Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
B ack in their room, Freya had cleaned up and was sitting in front of the fire wrapped up in a blanket to stave off the sea’s chill from her bones. They had lost track of the time out there in the water together. She was a very fast learner, though, and was already learning the basics of swimming. He couldn’t think of a better way to have spent his afternoon.
He was sitting beside her, watching the way the firelight danced over her pale skin. They had a nice dinner in front of them, good bread, meat, and cheese and they were hungry after all the day’s activity.
They would be embarking on their journey soon.
All their wet clothes were laid out in front of the fire, draped over the various items to make sure that everything was dry and ready for their departure.
“Are ye feeling homesick at all?” He asked.
Freya glanced at him and shook her head, and then focused back on the fire instead. “Surprisingly nae, I dinnae think that I am.”
He glanced down at his hands, focusing on the bread and picking it into bite sized pieces. It was more a distraction than anything else. “Naethin’ ye miss?”
Freya sighed and shook her head once more. “Nay. If I’m being perfectly honest, I think that I was starting to outgrow that place. There were nay challenges until ye came along. I dinnae think I fully realized just how complacent I had become over time until I was healing ye.”
Nathan knew he ought not to ask the next burning question on his mind, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “And that man?”
“Who, Tristan?” Freya snorted. “He would love nothin’ more than fer me tae feel homesick, but I simply cannae bring meself tae care about him in the way he wishes I would.”
“There was never anything between ye?”
Not that it was any of his business. Not really. He didn’t have any idea if he was a man who had such obligations at home either. But, he would know wouldn’t he? He would know if there was a girl waiting for him. There was no gnawing feeling of loss anywhere within him. He knew he had no idea who he was, or the life that he had come from but this still felt so right. Maybe, just maybe, if this was the life he was destined to lead, that would be all right.
“Nay. Nay from lack of trying. I think Tristan felt he was entitled tae me. He always treated things between us like an inevitability. Like it was something that was just going to happen nay matter what.” Freya sighed, pulling her legs up toward her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “He wanted me tae marry him but put in nay effort tae build any love between us. He pursued me fer a few years, but I always turned him down.”
“Seems like he hasnae given up, honestly.” Nathan sighed.
“He needs tae learn tae take nay fer an answer.” Freya huffed. “If he thinks that constantly pushing forward is going tae change me mind, he daesnae ken me at all.”
How any man could look at her, and not admire her for her strong mind was beyond him. Tristan wanted to control her, that much was obvious. He knew he was likely a good part of the reason that they had had to leave so quickly in the first place. But he would have to thank him if that was true. It had given him the chance to spend more time with Freya.
“I ken ye likely dinnae have any idea, but what dae ye think ye’re going tae find in the mainland? Maybe we will be able tae find a family waiting fer ye, or a home tae go back tae?”
Nathan shrugged. Of course, it was possible. “I wouldnae even ken where tae start.”
“Well, maybe at some point in the journey, yer memory will spark?” Freya asked, but there was something about her tone that he couldn’t quite place. Was she feeling nervous, or apprehensive about it all? He couldn’t blame her. There was still a part of him that was dreading finding out who he was.
“Maybe. It’s difficult nae kenning what sort of person I was… or am, I suppose,” Nathan said.
Freya shrugged one shoulder, shifting to lay out on the blanket that they were having their little makeshift picnic upon. “I think it would be rather hard tae believe ye could change everything about who ye are so easily. A little bump on the head fer most people wouldnae make them into new people. Although, I did ken a child whose eyes did go crossed for a little while.”
He couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image of it as he joined her in laying on the blanket, the pair of them staring up at the ceiling. What was the matter with him? He was almost nervous to board that ship, and it was only because that might mean their time together was coming to a close. If only he hadn’t been unconscious for so long.
“I havenae been back to the mainland since I was a wee lass. I dinnae remember me life there afore me faither passed.” Freya sighed. “Even this town and the convent feel so much smaller than I remember them being. I dinnae like tae think that I’ve changed that much over the years but it feels as if I must have.”
Nathan snorted. “Me neither.”
Freya reached over to where he was lying and smacked him on the arm just hard enough to make her point, letting it sting a little bit. He laughed and curled away from her.
“What good was all that time spent healing me if ye are just gonnae hit me and injure me all over again?” Nathan teased.
“Says the man who got into a fight at breakfast, injuring his own hand.” Freya retorted.
She had a point, even if it pained him to admit it.
Silence fell comfortably between the pair of them, the crackling of the fireplace leaving a peaceful lull in the room, the shadows dancing over the ceiling. Freya scooted closer to him, pulling her blanket further around herself. Her eyes kept drifting shut, no matter how hard she tried to keep them open. Nathan couldn’t seem to bring himself to tear his eyes away from her, he wanted to memorize each and every detail of her face.
Hers was a special type of beauty. He might like her freckles the best, more so now that they had spent the day outside. They were darker than they had been before. He also now knew those same freckles spanned over her neck and shoulders.
In his mind, he started mentally mapping out the routes between the freckles on her neck, following them up over her jawline as if he could somehow grant himself the courage to trace them with his fingers as she fell asleep.
Sleep wouldn’t come to him.
He watched her breathing, admiring how peaceful she looked. He hoped the journey would allow her to cross the sea peacefully.
Nathan was coming to find out very quickly he didn’t much care for people being so close to him. The large crowds weren’t something that made him feel very at ease. Perhaps it was just his protective nature resurfacing but it truly felt like in such confined spaces, surrounded by so many people, it was just that much more difficult for him to protect Freya.
She likely didn’t need his protection, but that didn’t stop the nearly overwhelming impulse to keep her as close to his side as he possibly could.
It almost seemed like Freya was going to grab his arm when they arrived in the marketplace. She didn’t end up doing it, but he wished she had. Instead, he walked just two paces behind her, keeping his eye on all the merchants and other people they passed along the way.
Every few stalls they passed, Freya would look over her shoulder for his approval on whatever it was she was purchasing, but it was very difficult for him to properly pay attention to what she was showing him. He was more than happy to hold the bags, however. Something had shifted inside of him after the beach the previous day, teaching her how to swim—and all of the rest of it.
They started to move toward the food stalls last, and he hefted her basket further up onto his arm. There, out in the crowd, he finally spotted the small group of people who were setting off his nerves. Out perusing the outskirts of the stalls were three men in clan uniforms. Something started to niggle at the back of his mind. Did he know that clan? The colors and print seemed somewhat familiar, but he couldn’t place them. It was like a dull throbbing in the back of his mind that he didn’t know how to clear.
Nathan’s gaze narrowed, watching as they started to move around, asking people questions. Were they the same people Freya had them running from in the first place? Reluctant to risk it, Nathan grabbed Freya’s arm by the elbow and pulled her sideways into a dark alleyway. He blocked her from view with his own body, keeping his back to the opening so that nobody would be able to recognize them as anything other than a couple taking a quiet moment for themselves.
“What’s happened?” Freya asked, alarm in her voice.
Nathan’s free hand lifted, covering the lower half of her face with his large hand, and Freya’s eyes widened even further. Her hands fisted into his shirt, keeping herself closer to him, pulling slightly. He was flattered that she trusted him enough not to fight him.
After a moment, the sound of boots walking past them registered, the men moving slowly. Freya ducked down just enough to see through the gap between Nathan’s arm and his body to see what it was they were hiding from. Her grip on him tightened but then they started to walk past the alleyway without properly looking in their direction. Neither one of them so much as breathed as the clan soldiers walked away.
As much as he didn’t want to risk them being caught, he also wanted them to move just a little bit slower, so he could linger like this for just a little bit longer.
Every passing moment was another breath shared between them. Freya’s hands were warm and solid against his chest, the curve of her waist small and delicate between his large hands. Nathan imagined pulling her even closer, pressing their bodies together to feel the heat of her on his skin, the curves of her body under his fingers. It would be so easy to kiss her that the temptation was almost overwhelming.
There was something about the way she was holding onto him, her fingers curling securely around the fabric of his shirt, that had his protective feelings flaring up inside him even more. Had he ever felt like this for anyone else in his life, he wondered? Could it be that Freya was the only one who could awaken such feelings within him? Had he ever met another woman who could make his heart flutter in his chest like this whenever she was close to him?
He couldn’t claim to know, but that didn’t change the fact she inspired such feelings within him. With every second, with every moment they spent stuck in that tiny, cramped space, Nathan’s desire for her grew until it was almost unbearable. He craved to tighten his grip on her, to drag his hands over the swell of her curves, to press his lips against her rosy mouth. Every small, stuttering breath she took, every minuscule movement rippled through him, warmth coiling in his stomach and radiating out to his limbs. He recognized it for what it was—desire, unbridled and unceasing, the kind of passion that he thought he would remember had he experienced it before.
When he glanced at her, he found her looking back up at him, her green eyes with the flecks of gold in them wide and doe-like. There was a beat—a single moment in which Nathan thought Freya would bridge the gap between them, perhaps even chase his lips. Time seemed to stall, coming to a standstill between them. The very air they shared seemed to turn heavy and thick, like honey. Nathan could hear the shudder of each breath, the hitch of it as neither of them looked away.
And then the footsteps fully retreated, the men disappearing down the street. It was something of a miracle that the men hadn’t even glanced down the alleyway, far too deep in their own conversations to bother looking in their direction. It suited them just fine. The farther away they stayed, the safer it was for him and Freya.
Slowly, reluctantly, the pair of them released their holds on each other. Nathan could have sworn she was just as disappointed to part from him, just as reluctant as he was. And yet, neither of them spoke a word of it, the tension between them dissipating until there was nothing left but the memory of the threat they had just encountered.
“Dae they look like the same men?” Nathan asked her, whispering for good measure. Not only was this a safer topic of conversation than confronting the reality of his feelings, but it also had to be asked. If they were the same men, it could only mean that they had somehow tracked him here, all the way to Kinloch.
Freya shrugged. “I didnae get a good enough look at them tae ken fer sure. But it cannae be a coincidence that they are looking here so soon after we’ve arrived, right?”
“I cannae imagine why I would be a wanted man,” he admitted, trying to remember if they had seen anything even close to his likeness posted around, but he couldn’t remember any such thing.
“We should get back to the inn.” Freya suggested, and he couldn’t agree more. The sooner they boarded that ship the following day, the better.
Slowly, carefully, the pair of them made their way back to the inn. Avoiding the main street. At Freya’s insistence, Nathan headed straight upstairs to their room just in case. With the scene he had made the day before at breakfast, it was unlikely anybody would have forgotten what he looked like. It was equally as unlikely they would have any reason to refrain from giving him up should the soldiers come around looking for him again. They would simply have to hope and pray people would not give him away if asked, or that the soldiers simply wouldn’t think to check the inn. Nathan was almost willing to bribe the innkeeper, though they really had nothing to offer him. He desperately wished he had something more to offer; it would just make things easier. But it was not for himself that Nathan was truly worried. He didn’t want Freya to be put into a position where she would be in trouble. If the soldiers came around looking for them, and thought that she was somehow harboring him, aiding in anything, would she be arrested as well?
He couldn’t allow that. Nathan knew he cared about Freya far too much for that.
No, if those soldiers came looking for him, he was going to have to escape out a window or do anything in his power to ensure nothing happened to her. She was far too stubborn to let him simply face trouble on his own.
Nathan crossed their small room to the window, eyeing it carefully. It wasn’t the drop that worried him so much; it was the fact that he wasn’t entirely certain he was going to be able to twist and pull his body out of the small frame.
Contemplatively, he spun and started to look out around the room, eyeing their meager belongings and tucking them all together in an orderly fashion. It was the least he could do. He finished quickly, letting his boots warm by the fire to ensure they were nice and dry before they left on the ship the following morning.
Freya came up into the room with hot meals for the two of them only a few moments later.
“I think it will be all right.” Freya said unprompted as she passed him a plate. She set her own down on the edge of the bed before pulling her boots off and placing them beside his in front of the fire. She then carried her plate over to the blanket they had laid out the previous night, and settled herself upon it like it was already a domestic routine of theirs.
Nathan’s heart thudded in his chest.
Those were not the sort of thoughts he had no right to be having about her. He hardly knew her at all; he hardly knew himself. He was, apparently, a wanted man. He didn’t even know his own name and yet there he was, falling into this domestic routine with the first woman who had shown him kindness.
Then again, Freya had not simply shown him kindness. She had saved him; she had single-handedly brought him back from the dead.
He bit his bottom lip to keep quiet, and an in effort to use the pain from his rapidly healing split lip to center and ground himself as she started to speak while eating. It was all just so comfortable that he could hardly stand it.
“I wish I kent why those men are looking fer me.” Nathan admitted, watching her eat and fan her skirt around herself as she nodded thoughtfully.
“I agree. I cannae think of anything… and yet, ye are the only visitor tae arrive at our village recently.” Freya said.
“And there was nothing about me that would have indicated I was a criminal?”
Freya chuckled. “Well, it’s nae as if I have much experience with criminals, ye ken?”
Nathan nudged her with his foot. “Aye, I understand that. Did I have shackles on me wrists?”
Freya shook her head with a laugh. “Nay, and ye didnae have any of the bruising and such I would have expected tae see from a criminal either.” She pointed in the direction of his wrists and ankles as she spoke.
He turned his focus down to the areas she mentioned, noting that even with all her healing, there would likely still be some yellow tint to his skin. “Unless somebody threw me overboard.”
Freya hummed, seeming to consider it for a moment. “Aye, that is a possibility too. But, the fishermen found far too much debris in the water for that. Whatever ship ye were on went down. Ye were the only survivor as far as I ken.”
“Because of the storm?” He asked to confirm the story she had already told him at least a dozen times all over again.
She reached out and grabbed his hand. “I cannae say why it was that ye were on the boat in the first place, of course, but while ye are covered in more than yer own share of scars and the like, I dinnae think those are the marks of a criminal, but rather a warrior.” She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. “I think yer little display at breakfast only proved that even further.”
Nathan didn’t know what to say to that, so he merely nodded his assent.
“Besides,” Freya added, suddenly looking very preoccupied with the food in her hands. “Ye have been nothing but soft and kind with me.”
Her face bloomed an even prettier shade of red than the natural blush the sun had given her the day before.
“I dinnae think in me heart that ye are a bad man, Nathan.”
He wanted to touch her. Every single part of him wanted nothing more than to reach over and take her hand in his own with a squeeze. That was all that he wanted. Would it be crossing a line? He couldn’t even bring himself to ask her what her plans for after their arrival were.
But, feeling the silence no doubt, Freya reached over to the shirt he was wearing. He forgot how to breathe entirely as she pulled his shirt from where it was tucked. “What are ye—” The words were whispered, more curious than in actual protest. She had been so careful not to touch him more than she absolutely had to when he was teaching her how to swim. They had been so cautious… and now?
But she seemed to be on a mission as she found the corner of the long shirt, and showed him the small, embroidered letter once again. His thumb brushed over the ‘J’ and his heart sank.
“Maybe we will be able tae find who put this letter on yer shirt, and then ye can finally have the answers ye are looking fer. The island has clearly nae sparked any memories, so ye must be from the mainland,” Freya said somewhat wistfully as she forced a smile.
Who had stitched the letter? Had it been his mother? A lover? Why did the prospect of the former fill his chest with bile and acid?
“I think it would be fer the best if we both just stay in here fer the night and make dae with the things we already purchased today,” Freya said.
“It’s nae ideal, but I dinnae see what other choice we really have,” Nathan admitted.
“I’m sure it’ll all be fine, at least we are together,” Freya added, blushing furiously again before heading over to the window, maybe because she wanted to hide her blush.
It was hard for Nathan tae tear his eyes from her. “Ye should get some sleep. While I cannae remember it, I imagine being on a ship cannae be easy on one’s sleep.”
“I dinnae get motion sickness.”
“Ye are terrified of the water, Freya.”
“Nae if ye’re there,” she said, her back still turned to him; but he could see that even the back of her neck was blushing, and it warmed him wholly and thoroughly.
He finished eating as she finished checking over their things to make sure that nothing had been missed. She then went to the bed, where he joined her. They had shared a bed for weeks now and neither of them knew when they were going to be able to sleep in a real bed again, or when they would have a soft pillow to lay upon. She picked lay down and leaned her head on his shoulder, without saying a word.
It was painfully intimate.
“Sleep, Freya. I’ll keep watch over ye, just in case,” Nathan said softly as she nuzzled down to get more comfortable, her brilliant hair spreading out like a wildfire.
Gingerly, he placed a hand on her shoulder, letting his thumb swipe out over the surface for a moment, and telling himself that it was only to soothe her.