Chapter 20
Motherly Advice
Knight
“Hey, Mom,”I say as I walk into the study were she’s peering over some documents.
I wonder what charity she’s working on now. No one can deny she has a knack for raising money and throwing outstanding events. It’s why she’s always asked to be on some type of committee.
“Hey, honey. I’m so happy to see you,” she coos as she looks up at me.
I kiss her cheek, then turn my attention to what she’s working on. Something on the top page catches my attention. I pick up the page to read a little more.
“What are you working on?” I ask.
“It’s a charity event for one of the youth centers. They’re losing their funding. The biggest donor had a fatal accident.
“For whatever reason he didn’t write the charity into his final wishes. Then there’s the unfortunate mess with the director who ran off with what funding was left. Those poor children don’t deserve any of this.
“I’m going to do my best to raise some money for them and I’m going to personally find them a new director. Someone with a heart for them and their well-being,” she replies.
“That fucking sucks. Have the police tracked down the thief? Are they sure nothing was in the will?
“It sounds a bit shady to me. I could look into it if you want,” I offer.
“Your father is right. You will always be a detective at heart. They are investigating, but these children need help now.
“I’ll let the police handle all of that. My goal is to make things right for the center. It used to be such a nice resource in the community.”
“How’d you hear about it? This isn’t a part of town you would frequent.”
“Madison told me about it. She used to volunteer there. Then she joined the staff for a while once she received her degree,” she replies.
“Oh, the counselor with the little laugh,” I muse aloud.
I remember her from the party. A bit too shy for me. I did get the feeling mom was trying to push her on me.
“Yes, she did make an impression then.”
I knew it. As soon as I caught on, I made sure to steer clear of her. Mom loves playing matchmaker. She’s gotten worse now that Bishop is married with kids.
“I was hoping you two would have hit it off, but you took more interest in Harper. How did that go? Have you two been out on a date?”
“Who?” I furrow my brows.
“The brunette with the pretty smile. Harper. You chatted her up quite a bit at the party.”
“Oh, yeah. We went on one date. It was a bust. Not my type,” I mutter.
Mom sighs and turns to look up at me. Oh boy, I didn’t come here for this. I thought she would be after me about the job, not my dating life.
“Honey, maybe if you found someone to settle down with, you’ll see you don’t need to be out there chasing bad guys. Things didn’t work out with Harper, that’s fine. I didn’t think they would.
“Maybe I can set something up with Madison. Yes, she’s soft spoken, but I think you will like her once you get to know her.”
“Mom, I’m already interested in someone else. I don’t want to be set up.”
“Your father is right. You’re still seeing Reminisce.”
I drag a hand down my face. “Yeah, well. No. I mean, it’s complicated,” I say in frustration.
“Can you explain it to me?”
“I don’t know. I can try.”
She stands from her chair and leads me over to the sofa in the room. She pats the seat beside her the way she used to do when I was little and she wanted to have a talk with me. I remember those talks like they were yesterday.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Do you remember when I first brought Rem to meet you and dad? It was a few months after the first time I was wounded on the job.”
“Oh God, do I remember. I wanted you to quit then. I hoped you would.”
I clear my throat. “I took that bullet for Rem. They were shooting at her. She was the prosecutor on a huge case.
“They targeted her, but I was there to save her. The entire situation spooked her. It also pushed us together. I knew her from high school.
“Our schools played each other a lot. I’ve always had a thing for her. When we first hooked up, I thought I was getting my shot.
“I brought her here to meet you and Dad because I thought we were going somewhere. I hadn’t realized yet the toll everything had taken or that she associated me with the danger and her fears. She worries about me, far beyond what’s rational.
“That worry sometimes triggers panic attacks on top of the ones triggered by other things that stem from that event. Before you suggest it, she’s been to therapy. It works for a little while, then we’re back at square one.
“I want her, and I know she wants me. I just have to break through her fears,” I explain.
“Knight, that’s a lot to take on. It’s already been four years. Your father and I knew something was going on, but I never imagined this.
“Although, I can’t blame her. I’ve lost more than my fair share of sleep worrying about you. Are you sure this is something you want to pursue?”
“I have always loved Reminisce. Now when I think about it. I loved her from the first time I saw her.
“She looked at me and gave me this smile that lit up the entire room. My breath caught and no one else mattered after that. Then her boyfriend showed up.
“I wanted to make her mine then. Being assigned to protect her. Taking the bullet for her. Those were all signs of fate bringing her to me.
“I would swim across an ocean and back if that’s what it took to have her. I can wait out her fears. I will conquer them to love her,” I say honestly.
“Wow,” mom breathes with tears in her eyes. She nods and reaches to cup my face. “Maybe you should tell her that. Love is a powerful thing. It has the power to overcome fear.”
“I hope you’re right. For now, though we’re friends.”
My mother gives me a knowing look. “Knight, do you really believe that?” She snorts. “Even I know you better than that. You love her so you want to do what’s best for her, but you’re not going to keep doing this dance for long. It’s not in your nature.
“I’m surprised you’ve done it for this long. I admire the man you’ve become. Your character speaks volumes to who you are as a person. I think if you show her the real you. The one we all know and love, she’ll come around. After all, my boys are irresistible when they let out their charm.”
I release a chuckle, feeling a little lighter after our talk. She could be right. I’ve always taken a soft approach with Rem.
Maybe shaking things up will be a good thing. I have a lot to think about.
* * *
Reminisce
“Hey, Mommy,”I say as I step out onto the lenai where she’s sitting drinking tea.
The sun is beating down strong, but there’s an ever so slight breeze happening. Only my bougie mother would be out here with a tea set having tea in this damn heat.
I walk over and kiss both her cheeks, then move to sit across from her. She lifts her teacup to her lips, then takes a sip before placing the cup back on the saucer and sitting them on the table.
As she sits back, she looks at me appraisingly. I have half a mind to get up and leave. I can see in her eyes she’s about to be all up in my business.
“I’m glad you could stop by,” she says.
“I wasn’t expecting your call. What’s up?”
“You haven’t been yourself for a while now. Do you want to talk about what’s going on with you? Neither of those boys your father tried to set you up with are your type, but I’m hearing you’re entertaining them both,” she replies, lifting a brow.
I roll my eyes. “What do you know about my type?”
“I know more than you think.”
“Mom, I went to lunch with Derrick and had dinner with Sheldon. It’s no big deal.”
“Oh, you’re going to ignore the fact that you’re not interested in either of them. Girl, don’t allow your father to pressure you into something you don’t want.”
Wow. I must really be batting a thousand. My mother is usually always on the same page as my father.
Even if she’s not, she’s not going to say much about it. This has to be something that’s really bothering her. I chew on my lip as I think this over.
“Things didn’t work out with Derrick, but Sheldon is a nice guy,” I mutter.
She sits back in her seat and laughs. I pout like I’m still a teenager and fold my arms across my chest. She continues to laugh at me as if I’ve told the funniest joke in the world.
“I’m your mother. I know you better than you know yourself. Reminisce, the worst thing you can do is settle. You will spend the rest of your life craving what you truly desire and gave up.
“I don’t want that for you. You deserve happiness as much as your sister and brother. That will only happen when you’re honest with yourself.”
I sigh and rub my hands on my pants. I think her words over. Sheldon is safe. Our dates were nice enough, but my heart still wants Knight.
Something about him offering to be friends has drawn me in. I’ve been dodging Sheldon’s calls since the day I hung out at Saga’s and spilled my guts.
It wasn’t just my confusion. It was getting to hang out with Knight around family. He’s like a magnet I can’t pull myself away from.
“I don’t know what to do, mom. I want to feel safe in my relationship. I want to able to move forward in my life. I’ve tried so many different therapists, but none of them work. I’m starting to think this is something no one else can help me fix.
“I’m either going to dig deep and fix myself or this is my life. I’m going to settle or be alone because I’m terrified of what I really want.”
“Reminisce, sweetheart, your grandmother once told me something that stuck with me. When you want something with your whole heart, you fight for it. You do it afraid if you have to. Love will always help you to overcome fear, my baby.”
I nod my head not able to form the words to express my mixed-up emotions. For now, I can’t give anyone my all until I figure out what I lost along the way.
I’m beginning to see that. While I desire love and a family of my own, I still have healing to do. Knight hasn’t displayed any of the danger I used to associate with him.
I get the feeling my fear has become unfounded. This leave of his means more. Something important may have happened during our time apart.
“You’re right, mom. I need to deal with my shit.”
“I guess that’s a way to put it.”
We both laugh. My heart feels a little lighter. I have been holding Knight at arm’s length, when all my reasons for doing so hold no weight.
Maybe it’s time I take a step back and really look at why.