Stir (The Sizzle TV Series Book 5)

Chapter 19 – Natalie

The flowers take up half my desk, but I’m not mad about it. Finn snatched up the card the minute the delivery guy left before I could even set down the vase. Daisies, roses, lilies, baby’s breath, flowers I had never seen before; you name it, this bouquet had it.

“For you both,” reads Finn. He stares hard at the card like he doesn’t understand the words, then blinks at Nic’s office door for a long time.

His closed office door.

“He sent us flowers.”

“Something’s wrong,” says Finn, his eyes narrowing.

I brush away the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. I can’t remember the last time anybody sent me flowers. My mom, maybe, when I graduated college. Certainly, Jeff never had.

“Flowers do not necessarily mean something’s wrong, Finn,” I say, smothering a laugh. He looks so confused.

Nic had shown up last night in a rush, only a few minutes after Finn and I walked through the door of Finn’s apartment. What happened next was awe-inspiring. He’d been inspired. He wouldn’t talk about the happy hour, but something clearly rang his bell last night in the ninety minutes between leaving work and getting to Finn’s.

“Maybe not,” says Finn. “But last night…” He clears his throat, shifting on his feet.

“Yeah. Last night was?—”

“Don’t say it.”

He’s fighting his arousal because we’re at work. I know what it looks like because I’ve been trying to fight it all week and mostly failing. I’ve never in my life fooled around with anybody at my workplace, never even considered it before, but these last few days, it’s all I can think about.

“We need coffee,” I say.

Finn sends me a grateful look. I place our order and grab my purse, letting Nic know I’ll be back in a few minutes.

The shop is only half a block away. The early spring air is brisk, invigorating… not too cold today, just refreshing. The wind blows my hair all over the place, but I’ll happily trade it for the sun on my face this morning.

It’s the beautiful afternoon, the clear skies, the changing season that makes everything look brighter today. The world is sharper, more in focus. It has absolutely nothing to do with the way Nic looked at me last night and again this morning when I walked into the office. Or the way he’s been looking at Finn. Or that monstrous bouquet of flowers with a note that says For you both. And it definitely has nothing to do with my feelings, which I have absolute total control over, for both of them.

The door to the coffee shop shows my reflection. My smile is blinding. God, I’ve never felt so good.

“After you,” I say, holding the door for the person leaving the shop, too distracted to notice them much.

“Oh, it’s you.”

I blink the woman into focus.

“Oh.” Well, hell. “You’re Tawdra, right?”

“Teeny, what the hell? I thought we were leaving.” A second blonde Barbie doll, a shorter carbon copy of the first woman, comes out the door, stopping right behind her friend.

Right, guess I can quit being a human doorstop.

“Libby, you remember Natasha, right?” says Tawdra. Blonde Number Two looks me over and arches a brow.

“No.”

“It’s Natalie. Natalie Casteel. We worked together at Sizzle,” I clarify politely.

“Oh!” says Number Two. “That’s right, you’re poor Jeff’s ex. The hefty one.”

Hefty. “That was a long time ago.” Poor Jeff.

“Hmm.” Tawdra smiles. The effect is shark-like.

She’s a waif, that lithe kind of slender you see on beauty queens, the kind you only get with a certain concoction of good genes and early how-to-be-gorgeous training. Both these women are. I used to hate them as a whole, to tell the truth. And that was before Tawdra started dating Jeff.

“Are you really working for that lawyer downstairs?” asks Libby.

“I am.”

“Goodness, how brave you must be. I wouldn’t dare to show my face around after a breakup like that.”

“Hush, Libby, we all take what we can get. Don’t we, Natalie?” says Tawdra, her accent thick with condescension. “Everybody’s just doing the best they can.” She waves her hand between us, like it’s just us girls, gesturing like we’re friends or something.

The light catches on the ring on her third finger, and my stomach ties itself into a knot.

Tawdra’s been waiting for me to notice it, her left hand still held aloft.

“Oh!” she simpers, splaying her hand on her chest. “You caught me.”

“You’re engaged?” I ask.

Libby beams her own shark smile to match Tawdra’s. There’s blood in the water, and they both know it.

“Guess our little secret’s out,” says Tawdra with a tiny, fake pout. “And Jeff so wanted to tell you himself. He’ll be so disappointed.”

“Congratulations.” I manage to make it sound authentic. “Seems a little fast. You’ve only been together a few months.”

“Oh, goodness, no,” gushes Libby. “That was last Valentine’s Day. You got those flowers right after you moved into your new place, right, Teeny? That was over a year ago now.”

Libby carries on as Tawdra meets my eyes. The full meaning of what Libby’s just let slip washes over me all at once. They’ve been together well over a year. Jeff broke up with me just over a year ago.

I’m not going to dig out my calendar, but even I can do that math.

“Congratulations again,” I say. “Excuse me.”

I head inside to the counter, picking up the coffee order on autopilot, making sure Tawdra and Libby are nowhere in sight when I make my way back to the building.

“Hey, doll,” says Finn, holding the door for me when I get upstairs. “You had three calls; Nic said just to let them go to… Natalie?”

I really need a minute alone. Probably should have thought of that before I walked in here. God only knows what my face looks like.

“Hey.” I try to smile. Finn’s frown only deepens. Whoops. Guess that didn’t work. “I’m just gonna set this down.” I walk straight through to Nic’s office, not bothering to knock.

Whoops, again.

“Hey, thanks for—” Nic looks at my face and stops mid-sentence. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

“She went down the street to get the coffee and came back like this. She was only gone maybe fifteen minutes.” I scowl at Finn the tattletale.

Nic takes my hand, walks me over to the sofa, and urges me to sit down next to him. He strokes a cautious finger over my knuckles.

“Did you eat lunch?” he asks.

“I’m not the one around here who skips meals, boss,” I say. Sitting so close to him now here on the couch in his private office, it comes out sounding like a dare. The energy in the room changes, kicking up a notch.

“Not low blood sugar then,” says Nic, clearing his throat. “So, something happened while you were out.”

I blow out a breath. Might as well get this over with. “I ran into my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend.”

Nic’s jaw tightens. Finn frowns again. “The ex-boyfriend who works at Sizzle?” Nic asks.

“Yeah. His new girlfriend works there, too. Sorry, his fiancée.”

“Ah,” says Nic. He’s being so damn careful. I hate it when he acts careful with me. He sounds the way he did the day we met before we started doing this thing we’re doing, whatever it is. He sounds like a polite stranger, and I hate it.

“That sucks,” says Finn, also cautious, but mostly sounding confused. “You guys have been broken up for a while, right? So them getting married is probably not shocking news. Or maybe I’m missing something.”

“It came out in the conversation that they got together before Jeff and I broke up.” I squeeze my eyes shut, the shame and humiliation too much to stomach with them watching. I can’t bear to see their faces, not right now.

“It’s not a big deal,” I say, rising to my feet. I ignore the coffee on the desk, one hundred percent not interested in eating anything in case I end up eating everything in a three-mile radius, like I used to do when I was upset. “It just surprised me. I’ll be all right, just give me a minute.”

Finn moves out of the room, and I keep my eyes on the floor, intending to follow. Nic grips my wrist, stopping me from leaving.

“Nic.”

“Natalie.” He tugs me back toward him gently, bringing me to stand right in front of him on the couch.

He kisses my knuckles, one hand and then the other, then holds my hands to his cheeks.

“You are precious to me,” he says, his voice very low. When I finally manage to raise my eyes to his, his expression is warm, wide open, and earnest.

How could I have ever thought him cold?

“Nic, you don’t have to?—”

“I know I don’t have to.” He turns to press a kiss to my palm. “You are precious to me, and this may not be what you want to hear, but not an hour goes by I’m not grateful to that prick for being fool enough to let you go. I don’t like you getting hurt, sweetheart, but I figured out a long time ago that he’s the one I owe for bringing you to me. I want to ruin him for hurting you, but Natalie—” His voice breaks. He stops, opens his mouth. Closes it. Takes a deep breath, like he’s bracing himself for impact. “Did you love him very much?”

“What? No.” The question is startling. “I mean, I thought I did for a little while, but then things started to go off.”

Nic’s eyes sharpen.

“Not like that,” I hasten to explain. Finn comes back in, closing the door behind him quietly. Better that I won’t have to say this twice, then. Humiliating as it is, I want them to understand. It’s ugly and horrible and so embarrassing. I want to dig a hole and never come out, but I already clawed my way out of that mess, and I want Finn and Nic to know it.

“I was heavy even as a young teenager. College didn’t help. It wasn’t so bad for a while, you know? By the time I was working at Sizzle, I was too busy to pay much attention to my looks. Working behind the scenes, there’s not as much pressure to look a certain way. I wasn’t the biggest girl there, and frankly, I stopped paying attention to my body. It just wasn’t something I thought much about. Jeff… when I met him, he didn’t seem to care either. He told me I was pretty. And he went out of his way to give me attention in front of other people at work. He made me feel good.

“When he asked me out, saying yes felt inevitable.” My stomach churns. Finn comes closer, sitting on the couch, tugging me to sit down between Nic and him. It’s easier to say it now that I don’t have to look straight at them. “It was flattering, you know? I thought things were fine, and maybe for a while, they really were. Maybe he really was into me at the start. But then he started commenting about what I was eating. He stopped wanting to go out at all, claiming he didn’t have the energy for it. He’d ask me sometimes if I had anything more flattering to wear.”

Finn lays a hand on my knee, squeezing briefly. Nic is very still.

“It got worse toward the end,” I say. I’m not repeating the garbage he said then, not if I want a chance at scrubbing it from my brain forever. “Suffice it to say, he made it clear that he no longer found me attractive, that he couldn’t remember why he ever had.”

“So you kicked his ass to the curb,” finishes Finn.

“I wish I had.” I close my eyes. “One night after I asked him to take me out—it had been months of staying in by then, nothing but takeout dinners in my apartment—Jeff told me flat out that I was too fat to fuck, and he left.”

Finn makes a choked sound. Nic swears.

“That was it. He never came back. I put his things in a box. The next time I saw him at work, I couldn’t stand it. I walked straight to HR and put in my notice.”

Nic takes my hand. Finn follows suit on my other side.

“So no,” I say, opening my eyes finally and focusing on the wall so I don’t have to see their faces. Pathetic. “I don’t have any lingering feelings for him. I’m not upset he’s with someone else. They just surprised me, is all.”

The room is quiet for a long beat.

“I’ll kill him,” says Finn in a flat voice.

“I’ll represent you if you do.” I can feel the tension radiating off Nic.

I laugh. God, the release feels so, so good. I laugh harder, unable to stop. I finally catch my breath, wiping tears of mirth away, breaking their grip to do it.

“Anyway. Sorry for the drama. God, that feels better.”

“Don’t apologize,” says Nic, pushing a tissue into my hand. “You know he’s full of shit, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“That asshole was already checked out. Making cracks about your looks was his way of driving you off, trying to get you to end things.”

Huh. “My friend Moira said the same thing.”

“There you go. If Moira said it, you know I’m right.”

“You’ve met Moira?” Finn asks.

“She’s come up here to the office to meet Natalie a few times. The woman is terrifying.”

“She is not,” I dutifully protest. But he’s not wrong.

“She really is,” says Nic, shifting in his seat. “And that’s enough about that. Did you lock the door?” It takes me an extra beat to realize his last comment is directed at Finn.

“I did, and I stuck the ‘out of office’ sign out, too.”

“Phones?”

“Set to ring straight to voicemail.”

“What on earth are you up to?” I ask, looking between them.

“Take your skirt off,” says Finn.

My eyes about pop out of my head. I turn to look at Nic.

“Tell him,” I say. At least, I try to say it. The words come out a bit mangled.

“Tell him what?” says Nic, loosening his tie.

“We’re at work.” It’s Nic’s biggest rule, and I am well aware it’s the reason he closed himself off from me for so long. There’s no way we’re fooling around at the office.

Nic goes about rolling up his sleeves, and the pristine white of his dress shirt—a direct contrast to the dark hair on his forearms—along with his muscles flexing in the late afternoon light, rob me of my voice altogether.

“Please, like Nic’s going to say no. Nobody would buy this couch unless they planned to fuck on it,” says Finn.

“You’re out of your mind. Of course, I didn’t.” Nic leans forward and pushes Finn’s jacket off his shoulders.

“Liar,” says Finn, shucking his jacket and grabbing Nic’s tie over my lap, tugging him forward for a breathtaking kiss right in front of me. “This couch was made for fucking. Or blow jobs, at least.”

Nic breaks their kiss, laughing against his lips. “I’ve got something else in mind right now.”

He urges me to stand, gripping my hips and turning me to face away. Fingers toy with the zipper at the top of my skirt, inching it down slowly.

He’s giving me a chance to say no. A way out, in case it’s too much, in case it’s not what I want.

The instant the skirt has enough give, I let it drop to the floor, stripping my panties off to add to the pile.

In a heartbeat, both men have their hands on me, wrapping around my thighs. Finn puts his mouth to work on the skin above my stockings.

Nic turns me, guiding my knee up on the couch, bringing the juncture of my thighs to eye level. Sweet Mary, mother of God. It’s not the first time he’s put his mouth on me like this, but Finn is right behind me. Right behind me. He doesn’t waste a moment, groaning when he realizes where Nic’s positioned me. His mouth grazes across my hip, over one cheek, nipping and biting lightly.

Nic nuzzles at the bit of hair between my thighs. Gripping the back of the couch in one hand, Nic’s hair in the other, my head falls back, and I hold on for dear life as they set to work.

“God, you’re amazing.” Nic looks up from between my legs, his heart in his eyes, and I want to fall on my knees and tell him everything I feel right then and there. He doesn’t stop for long, though, his lips and tongue working magic over my pussy while Finn shifts behind me, going lower until?—

“Oh my God.”

His tongue finds a spot no one’s ever touched before, and I think my eyes are crossing. My face is blazing hot. He can’t possibly want this, but oh God, it feels so good. Nothing should feel this good. One tongue on my clit and the other fluttering where no man has ever been.

It’s so intensely sexy, it drives me to the breaking point faster than I’d thought possible, and moments later, when Nic slides a finger inside me, I’m coming hard enough to cry out.