Stay with Me: The Moran Brothers Series

Chapter 19

Honesty

Reminisce

“Areyou going to tell me what’s going on with you?” Saga says from the lounger beside me.

“Nothing.”

“Oh no, who do you think you’re talking to? I know you better than that.”

I brush my fingers across my sleeping nephew’s cheek. The little angel in my arms reminds me how far I am from all the things I want in life. The ache in my heart has only grown in the last few weeks.

“Is it Derrick and Sheldon? Are you still seeing them both?”

I scoff. If only my life were that simple. I swipe at the tear that slips free.

“I’m still dating Sheldon. Derrick and I had a good time, but we’re not right for each other.”

Saga searches my face. Her eyes fill with worry. I have so much I want to say, but I don’t know if this is something I can tell my big sister.

“Hey, Bishop,” she calls to her husband splashing in the pool with their other little one.

“Yeah, baby.”

“Cooper is knocked out. Maybe you should take Carson in to put him down too.”

“That’s not going to be a problem. I think I’m wearing him out,” Bishop says with a chuckle as he exits the pool with Carson.

He comes to scoop Cooper out of my arms. I look away so he can’t see that I’ve been crying. Once Bishop has the twins and he heads inside, my sister locks her attention on me.

“What’s up? Talk to me.”

I suck in a deep breath to compose myself. This is the first time I’ll be admitting to any of this aloud. I’ve been in denial long enough.

“I’m in love with someone else,” I blurt out.

Sage jerks her head back. I know I’ve caught her off guard. As far as my family knows I haven’t been dating anyone. I’ve been totally career driven until recently.

“O—kay,” she says. “I have so many questions. Help me understand.”

“He’s someone I got involved with after that shooting. He was involved in that part of my life. At least, he was involved in keeping me safe until the case was over.

“We had this … this intense chemistry. I was so confused about everything. You know how sheltered we were growing up. I wasn’t built for that life.

“Tea parties and debutant balls were more my speed. Being shot at and threatened, that was a bit too much reality for me.”

“I get that. I understood why you left to start your firm. I was proud of you for being able to change courses and find something else that was for you,” she says.

“Pfft. That’s another story for another time. All I know is that being a prosecutor wasn’t safe, and it wasn’t for me. Since then, I’ve been trying to steer clear of anything unsafe.”

I look down into my lap and mull over what I’m about to say. This is a hard pill to swallow for me, but it’s time for me to be honest with myself. I have to be.

“I never should’ve started things with him. I knew he wasn’t safe then. But … he just has this way of pulling me in. I’ve never had that spark with anyone else.

“If it weren’t for his job, he’d be perfect. He makes me laugh, he challenges me, and God, the sex is phenomenal. He sets me on fire with only a look.

“I’m always running from him because … because I know he’s not right, but I’ve been in love with him from the beginning. Now, I’m so confused. Sheldon is safe. He’s charming, he’s attentive, but he’s no Kn … he’s not the one I can’t stop thinking about.”

“I remember when you were fearless. It’s been four years, but that case still haunts you. One of these days you’re going to have to take your power back.

“If you love this man, you have to decide what’s more important to you. Running from your past or having the happiness you want. I know you.

“I think you’d rather be happy and satisfied than safe and coasting through mediocrity,” she says.

I look up at my sister through tear-filled eyes. “What if I can’t get over my fear? Saga, he’s been shot recently. Seeing the wound the first time stole my breath away.

“I can’t live on pins and needles. If anything, he’s been promoted into more danger since we started our thing.” I shake my head.

“Let me ask you a question. You don’t have to answer it now. I just want you to think on it. Can you live without him?

Her words hit like a ton of bricks. I literally gasp. Closing my eyes, I try to see my life without Knight. My mind bucks against the thought as much as my heart does.

“What if I’m too late?” I whisper.

“Girl, you have graduated at the top of your class, built your own firm—and don’t even start about Daddy pulling strings—you are one of the most intelligent, beautiful, and kindhearted women I know. If he loves you, you could never be too late.”

“Thanks, Saga. I didn’t know how much I needed to talk this out.”

“Anytime. Knight is an amazing guy. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

I look at my sister with wide eyes. She stares back at me with a grin. I don’t know what to say.

“You really thought you two were creeping? That man looks at you like a piece of steak. I knew something was up from the first time I was in a room with you two.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You’re grown. I knew when you were ready to share you would.”

“You don’t think it’s weird that I’m … I was seeing my brother-in-law?”

“First of all, you were seeing him well before Bishop and I ever met. Second, why would that be weird? You need to stop with all these excuses.”

And there it is. She’s right. I’ve been feeding myself and Knight excuses.

* * *

Knight

I should’ve stepped away.Instead, I listened to their entire conversation. Rem loves me.

Too late? She has no idea how much I love her ass. I’m just waiting for her to admit to herself that we belong together.

“Yo, when did you get here?” Bishop says as he appears.

I step away from the sliding doors quickly and head toward the kitchen. He follows me as he types away on his phone. Thank God he’s too distracted to ask me why I was lurking at the back door.

“I haven’t been here long.”

“I thought I heard the alarm announce the door opening. I figured Rem was leaving.”

“She been here long?”

“Yeah, since this morning. The boys were excited to see her. I think Saga needed the adult time.”

Sometimes I envy my brother and his life. A beautiful wife and two adorable sons. I never knew how much I wanted all of that until recently.

“You still thinking about that new album and tour?”

Bishop looks up at me. His eyes are clouded over as his thoughts play across his face. I know that look.

“I don’t know. The music is there, but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do for my family.”

“Saga knows the music is a part of you. Have you guys talked it out?”

“We’ve talked about it. She’s always supportive, but you know the life. I don’t want to put her through that shit.”

“She’s not your past. You guys have a strong foundation.”

“I know that,” he says and frowns. “I’m still thinking about it.”

“If you need to talk or anything else, I’m here for you. I may have some time on my hands. I can look after your family while you’re gone.”

He squints at me, the wheels turning. “You have no idea how much that would ease my mind. As crazy as the road gets, I’ll be more worried about them here without me.”

“Nothing to worry about. I’ve got your back. Or Dwayne might want to sit this one out and I’ll come on the road with you.”

“Bullshit and you know it. You’ve looked down on that offer for years.”

“Things change.”

He studies me. “Whatever happened must have been bad. You’re not going back, are you?”

“Hey, you,” Saga sings as she enters the kitchen with Rem following behind her.

“What’s up?” I say not taking my eyes off Reminisce.

She won’t look at me. I have so much I want to say to her, but I can’t say any of it because I shouldn’t have heard their conversation.

“You guys are both staying for dinner, right?”

“I should probably go,” Rem says.

“You have to stay,” Bishop replies. “We haven’t looked at those contracts yet.”

She starts to chew on her lip. I saunter around the counter and lean into her ear. The way she sways toward me brings a smile to my face.

“We can be in the same room. We were friends before anything else.”

With that, I head to the living room to watch TV with my brother. It might be time to switch things up. Out of sight, out of mind. I need my girl to remember me.