Tangled in Vows (Tangled & Torn #2)

18. Holden

Chapter 18

Holden

Day 579 without you: I saw you on TV today. You seemed happy. And so beautiful, it hurt.

T he color drains from Olivia’s face so fast, my reflexes kick in before my brain fully registers her legs are giving out on her. One second, she’s standing in front of me. The next, she’s in my arms and I’m walking us to her bedroom.

I’m sure the only reason she isn’t fighting me right now is because she’s in shock. I hate that I caused it, but I also can’t be sorry for how she’s melting into my embrace, her curves perfectly molding against my body like I was made to form a protective shield around her.

That’s all I can think about. To protect her. To keep her safe. My primary mission from the moment I met her.

“Hurricane?”

She buries her face in my shirt but can’t hide the quiet sniffle.

“You okay? I know you don’t want to talk about him, but considering the circumstances, it’s necessary.”

“He’s really . . . dead?”

Her voice cracks at the end, and I hate doing this to her. To us.

Talking about Felix opens a whole can of worms I shouldn’t even be near. It only multiplies my constant worry over losing her again, of wondering what will be the final straw for us this time. The thought constricts my throat painfully.

Just give her some space. You knew she wouldn’t just welcome you back with open arms. She is this way for a reason. Because of your actions. It might take longer for her to warm up to you this time, but anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. And Olivia is definitely worth it.

“He’s one-hundred-percent dead.” I march across her room and lay her in the middle of her king-sized bed, brushing my hand over her damp hair.

Her skin is pale and clammy, her breathing a tad shallow and rapid, and she’s slightly trembling.

Stormy followed us upstairs, letting out quiet whimpers like she knows exactly what’s happening. The Alaskan malamute nudges Olivia’s leg with her snout, whining several more times until Olivia pats her head gently.

“I’m okay, baby. All good.”

Stormy doesn’t seem satisfied and jumps onto the bed, curling up against Olivia with one paw at her side. Olivia places her hand on Stormy’s paw, as if that contact helps them both. And maybe it does.

From what I’ve seen so far, Olivia has a lot of people in her life, but no one but Stormy once the stage lights are off. Evie is her only real friend, and even that relationship isn’t what it could be because of my connection with both women. If it wasn’t for the strain between Olivia and me, all of us could have hung out together over the years, maybe even taken a fun trip or two. Instead, Olivia and I avoided being in the same place, inevitably putting a lot of extra stress on Evie. I’m the proverbial wedge in their relationship.

“Let me elevate your legs, Hurricane.” I grab several pillows and put them under her legs to help increase the blood flow back to her brain.

Once satisfied, I get my phone and call Dr. Harvey, Phoenix’s family doctor of decades. I know it’s probably overkill, but my go-to is better safe than sorry with Olivia.

I relay to him what happened with a shaky voice. The words keep flying out of my mouth, and my chest tightens from the lack of oxygen. “Please, Doc. What can I do? Is she okay? How can I help her?”

“Everything’s okay, Holden. We’ll make sure she’s all right. You said her breathing is fairly normal, and she hasn’t mentioned any pain, correct?”

“Yeah, no pain. Her breathing is a bit faster, but okay, I think.” I rake a hand roughly through my hair until it slips from the hairband and falls around me in a curtain.

He doesn’t miss a beat. “Do you want me to come over?”

Air stalls in my lungs before I exhale sharply, pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. “Yes, please.”

“I’m heading out as we speak. Comfort and safety are essential when experiencing an emotional shock, so stay with her and offer reassurance if needed. She’s going to be okay.”

I have a feeling he’s coming to check on my clearly unstable state too, but I don’t even care. All that matters is Olivia. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Of course. I’ll see you soon.”

We hang up, and I focus on what he said. Comfort and safety. I can do that. I pull a blanket over Olivia, careful not to cover Stormy. Hopefully, that’ll ward off the shivers.

I stare at the bed, at the space on the other side of her, until my brain kicks in.

You can’t just climb into bed with her, you moron. Not without permission.

My focus shifts to the gray chair near the door, and I stroll toward it.

I’m halfway across the large room when Olivia croaks my name. “Holden?”

Her voice is quiet and weak, not even close to the strong, impenetrable woman she consistently pretends to be. My chest responds, feeling like someone just took a crowbar to it and pried it wide open. Especially since I know that if she were okay right now, she’d hate for anyone to see her in this vulnerable state. That alone indicates how badly the news about Felix, and probably all the weird occurrences lately, hit her.

Back by her side, I take her outstretched hand and sit down on the edge of the mattress, careful not to jostle her.

Every time I imagined telling her about Felix, I expected her to lash out at me. To call me names and ask me a million questions that would lead to me having to give up my secret. Instead, the opposite happened, and she collapsed. I should take it as a blessing in disguise and be happy my secret is still safe for now, but I don’t feel any relief from the situation.

After several minutes, her breathing slows, and a touch of color returns to her cheeks.

With my free hand, I retrieve my phone and update Jax on the situation so he can let the doctor in. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait for long. The older man is in his sixties, always taking his time to do a thorough examination. He’s gentle, and Olivia doesn’t rouse until the end.

Once he’s finished, I walk him to the door, where he hands me two small boxes.

“Something for sleep and something to calm her down. If she doesn’t want either, that’s fine. It’s more of a just-in-case medicine than a must-have.”

“Got it. Thank you.”

I watch him as he puts his stethoscope back in his black leather bag and closes it with a quiet snap. Phoenix and I had to call him for Evie, and I liked him immediately. He’s used to getting random and often dubious house calls from us, but he’s always professional and discreet.

“Call me if you need anything else or want me to call in a prescription for you.” He studies me, his elderly eyes way too knowing. “I know this is none of my business, but maybe talk to Dr. Johnson about whatever brought this on in your next session. And if Miss Parker doesn’t have a therapist yet, I’m sure Dr. Johnson can make room for her.”

He keeps his voice low so only I can hear him, and I nod. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“If she doesn’t want to see a professional, have her talk to you or a friend about what happened. Bottling it up and isolating herself will only make things worse.” He squeezes my arm gently. “Some rest will also do wonders, so take good care . . . of both of you.”

I nod absentmindedly, my gaze already back on a half-asleep Olivia on the bed. “I’ll try my best. Thanks, Doc.”

He steps out of the room, and I know Jax is out in the hallway waiting for him to ensure he gets out of here safely.

Olivia tries to push herself into a sitting position, and I rush to her side. “What are you doing?”

She mumbles, “Bathroom,” so I help her to the en suite and linger by the door in case she needs help.

Although I’ve been in this room before today, it strikes me again how little it feels like Olivia. Earthy tones and pastels dominate the space, similar to the rest of the house. Quiet and calm. Sure, it’s beautiful, but it doesn’t show any of the creative powerhouse she is. Her old apartment was an explosion of colors, patterns, and odd knick-knacks. The most colorful items in this condo are probably the dog toys strewn about.

She emerges again a few minutes later—still looking a bit too pale for my liking—and blinks up at me, exhausted and unsure.

“Will you . . . can you . . .” She clears her throat and leans against the doorframe for support. “Would you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

“You don’t even have to ask, Hurricane.” I leave the light on in the bathroom and gently put my arm around her to guide her back to bed.

I help her back under the fluffy covers, and she yawns widely as I lie beside her on top of the covers. Stormy peeks at me from the other side of Olivia, probably still confused as to why it’s not playtime. I give her a few pets, and she lies back down.

I stare at the ceiling until I hear Olivia’s soft breathing. Only then do I turn my head and take my fill of her.

Even in this situation, her beauty stuns me. Her full lips are slightly parted with her bottom lip protruding more than her top one. Her long lashes curl at the end, casting a shadow on her cheeks with her hair in a halo around her. She’s utter perfection.

Tomorrow, she’ll probably have questions, and unless I can come up with a good reason, I’ll probably have to give her some answers. Fear of losing her reaches into my still wide-open chest to curl a tight fist around my heart. It’s that fear that has me leaning over to press my lips to the soft skin of her forehead.

What if this might be the last time I’ll ever be this close to her? Now that I have her in my life again, I can’t let her go a second time.

“No, please, don’t.”

My eyes fly open to Olivia’s cries. She’s squirming beside me, moving her hands like she’s trying to ward someone off.

“No. I said get off me.” Another whimper before she clutches the blanket so tight her knuckles turn white.

Stormy lets out a whine of her own, as though this isn’t the first time she’s witnessed this.

I place my hand over Olivia’s and squeeze gently. “Hurricane, wake up. It’s just a dream.”

Her eyes snap open, and she blinks several times. The soft light from the bathroom illuminates her face and reflects in the shimmer of her irises. A tear spills over, running sideways over the bridge of her nose.

There’s a faraway look in her eyes that tells me she’s not entirely with me. She is still stuck somewhere else, which is confirmed when she squeezes her eyes tightly together and a quiet sob escapes her lips.

“He . . . he . . . Felix didn’t listen and wouldn’t let me go.” Her lower lip quivers. “None of them would.”

“Hurricane.” I barely recognize my raw voice as I pull her into my arms, banding them around her in a protective cage. I wish holding her would be enough to ward off all of her nightmares. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

She doesn’t say anything, just presses deeper into my embrace with shaking limbs. She’s so quiet. Too quiet. It makes me wish she’d yell at me about something. Anything would be better than seeing her so tormented by whatever happened with Felix.

That motherfucker.

If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him all over again for what he did to Olivia.

I smooth my hand over her soft strands and down her back, rubbing what I hope are soothing circles over her shirt. Unable to help myself, I press my lips to her hair and murmur, “Shh, I’ve got you,” until her sobs and tremors slowly subside.

My wild heartbeat slows down with her breaths, relieved the worst seems to be over.

I’m sure things will be very different in the morning, but at this moment, I allow myself to enjoy the way she’s clutching to my shirt like I’m her lifeline and the way she presses her nose against my chest, as if our proximity settles her as much as it settles me.

As I close my eyes, I can’t help but wish I could hold her for a long time, to always know she’s safe, and to pretend she’ll be by my side forever.

But some unnerved part of me steals those comforting thoughts, telling me this storm is far from over. That I’ll lose her again, and this time, her loss will be irrevocable.