15. Olivia
Chapter 15
Olivia
Without you as my anchor, I’m untethered. This doesn’t feel right.
“ A re you sure you’re up for this? We can just skip today if you want.”
I shake my head at Evie. “I’m okay. I need the distraction.”
Now more than ever. Every day, this weird feeling of my life slowly falling apart keeps growing. All while I feel helpless and can’t do anything about it. I absolutely hate it. While I prefer things structured and predictable, I also don’t like limitations and restrictions. Yet, in the frame of a week, my controlled and reliable life has been blown to smithereens.
Except for daily walks with Stormy—and a whole security team—I don’t leave the condo anymore. Food gets delivered or picked up by one of the men, and the lack of autonomy is slowly driving me up the wall. My condo isn’t exactly small, but if this unexpected confinement continues much longer, there won’t be any of my nails left to chew on, and I might actually cut those bangs I’ve been thinking about.
Another terrible possibility is I might start talking about Holden with Evie. I already slipped a few days ago and asked her about Jo from the club.
Me: Do you know that Jo woman who hung on to Holden at the club?
Evie: Olivia Marie Parker.
Me: I don’t have a middle name.
Evie: Well, I guess it’s good Holden has one. Is it a coincidence that his middle name is your last name?
Of course she knows his middle name.
Damn it.
When it was time to change my name after our marriage, I did so as a precaution. Holden said the fewer ways people from my community could find me, the better.
Me: So, who’s Jo?
Evie: That answers my question.
Evie: Also, Jo is in a very happy relationship with Sarah, who works at the VIP bar at the club.
Me: I didn’t ask about Jo’s relationship.
Evie: Sure.
An obnoxiously loud whistle brings me back to the present, and Evie and I both look toward the entrance and the two men standing there. Since Holden wouldn’t leave my side, Archer agreed to meet him here instead of the other way around. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but I’m glad Holden didn’t leave. Setting aside what happened with us in the past, and now also my incredibly inconvenient attraction for him, I feel safer with him around.
I always have, even when I want to punch him in the face.
Or jump his bones.
Evie blows out a breath and smacks her hands on her jeans. “Well, if you’re sure.”
Nodding more to myself than to her, I open my car door and am immediately greeted by Jax’s big frame, who stood guard while Holden went inside to ensure it’s safe.
The worry in his eyes is unmistakable. “You say the word, and we’re out of here.”
Maybe I should feel weird because he knows about the photo, the threat, the flowers, the naked guy in my bed, and whatever other screwed-up things have been going on in my life lately. But all I detect is relief. Relief to not be alone in this, even if the people who are here to protect me do so because they get paid for it.
I muster a small smile. “Thank you, Jax.”
Together, we walk toward the Fox Hideout, one of the five safe places for teenagers Phoenix and Holden built via their Foxhole Foundation in the last few years. Evie has told me everything about the hundreds of teens they’ve been able to help since they started their nonprofit.
Since Holden and I weren’t really on speaking terms when I found out, I never told him to his face what a fantastic thing it is they’re doing. There are so many young people out there who are desperate for a helping hand and a safe place, and these guys have been able to provide those in need not only with shelter but also food and everything else essential for school and daily life.
They also have a group of lawyers available in case they need legal help to escape unsafe situations.
I could have used one of those places myself when I ran away.
But then you wouldn’t have met Holden.
And wouldn’t that have been a shame? No matter how mad I was at Holden, I could never genuinely regret knowing him. Not to mention, I’ve wondered more than once over the years if I would even have a career if I hadn’t met him. Something inside me thinks the answer is no. He’s the one who pulled some strings and connected me with Todd, who then introduced me to my former manager, Gavin, at my record label. And my career started.
Evie keeps sending me weird side glances as we go inside and walk toward the oversized lounge in the back, clearly not believing I’m okay. We pass several office doors, restrooms, a kitchen, and an oversized lunchroom. Most of the bedrooms are upstairs, with a few additional rooms and other amenities in the basement. Neutral colors dominate the space, allowing the teens to add their own touch to it.
While the staff manages all the day-to-day activities, Holden, Archer, and Phoenix visit for self-defense and boxing sessions as often as possible. At the same time, Evie practices piano with the kids who are interested. I immediately asked her if I could come with her next time.
She answered with a big smile and an excited, “Yes, of course. The kids would absolutely love that.”
We try to come here together as often as our busy schedules allow, which isn’t nearly as frequently as I’d like, but I enjoy every minute of it. Singing with the teens, playing for them, answering questions, or even giving voice lessons to those interested has been incredibly rewarding.
Evie leans in. “Maybe we can talk Monica into singing her first solo today. Her voice is absolutely mesmerizing.”
I turn to her and clutch her arm. “I know. I swear, I got goosebumps the last time she sang. Her tone is so unique, I’m obsessed.”
Evie nods wide-eyed, and a warm bolt of gratitude for my friend rushes through me. There are many people in my life, but I quickly learned, even amidst a large crowd, you can still feel lonely.
Evie was the first real friend I got after Holden left. That she’s one of his best friends was a bit of a hurdle, one well worth jumping. Due to her growing online presence, I was already captivated with her exceptional piano skills before I ever met her. Some artists have that ability to reach deep inside your soul with their music, and Evie is one of those people.
I still remember my disbelief when I saw her backstage with Holden at one of my concerts. It was a total mindfuck. My knee-jerk reaction was first to hug him and then knee him in the balls. Thankfully, Evie still agreed to get together a few weeks later. The draw I’d already felt to her due to her music fully clicked into place, and she agreed not to talk about Holden unless I brought him up. She very begrudgingly agreed, though I often see the urge in her eyes to talk about her friend with me—even more so since the news broke about our marriage—but for the most part, she’s stuck to her promise.
I’ve always appreciated this because I don’t want to talk about Holden.
Why is this burning need to tell her how it felt to be in his arms last night and what happened in the kitchen this morning eating you up from the inside then? And the incessant need to also bitch about how he rejected you yesterday but then was very clearly happy to see you this morning.
“Hey there, Miss Parker.” Jamie stops a couple of feet in front of us. “How about that date we’ve talked about?”
I chuckle and shake my head at the lanky sixteen-year-old. He’s an absolute sweetheart with the confidence and cockiness of an alpha hero, which I assume is a front he puts up to deal with the crap life has thrown at him. But who am I to judge? Sometimes, we must do whatever is necessary to keep going, and often, remaining alive is all we can manage. Surviving is the ultimate goal.
The way you did when you ran away from your family to marry a stranger so the guy you were supposed to marry couldn’t get his hands on you?
Shut up, brain. I don’t need or want those memories. Not now. Not ever.
Also, despite sharing the same blood with my aunt and her family, I don’t consider them as such. Family doesn’t treat each other the way they treated me.
Monica comes up next to Jamie and elbows him in the ribs. He frowns at her, and she leans in to whisper something in his ear. They both stare past me, and Jamie’s eyes go comically wide. Jamie’s cheeks redden as Holden steps beside me and puts his arm around my middle.
“Is hitting on married women your new thing now, Jamie?” Holden’s deep rumble fills my ears. “In case you haven’t heard, Olivia’s my wife.”
Jamie stares at the floor and frantically shakes his head. “No, sir. My apologies. I . . . I didn’t know Miss Parker was . . . uh . . . Mrs.” His eyebrows furrow before he continues, “Mrs. Donahue, I mean. I wasn’t aware you two are . . . uh . . .”
My chest squeezes, and I smile at him. “Jamie, stop. You’re all good. Relax, okay? Holden was just joking.”
Jamie peeks at me through the shaggy hair that’s fallen on his face and nods. His gaze swings to Holden, who still hasn’t moved an inch or said a word. “Sorry.”
I elbow my husband in the ribs and raise my brows. “Tell Jamie you were joking.”
He leans in and whispers into my ear, “Joking about what? You are my wife.”
A shiver runs down my spine at the close contact, confusing my senses. My head tilts in his direction, as if my body has a mind of its own, bringing our lips closer together. Just a tiny bit.
Someone clears their throat, and I whip my head around.
Evie claps her hands, an extra-wide smile adorning her face. “Well, everyone. Let’s get set up so we can start.”
She gives me an imploring glance, and I get the distinct feeling she’s trying to convey a million things to me right now like There are kids around, and you guys look like you’re going to start humping on the floor any second, or , I’m sorry, but if you don’t throw me a bone soon, I’m going to explode .
Although can I blame her? If the roles were reversed, I’d be dying from curiosity too.
I stare at my friend as she ushers the kids along, giving them instructions and telling them we’ll be there in a minute. After all these years, Evie is the first person I consider telling everything that happened. I mean, would it really be so bad to talk to her about it?
Evie turns toward us and points her finger at Holden, who’s still standing way too close.
“Can you give us a moment, please?”
Holden sighs and lets go of me, but not before he drags his hand across my middle. I have to lock my jaw to keep from shuddering.
He leaves, walking straight toward Jamie, whose face contorts into pure horror. Holden reaches him and puts him into a headlock. To my surprise, Jamie only freezes for a few seconds before he twists and hits Holden’s torso wherever he can reach.
Evie chuckles. “These boys.”
Holden laughs too and releases Jamie, pulling the teen closer with an arm around his shoulders. He says something to him we can’t hear, and they both smile.
“You haven’t seen him teach the kids self-defense, have you?” Evie asks.
I shake my head and keep watching Holden and the group of kids which has gathered around him. “No, we’ve never been here at the same time.”
She hums under her breath. “He’s probably the most hands-on with the kids. Phoenix helps sometimes too, but he’s mostly been focusing on teaching them about business and life skills. Holden wants to make sure they feel safe, no matter where they are. This means a lot to him.”
The lump in my throat constricts my breathing until I swallow it down. Since I’m unsure how much she knows about Holden’s past, about his mom and sister, and the ever-revolving door of men in their lives, I only say, “He’s a good guy.”
And I mean that. Even when I hate him, there’s no denying he’s good at his core. Otherwise, he would have never helped me in a situation where most people would have turned their back on me. Holden matched my crazy without ever asking for anything in return, no matter how much I wanted to repay him. I wish that knowledge was enough to take away the anger and resentment that’s been part of me ever since he left me, but sadly, it only intensifies the feelings.
What could have made him walk out on me the way he did without ever looking back? Thinking I’m not even worth an explanation? Did he somehow find out what happened to me before I met him and he was so repulsed he didn’t want to stay in my company for even a second longer?
There hasn’t been a single ounce of malice, disgust, or anger emanating from him since he’s been back in your life.
What could it be then?
The questions keep spinning in my head, making me dizzy. But it doesn’t add up, no matter how hard I think about it. Or am I just too blind to see it?
With every passing second I spend in his company, the need to know what happened grows, making it hard to focus on much else. Maybe it’s time for me to finally rip off that Band-Aid and discover why he left.
I mean, how bad could it be?