Tamed By You (Always & Forever #2)

49. Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Forty-Nine

Ali

Secrets. They always find their way to the surface. I was a fool to think I could keep this from everyone. That I would go through life without this catching up with me. For a good few years, I lived carefree. I knew they couldn’t hurt me anymore; Peter was behind bars and my mother had washed her hands of me. I lived life hard and fast, took it by the reins, and took control. I decided who was in my life and how much of me I was willing to let them see.

When you’ve had something taken from you, it leaves you feeling out of control, so I’ve spent the last fifteen years taking that control back. There was a limit to how far I would go, what I would show. But then I met Harry, and he tore right through that protective sheet I had cloaked myself in. He says he will stay, that he won’t give up on me but aside from the two women that are sitting here on the floor either side of me, no one has ever given me a reason to believe that they will follow through with their promises.

Ria arrived and sat with me and Gabby on the floor of our apartment and they listened without judgment. They let my voice be heard. Something I’ve never had till them. I told them everything. How me and Harry began, the letter, the drugs, the court date. The heaviness in my chest lightened with every confession that spilled from me.

“Why didn’t you tell us? You didn’t need to go through this alone. I thought you were jet lagged, sick I…” Gabby sniffs.

“Hey, this isn’t on you, either of you. You know me. I’m good at hiding shit."

“I’m sorry,” Gabby says wiping her eyes.

“I didn’t want to drag you both down with me. Ria, you’ve got the baby on the way, and Gabby, you have Patrick. I really thought I could handle this. It’s been so long. I’ve done so much healing, I thought I could shrug it off, but it became bigger than me and took hold of me and by the time I realized I was spinning out of control, I didn’t know how to say it.

“I get it,” Ria says reassuringly. “You know we are here for you right, no matter what we have going on in our lives, whatever you decide to do, you know that we will be right by your side if you decide to go to the parole hearing and tell your story,” Ria says softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Sniffing and wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve, I say, “I know.”

“And Harry. Just take it one day at a time. He’s a good guy. He will understand if you need some space right now, but also, don’t be afraid to let him in if you want to,” she continues, now stroking my hair in that affectionate motherly way she does with her girls, and I instinctively rest my head on her shoulder.

I arrived at Teenhood first—a support group and group home for girls who were victims of some type of sexual exploitation or abuse. I was there for a year before Ria joined. She stayed for about six months and then continued to come to the therapy once she went back home to her mom. I couldn’t explain what it was that made me feel drawn to her. It was like she was meant to walk into my life when she did.

We became the sisters we never had. We share an unfortunate understanding of what it was like to have things taken from you, to have someone violate and disrespect you. We became each other’s lifelines. Then, a couple of years later, Gabby joined us, and we took her under our wing. She looked so lost and fragile, but she’s not, she is brave and fierce, just like Ria… like I hope I can be again.

“But what if he doesn’t want to be with me now?” I whisper. “Once he knows everything, he will walk away. I know it. I knew I shouldn’t have got close to him. Ughhh, I’m so stupid.” I begin to sob. Closing my eyes, that ache returns to my chest.

“Hey, hey, you are not stupid,” Gabby says sternly, gripping my hand and linking her fingers with mine. “This is a lot to process for both of you, but I think he’ll prove you wrong. I have no doubt that this won’t change a thing. Just take it one day at a time, and on the days when you feel like you can’t hold yourself up, we’ll be here to carry you… okay?” Her words shake as she fights back tears.

I sit up, and both Ria and Gabby lean their heads against mine. Ria weaves her fingers into my free hand and here we sit, the three of us linked together, bonded by trauma but held together with love.

“I think we need a sleepover over like the old days,” Ria says, smiling against my cheek.

“Yesss, and cheesecake,” Gabby chimes in.

“Ri, you don’t need to stay. I’m going to be okay. You have that little bump and the girls to look after.”

“This bump is doing just fine, and Jack will love being with the girls. I want to be here with you.” She squeezes my hand and lets out a shaky breath. “You have held me up more times than I can count Ali. When I showed up here with the girls the night, I finally left Alex, you, and Gabby opened the door and welcomed us in. No questions asked. You looked after us when I could barely look after myself.”

Tears fill her ocean-blue eyes as she takes a moment to compose herself.

“So… I am going to be here every step of the way till you find yourself again, okay?”

“I love you both,” I manage to say through my tears.

“We love you too,” they say together.

In this moment I have never been more thankful for these two women. They aren’t giving up on me, so I owe it to them to not give up on me too.

A faint knocking sound followed by hushed voices stirs me from my sleep. I have drifted in and out of sleep, my body seeking the rest. Ria stayed the night, and it’s the most restful sleep I have had since I left London; since I left him. The thought of Harry makes my heart hurt. I miss him more than I have ever missed anyone. The voices become a little clearer, and I rub my eyes to focus. I am lying on my couch, with a light pink comforter over me. I can just about make out the back of Brad’s head as he towers over Gabby in the kitchen.

I sit up and croak out a “Hey.”

Brad’s body stiffens, and he turns to face me. Gabby steps away and picks up the kettle, avoiding eye contact with him.

“I wanted to come check on you,” Brad says in his deep husky voice. He’s dressed in black jeans and matching tee, tattoos on show. He looks so unapproachable with his whiskey, hooded eyes, and tight jaw, but I’ve seen a softer side of him, a caring side, a side that I consider one of my dearest friends.

He heads over to me, sitting at the end of the couch, resting his hand on my leg and giving it a squeeze. “You good?” he asks, giving me a knowing look.

“Ugh, yeah, I think so. I am guessing Harry told you what happened,” I say, avoiding his gaze and picking at a loose thread on the comforter.

“A little, but I’d like to hear it from you.” I lift my eyes to meet his and there’s concern etched all over his face.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” I say, running a hand through my untamed waves.

He leans back into the couch cushions, putting his black boots up on my coffee table, and grins. “Well, I’ve got all day, so how about you start at the beginning?”

I let out a low chuckle, the first bit of emotion aside from anger and tears I’ve allowed myself to feel in I don’t know how long.

“Tea is served,” Gabby calls softly, still dressed in her black silk PJ shorts and vest. She carries two steaming mugs over, handing them to us. “I’m going to take a shower and get sorted. You okay to stay with her?” She directs her question at Brad, but she’s looking at me.

“Yeah, sure, like said, I have all day.”

“What’s this, a babysitting Rota for Ali?” I ask, looking between them.

“Yep, Jack will be over for his shift later.” He winks, and I roll my eyes.

“Gabs, go, I’m okay.” She presses a kiss to my forehead before giving Brad a glance and then heads to her room.

I cradle the mug of tea, inhaling the scent of tea leaves and enjoying the steam as it hits my face. The feeling takes me right back to the tearooms in London Harry took me to, and the ache for him returns.

“I think I fucked it all up with Harry, and I don’t know how to fix it. It won’t be the same now, now he—”

“Why?” he interrupts, saying it so matter-of-factly I lift my head to look at him as he sips on his tea.

“Because… because he knows what happened to me. He was so angry about the pills. I’ve never seen him so mad. I’m scared. I’m scared he won’t be able to accept it and he will reject me and I can’t handle that, Brad. I’d rather him hate me than have him look at me like I’m dirty or…” My words begin to shake, and I swallow back a sob.

He sits forward, taking my tea from me and placing both cups on the table. He takes my pale hands inside his large tattooed-covered ones and holds them tight. “Look at me,” he says, his tone stern.

I look up, blinking through the tears that have started falling.

“No one, least of all Harry, thinks you are dirty or any of the thoughts you have going on up here.” He lightly taps the side of my head with his pointer finger. “What happened to you was wrong and fucked up and that piece of shit should either be 6ft under or rotting away in jail for the rest of his life. But you don’t need to let this define you and dictate the rest of your life.”

“But what if he can’t move past it, what if...”

Brad pulls me close, and I lean against his chest as he sits back. It’s a friendly hug, one I am grateful for. I’ve never had male friends till Jack and Brad, and they make me feel safe.

“I need to tell you something. There’s a reason he was so angry about the pills and reacted the way he did.”

I stiffen, panic starting to wade its way through my body once more. I say nothing, waiting for him to continue.

“When we lost Scotty, he had been dating Tori, and Harry went home to tell her. She took it as to be expected, but then Harry had to return to Afghanistan.

“He wasn’t the same when he came back. None of us were. It tore us all apart to watch Scotty go like that. We all carry guilt from that day.” He goes silent for a second and I sense he needs a second to compose himself. I can’t imagine Brad showing any real emotion, but I could also never picture this soft side of him.

“Harry went home after the tour and Tori, she, she was in a bad way. He found her on the floor. She was out of it. She had been surviving off too many prescription drugs to count to numb herself, to dull the pain.”

My heart hurts for Tori because I get it. I know how it feels to feel that way. I don’t judge her. I sadly understand her.

“So, Harry stayed with her, got her into rehab and she decided to start over in London. That’s why he’s been back and forth in London, not because we needed him to open the new club. We could have managed that from here, but he couldn’t let go of the guilt. Harry, by nature, is a caring person, a fixer. He likes to take care of people, make them happy, make them laugh, likes to get under your skin.” He chuckles on the last word, as do I.

“So, I can say with confidence, he won’t think the things you are thinking. He just wants to be there for you. Don’t let the fear win. Let him in.”

I sit up to face him. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I didn’t think you were a talker, just a listener.”

He leans forward, picking up our mugs once again, handing me mine. “Well, every now and then, I feel compelled to share my wisdom. I am a very wise man in case you haven’t guessed.”

I let out a little laugh, and he looks at me. “Don’t let the fear win, Ali, okay?”

“Okay.”