Spring Break Fling

Chapter 41

41

NIKKO

T he steering wheel felt like a lifeline as I gripped it, my knuckles going white. My pulse thudded in my ears, drowning out whatever Hannah was saying beside me. New York in five days. Of course she took the job. Of course.

I should have known. All of this—Hannah, Boise, the last two weeks—it was too good to be true. It felt safe, solid, like maybe for once in my life, I wasn’t the one holding the short straw. But here I was again, watching the rug get yanked out from under me.

“Nikko?” she said, her voice gentle but tinged with uncertainty.

I didn’t answer, my mind cycling through every shitty moment in my past: my mom leaving when I was six, my dad pretending I didn’t exist, and every so-called friend who had bailed when things got tough. Now Hannah. I thought we were different, that she was different.

“You’re quiet,” she said softly. “Talk to me.”

“Talk to you?” I laughed, the sound bitter and hollow. “What’s there to say? You’re moving to New York, and I’m supposed to clap and cheer? Go you, Hannah, for chasing your dream and leaving me in the dust?”

Her face fell. “It’s not like that. I don’t want to leave you. ”

“But you are,” I snapped, finally turning to look at her. “You’re leaving.”

“I’m not trying to abandon us,” she said, her tone defensive. “I’m trying to figure out how we make this work.”

“How we make this work?” I repeated, the anger bubbling up. “You think we’ll just jet-set every weekend, living some Taylor Swift fantasy? You in New York, me in Miami, and somehow we magically stay connected?”

“We could try,” she said, her voice growing sharp.

Long distance wasn’t going to work. We both knew it, even if neither of us wanted to admit it out loud.

“Five days,” I muttered, shaking my head. “You’re leaving in five days.”

Hannah reached over and put her hand on my leg. “We’ll figure this out.”

But something felt different this time. This wasn’t just another obstacle. This was a fundamental fork in the road of our lives. We didn’t have a long-term relationship to fall back on. We barely knew each other. Two weeks was not a relationship. She was going to go to New York and meet someone that was like her. Someone corporate. She was going to start making real money and would have no time for the broke ass tattoo artist.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. She was leaving. Why did everyone leave me? Was I just that bad? I didn’t know if there was any way for me to be better. What could I change? What the fuck was so wrong with me that no one wanted to stick around?

I reached for the radio and turned it up. Loud. I wanted to drown it all out. Thankfully, she didn’t try to turn it down. I was not in the mood to talk. I was pissed that I let myself fall for the dream. We were in love, and she was running away with me back to Miami. We were going to build a life together. She let me think she actually loved me enough to follow through. She didn’t love me enough to take this leap of faith with me.

I knew it went both ways, but New York was not for me. She loved Miami. She talked about living there and how often we would go to the beach. We talked about the restaurants we would go to and things we would do.

This was exactly why I never allowed myself to count on people. Trust no one, and no one could let you down. I glimpsed her profile, the way her jaw tightened and how she stared ahead, likely lost in her own mess of thoughts and what-ifs. I knew she was probably scripting a thousand apologies in her head, or maybe trying to rationalize her decision in a way that would make us both feel better. But there were no right words anymore, not when every sentence seemed laced with goodbye.

“I’m sorry,” she said at last, her voice carrying over the sound of the music.

“Yeah,” I replied, my voice flat. “Me too.”

We drove the rest of the way to her place in near silence. Each traffic light and stop sign felt like a countdown, each passing second a step closer to the inevitable end. The car was thick with tension, the music doing little to mask the unspoken words between us. I could feel Hannah watching me, her anxiety practically radiating off her. But I kept my eyes fixed on the road.

Five days. That was all we had left.

I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building, cutting the engine but not moving. The silence was deafening.

“Nikko,” Hannah said softly. “Say something.”

I turned to look at her. “What do you want me to say?”

Her eyes welled up. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you will,” I said flatly. “New York and Miami might as well be different planets.”

She reached for my hand, but I pulled away. Not out of anger but out of self-preservation.

“What are you thinking?” she asked softly.

I turned to look at her. The woman I loved. The woman who was about to change everything.

“I’m thinking I love you,” I said. “And I have no idea what happens next. ”

“We’re going to make this work,” she said. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?”

“I don’t need space,” I said, my voice rising. “I want you with me. That’s the whole fucking point, Hannah.”

She flinched, her shoulders stiffening. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal.”

“Ideal?” I laughed again, louder this time. “No, it definitely isn’t. And what’s worse? You’re letting Clarke jerk you around. Those clowns don’t respect you, Hannah. You weren’t even their first choice. He knows you’re going to jump at the job because you’ve been sitting on the backburner.”

Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

“You think this job means they finally see your worth?” I said, my voice cracking under the weight of my anger. “You’re their backup plan. Runner-up. And you’re acting like you’ve won the goddamn lottery. What happens when he gets his first choice? You’re not getting the job because he wants to give it to you. He’s giving it to you because you’re the only one willing to uproot your life in five days to save his ass!”

Hannah’s expression crumbled, the flush fading from her cheeks. She turned to gaze out the window. “I know it’s not perfect,” she whispered finally, her voice hoarse with restrained emotions. “Maybe I am a backup plan to them. But this could be my break, Nikko. My chance to prove that I can do more, be more.”

“Hannah, you’ve been proving yourself and he doesn’t notice! He’s using you. Why in the hell would you keep giving him more? You’re in a bad relationship. Abusive. Everyone can see it except for you! He’s fucking with you. He’s dicking you around and you’ve got blinders on. You see the shiny dollar signs and fancy title, but you can’t see the reality of the situation.”

“Stop,” she said, her voice trembling.

But I couldn’t stop. The words flowed out like poison, and I couldn’t choke them back. “You’re making a weak choice, Hannah. You’re letting them take advantage of you, and you’re throwing us away in the process. ”

Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back. “That’s not fair.”

“Fair?” I threw my head back against the headrest. “You want to talk about fair? I just started to believe we could have something real. You told me you loved me, talked about starting a family, and now—” I broke off, shaking my head. “Forget it.”

“I’m not throwing us away,” she insisted, her voice rising to match mine. “I’m trying to build a future for both of us.”

“A future where we’re on opposite sides of the country?” I shot back. “That’s your big plan?”

She threw her hands up. “I don’t know, Nikko! I’m doing my best here.”

“Well, your best sucks,” I said before I could stop myself. “We’re not going to be together. We’re not going to have kids. You’re not going to want to raise children when you’re chasing the big corner office.”

“You could move to New York.”

“The fuck I could,” I hissed. “New York is not for me. I’m not dealing with that cold weather. I have zero desire to live there, and I don’t want to raise a family there.”

“Can’t we talk about a compromise?”

“You mean I compromise so you can have what you think is your dream job until he changes his mind? Who’s compromising here, Hannah? Me. What do you think happens when I move to New York, and you get fired? I sure as hell won’t make the money we need to afford to live there. And then what happens? We can’t keep moving all over the country while you play the role of the pick-me girl!”

Tears flashed in her eyes. Guilt punched me in the gut. But the anger was still there, clawing its way out of me. I shoved the car door open and got out, slamming it behind me.

“Nikko, wait!” she called after me, but I ignored her. I walked around and opened her door, tossing her the keys. “Take your car,” I said. “I’ll be at your place tonight to grab my stuff.”

“What?” she said, her voice breaking. “Where are you going?”

“Back to Miami,” I said flatly, turning on my heel .

“You can’t go to Miami!” she said, chasing after me. “You said it wasn’t safe.”

I shrugged. “Fuck it. Let them find me.”

“Nikko, stop,” she pleaded, grabbing my arm. “Don’t do this.”

I turned to face her, my heart pounding. “It’s already done, Hannah. At least now we know. We gave it a shot, and it didn’t work. I’m just glad we found out now. No harm, no foul, right? We weren’t actually living together.”

Her tears spilled over then, and it damn near killed me. But I couldn’t stay. Not like this. Without another word, I turned and walked away.

The weight of Hannah’s gaze on my back was like a physical force, dragging me down with every step I took away from her. I stormed off, having no idea where I was going. I could hear her sobbing behind me. I wanted to hold her and tell her it would all be okay, but it wasn’t. This was not okay.

I walked without direction, my feet just moving one in front of the other. There was nothing left to go back to. Not now. I had been so close to having a life that most people took for granted. There was clearly something wrong with me. I needed to accept the fact I was just damaged goods. I was destined to be like my old man. He was going to die alone and so was I.