Eighteen
Jamie
“That screw needs to come out!”
“It’s not that screw, Bri, it’s the left one.”
“Xavi, you have it wrong, it’s—”
“What’s happening?” Hunter walks into the house, looking at the fighting children. This was a mistake. I should have done it myself.
Only... I couldn’t. “Thing one and thing two are being dumb.”
“Hey!” Xavi puts his hands on his hips. “You asked us for help, remember?”
Yes and no. Bri called me yesterday, upset about a client stiffing her, and I knew she and Xavi were short on cash this week. I invited my idiot brother to help me out with something and told him I’d pay him and make him some dinners.
I would have done that anyway, but I knew Xavi wouldn’t take the handout, so instead, I gave him a job. “Noah needs a bookshelf. I called a couple of places downtown and had these two pick it up. I just need to take it apart, and I can’t bend very well right now.”
“Bending just fine the other morning according to Noah,” Bri mumbles.
“What?” Xavi looks at me. “You banging your roommate? Bad juju. You’re looking for a problem.”
“We didn’t . . . bang.”
Bri looks at Hunter. “Jamie took that tongue piercing out of retirement.”
“No, I didn’t!” What’s Noah been telling her? “I don’t like Noah saying things to you like that. It’s no one’s business what we do.”
“Noah didn’t.” Bri beams, proud of herself. “You being all flustered just now did.” Jesus Christ. She claps her hands, standing as Xavi loosens the last board and starts taking the bookshelf apart. “So, what did you do?”
“Shut up.” With the boards coming apart, I think about what I want to do. “Help me carry them to my room please?”
“What are you doing?”
“Painting it.”
“Why?”
“Just help me.”
Hunter shakes his head, helping us move the shelf into my room. With every night I spend in Noah’s bed I’m liking my own room less and less. It’s a lot smaller, which has been fine for years but now feels claustrophobic. Noah doesn’t come in here, though, so it’s a good place to hide it. “Why are you here now?”
“Mark’s testing a game this week so I thought I’d come see how you two are getting along.”
“They’re totally hooking up.” Xavi snorts.
“Totally.” Bri agrees.
“Can you both stop?” This isn’t anyone’s business. Heat creeps up my neck. They aren’t... wrong. Most days are spent with me in between Noah’s thighs, and when I feel alright he returns the favor. Not only is the sex so fucking good but it’s... fun. Really fun, actually. Not that sex wasn’t fun before, but Noah makes it like a game. No one has ever made me this comfortable before.
This week, I learned that Noah can come untouched given the right treatment. I found out that he doesn’t like using food during sex because he hates being sticky, and loves giving me head when I can... get there. I also found out about the magic of the prostate, and although Noah’s fingers had felt kind of weird, it was hands down the best orgasm I’ve ever had. “Shut up.”
“Nobody said anything.” Hunter laughs. “What’s with the shelf?”
I shoo everyone out of my room and back to the living room. “I’m...” My scowl deepens as I mentally prepare myself for the teasing. “I’m surprising Noah with a bookshelf. He needs it. His room’s a fucking mess.”
“Which Jamie would know because he’s in there so much,” Bri teases.
Hunter walks over to Noah’s door, opening it and peeking in. “Jesus, it looks like a glitter bomb exploded in there.” Shutting the door, he shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, his room has personality, unlike the way you kept it.”
“I’m sorry, whose color palate is black on more black?”
“My comforter is gray!”
“Ah, yes. Light black.” Hunter shakes his head. “How could I be so stupid? What’s up with the giant pink bean bag?”
“It’s his reading poof.” Three sets of eyes blink at me. “Fuck you all.”
“Aw, Jamie has a crush.” Brianna pouts her bottom lip. “Adorable.”
“Shut up, I do not. We just fuck around. We’re friends.” So stupid. All of them.
“Is that it?” Hunter frowns at me.
“What?”
“I mean, that’s all he is to you? A piece of ass.” What’s he saying? I open my mouth to argue but Hunter shakes his head. “Listen, just think about what you’re doing, alright. Noah’s a real person with real feelings.”
I know that. It’s not like I keep Noah chained to my bed.
Although . . .
No, this is stupid. It doesn’t even matter. “Noah and I are just friends. He likes it that way. Neither of us want a relationship. We’re just roommates.”
“Who trade orgasms.” Brianna so helpfully supplies.
Hunter shakes his head. “I’m just saying. I don’t think this is a good idea. He’s not some sex toy, he’s a real person, okay? I know somewhere deep down, he wants a real boyfriend.”
“No, he doesn’t. Noah’s fine. We have fun.” There’s no way Noah would do anything he doesn’t want to do with me. Most of the time he initiates it.
“Whatever. I’m just saying, I know him better than you do. Just keep in mind, Noah deserves a boyfriend. He deserves something real, and unless you’re ready for that I wouldn’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to him.”
The front door opens as I set up our dinner. I don’t mind at all being the one to cook, after seeing Noah attempt to make scrambled eggs the other morning which resulted in burnt eggs and a ruined pan. “Hey,” Noah says, coming into the kitchen and placing his book bag down. Eyeing it, I know it’s full again. I need to hurry with that shelf. I only got the base coat done today.
“Hungry?”
“Starving.” Noah’s arms wrap around my body, hugging me, before he presses a kiss against my shoulder blades. Hunter’s words from earlier come to mind. Noah doesn’t want a relationship, right? This is just part of what we’re doing. We flirt, touch, but neither of us wants more.
I’m in no way able to give Noah anything more than this. I don’t even think Noah wants more. We hang out, blow each other, and that’s it.
Noah sinks into a chair, taking out the books he got. “You need to cut yourself off.”
“I need a shelf, that’s all.” It won’t fix the piles of books he has stacked in his room but it will make a dent at least. Every Friday when Noah gets paid, we go online and look up titles, splitting the cost of the ones we buy, seeing as I’m enjoying this as much as he is.
Plating our food, I turn, sliding his bowl to him, when a piece of paper catches my eye. “What’s that?”
“Huh?” Noah moans around a mouthful. “Oh my god,” he whines. “You’re so good at cooking! What is this?”
“It’s just a dumpling soup.”
“It’s amazing.” Noah eats happily but my eyes go to the paper. Ben? Who’s Ben? “This?” Noah grabs it, shaking his head. “Some guy keeps hitting on me at the library.” What? “I told him I lost his number so he insisted on giving me another one tonight. Oh! Here.” Noah reaches into his bag and hands me a book. One of the ones we picked out last week. “It’s so good. I know you’ll love it.”
Taking the book, I can’t stop looking at the piece of paper. “He cute?”
“Huh?”
“The guy who wants to go out?”
“Um, I guess. Kind of? Why?”
Hunter was right, Noah wants a relationship. Even if he won’t admit it. Even if it isn’t with me. I’m holding him back and in no shape to be with someone. Jealousy hits me like a truck, but I swallow it. I bet whoever this guy is could give him more. Or lead him on the path to find more. What we’re doing is pointless. “You should go out with him.”
“Why?” His face pinches and I almost laugh at how adorable it is.
“You want a relationship, right?” I shrug, needing to get some space for a little while. “Won’t know until you give it a shot.”
“I don’t . . . I mean—”
“I think you should go for it.” What the hell am I doing? I can’t do this with Noah. He deserves better. He deserves to be loved and pampered, and I am not the person who can do it. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth. Noah needs to find someone else, and as much as it hurts I have to make that clear.
“Jamie what’s wrong—”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Grabbing the book off the table, I thank him. I have to get out of here. “I’m going to start this now.”
“You’re sleeping in your room?”
“Uh, yeah, I mean. It’s my room. I should probably stop sleeping so much in yours. You probably want your space back.”
“Jamie, I don’t have to call him, it’s okay. I’m not really interested.”
“You won’t know until you give him a shot, right? Go for it. It’s not like we’re together.”