Splintered Hearts

Twenty Nine

Jamie

Waiting for Noah to get home, I don’t know what to do. This morning I finished his shelf and Hunter agreed to move it for me this weekend. I’m happy Noah likes it but my mind keeps going back to that hug. He held onto me like he may float away.

Honestly, I didn’t think this would go anywhere. I thought maybe Noah and I would fuck around and then he’d go off to bigger and better things, but with each day we spend together it’s getting harder and harder to ignore my feelings. I don’t do shit like this. Good things like this just don’t happen to me.

And Noah, he’s slowly becoming the best thing.

All I want is for him to come home so I can talk to him about it. Noah isn’t a relationship person, but maybe if I talk to him we could think about it. While I wait I clean every possible surface in this house just to keep my mind busy.

My mind drifts now to yesterday. Us on the couch. The comfortable silence as both of us worked on our own things. Together. The way he touched me, the way I kissed him. The way we just fit. It was simply perfect. Comfort and peace rolled into one security blanket for the two of us.

Grabbing my chest, I squeeze the fabric of my shirt. What the hell am I going to do? It was easy to lie to myself at first, but it’s now getting harder to ignore the mounting feelings I have for him. What would it even look like? Noah isn’t the relationship type and I... well...

I’m broken beyond repair

Noah comes through the door in a fury.

“Hey.” I’m startled a bit when he drops down into my lap, mashing our lips together. It takes me a moment to process what’s actually happening before I melt into the roughness of his touch.

Okay. Damn.

He breaks the kiss and my eyes lock with his piercing green ones. “How are you feeling?” Breathy and kiss drunk, his palms run up my chest.

My mind tries to bring me back online. “I’m fine.”

“Your back?”

“I feel okay.” Much better than yesterday, actually.

“Great. Great. Last question.” I groan as Noah’s hand slides over my cock. “Do you want to fuck me?”

“What?”

His hand slides into my pants. “Let me rephrase that.” He kisses my neck. “I want us to go into my room and let you fuck me.” He tugs on my barbell and I grunt. “Go at your pace. Don’t overdo it.” Squeezing my cock, he chuckles. “Feels like you want that too.”

Nodding fast, I don’t have to time to freak out. Noah grabs my wrist, practically dragging me inside. I’m excited but nerves start to settle in my stomach. This is... a lot, and while I want him badly, actually doing this makes me nervous.

I’ve never had anal before, but the logistics have to be about the same. I know how to stretch him, how to have him begging. I just don’t want to hurt him.

Not having the same existential problem I am, Noah wastes zero time stripping down. “Hey! I wanted to do that.” I laugh but Noah’s face doesn’t break. There’s nothing playful about it, which is odd. Noah always makes sex so unserious and I fucking love that.

“Sorry,” he says flatly, going to his nightstand to grab lube. Something’s off. Maybe it’s just me, though. Taking off my clothes, I watch him, trying not to read too much into it. I’m just nervous.

Climbing onto the bed, he gets up on his hands and knees. “Just stretch me quick. It won’t take long.” His voice clips. Okay, this is not right. We’ve traded plenty of orgasms and this is off.

“You alright?”

“What?” Looking behind him, his eyes meet mine. “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine. Just horny. It’s been a bit.” Okay, just me then. Noah wants to fuck, and if that’s what he wants then that’s what he’ll get.

I step out of my sweats, and my cock bobs as I watch Noah’s gorgeous ass. Grabbing it, I squeeze his soft skin and lightly slap one cheek. Noah moans, “Fuck yeah.” Reaching between his legs, he strokes himself, but I’m not having that so I shoo his hand away. “Just hurry, come on.”

“Do you have somewhere to be?” I laugh.

Huffing, he looks at me over his shoulder. “Please fuck me.” There’s nothing playful in his voice. It feels wrong. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things about messing around with him. Noah makes it fun. Aside from the mind-blowing orgasms each time, I have so much fucking fun, but this isn’t like that and I don’t know how to feel about it.

“You sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“We don’t have to do this, it’s okay.” I don’t expect shit from him. All I want to do is just hang out. No matter what that looks like. “Just because I’m better doesn’t mean—”

“I’m horny, okay. It’s just... been a bit since I’ve had sex. I want this, though. Just go easy.”

Nerves then.

I can work with that.

Grabbing the lube, I don’t want to rush this—my first time sleeping with a man. And if I’m honest, it’s the first time having sex with someone I truly connect with. Noah’s chest presses to the bed leaving his ass up in the air. Fuck, he looks delicious. I’m definitely taking my time. Spreading his cheeks apart, I tease his hole with my fingers, biting my lip when his hole clenches against them. “Stop playing and stretch me.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you—” I rub my thumb in slow circles, making him whimper. “I’m busy. Call back later.” Grabbing the lube, I squirt it out, watching it drip down his crack and over my fingers. “Later, you’re sitting on my face.” Noah moans as I sink in a finger, and he pushes back eagerly. Fuck, he feels amazing. Thrusting in a bit, I slip in another, watching Noah fist the sheets and push back onto my digits.

Leaning down, I bite one cheek, then soothe it with my tongue as Noah pushes back impatiently, fucking himself on my fingers.

“Jamie, more.”

“Needy little fox.”

Noah laughs softly, easing my tension a bit. I give his other cheek a bite and he whines. “Starving”

While I believe him, I also want to make sure he’s ready. “Just because I can, doesn’t mean we have to. You know that, right?”

Noah looks behind him. “What?”

“I just want to make sure you want this too.”

“I’m fine.” Sliding back onto my fingers, he fists the blankets. “Fuck me.”

I set aside my unease. Sex. Noah wants sex. There’s no place for my fucked-up feelings here. We agreed to friends with benefits and that’s what Noah wants.

Grabbing my cock, I stroke myself once, twice, three times, as Noah’s shiny hole makes my mouth water. Pretty and pink, I can’t help myself, slapping it lightly and loving the full-body shiver that rolls down Noah’s spine.

Fuck.

Okay, I can do this.

A little embarrassed, I ask, “Do I just go in, or?”

“Where else would it go, Jamie?” Noah laughs when I smack his ass. “Just push in slow, okay?” Nodding, I do that, grunting as my head breaches that tight ring, slipping inside and Jesus, fucking hell. Gripping him, I pause when Noah tenses a bit. Slowly I disappear inside the sweetest heat I’ve ever felt. Holy shit, I’m going to come. I breathe, not ready to lose my load just yet. Once I’m seated fully inside I wait, noticing that Noah’s eyes are pinched and the muscles in his back are bunched. “Are you okay?”

“Just give me a second.” His eyes flutter open. “I need a second.”

“Take your time.” Rubbing his back, I can’t help but admire him. Right now Noah owns every piece of me. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Relaxing a bit, Noah gets up on his knees a bit more. “You can move.”

Drawing my hips back, I gasp with the first thrust, the sensation and squeeze of Noah’s walls so much more than I expected. So warm. So damn good. I’ve barely even moved and my balls already tingle with the first promises of my climax. Noah’s noises grow louder with each thrust. The view from behind is heaven-sent.

Watching myself disappear inside him is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. “Harder,” Noah cries out, pushing back against me harder—seeking more. I listen, snapping my hips forward. Our bodies collide as he cries out. The squeeze of his walls takes my breath away. “Again. Right there.”

When I hit that spot again, Noah reaches between his legs and the sound of our skin echoes around the room. “Right there, holy fuck.” Meeting me thrust for thrust, Noah mewls, squeezing the blankets so hard, growing so tight around me it’s hard to move. “I’m dripping. Holy fuck.”

Well, that’s something I need to see. I need something more. I slip out and Noah whines.

“On your back.”

“What?”

“Flip.” Confused, he rolls onto his back. Grabbing his pillow, I help him lift his hips and place it under his ass. Cupping under his knees, I push his legs back, and pressing against his hole, I slip back in easily.

“Holy fuck, yeah.” A noise rumbles from him. “So fucking good.” His soft red mouth parts. Glassy-eyed, Noah reaches for his cock.

“I just wanted to see you.”

Guiding his thighs around my waist Noah clutches onto me. Chest to chest I push inside his body. Noah let’s go of his cock, now trapped between us, and wraps his arms around my shoulders. My arms go under his body, holding him close. I kiss him gently and feel Noah moan into my mouth as our tongues play.

“Fuck, you feel amazing.” I can barely think, let alone speak. Teetering on the edge, all I need to do is come. I’m not going without Noah, though. “You’re so gorgeous. Fuck, baby.” Noah’s heels press into my ass, urging me forward.

“I’m close.”

“Gonna come?” His glassy green eyes blink at me and he nods. I grip him under the knees, pushing his legs back, spreading him wide, watching each plunge my cock takes. His eyes roll back as I strike that spot over and over again.

“F-fuck.” Noah shakes in my grip, vibrating with the need to come.

“Too much?”

“Not enough. So close. That’s—” My movements become sloppy. Noah’s cock jerks between us, his hole tightening as he cries out, moaning as warmth pools between our bodies.

Fuck, this is unreal. “So fucking hot. Fuck, I’m close—”

“Jamie.” He moans my name. “Come inside me.” Noah fists my hair, trembling beneath me. That’s enough as I crash over the edge, fucking him hard in punishing waves. Noah moans as I fill him. I come so hard my vision dots and my balls start to hurt.

“Holy shit.” I twitch, collapsing forward, careful not to crush him. “Holy fuck.” Kissing the side of his face, I slowly pull out, watching as my cum leaks from his body. I rub him gently, pushing it back inside. Noah’s softening member glistens with his fluid. Leaning down, I take him in my mouth as he jerks slightly with sensitivity.

Dropping down next to him, I roll to my side to lean down and kiss him. Noah’s tongue rolls lazily with my own. This is the best fucking feeling and only confirms what I already know.

I want Noah. For real. No more friends with benefits bullshit. Cupping his face, I watch his eyes, now glassy, but... off. Are those tears? “What’s wrong—”

“We should get cleaned up.” Noah breaks from my hands, getting up and walking out of the room. I watch the space he used to occupy, confused. Getting off the bed, I hear him come back in with a wash cloth, which he hands to me.

“I was getting there. You didn’t have to get it.”

“It’s fine.”

Cleaning myself up, I grab my sweats off the floor, slipping them on while I watch Noah dress. “Want mine?”

Noah looks up then at the shirt in my hands. “No thanks.”

Okay . . .

What’s happening right now? A few minutes ago I felt like I was on cloud fucking nine. “If something’s wrong, just talk to me.”

“I’m just tired. I want to take a nap.”

“Uh...” Okay, maybe that’s it. “No problem.” I can do that. Fuck, I love sleeping with him. Getting into the bed, I look up as Noah watches me. “What?”

“Alone, Jamie.” Swallowing, his jaw clenches. “I meant alone.”

The words take a few minute to fully sink in.

“Oh.” Getting off the bed, my gut twists and heat hugs my eyes. Replaying what just happened over and over in my mind, I can’t comprehend what’s going on. Turning in the doorway I look at Noah, now under the blankets, wanting to join him. “You can talk to me if something’s wrong.”

“I’m fine. Just—”

“Noah.”

“I’m fine.” The words come out strained but the look in his eyes is clear. He needs space to work through whatever it is and I hate that he doesn’t want me here to help him. What have I done?

“Fine. Okay.” Taking a breath, I have to respect him. “If you need me come get me. Please.” Not saying a word, Noah leans up, shutting off the light and dousing the room in shadow.

Shutting the door carefully, I try to figure this shit out. Noah had wanted it... initiated it. Nearly begged for it. That, though, that’s not right. What’s wrong? What have I done? Was it terrible? Did he not really want it? Fuck, does he regret it? Scrubbing my face, I blink back the burn that stings.

How could something so fucking amazing turn so bad? So fucking bad. Getting into bed, I reach instantly for the fox plushie. Before, when I’d get upset I’d reach for the strawberry plushie whose new home seems to be on my dresser. Despite the cloudy fog of my orgasm I feel too wired to sleep.

All I can think about is Noah.

Grabbing my phone, I can’t help pulling up Noah’s contact. Getting into bed, I pull up my camera feature and take a picture of me hugging the fox plushie, hoping to at least get him talking or cheer him up. I wait, with no response.

Jamie: Please talk to me

Again, no reply. Maybe he just needs space. As much as it bothers me, I’ll have to let it go for now. Noah’s an adult and if he wants to talk to me he will. When has he ever held things back from me?

I have to be fine with this. It’ll be fine.

At least . . . I hope it will be.