Suddenly You (Our Exception Book 2)

Chapter 22

The school year is almost over, and fuck me, I’m ready for it. Instead of working this summer, Coop and I are going to travel. He’s going to take me to the Great Lakes in search of different stones. We’re going to walk the beaches and make love under the stars.

Not that he’s told me with his words that he loves me.

I’ve said it though. A few more times in the past few weeks.

Each time they fall from my lips, I wait for reciprocation.

But it’s been radio silence. He kisses me like he loves me, holds me like it too. And when we fuck, I feel like our bodies have reached some kind of third dimension, a euphoric, heavenly thing.

Though, the last few days, he’s been more secretive, quieter.

Well, it’s been quiet when we’re alone and not fucking.

When my dick is inside of him, he’s loud, open, desperate.

But he still doesn’t say those words I need to hear. He swallows them down and keeps them inside.

My phone pings as I sit outside and watch the sky darken with clouds. It’s warmer out, now that it’s late spring, but still, it grows misty over the ocean, hiding the horizon from view.

My gaze turns toward my phone and I see that it’s Coop telling me he’s running late and won’t be home when he planned. It’s to be expected. He’s out to lunch with Patrick and Owen for their monthly meetup, but for some reason, the way he wouldn’t make eye contact with me when he left is making me jumpy.

It’s making my suspicions rise.

Something is wrong, something that he won’t tell me.

Although, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe I’m conjuring up things that don’t really exist.

I’ve been known to do that from time to time.

I rub at my eyes and stare at the mist growing around me. What I need to do is stop sitting here and moping. I need to get off my ass and walk.

I make my way down to the beach and spend some time looking for shells and rocks, my little treasures. But it’s not the same without Coop by my side, without someone to show them to, so I end up walking back to our place, my spirits sinking low.

I wave to Clifford and press the button to the elevator, only to come to an abrupt stop when I see a man waiting outside our door. He’s wearing a suit and tie, his hair combed over neatly.

He looks and smells like a lawyer.

Fuck.

Our eyes lock and he straightens, smoothing out his tie, almost nervously. “Mr. Morris?” he asks, and I nod.

He hands me a manila envelope, and I glance down at it, feeling my entire body heat with nerves. “What is this?”

“Some paperwork that Mr. Barone wanted me to deliver you.”

I stare down at it, unblinking, and nod. I can’t even utter a thank-you or a goodbye. My throat has stopped working, just a clicking, parched mess. I just make my way into the loft with a pounding heart. My skin is too tight, sticky, my head a spinning, horrid mess.

Setting the envelope on the counter, I stare at it. A part of me already knows what this is. This is why he’s been so distant for the past few days, so cagey. He knew this was coming.

With angry hands, I rip it open and stare at the bright white papers littered with black ink sitting there, glowering up at me.

My gaze swims, and I feel my world tilt.

Divorce.

He wants a divorce.

I grab on to the stack with shaking hands and thumb through it, feeling my skin heat to molten. Sadness and anger ripples through me.

After all of this, after everything we’ve done together, he wants me to leave.

He wants to be done with me.

My heart hurts, thudding recklessly in my chest. I rub at it, but it does nothing to quell the ache. This has to be a mistake, I think before discarding it. I don’t know how much more clear it can be. He’s done with me.

He had divorce papers served to me.

Well then fuck him, my mind shouts as I toss them in the garbage. They stare up at me from inside, laughing at me. Mocking me with a future I know I don’t deserve. This is the karma I knew would come for me.

I was a bad person, hurt so many, and here I am being ripped apart.

I stuff them down further, coating them in food and spilled coffee grounds. But still, they mock me, jeering from their confines.

I pace the kitchen and then come to a decision.

I’m not fucking divorcing him. I wanted it for ages and he refused, so he’s stuck with me. He can’t pull this rug out from under me.

Not after all this.

I told him I love him.

I’ll fight for it. I’ll make this work, make myself good enough for him or die trying.

I wrench the paperwork from the bin, and I stomp down to the beach, my legs trembling as I try to walk. But my ankles give out and I stumble, falling to my knees, my eyes wet and hazy. It’s all falling apart. It’s all coming crashing down.

The end. This is the end.

I lift my head and see the thrashing waves before me, the crash of white on sand. Pushing up, I stride toward them, the legs of my pants getting wet, the wind slapping my exposed skin in a frenzy.

A storm is coming, the mist growing bleak and dreary, just like my heart. An ominous thing. It showcases my life, a linear line into the future. Dark and bleak.

With the strength of a hundred heartbreaks, I toss the packet of papers toward the waves, trying to release this heartbreak back to Mother Earth, but she just laughs in my face and sends it blowing back to me, hitting me right in the chest. I grapple with it and try again, watching as she wafts it onto the sand near my feet. The papers are heavy now, wet, the ink bleeding through the translucent sheets, but still, they won’t go, they won’t leave.

A sign? A sign that maybe I should sign them and move on.

I should just give up and let go.

I’m not loveable. I’m unloved.

By the time the cop arrives, a ticket in hand, I’m sobbing. Tears staining my cheeks, the paperwork a soggy mess in one hand, a ticket for littering in the other.

Well, fine. If he wants a divorce so badly. He can have it.

I give up. So much for fighting till the end for it. For us.

I love him, but it’s not enough.

I never was enough.

I trudge back to the loft, my clothes wet, my body shaking, my eyes a red, swimming mess. And as soon as I enter, Coop is there, looking beautiful and perfect, a man out to break my already shattered, weak heart.

He’s rubbing it in, showing me without words how much he doesn’t love me at all.

“What on earth? Why are you dripping wet?” he asks when he sees me, half windblown and knocked over. My face is a red, splotchy mess, my nose dripping with snot.

I run my hand across it and throw the papers at his feet. They settle there with a very unsatisfying plop.

“I get it. I’ll leave,” I hiss, well more of a sob, but I try like hell to keep it together.

Coop’s mouth falls open as he looks at the soggy mess on the floor. “Matthew…”

I don’t let him finish, don’t want to hear any lies that come out of his mouth. I’ve already been degraded long enough. I need to move on. I stomp to our bedroom and grab a bag, looking at the closet of his that is now filled with my things. I moved them over slowly and now they fill his space. It’s heart-wrenching to think that I need to pull each piece of clothing out, removing myself slowly from his life.

I should have never moved in with him. I should have known better. Now I know why he didn’t say I love you. I was disposable. He was ready for this to end.

“I’ll be gone in a few minutes,” I choke out, feeling him behind me as I stuff my clothes into my bag haphazardly. I don’t even know what I’m packing, and I know I’m forgetting things.

But I need to leave. Need to flee so I can lick my wounds and move on.

Oh god, how am I ever going to move on from this? He upended my life, turned me upside down. I was happy, tasted it, basked in it.

How am I ever going to find this again?

“You stop it right now,” Coop says, suddenly by my side and grabbing on to my clothes and throwing them onto the bed, thwarting my efforts. “If you’d just listen to me…”

“I have been listening!” I shout, my anger bubbling over, my lips trembling from the force of it. “I have been listening and I’ve heard nothing. You don’t love me. You don’t want me. It’s clear as fucking day, and I chose to ignore it!”

Coop freezes, his face paling. “No, I—fuck, Matthew. Oh god, I messed it all up! This…this was supposed to be a grand gesture!”

I don’t listen anymore. I’m done. I know when it’s done.

I grab the clothes and shove them in the bag, not even bothering to zip it as I stride from the room, Coop hot on my heels.

“Matthew, you are not fucking leaving until I’ve said my piece!”

“You said it loud and clear already,” I reply and reach for the door to open it, but he’s in front of me, knocking me back with a shove to my chest.

“I don’t want to divorce you.”

“That’s not what those papers said.”

“Well, you’ve got it all wrong. First off, that asshole lawyer was supposed to deliver them to me! Not you. And secondly, I wanted to give you the option to divorce me so we could do this right.”

I’m just frozen, blinking at him, trying to process it all. Coop huffs angrily and then grabs on to my arm, dragging me back to the bedroom. My clothes slip from the duffle bag and trail along the floor, breadcrumbs to my inevitable exit.

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. I made a mess of it,” he says as he stops in front of his dresser. He pulls the top drawer open and rustles around inside. A moment later, his hand is cradling a small velvet box.

He holds it out to me, and I stare at it, unsure what this means.

“What is this?” I whisper, scared to open it. Scared to have my heart ripped out once more. I can’t do it. Can’t survive it.

Coop runs a hand through his hair and then places the box in my hand.

“I was going to have us start over. I was going to propose, Matthew. I’ve been working with Owen and Patrick to set up a proper wedding ceremony.”

“But…” I gasp, as Coop reaches over and opens the box. I see a beautiful gold ring inside, so different from the one on my finger.

“This is for you to wear around your neck, next to your heart. A symbol of new beginnings.”

I stare down at it and blink through hazy eyes.

“But you haven’t said you love me.”

Coop sighs and he takes a step closer to me. “I do love you, Matthew. I was going to tell you on the beach, at our wedding.”

“But…”

“No buts,” he says, his hands clutching mine. “I went about this all wrong. The papers were supposed to be a grand gesture, something to tell you that you’ve paid off all your debt, that I want to start fresh, that I want it to be your decision that we’re together, no deals or obligations. But it obviously didn’t work out the way I planned. I didn’t think about how this would make you feel.”

He reaches out and cups my cheeks, his eyes shining. “I do love you, Matthew Morris. And I want to marry you all over again, while we’re sober. Do it right so we can remember it. I want to remember every part of it.”

“What?” I breathe, and Cooper falls to his knee, grabbing the box from my hand and holding it out to me.

“Matthew Morris, I have loved you for ages. You’re my heart, my breath. You’re everything. Will you marry me, for real this time? But only because you want to, because you love me?”

I sniffle, my heart having gone through all the emotions—anger, grief, denial, and now finally throbbing with happiness.

“I do love you,” I say as Coop kneels before me, his golden eyes meeting mine.

“Is that a yes?”

I stare down at him, at my future.

“Yes. Yes of course.”

Coop’s shoulders sag in relief, and he shoots me a wobbly grin, standing up and throwing himself into my arms, kissing my watery eyes.

“Thank fuck for that. Oh god, I was so worried. I thought I’d lost you.”

“I got a ticket for trying to destroy the papers in the ocean.”

“I’ll pay it. I’ll pay for everything for always. Just never leave me.”

I nod, tucking my face into his neck and breathing him in. Oh god, I thought we were finished, but we’re not. We’re not through yet.

“I have everything planned. Our new beginning, Matthew. It’s just waiting for us.”

I look down at him and then kiss him senseless.

My beautiful husband.

My forever.