38. Lennox
38
LENNOX
M y arms burn with the force I’m using to roll the paint roller over the walls in my guest bedroom. I painted the dining room yesterday, and the epoxy-filled dining room table is drying out in the garage.
Anne and I were supposed to just be having sex, but I liked the fact that I was the one she called when she was afraid. I liked the fact that she felt that she could count on me.
Though, I guess it confused her, making her think we’re more than we are. I hated it when she broke things off.
Up. Down.
Sweat trickles down my forehead.
Up. Down.
I’m probably breaking some record in speed painting, but it’s the only thing that slows my mind.
She developed feelings, but my jaded heart isn’t capable of that. Still, it doesn’t mean I won’t miss fucking her. I fucking loved doing that. Or even hanging out with her. Or kissing her just because, like I did the day she broke things off.
What we had was great, but I can’t give her more. I don’t do relationships. People get hurt in relationships. They get stuck in relationships. They fall down the fucking stairs and run into door frames over and over again in relationships.
Paint splatters my face from the pressure I’m putting on the roller.
Fuck.
I wipe it with the back of my hand.
This is bullshit .
Days go by as I finish the guest room and dining room.
I talk to no one, other than texting Connor a few times. He’s waiting on Rina hand and foot as they count the last few days before their baby arrives. Good thing he’s too busy to call me up to meet.
I don’t think I could be around Anne right now. I don’t think I could stop myself from staring at her gorgeous green eyes or tracing her freckles with my finger. I’m not positive I could keep myself from kissing her rosy, pouty lips.
The thing between us was never public, but I got my private fix every few days. Now, I feel like I’m starving. I should probably visit the club one of these days, take the edge off, but the thought makes bile rise in my throat. Touching someone that isn’t Anne doesn’t hold appeal.
Also, being secluded is getting to me. I’ve been a loner most of my life, but these people grew on me. I got used to their obvious care for each other and now I feel like I’m missing something.
There’s not much I can do about it, so I throw myself into work and start the renovation of the garage.
A week later, thanks to sheer force of my loneliness, the house is finally done. The walls of the garage are fresh and clean, mold nowhere to be found. The bathroom is completely redone, and it looks pretty good. I worked from sunrise to sundown, trying to keep a certain firecracker out of my mind.
It had zero effect. Everything I did, I imagined how she would react if she were to see it.
Would she like it? Would she be proud of me?
By now, it’s obvious she isn’t the only one that developed feelings, but I have to let them pass. If I gave her my whole heart, it’s still only the ruined remains I have left. And she deserves so much more.
My phone vibrates with a call.
Jason.
My stomach drops. It’s almost 11 p.m. He never calls me this late.
“Hey, man… your mom is here, at the house…” His voice is low, but it echoes in my ears.
“What happened?” I butt in.
“She’s OK. But they had another fight, and she came here. I’m not sure what happened…” He continues speaking, but I’m not fully there.
My heart beats out of my chest as my palms grow sweaty. I run them through my hair, desperately trying to ground myself.
Before I can think it through, I hop onto my bike and head out the garage. My vision is tunnel as I ride the silent night streets. My hands break at their own accord, parking right in front of her building.
What the hell am I doing?
It’s too late to stop because I’m already knocking at her door.
Footsteps approach. The lock clicks.
The door snaps open, streaks of red appearing in my blurry eyesight.
“What’s wrong?” Anne’s voice is laced with worry and barely louder than my heartbeat. As I try to focus my vision, I notice she’s in a skimpy nightgown, her hair a mess.
She’s beautiful, but she was obviously sleeping.
“I woke you up. I’m sorry,” I mumble.
She waves me off, dragging me into her apartment. “Lennox, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“It’s my mom. They got into another fight.”
Even through my tears, I see her eyes widening, concern evident.
“Is she OK?” she asks, but immediately shakes her head. “Is she hurt badly?”
“She’s at her sister’s house. I don’t think she’s hurt more than usual. But she’s never done that before, she never left the house, even for the night.”
She exhales a relieved breath. Her hand lands on my back, the touch searing into my skin. “I’m so sorry, Lennox.”
“I’m sorry for waking you up. I shouldn’t have come here.” I shake my head. “I just didn’t know what to do.” I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown for days now and this just pushed me over.
“No, I’m glad you did. I’m here for you.” Her eyes are pools of green, and I ache to kiss her.
“I think I’m going to grab a seat on the next flight to Chicago.”
“Yeah, I think you should. I’ll come with you.”
“No. It’s not necessary.” I shake my head firmly before unlocking my phone.
“I know it’s not. But I’m doing it anyway.” She doesn’t give me time to protest before continuing. “Now buy us two tickets while I pack a few things.”
My gaze drops to my phone. “Shit.”
Anne runs back to the living room in an instant. “What?”
“Rina and Connor are in the hospital; she’s having the baby.”
She searches for her phone frantically until she remembers she left it in her bedroom.
“Natalie and Matt are on their way,” she states before typing out a message of her own.
“You should go, too.”
“So should you. But this is more important now. Natalie will cover for me.” She drops the phone on her couch. “Did you get those tickets?”
“Anne, your best friend is having a baby. You should be there.”
“She has Connor, and Natalie and Matt there. She’s covered.” She shoots me a pointed look, as if saying, You on the other hand … “I’m honestly done with people telling me what I should be doing. So, let’s stop this argument and get to the airport.”
I dip my head, too tired to object, and focus on purchasing the tickets.