Chapter 12
The last week had been fairly uneventful. After my run in with Emmett I hadn’t seen or heard from him again. I was having an inner conflict with whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. I haven’t yet decided.
I have been going to dance lessons every day. Elsa is amazing and plays off when my two left feet make an appearance. I forget all that is going on when I walk through her studio doors.
I had flowers from Cameron waiting for me when I arrived home from my first dance lesson. There was a note attached apologizing for our “misunderstanding” as he put it. He knew he messed up and he knew my threat of cutting off his body parts was valid. Cameron has been a perfect gentleman ever since. He is going out of town with Uncle Lon for business for a few days now so I’ll get a little bit of a reprieve from both him and Uncle Lon.
I’m on my way to my second partner dance lesson. Elsa believes, no matter how delusional she is, that I have advanced enough to need a partner. Tripping on my own feet isn’t enough, I should change it up and trip over someone else’s feet.
Charles, my dance partner, is 25, no wife or kids. He works at a local factory and has always wanted to take dance lessons, but had been too afraid to. Elsa had seen him and thought he would be a perfect dance partner for me. His tall stature and strong build would compliment me while dancing. She was right. We fit together like a glove. It didn’t hurt that he had no clue what he was doing as well. We both walked off the dance floor limping more than a time or two.
I have gotten very comfortable with taking the trolleybus and navigating the city on my own. I leave early to walk the streets before they get so crowded it makes them hard to navigate. I also take time after my lessons to visit new shops I hadn’t been to before. Immersing myself in city life seems to have helped take some of the stress off my shoulders.
I made it into the studio with a few minutes to spare. Elsa was already there, getting the studio set up. Yesterday we had learned the basics of the waltz. I was excited to see what we would be learning next. Just because I wasn’t good at dancing, didn’t mean I didn’t like do it.
“Good morning, Elsa.” I greeted her happily. My new routine had me feeling like a new person. Like I had some semblance of control in my life.
Elsa stopped what she was doing and turned to me, “Good morning, Lottie. How was the city this morning?” This had become our daily conversation starter. I would tell Elsa what I had seen in the city that morning and what shops I had been to the previous night. She would give me tips and tricks on where I should go next, her favorite spots and hidden gems that no one else knew about.
I described the people I had seen; some new and some I had seen every morning since starting my dance lessons. “The sunrise was extra beautiful this morning,” I told her as I remembered how it was displaying a vibrant orange haze as the sun emerged from its slumber. The cold air making the oxygen I breathed in slightly burn as it entered my nose. There was a feeling of being alive today that I couldn’t quite describe, not correctly anyway. “It’s going to be a good day.” I told her with a bright smile on my face.
There was a smile until the door to the studio opened. I turned, expecting to see Charles, but to my utter horror, it was Emmett. My brain felt like it was malfunctioning. I had finally lost it and gone mad. There was no way on God’s green earth that the man who just walked through the door to my dance lesson was Emmett. I kept blinking as if this was a mirage I was seeing, and I just needed to clear my vision to see properly. All the blinking in the world wasn’t going to change who I was staring at.
The foxlike smile on his face confirmed he knew exactly what I was thinking. He seemed to throw Elsa off as well. She turned to him and stumbled over her words. “Hello, sir. May I help you?” She was just as perplexed as I was.
He said from the doorway, “Charles couldn’t make it this morning. He is incredibly sorry about that. I told him I would come in his place. I’m Emmett, by the way,” He smiled at Elsa, using his charm so she wouldn’t ask any questions. “If that is alright with you?” He said to her and then turned his attention to me, “And you, ma’am.” His smile grew bigger. Emmett knew I wouldn’t say anything. It would bring up too many questions that I did not want to answer.
I was sure there was steam coming out of my ears from how hot my anger was in that moment. The one safe space I had that was fully mine where no one else in my life would interfere. I weighed the risk of picking up the phonograph to hurl at him. I didn’t have the money to buy Elsa a new one, so I stayed put.
Elsa took a minute to say, “It’s fine with me as long as Lottie is on board.” Elsa’s eyes were on me to see if I was comfortable with the change. Now, I had two options and neither of them were great.
My first option, accept that Emmett would now be my dance partner. I’d have to touch him and him, me. We’d be in close proximity for an extended period of time. I was just starting to get over him and the betrayal he’d made me feel. I felt like I was finally accepting my path in life and what that entailed. Him being here may start me questioning my choices again.
My second option, flat out refuse him as a dance partner. There was no logical reason I could give Elsa for my doing that without giving her some back story. There would be too many questions if I refused him and didn’t explain why. Questions I didn’t want anyone to ask especially since I didn’t know how I would answer those questions; how I truly felt about everything.
I cleared my throat a moment before I spoke. “It’s fine.” I gave a tight smile to Elsa before glaring at Emmett. My glare seemed to be what he was aiming for as he smiled right back at me.
Elsa clapped her hands together. “Great. Now, places everyone.” Elsa stood at the front of the studio where the mirror was placed. “Yesterday was the waltz.” I was now standing in front of Elsa as Emmett was still hanging his coat. “Today we are going to be learning the Tango.” I heard the coat hanger drop from Emmett’s hands as it hit the hardwood floor.
“Sorry.” He said as he picked it back up, quickly hanging his coat up. Making his way to my side he addressed Elsa, “Wouldn’t something like the foxtrot be more appropriate?” I could see he was more than a little uncomfortable. I am not sure what he was expecting when he crashed my dance lesson, but this was not it.
Elsa just smiled, not missing a beat, “Yesterday I noticed Lottie seemed a little stiff. The tango will help loosen that stiffness making her movements more fluid. The tango is a dance of passion, unrequited love, and longing. It makes you feel.” She emphasized the word “feel” with such conviction, clutching at her chest. I could feel Emmett’s eyes on me. I just nodded. Oh, the irony.
“Whatever you say teach.” Was Emmett’s response because why not? He just wanted to torture me little by little. Both Emmett and Elsa were looking at me to confirm we could start the lesson.
“Let’s get started then.” I said with very little enthusiasm and a lot of hesitation. Elsa was so excited to get started she didn’t pick up on the reservedness of my tone.
As Elsa walked to the phonograph, her back to us, Emmett closed the distance between us. “I’m sorry about this. Charles said you had done the waltz, I figured you’d be doing some other hoity toity dance. Not the fucking tango.” Elsa started heading back our way and Emmett moved a few steps away from me, looking all innocent.
“Now, move closer together.” We did as Elsa instructed as she placed a hand on either one of our backs and guided us to close the gap we had. We moved closer, facing each other. “Next, Emmett, you are going to be placing your right hand on Lottie’s lower back, like this.” She took his hand and placed it on the small of my back, bringing me in closer to him, his arm extending around to almost the other side of my back. “And Lottie, you will place your right arm on his shoulder.” Elsa guided my hand to Emmett’s shoulder, adjusting it slightly. “Perfect. Now, Lottie, raise your right arm and bend it at a 90-degree angle.” Once again, she adjusted my arm to the correct position she wanted. “Yes. And Emmett, you will place your hand in hers, like this.” She took Emmett’s hand and placed it over mine. He gently wrapped his fingers around my hand.
I was staring at our joined hands, letting my eyes wander to Emmett’s face, where I met his warm eyes. He was tensing up. I watched as he slowly swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing noticeably. I wondered if he could tell I was tense too. I was too close to him. Emmett holding me like this was not good for my resolve to hate him. I remembered the way he held me after our tryst in his office. Which then also reminded me what an asshole he had been afterwards.
I could tell the moment Emmett read the change in my face. He went from tense to confused, confirming he could not in fact read my mind like I had previously thought. Elsa began instructing our movements. I was angry and took this chance to purposely, on accident, step on Emmett’s feet. After the foot stomping, Emmett got annoyed, realizing it wasn’t accidental at all.
“Elsa, would it be okay if I had a small chat with Lottie, alone?” He said so nauseatingly sweetly I almost lost my breakfast right then and there.
“Of course. Dance should be about open communication between partners.” She looked between us. “I’ll just be right over there in my office.” She now directed her attention to me, “So if you need anything, just give me a holler.” She patted my shoulder as she left the room.
As soon as her door shut Emmett started in, “What the hell is your problem, Carrots?” He was pissed. I wasn’t sure why since he was the one that invited himself to my dace lesson. I never asked him to be here, he could deal with the consequences of his own actions.
I just smiled sweetly and batted my eyelashes, “I’m sure I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Stop stepping on my feet.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he scolded me. I looked at him like he was an idiot, and to me, in this instance, he totally was.
“I’m a bad dancer. Why do you think I need lessons?” It was a rhetorical question. I didn’t want him answering. So, I answered his earlier question. I brought my voice down to a quiet yell, matching his. “And what the hell I’m doing is what you deserve. You think I will just forgive you for everything you’ve done to me? For all the hurt and betrayal, you caused?” I was trying to read his reaction, but he just stayed stoic with no expression passing his defenses. I resorted to pointing my finger at him. “Don’t you dare shut down and tune me out when you can’t handle the truth, pal.”
Emmett snapped his eyes down to mine. Seeing the disappointment and regret in his eyes almost made me lose my resolve. “I am so truly sorry about everything, Lottie. Please let me take you to lunch to explain myself. Please?” He sounded so sincere. I would go to lunch with him, not for him to feel better, but for me to feel better.
“I will go under one condition.” There was a spark of hope in his eyes. “Once lunch is finished, you leave me alone. You don’t follow me anymore. You don’t show up randomly where I am. I will just be a memory to you.” I had to establish this hard line before being alone together so if I would fall for his line of bullshit, I would have already extradited myself from any further dealings with him. Future me might not be as clear headed as present me.
The hope left his eyes, not what he was expecting me to say. “That’s fair.” He said sadly.
Elsa emerged from her office, hesitantly opening the door and peeking her head out. “Everything okay out there? Mind if I join you?” We both let her know we were ready to resume our lesson.
The rest of the lesson was much less dramatic than the first half. I miraculously didn’t step on Emmett’s feet anymore. There were a few times Emmett held me closer than he needed to, causing our pelvises to meet more than once. I had to keep reminding myself that he was not a good person.