Splintered Hearts

Thirty Six

Noah

Seriously, where the hell is he?

When I woke up to an empty bed I’m a little ashamed to admit that old insecurities started to get real fucking loud. It’s been hours and Jamie still isn’t back. No note, and he’s not answering his phone.

Maybe he’s visiting someone. This is a town he knows well, so maybe that’s it and he’s lost track of time. I know he’s not in a car. The ride over here was not that great and I can’t see him just getting into a car with a stranger let alone driving one himself.

So where the fuck is he?

My answer comes a second later when the door opens. “There you are!” Jamie barely looks at me, shutting the door a little hard.

Okay . . .

“Um. Where have you been?”

“Walk,” he grunts, walking past me and ignoring my open arms.

Okay . . .

“I packed our stuff. I figure we should head out soon.” Unfortunately. I just want to live in the bliss from the night before. Last night altered my fucking brain chemistry. I won’t get the image of Jamie underneath me out of my head for the rest of my life. The way he looked. The way he felt. It was pure magic.

As he disappears upstairs my heart starts to squeeze in my chest. On edge, I finish grabbing our things. Last night I fell asleep wrapped in Jamie’s arms, playing what we’d just done over and over again in my mind. I’ve topped before but that, that was indescribable.

The way he felt, the pliable way he melted underneath me. The looks, the words, the sounds. Everything! Afterwards, we watched a show and traded lazy orgasms until far into the morning.

Best night ever.

Footsteps sound upstairs and I look up to see him coming back down, still not looking at me. “You alright, babe?”

“Fine.”

Maybe he’s in pain from walking. “If your ass hurts, that’s normal. If you’re a good boy I’ll give you a tongue massage when we get home.” I wink and smile.

Again, Jamie ignores me.

I swallow, feeling uneasy. “Hey, seriously, are you alright? I can always—”

“I said I’m fine, Noah,” he snaps. Okay, bitchy Jamie. Got it. Maybe he’s not feeling well. Although it has been a while since he’s taken it out on me. “Can we go?” His voice is quieter and I don’t like that, almost as much as the snapping.

While I could walk around on eggshells and wonder what’s going on, I’m not taking his word for it. Something’s wrong. “Hey.” I reach for his bicep but Jamie pulls away from me. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“If I have to tell you one more time that I’m fine I’m going to scream.”

Fine, whatever. Let him be a dick and work out whatever the fuck is bothering him. Clearly, someone needs space. “Understood.”

Jamie bends, taking two of our bags, a grimace flashing over his face. So... pain. Got it. I can handle that. Although Jamie shutting down isn’t like him. We didn’t get much sleep, though. I just need to let him be.

Whatever, maybe we just need to get home. “Got everything?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jamie walks to the door to load up the car.

Fine.

It’s fine.

If I was hoping for his mood to improve over the nearly two-hour car ride I’m sorely let down.

If anything, it becomes more uncomfortable. I don’t want to fight in the car so I wait, happy to be going home.

Fresh air hits me, and Jamie wakes up after sleeping most of the ride. I have a feeling he was faking it but I let him be. Maybe the pain is a lot. Maybe last night was a bit too much. I mean, I was careful. I prepped him well. I’m not that big, so I can’t see him being in that much pain because of it, but who knows? Everyone’s body is different and maybe I’d been a bit too eager.

Even as I think this I know I’m wrong.

Jamie was smiling, laughing even as we kissed and teased each other before we fell asleep wrapped up together. He’d kissed my throat and said it was one of the best things he’d ever felt.

No. Something else is bothering him.

Walking in front of me, Jamie goes right down the hall to his room with his own bags, and now I’m starting to get pissed. What the fuck did I do? Where was he this morning? I hear the sink down the hall and I can’t do this anymore.

I find the bathroom door open with Jamie glaring into the mirror as he brushes his teeth. “What’s going on? Stop telling me nothing. I know something’s wrong, I’m not stupid.”

Jamie tenses, not looking at me as he finishes up then spits in the sink. “Nothing, Noah.”

“Bullshit.”

“Leave me alone.”

“No. No, you don’t get to do that. You’ve been weird all morning and I gave you space—” He scoffs. “I have! I’ve let it go but you’ve given me nothing. What’s going on? Why are you back to being like this to me?”

“Noah—”

“Don’t use that tone. I’m not a child. What is going on?” Ignoring me he squeezes past, walking down to the living room. “You are going to talk to me! What’s wrong? Did I do something? If I hurt you last—”

“I don’t want to be with you!” Jamie shouts.

Confusion hits me. I don’t understand the words that just came out of his mouth. “What... Jamie. What?”

Jamie sighs, looking away. “I don’t want to be with you. I made a mistake.” Okay, what the actual fuck? I feel too numb. There’s no way.

“What’s going on? What’s really bothering you?”

“You, Noah. You’re bothering me. I don’t want to do this anymore.” This makes zero sense.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Why is it so hard for you to get it?”

“That’s easy, because I don’t believe you!”

Jamie’s quiet for a moment and something like actual fear spreads through me. This isn’t happening. Not after everything. It’s not the look he’s giving me, although that’s cold and hard, it’s like the air around me grows frigid.

No.

No way.

Is he serious?

“How can you say that?”

“Look, you can stay here. That’s fine. It’s your house too. I just... we can’t do this anymore. I was wrong. I don’t want a relationship.” Heat prickles behind my eyes. This isn’t fucking happening.

“You’re an asshole.” Turning toward my room, I slam the door, unable to breathe. Grabbing my phone with shaky hands I hit Mark’s name. How the fuck did this happen? Jamie told me he loved me last night. How has he completely changed his mind?

I’m not sure what’s happening but I know I can’t stay here.

Finally Mark picks up. “If you’re calling to tell me how many times you came this weekend, don’t bother. I just ate.”

“Can I come over?” I sniff, trying so damn hard to keep it together.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need—” I can’t hold it together any longer. “I need you. I’m so sorry, I just—” Choking back a sob, I press my hand to my mouth.

“I’m coming now. I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“No! I’m coming to you.”

“Did he hurt you? I swear to god!”

“Not... I mean. Yeah.” Fully crying now, I’m glad my bag is still packed from the trip. I can always wash my clothes at Mark’s. “I’m coming now.”

“Please be careful.”

“What’s wrong?” I hear in the background. Mark says something but it’s muffled through the phone.

“I’m leaving now.” Hanging up, I take a deep breath but it does shit all to stop the tears. I grab a few other things I want before stuffing them into a bag. My suitcase from the trip is still filled with clothing.

Walking into the living room, I see Jamie sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looks up as I come into the room. “This is it?”

“I’ve said what I need to.”

I can’t fucking believe this shit. Dropping my bag on the floor, hurt and pain burn so fucking bright inside me. “I’m staying at Mark’s. Do you have anything else you want to say to me?” I don’t know why I’m stalling. Maybe I’m waiting for him to say it was a joke with the worlds worst punchline ever.

As soon as Jamie looks up, I know I’m not that lucky.