Speak Easy to Me

Chapter 13

Iwouldn’t have come today if I had known it would be so personal a dance. Then I am glad I had come because if Charles had danced like this with her, I would have lost my mind with jealousy. Lottie is making me think crazy things.

I caught Charles as he left the studio yesterday. I offered him fifty dollars to let me take the lesson with Lottie the following day. He couldn’t accept my offer soon enough. He happily took my money, and I was never happier to give someone money.

Today, I was taking advantage of all the closeness the tango afforded me to relish in Lottie’s body. This was the last time I was going to be this close to her and I was going to squeeze every drop out of it as I could. Feeling her soft body against mine, breathing in her scent, everything about her was perfection personified.

She could say she was a bad dancer all she wanted to, but the way her body moved once she had relaxed was spellbinding. Catching glimpses of her curves in the mirror as she moved was almost my undoing. I had to keep taking deep, calming breathes to soothe my inner beast wanting to burst through.

After an agonizing two hours of being so close to Lottie, the lesson was over. She moved so far away from me you would have thought I had the plague. I was afraid I had pushed it too much and she’d relinquish her acceptance to lunch. To my delight and surprise, she said, “Where are we going for lunch?” She didn’t look at me as she spoke, but I would take any crumbs she was willing to give me.

“There’s a little place I know on Toothpick Row. You won’t be disappointed.” She gathered her belongings and we walked to my car. We drove in silence the whole way. The drive wasn’t far, but the silence made the usual five-minute car ride seem like hours.

I pulled in front of the little luncheon café. Lottie went to open her door, “Don’t. Let me do it.” She pulled her hand back and placed it on her lap. I went around to her side of the car and opened the door for her, holding my hand out to help her step onto the sidewalk.

She stood for a moment, taking in the brick and cement building in. “This is cute.” She said before I placed my hand on her lower back and ushered her inside.

We found a table in the back and sat down. A waiter soon came over with water and took our order. Now that we were finally alone and not to be bothered for a while, I was going to confess everything to Lottie, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel.

I had thought about what I was going to say to her a hundred times, but now that the moment was here my words escaped me. Every cohesive thought I had abandoned me simultaneously. Lottie was the first to speak, “If you have anything to say to me, now is your chance,” She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she leaned back in the seat, giving me the floor to explain my actions.

My mouth was suddenly drier than a desert. I took a sip of my water then cleared my throat. “Lottie, I am so sorry for what I did to you. I have been trying to come up with an excuse good enough for the hurt and pain I have caused you. The irreparable damage I have done to our relationship.” She was not reveling anything as she stared blankly at me. That was almost worse than her just getting up and walking out, indifference meant she didn’t care.

“I initially wanted to screw up things between you and Cameron, plain and simple. The short story is that him and I don’t get along, we never have. Our fathers didn’t like each other, and we have faithfully kept that legacy going.” I steadied myself for what I was about to tell her next. “I lost my father when I was about 12. He had a gambling problem and owed some money to a bookie, who just so happened to be working for Harris Petrillo, of the Petrillo family. He was a very mean and hateful man, but he generally let little things slide. He said he would let the little things go in order to keep people on the hook for favors when he called them in. Well, my father was one of those men who would owe little things and in return, do small favors when asked. Nothing outlandish, basically piddly little jobs that were seen as beneath one of Petrillo’s men.” This was going to be the hard part of the story. Lottie must have sensed my uneasiness because she moved closer to the table, closer to me.

“My father, like usual, had owed Petrillo some money. It wasn’t any more than he normally did. For whatever reason, I was never privy to the truth about this, Hank turned my father in to the police. Claimed he was a bootlegger from what I was told.” I took a deep breath, not sure how I would handle saying this out loud. It had been years since I’d thought about my father’s death and even longer since discussing it. “While he was in custody, my father was killed in his holding cell. Rumor has it that someone told Petrillo my father was a snitch and was going to revel all of the jobs he had done. My father was a lot of things, but a snitch wasn’t one of them. He took his secrets to the grave.”

The look of complete sadness and hurt for me was written all over Lottie’s face. She took my hands in hers. “I am so sorry that happened. And you were only 12? I couldn’t even imagine going through that now, let alone at such a young age.” I gave her a sad smile.

“Thank you.” I turned my hands upward to hold Lottie’s hands in return, but she pulled them away so quickly you’d think my touch burned her. It threw me off, but I regained my composure and kept on going, “My vow to my father was to get back at whoever had turned him in. There is nothing more important to Hank than his legacy, having an heir. I just wanted to mess things up for Cameron so he couldn’t fulfill his father’s wishes. You were just going to be collateral damage that I was fine with.”

She looked at me, shocked. I held my hand up to stop her from saying anything. “That was my plan, until I met you. Until I saw you shopping downtown, actually.” I saw the puzzle pieces fall into place as her eyes turned to mine.

“The hat store?” She had come to the realization that it was a set up of sorts.

“Yes. I was planning on following you, gathering as much information on you as I could. What I had planned to be only a few hours turned into an all day event.” Lottie sucked in a deep breath as she figured another piece of the puzzle out.

“The dress! You knew I had tried it on and didn’t buy it.” All I could do was nod my head yes.

“I saw the look on your face when you tried it on. You were positively beaming. It didn’t hurt that you looked drop dead gorgeous in it.” I smiled at her as her cheeks turned pink from embarrassment. “Then I saw your face when you didn’t get it.”

Lottie cut in, “Russel had said it wasn’t an appropriate dress for someone of my build.” Her words were meek. Russel made her feel bad when there was no reason for her to feel anything other than beautiful. I’d have a little talk with Russel the next time I see him. I’d let my brass knuckles do all the talking. I will not be afraid to play dirty, not when it comes to Lottie. With Lottie all the rules were thrown out.

“You are so beautiful, Carrots. I have fallen so hard for you I don’t know which way is up or down. You have made me feel things that I had only ever heard of. Feelings I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. I wish we had met under different circumstances, but I can’t change the past and I can’t change the way I’ve made you feel. All I can do is ask for a second chance to prove to you that I was who you thought I was. I never portrayed myself to be anything other than who I truly am to you. You’re probably the only person in my whole life I have been completely honest with.”

I wasn’t trying to hide the tears welling up in my eyes. I told her I would be honest with her, and this was me baring myself wholly to her. I wasn’t going to hold back an ounce of what she made me feel. This was the first time I was living. I was looking forward to the next day. I cared about what happened to me. I never had that sense of self-preservation before. When I looked into her eyes, I saw my future. A future I never knew I wanted before Lottie. A future I don’t want unless it’s with Lottie.

I was looking at Lottie, waiting for a reply, any form of communication that she understands where I’m coming from. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the waiter approached with our plates of food. He sat them down in front of us. Neither one of us moved to eat anything. We both sat there, mostly staring at our food, not talking, or eating. I had finally taken a bite of my French fries and Lottie followed suite.

As we worked on our food, the silence was sliced with the sounds of forks scraping plates and patrons chattering about their days. The noises were a welcome distraction from our awkward silence.

Lottie wasn’t halfway through with the food on her plate when she abruptly stood up. “Thank you for lunch, Emmett, but I think I should be going now.” After I poured my heart out to her that was all I got. She didn’t give me any indication on how or what she was feeling. “I will assume you remember our deal. I would appreciate it if you stick to it or my fiancé will not be very happy.” Did she honestly threaten me with Cameron?

Out the door she walked not even giving me the benefit of a glance back. I just sat there in my chair as I watched the woman who held my heart walk out of my life for the last time. As much as I wanted to run after Lottie, I knew that I had to respect what she asked of me. If this is what she truly wanted, I would grant it to her. I would do anything for her even at the expense of myself.

I took a few minutes to compose myself and gather what little dignity I had left over before I could leave the restaurant.