my concerns. Besides, she was desperate enough to marry Cameron, sight unseen, it wouldn’t really matter if she didn’t marry him.

I was going to do some surveillance when I learned she was in town. Nathaniel had been able to get a schedule to me of where she was going to be the day she went shopping with Russel in tow. Russel was Cameron’s number one enforcer. He was one of the scariest men I had ever had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting. He never talked and would just hang out on the fringes of meetings and gatherings, observing everyone and everything.

I was surprised when I first saw Lottie. She was plumper than I thought she would be. I never was one to judge anyone on their body, but I knew Cameron was shallow and he wouldn’t be pleased that Lottie didn’t look like she stepped off the cover of Flapper magazine.

She was talking to Russel like he wasn’t the most terrifying person she had ever encountered. Lottie also was making Marco laugh. I realized then that Lottie may be more than the poor country bumpkin everyone thought she was.

I was planning on just following her for an hour or two. The time flew by and before I knew it, I was four hours into this surveillance, not able to take my eyes off her. She was shopping, but not looking like she was enjoying herself, except when she would talk to Russel, which was starting to get on my nerves.

It was hour six into this shopping spree when I had finally seen her eyes light up. She was holding this beautiful dress and went to try it on. She looked absolutely stunning when she emerged. Her smile was beaming making her eyes sparkle. I was outside, observing through the giant window in the front of the store. Russel said something that made her smile drop immediately. She went back and changed into her own clothes and handed the dress to her attendant. The attendant placed the dress back where Lottie had gotten it.

Russel is one of only a few men that I am intimidated by, which I would never admit out loud. I know my own limitations and going up against Russel would not be good for my health. Although, in that moment, him taking away her happiness made me not care how much bigger or stronger Russel was, I was more than ready to take him on. I should have taken that as a hint to stop what I was doing immediately, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I stupidly decided that I needed to get close to her that day. I wanted to be in her orbit if only for a minute. I ceased the opportunity when Russel went in the back of the hat store with the saleswoman. I had no plan going in. I watched as Lottie went back to the hat she had stared at when she had entered the shop. I went to it too.

When our hands touched as we both went for the hat, my heart almost beat out of my chest. Her hands were surprisingly calloused while being soft and smooth at the same time. Her sheepish smile when she looked at me almost had me fall to my knees. She was absolutely breathtaking. The sounds of Russel and the saleswoman returning to the front of the store was enough of a distraction to allow me to exit.

I should have phoned Nathaniel and told him right then and there that the plan was off. I was out. This woman had cast such a spell on me in the short amount of time I had been around her, most of it was from a distance. Her not being with Cameron was more than just a simple plan now, I truly didn’t want her with him for my own selfish reasons.

Nathaniel called later that night to inform me that he would be coming to Le Mier with Lottie. I should have taken that opportunity to tell him then that I didn’t want anything to do with her. The gentlemanly thing to do was stop this before it became anything more. Too bad I’m not a gentleman.

Nathaniel cleared his throat once he reached the bar, letting me know he was there with his cousin. My back was to them as I fixed a drink, but I glanced up at the mirror sneaking in a glance at Lottie. I noticed she was starting at my ass. I smiled at the thought of her starting at other sections of my body in the same vicinity. I turned around fully knowing she wouldn’t be able to look away in time.

The look of embarrassment that colored her pale cheeks made her that much more enduring. Her soft brown eyes eventually made their way up to mine. I had her full attention and I was more than happy to keep it. I never felt this way before.

I purposely never dated anyone. If I was with a woman, she would know my intentions before anything happened. I was not husband material. My line of work wouldn’t make me a good boyfriend or husband for anyone, let alone someone I could care about. All I had to worry about was myself and I liked it that way.

There were a few women who tried to change my mind over the years. Brooke was the latest one attempting to change me because she believed she was special and different from any other woman I had in my life. That was simply not the truth. She was exactly the same type of woman I’d let in my life from time to time. There was nothing special or unique about the way Brooke would throw herself at me. There was nothing special or unique about the way she would fuck me the few times we did get together. She was a version of a woman she thought I would want.

Brooke’s arm brushing mine brought me out of my thoughts. I looked across the theater and saw Lottie all cozy with Cameron and my stomach sank. I had to close my eyes and breath slowly through my nose to prevent my dinner from making an appearance. Seeing her with him, knowing he didn’t care about her, hurt something down in my core. If she wasn’t going to be with me, I’d rather her be with someone who cared about her, even the slightest bit. Cameron had shown his true colors of only wanting Lottie as breeding stock for his father’s approval.

I would give Lottie a week to be mad at me. After that week, I would do whatever I could to make sure she knows the truth about me and Cameron. I would confess everything. Whatever she wants to know, I’ll divulge. I just need to figure out how to live until then because right now, feeling like this, dying would be easier to handle.