Splintered Hearts

Nine

Noah

There isn’t a problem iced coffee can’t fix.

I need to buy creamer, though. Mark uses half and half, and Hunter’s a beast, only drinking his black. The man in question went to work an hour ago, barely saying a word to me, and okay, yeah, I feel like shit. I don’t know what to tell him. Have a less delicious best friend?

Mark and Hunter fought when we got home last night. I knew Mark didn’t like Jamie but damn, I don’t get it, or Mark’s warnings. Jamie was... sweet. Well, maybe not sweet... but shy, and kind to me. I don’t get it, and I love Mark more than anything, but I also know his temper. That fucker can hold a grudge.

Coming into the kitchen, Mark scrubs his face, wearing no shirt and gray sweatpants slung low on his narrow hips—a sight no one should be subjected to this early in the morning.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to enjoy my coffee.” Flipping me off, Mark grabs the pot, pouring himself a cup. Another snarky comment dances on my tongue, but I bite it back. Mark’s eyes are red—from lack of sleep or crying, I’m not sure. I have a feeling that if I’d not been sleeping on the couch last night, one of them would have.

“I’m so fucking mad at you.”

“What’s the big deal?” I understand he doesn’t want me to be with Jamie. We hooked up. It’s not like I want to move in and play happy home.

Jamie’s proposition comes to mind.

Okay... well, maybe that is what I may want to do.

“I know you. That’s the problem. I know you probably want to see him again, and he’ll hurt you. I’m tired of watching asshole after asshole use you.”

“It’s not that—”

“Jaelin? Soccer team. He kept you as a side piece and I warned you about him.”

“Oh come on that’s—”

“Had a girl back home and a fucking baby, Noah. I knew his excuses were weird when he ditched you.”

“But that’s—”

“Lane, that motocross fuck who made you think you two were going to move in together after he graduated. Turned out he was already engaged to some guy back home.”

“He didn’t—”

“Benson. You remember Benson?”

“Come on—”

“Kept you a secret because he was afraid of being seen with a guy, then fucking hit you when someone caught you both kissing.” I smile, not at the memory but at the bigger, brighter shiner Mark gave him in return.

“I think I—”

“Jun, Santi, Levi, Matt. I could go on and you know it. Each time I try to warn you, you never listen. Never. I’m not trying to prevent you from being with a guy, it’s just... no offense... your taste is shit. You ignore red flags because you want to believe these assholes so bad.”

“And Jamie’s just another asshole?”

“Jamie is...” Mark shakes his head, taking a sip of his coffee. He looks so tired and I shouldn’t be pushing. “He’s a lot of mental work and baggage you don’t need.”

Vague. Fine then. “This isn’t that big a deal. You’re mad about nothing.” Why can’t he see I don’t need him to fight my battles? Yes, all of those men before hurt me in ways that lingered. I’ll admit it. I should have asked more questions, noticed the red flags, and listened to my gut and best friend.

That was then, and this is now.

Jamie doesn’t raise any of those concerns. Whatever Mark is seeing, I just can’t. “I’m an adult. I will act accordingly.”

“Are you, though?”

“Fuck off.” I appreciate Mark’s intentions, but I’m still my own person and I can make my own mistakes if I want. “This isn’t a big deal. You’re mad about nothing.”

Mark’s jaw clenches so tight I’m shocked his teeth don’t crack. “You hook up with someone, expect more, and then get surprised when they have a wife and three kids at home.”

“Jamie doesn’t have a wife and three kids. One point for him.” Well, not that I know of.

“Can you be serious?”

“When I was on my knees, it wasn’t a ring I was giving him. Relax.”

Mark’s teeth clench again. “Since Hunter isn’t here to bitch at me, I’ll tell you this.” Finally, something with facts to back it up because all I saw last night was a hot man who was shy—maybe a bit of a loner. I didn’t mind sitting with him and talking, looking through his sketchbook.

Butterflies. Absolute butterflies.

“All ears, babe.” I sip my coffee.

Mark runs his hand through his messy blond hair. “Our entire relationship, Jamie has been trying to break us up. Every time I’d go over there he’d yell at us, or say nasty shit to me. One time, I accidentally left my bag out in the living room and he chucked it outside in the fucking rain. Dude’s a psycho. All my shit got soaked. I had gaming equipment in there too. One time, he told Hunter to quit bringing his fuck buddy over. Hunter didn’t even correct him.

That seems like a Hunter issue, but okay...

Looking away, his eyes shine, and okay, I feel a little bad now. I hate to think this way, but I want to hear Jamie’s side too. I love Mark more than anyone, but I also know him too well. Mark can be impulsive and abrasive a lot of the time. I’m not saying he’s lying or deserves the things Jamie’s done, but I think maybe there’s a median they could both come to. If not for my sake, then for Hunter’s. “I’ve always had the feeling he was jealous of me. That he wants Hunter.”

“Wants him?” Now I have to call bullshit. If last night was anything to go by, Jamie barely glanced in Hunter’s direction.

That’s because he was fixed on me.

Unwavering and soft. Dark brown eyes with little gold flecks in them. It would take a while to get the broken yet beautiful way Jamie’s face looked as he came out of my head. Fuck, just thinking about it is making my dick hard. I’ve hooked up with plenty of guys, but last night was different. I couldn’t have been the only one to feel it. “Do you think that maybe you two just need to get along? Maybe you’ve done shit to piss him off too. Maybe for Hunter, you can—”

“Stop trying to make me like him so you can bang him without feeling guilty.” Okay... ouch. “What happened the last time I warned you against someone?”

That . . . was low.

“Throwing that in my face. Not cute.” That situation was different, and using it against me? Anger bubbles in my throat. “You know that’s not the same.”

“You don’t fucking know him! Why are you trying so hard to push this?” Because no matter how much Mark says he hates him for his petty reasons, I can’t fit that version with the version of Jamie I saw last night.

College, yeah, college was different. Back then, Mark had been skeptical of most of my flings. I couldn’t even call them relationships. They were brief flings that I had hoped would turn into something. They all crashed and burned.

Then . . . then there had been Derrick.

Yes, I should have listened to him. I should have. And if Mark hadn’t saved me, I could have...

Okay, putting that away in the box for now. I’m not going to think about that. “You really think Hunter would be friends with someone like that?”

Mark sighs. “They have this weird connection.”

“You used to put your tongue inside my ass. I’d hardly say we’re the picture of a healthy fucking friendship.”

Mark glowers at me. “You can do better. That’s all I’m asking. For once... do better.”

“Funny. Same thing I said to Hunter the other morning.”

“I’m going to kick you out on the street.”

“Hunter would love that.”

“He doesn’t care that you’re here.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that.” Hunter is anything but thrilled that I’m here. Why can’t Mark see that? “Is he jealous of us, of me?” Mark laughs. “Then why are you jealous of Jamie and him?” And... laughter dead.

“I’m not jealous, asshole. It’s not like that. I know Hunter is it for me, and I’m it for him—”

“Poor guy—”

“Fuck off, it’s not like that. Jamie just has this entitlement when it comes to Hunter, to his time. It pisses me off.”

“Mark, how much have we hung out this week?”

“What?”

“Every day, when you aren’t working. You’ve not left me alone once. I can barely shit in peace without you there.”

“You’re dramatic.”

“All I’m saying is, if I were Hunter, the amount of time we’ve been spending together would upset me. That’s all I’m saying. Maybe worry less about whose dick I’m sucking and more about whose you aren’t.”

“Hunter’s fine.”

I’m going to strangle him. “Spend more time with him. I’m fine. Honestly, last night, as much as you don’t want to hear this, it was like a reset. I feel so fucking good.” Better than good. Fucking incredible. Jamie’s dick must have magical powers.

My next step is finding a place, because as much as Jamie’s offer tempts me, I don’t know. I’m still thinking about that. “Do you work today?”

“No. I have a game I’m testing in two days. It’s going to be pretty much nonstop until I finish it. Sorry, I can’t entertain you.”

“That would require you to be entertaining.” Mark’s icy gaze narrows on me and I smirk. “I love you.”

“Whatever. What do you want to do today?”

“Depression, with a side of couch naps?”

“How about we go to lunch and then grab some things you need from town? Maybe see if anyone’s hiring. A job should be your priority.”

“Can you stop momming me? I got this, okay?”

“I just want to help you.”

“Help me by letting me make my own decisions. And mistakes.” He glares. All my life, I’ve been told which moves to make, and now I’m finally on my own, just ready to live, and I don’t need my best friend being a surrogate parent. “I want my best friend back. I prefer a moaning Mark to yelling Mark.” I’m sure Hunter does too.

Mark cringes. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” Too much.

“It wasn’t about you.”

“This wasn’t his plan when he finally decided to move in with you. He has every right to be upset.”

“I didn’t want you to come last night, and he pushed.”

“Did you even ask me what I wanted to do?” Glowering, he looks away. “I had the best time last night.” Going to bed was hard last night, between them fighting and replaying that gorgeous man and his equally gorgeous dick. “Love me a cut—”

“Shut up.”

“What!” Blinking innocently, I get Mark to laugh. “I’m just kidding.” Mark shakes his head. “He wasn’t circumcised.” I look up at Mark standing by the counter. “What?”

Mark looks away. “How was it?”

“What?” I ask innocently, and Mark rolls his eyes, trying not to smirk. “Oh, do we suddenly want to play the best-friend card?”

“I’m trying to talk to you. Stop being an asshole. I know you love to talk about it.”

I give in with a grin because, yeah, I love talking to Mark about this stuff. “You remember my freshman year, when we went out after curfew and you fucked me over one of the park benches in the community garden?”

“Ew.”

“Exactly like that, only the complete polar opposite.”

“Why did I even ask?”

“If you hear nothing else I say for the rest of my life, hear this. That man’s dick is made of glitter and rainbows.” I want another taste, despite Mark’s warnings. All through college, I hooked up with a lot of men. None made me feel the way I did last night. It’s still so vivid. Jamie kissed me like he was savoring every second of my touch. Decadent lips. Indulgent tongue. “I get why you warned me. That man is gorgeous.”

“He’s not that hot.”

Only he is. “Did you know he has a tongue piercing?” Mark looks away. “Mean! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I’ve already lost you, haven’t I?”

“I made it out alive. Calm down.”

“Sometimes we go to Sunday dinner with Jamie’s mom. You can come. She’ll love the shit out of you.” That sounds nice.

“You’d let me go, after all that last night with Jamie?”

“Jamie never goes, so yes.”

“Why doesn’t he go?” That’s odd.

“Don’t know. Don’t care. Not my business.”

“I want to see him again.”

“Noah—”

“Rainbows. Glitter.”

“You’re disgusting.” Mark groans. “And I’m done playing best friend. I’m taking a shower. Get ready, please.”

“You got it, sweet cheeks.” Mark gives me the finger—it’s our love language, what can I say? Mark disappears and I turn to the couch, sinking down onto it. What do I need today? Some clothes maybe, although I grabbed a decent amount when I left. A phone. And I’m giving Mark and Hunter money toward food, whether they like it or not.

I grab my old phone. Just need to find somewhere to get a new plan—the phone itself is basically new. Maybe I can also find some place around town that’s hiring.

I have all these things on my mind—tasks I have to complete, adulting I need to do, and so on. It’s hard, though, because all my thoughts lead back to one place.

Jamie.