Taking Chances (BYC #3)

39. Anne

39

ANNE

M y heart breaks for him. The strong man I’ve come to know is a little boy scared for his mom, and it kills me to see him like this.

Just noticing him at my doorstep was enough to set my heart into overdrive, but my feelings took a back seat when I realized what happened.

It’s obvious how unused he is to having someone support him. How he doesn’t know how to react when someone cares for him.

But I do. And there’s not a doubt in my mind that on a plane to Chicago is where I’m supposed to be. While I love Rina to death, I know that she’ll be fine. Lennox, on the other hand, needs me. And I need to be there for him.

The Uber to the airport and the flight pass in a blur. By the time we’re in a taxi to his aunt’s house, it’s already morning and we’re both dead on our feet. I dozed off a few times, but with the tension rolling off him, I wanted to be awake to offer silent comfort.

I switch my phone off airplane mode, a string of texts hitting it.

“Any news?”

“Meet Daisy Thompson.” I click on a photo Connor sent me and show him, my lips pulling up into a smile.

“She’s adorable.” He huffs a laugh, looking lighter for a second. “One less thing to worry about,” he mumbles under his breath.

And he’s right. A part of the weight is lifted from my shoulders as I type my congratulations. I’m sorry to have missed the birth, but I have my whole life to spoil that baby rotten.

Judging by the stiffness growing in Lennox’s shoulders, we’re getting close to our destination. Ultimately, the car pulls to a stop in front of a brick exterior, older house.

I thank the driver while Lennox pays him and grinds his teeth in lieu of goodbye. He runs his hands through his hair, exhaling loudly before knocking on the dark wood front door.

A man opens the door, and he’s around Lennox’s age. His beard is dark and unruly, just like his hair. His eyes soften the second he recognizes Lennox.

“You’re here, man.” He envelopes Lennox in a man hug.

“I need to see her,” Lennox grits out, already walking in.

The man’s gaze falls to me, and I put out a hand. “I’m Anne. Lennox’s… friend.”

Lennox turns to me for a split second, his glance full of regret. A breath catches in my throat, but I focus back on the man shaking my hand.

“I’m Jason. Len’s cousin.” My lips turn up at the sound of his nickname.

Lennox is already gone by the time the introductions are done, so Jason leads me into the living room. I meet Jason’s mom and dad and drink coffee while chatting with them.

It’s morbidly awkward. Everyone knows why we’re here, but no one mentions it. Everyone looks on edge, nervous glances casting all around, but everyone pretends nothing is wrong.

Eventually, I grow tired of it and try to broach the subject. “How is she? Was she hurt?”

Jason’s mom side-eyes him as if he’s to blame, and I fully understand why Lennox hates the pretend game. I’m getting the urge to scream at them, and I’ve only been here for half an hour. I couldn’t imagine living like that.

“Yes. She’s fine. Just a bit tired,” Jason’s mom answers.

I drop the subject since I’m obviously not going to get any answers. Jason’s dad goes to work, and his mom scurries into the kitchen.

Soon, Lennox emerges from one of the rooms, a frail-looking woman at his heels. Her eyes are puffy, her neck covered suspiciously with a beige scarf, but her face is smiling.

“And who do we have here? I’m Susan.” She tries to sound cheerful, but her voice is shaky.

I notice his eyes are puffy as well, and I barely resist the urge to hug him. To hold onto him tightly, telling him I’m here and will never leave.

A pang of sadness hits my throat because it’s not the truth. I’m only here today as support. But I’ll never be what I want to be to him. And this—I look around—whole situation here is the reason why. Why he can’t open up, why he can’t fall in love.

So I swallow my grief and shake hands with Lennox’s mom, offering her the warmest smile I can muster under the circumstances.

“Cut the act, Mom. This is Anne, and she knows.” Lennox breaks the moment.

Susan’s head draws back quickly, revealing red marks on her neck. My skin raises with goosebumps before she recovers it.

“There was no need to come because of it.” She waves her hand. “It was just a spat. He’ll get help and it will all work out.” Her smile is barely holding on, tears pooling in her eyes.

“How can you say that?” Lennox raises his voice. “Look at yourself.”

“Lennox.” I press a hand to his shoulder. “Can I please talk to your mom, in private?”

He stares at me for a second before nodding. I lead Susan into the same room they exited from. It’s a plain guest room with only a bed and two nightstands. I pat the bed next to me and Susan joins me.

“I know you’ve just met me. But I volunteer at the shelter for survivors of domestic abuse. I talk to women like you every week.”

“I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea, but that’s not me,” she answers, averting her gaze.

“Was this the first time?” I point at her neck.

She starts covering it with the scarf, before answering. “It-it never happened before.”

“Was that why you came here?”

“Y-yes. I never thought he would do that, before.” She stares at her fidgeting fingers. “I wanted to give him time to sleep it off.”

She was scared for her life.

I take her both of her hands in mine, trying to keep my voice as collected it can be. “This might be hard for you to hear, but strangulation is one of the biggest predictors of future homicides in victims of domestic violence.”

“No.” She shakes her head with conviction. “This isn’t it.”

“I wouldn’t dare pretend to know what you’re going through. I wouldn’t dare assume I’d act differently if I were you. But I think you should know the risks: the odds for homicide increase by 750% in victims who have been previously strangled.”

“You don’t understand…” Her voice breaks. “Everybody thinks leaving is easy.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy. It might be the hardest thing to do. I’m just saying your life is worth saving.”

“I would lose everyone .” A cry breaks from her throat, and my chest constricts.

“You wouldn’t…” I start to say before she cries out.

“They barely let me come here tonight. They were worried neighbors would see how upset I was or hear me crying. I was terrified, and they were afraid of the neighbors talking.”

I embrace her as she sobs in my arms. “You have Lennox. You’re not alone. He would do anything for you.”

“This isn’t how this is supposed to go. I was supposed to be protecting him , saving him . I can’t let him save me.”

“You’re the only one who can save yourself. Only you.” I caress her shoulder. “But you won’t be alone.”

She lets out a quiet sob. My tears join hers as I mourn everything she’s been through, everything Lennox has been through.

“Do you love my son?” She glances up at me as her breathing finally settles.

“I do.” It’s a relief to say it out loud.

“Does he love you back?”

“I don’t think he knows how.” My throat closes. “I do think his heart is full of love, but he’s keeping it safely hidden.” I clear my throat. “So far, love has only caused him pain.”

Lennox’s light hair is a mess when we eventually exit the room. His shoulders relax when I give him a reassuring nod. The silence stretches for a minute before I decide to give them some space.

I point a thumb at the door. “I’m going to take a walk.”

Lennox opens his mouth to protest, but I shake my head to show him I’m not negotiating this. I start my walk in a random direction, pinning the house’s location so I can get back. I’m far too tired and distracted to remember where I’m going.

My heart feels split open, bleeding out inside of my chest. I don’t blame Lennox for being closed off one bit. It was what he had to do to keep himself safe. To survive. But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. He gave me so much. Taught me confidence, pleasure, showed me what it feels like to be worshipped. And I won’t get the chance to show him what it’s like to be loved.

Still, the only thing I hope for is that he finds the peace he’s looking for.

The summer heat picks up, so I head back, following the directions on my phone. Jason opens the door, and the sound of laughter hits me.

Lennox, his mom, and aunt are eating at the table while Susan laughs. Lennox’s face is pulled up into the most beautiful smile, and I feel like I can breathe again. I join them at the table, glad to see them getting along. After the meal, I decide I’m not needed anymore and it’s time for me to head home.

“Lennox, can I talk to you for a second?”

He gets up and we head back to the living room.

“How are you doing? You look better,” I say with a demure smile.

“I am better. She hasn’t said anything explicitly, but after your conversation, she’s been asking me about Seattle and if she would like it there. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but, fuck, it’s hard not to let hope take over.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. If anyone can help her make that decision, it’s you.”

“So, I think I’m going to stay a few days.”

“Of course, I’ll get out of your hair.” His mouth opens for a second like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

“Thank you… for everything. It means a lot.” He swallows before pulling me into a hug.

His scent invades my nostrils, and I breathe him in, committing it to memory. I wish I could ask him to roll around in my bed so I could smell him whenever I want to.

Our bodies slowly part and his eyes land on my lips for what feels like forever. My mouth turns dry as my heart races, and when I think he’s approaching me for a kiss, I panic and move away.

“Let’s get you to the airport, then.”

Four days later, there’s another unexpected knock on my door. At least I’m not in my pajamas this time.

His disheveled hair is the first thing I notice. Lennox looks exhausted, but his eyes are crinkled with a barely visible smile. “Hey.”

“Hi. You’re back.” I spent four days dying to know how he was. He hasn’t contacted me, and I figured reaching out would just be torturing myself further.

“I am.”

“How’s Susan?”

“In the car. I came straight from the airport. She decided to start over here in Seattle.” His smile stretches wider. “It will be a long road for her, but I’ll do anything I can to help her.”

“I’m so happy for you. Both of you.” My eyes water with happiness. “And I’m glad you shared it with me. Though, you didn’t have to come all the way here for it.”

“I did. There’s more I need to tell you. I’m sorry for letting you break things off. I was afraid.” His hands find their way into his pockets.

“It’s fine. I understand.” My heart breaks because of it, but my head understands.

“It’s not fine.” He shakes his head. “Because I love you. I think I’ve loved you from the first night you literally fell into my arms, drunk and clumsy and so fucking cute.”

His words pierce into my chest, planting hope. It’s everything I’ve wanted to hear. Everything I hoped to hear.

But I don’t think I can trust it.

I inhale deeply before responding, “I’m really happy for you, Lennox. But you’re emotional. A lot of things happened, and you shouldn’t be making any decisions. Especially not ones that go against what you believe in.” My voice breaks at the end. This is going to hurt like a motherfucker. “I love you. But I deserve more than to be an impulse decision.” I give him a soft kiss on the cheek, inhaling his scent for the last time. “With your mom here, I really hope you find your happiness.”

I close the door of the apartment, leaving him on the other side, and release the tears I’ve kept at bay.