Thirty Nine
Jamie
“Oh, he’s going to punch you.”
I glare at my brother, but shit, he may be right. “I’m hoping that’s not the case.” Knocking on Mark’s door, I brace myself. I have no idea what’s on the other side of this door but both Hunter’s jeep and Noah’s car are here.
“Want me to come in, or stay out here?”
“Please come with me.” I’m fucking terrified, not gonna lie. Knocking again, I jump as the door swings open to a very pissed-off Hunter.
“I can’t even be happy you made the drive over here.”
“Just hear me out.”
“Who’s that?” Fuck . Mark comes to the door, his features twisting. “Oh, good. I was going to drive over and kill you at some point. Nice of you to come here so I can do it in the comfort of my own home.”
“Now hold on, I think Jamie—”
“Xavi, please stay out of this,” Hunter says calmly. “Jamie fucked up.”
“Yes...” Xavi steps between us. “I think, though, he has some things he needs to say and some deep apologies he needs to make.”
Understatement.
“What’s going on?” Noah appears behind them, and all the other noise gets drowned out. He looks so tired, and so fucking sad. I have to make this right. It doesn’t matter if Noah wants me after this, I just need him to know I didn’t mean what I said. He’s special, and I’m not going to let him go on thinking he’s the problem.
“We just came back from the cemetery—”
“Cemetery?” Noah asks.
Hunter’s eyes widen, knowing exactly where we came from. “Yes. I um... I’m sorry. I uh... I just want to come in and tell you something and then I’ll leave. I promise. I just... I need to get this off my chest. I have to.”
“No, you want to,” Mark snaps. “No one here gives a fuck about your excuses. What you said to Noah was—”
“Fucked up.” I finish for him. “I know. I just want ten minutes to explain, and then I’ll leave.”
“No fucking way!”
“Mark, let him in.”
Turning to his friend, Mark scoffs. “Noah, what are you doing? Haven’t you had enough? He’s going to—”
Hunter opens the door wider, ignoring his boyfriend, and I’m seriously going to have to grovel at his feet for all the shit he’s done for me. “Noah wants him in, he comes in.” He leads us through to the living room and I notice Noah’s comforter folded on the couch.
Memories of myself wrapped in it, wrapped up in Noah, punch me in the gut. I need to hurry and get this out before I break down. “What’s going on?” Mark folds his arms and I can’t even be mad. I deserve this.
“I just need to tell you something, Noah, but first...” My eyes lock with Mark’s. This is my first step. “I know you hate me and I get it. I’ve been terrible to you over the years. I don’t want you to take this out on Hunter. There are reasons for the way I’ve acted, but they aren’t excuses. I’ve been a dick to you, and I’m sorry. I want to make that clear. I’ve never wanted you and Hunter to break up. Ever. He loves you and I’ve never seen him happier, and he deserves that. What I’m going to tell you all is just the reason why I’ve been like this, it’s not an excuse. Just a way to understand what’s going on. That’s all.” I look to my brother, then to Noah.
Here goes nothing . . .
Five years earlier
“Where’s Lu?”
Ian’s head lolls toward me, his eyes blurry. Great, more drunk assholes. I’m over this party. I don’t enjoy crowds on a good day, but Luci wanted to go out for her twenty-first as if we haven’t been sneaking cheap vodka from Lia for years now.
Whatever, I could survive one night. “Luci?” he slurs.
Fucking great.
Where the hell is Maddox? At least I know he’s sober. Maddox doesn’t care if we drink, he just doesn’t like doing it himself. That’s how it is when your parents are drunks. “Have you seen her?”
“Seen . . . her?”
Fuck.
I had a beer when I first got here to calm my nerves, but the effect was short-lived watching Luci take shot after shot. “Focus, Ian. Have you seen Lu?” She’d gotten into a fight with Bri, and Bri told me she was leaving. I just need to find her. “Yes or no.”
“What’s going on?” Maddox slides onto Ian’s lap. His drunk boyfriend smiles up at him. “Oh, someone is drunk.” Booping him on the nose he leans down to give him a kiss.
“Yes, you both are fucking adorable, now have you seen my sister?”
“She’s with Bri.”
“Bri left.” Hence why I’m trying to find her! “They got into a fight.”
“Hey, she’s fine. She’s probably around here somewhere.”
“There are tons of shitbags here looking to take advantage of a drunk girl. I need to find her.” While the party had toned down a bit there are still way too many people here. “Can you please help me?”
Maddox’s eyes widen, looking beyond me. “Incoming, dude.”
“Wha—oh, fuck.” Ailee stomps up to me and that sinking feeling comes back.
“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Yeah, and I’ve been trying to avoid you.
“I’m trying to find Lu.”
“Well, how about you worry about where your girlfriend is?” Her icy eyes glare up at me. Soft and blue. Almost too blue. They were the first thing I noticed about her. That was during our spring break when my mother brought us up here for vacation. We’d met. I fell quick. Too quick. We talked for months, trying to make whatever this thing is work until I came back here at the beginning of summer. Weeks later now, I know I’ve made a mistake. That sweet girl I first met is nowhere to be seen. Maybe that’s my fault. It’s not like I’ve been asking a lot of questions. A pretty girl, far beyond my league, was paying attention to me. I wasn’t questioning shit.
“Look, I’m sorry, but Luci—”
“Sometimes, I think you like her.”
I breathe. Ailee’s drunk, and pissed. “She’s my sister.”
“Not really,” she slurs, her eyes shining with tears. Great. Ailee had been so warm but something’s shifted and I’m not sure what.
“Look, I just want to find her. She’s drunk and I just—”
“Want to run after her like always.” Her glossy lips pinch.
“It’s not like that.”
“We’re at a party! She has people here, she’s fine. She’s—”
A squeal snags my attention as a warm body flops into my arms. Bright brown eyes blink up at me and it takes every ounce of strength I have in my body not to drown. Years later and she still makes my heart race.
It’s wrong, but I can’t help it.
“There you are.”
She giggles, folding her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. Yup. Someone’s drunk. “So warm.”
“I was looking for you.” Luci tips her head up, resting her chin on my sternum. “Are you alright?”
“Peachy! Oh!” She stabs a finger to the sky. “I saw a UFO!”
“I’m sure you did.”
“Jamie, it had blinking lights and it was green. I tried to take a photo but I lost my phone.” Great. I’ll have to deal with that tomorrow “Hey! Guess what?”
“What?” I can’t help but laugh at her animated state.
“I’m twenty-one!”
I laugh. “Hey, Cici.”
“What, MiMi?” Her nickname for me is slurred but I still smile.
“I think you’re drunk.”
“I’m having the best night.”
“Yeah? Then why did Brianna leave?”
That dims her light a bit and I hate to have put that darkness in her mood. “We had an argument.”
“Yeah?” She sinks against me, nearly falling asleep. “I think it’s time to go home.” My social battery is almost empty.
“No!” She pouts. “Fun time!”
“Are you serious?!” Looking behind me, I totally forgot Ailee was there. Fuck, I need to end shit with her. I’m just not feeling it at all. For the first few weeks I’d masked myself enough to believe I could fall for her, but as time went on I still just felt... nothing.
Nothing at all. “Ailee, I have to take her home. She’s fucked up right now.”
Luci frowns, blinking glassy eyes up at me. “Excuse me.” She pinches my nipple. “I am fwine. So fwine!” Her dark brown hair is slowly falling out of the messy bun on top of her head. A pink blush blooms over her light brown skin. “Mimi,” she cooes.
“What?”
Leaning in, she whispers, her breath so hot it nearly knocks me out. Keep Lu away from an open flame. “I’m a little tipsy.”
I pull away with a laugh. “I think if I held a match to your lips you could set these trees on fire with one blow.” Adjusting her more, I hold her up. “I’m going to take her home, okay? I’m just not feeling it. I’ll call you in the morning, alright?” Then I’m going to break up with her. It’s for the best, for us both.
“What the fuck, Jamie?”
“I’m taking her home.”
“Then I’m going too!”
“No, you’re not. Stay. Have fun. Your friends are here.” Not that I want any part of her friend group.
“You’re always doing this!”
“Hey!” I pass Luci on to Maddox then turn to her. No matter how I feel, hurting her is the last thing I want. I cup her pretty face, making her look at me. Some of the fight leaves her as I lean down to kiss her. Shit, even this doesn’t feel good anymore. “She just needs to get home, alright? Go hang out with your friends and I’ll call you in the morning, okay babe?”
“You’re always ditching me.” She sniffs and now I feel like shit. Even though she invited herself along with us tonight, I don’t want her to feel bad. I just want to go home and sleep.
“What’s going on?” Maddox comes in between us.
Tightness begins to crawl up my throat.
“I just want to take Luci home. Ailee wants me to stay.” Maddox nods. I know he doesn’t like her.
“Let me take you guys home, alright? It smells as though someone’s been drinking like it’s an Olympic sport.”
“No, it’s okay, I can drive. I’ve only had one beer.” Hours ago, and the effects are long gone.
“No, I’ll drive. You’re too distracted with Luci. I can.” Maddox kisses Ian on the forehead. “I’ll be right back, babe.”
“Don’t be gone too long.”
“Hey, look at me, drunky.” Ian’s sleepy eyes blink up at him. “You better stop drinking. We have a job to do tomorrow.”
“Stay with Ian. I’m fine. I’m not drunk.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be right back.”
“Did we forget something?!” Ailee stomps.
My last nerve is wearing thin. “Go find your friends, we’ll talk in the morning.” I’m ending things, but right now, when I’m distracted and she’s drunk is not the time.
Maddox leans into me. “Just let her come. We’ll drop her off first, okay?” Whatever. As long as we’re leaving I don’t give a shit. “Come on, Ailee.” Maddox grins that megawatt smile. “Shotgun with me, darling.” She gives me a triumphant smirk, like I’m going to be jealous, as if she’s not currently in the hands of a very gay man who’s in a very committed relationship.
Ian stumble-walks with us to his jeep. Maddox leans in, whispering something to him. Ian looks up, nodding and giving him a kiss. “I love you.” Maddox beams at him and fuck if they aren’t cute as hell.
“Gross,” I say to Ian as he walks by.
“Fuck you.”
“Only if you ask nicely.” I wink.
Maddox turns to me with a glare. “Keep it up and you’ll be riding on my roof.”
“I’d rather ride your boyfriend.”
“I’m going to kick your ass.” Maddox punches my arm. “Wait, where’s Bri?”
“She left.” Luci sucks in a breath. “She broke up with me.”
“What?” Sleepily her eyes blink up at me.
“She . . . she . . .” A half sob escapes her mouth. “I don’t know.”
“Hey, shh. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
She starts to cry, genuinely now. “She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you.” I know that for a fact. “She loves you. You’re both just fighting right now.”
That doesn’t help at all, but my focus becomes stuffing her limp body into the back of the jeep, moving her arms to buckle her in. She fights me, half asleep, half with the strength of a demon summoned from the depths of hell.
Buckling my own belt, I look up, seeing Ailee meet my eyes in the rear-view mirror. “When we get back, I’ll get you some water, okay?” She makes a soft sound of acknowledgment, nearly asleep now.
I feel eyes on me and I’m surprised when mine meet Maddox’s. “What?” All he does is shake his head, glancing over at Ailee sulking in the front seat and looking out her passenger window. I have a lecture coming.
“When are you coming to get your tattoo filled in?” he says instead.
I touch my neck where the outline of a flower is. Being a walking billboard for my best friend has it’s perks—free tattoos—although I always pay him something. Maddox is the most talented artist I know. I can’t believe they finally did it. They opened nearly a week ago. “When you get time, now that you’re a hot-shot artist.” I smile, so fucking happy. They’re booked out for nearly a year, having a wait list before they even officially open.
“Always have time for you, bro. Tomorrow, I’ll have a very drunk man to take care of, but maybe tomorrow night.” We slow to a stop at a red light. Maddox cranes his head to look at me, side-glancing Ailee. “Dude.”
I don’t want to hear it. “It’s green.”
Maddox shakes his head, hitting the gas, going through the light.
My world obliterates.
Then spins.
Crunching.
Shattering.
Ending.
I blink my eyes open, my vision hazy. An acrid smell singes my nose. What’s happening? Why am I? Upside down. I am. What... I move my neck, my body protesting in pain.
The pain is bad, but what’s worse is the absence of it. I can’t feel my legs. Why can’t I feel my legs? It takes all my strength to come to the reality of what’s going on. Smoke. Blood. Glass.
No.
Fuck. “Madd—” I try but my voice is barely audible. I turn and scream. A piece of metal is lodged in my chest, my shirt soaked with blood. Swallowing thickly, I try to look to my side without moving too much.
That’s when I see her. “Lu—” Grabbing for my belt, my body screams with pain, as I forget the metal logded in my chest. I’m pinned. Unable to move. I blink, seeing lights beyond us.
Diamonds.
Not diamonds. Glass.
I hear a loud alarm. Lights start to seep into the mangled jeep. I vaguely see a truck a little way away on it’s side, the front smashed in.
Red. Blue. Red. Blue.
I’m losing consciousness. “Luci.”
She doesn’t stir. I can almost pretend she’s sleeping.
People don’t sleep with their eyes open, though.
“Over here!” I hear somewhere in the distance. “We got one.”
One.
I blink, my vision betraying me. I can barely take in the front of the jeep.
Ailee.
Maddox.
No. I have to... I have to get them out.
I have to . . . I have to . . .
Then everything goes black again.