Tangled in Vows (Tangled & Torn #2)

19. Olivia

Chapter 19

Olivia

Do you ever think about me? What did I do?

C onsciousness slowly seeps into my being, and the corners of my mouth tug up. I’m warm and comfortable, and I can’t remember the last time I woke up and felt this . . . content.

That feeling lasts about two seconds before everything comes back to me, and the events from last night threaten to crush me.

Felix is dead. It’s still hard to believe, but Holden said it’s true, and there’s no reason for him to lie about it. Although he never told me how he knew.

Part of me yells Who cares? Felix is dead. He’ll never come after you. That’s all that matters. But then the guilt sets in. Yes, he was a piece of shit. But did I want him dead? Would I ever wish death on anyone?

Did you forget what he did to you?

My thoughts are quickly spiraling, but the anxious bubble pops when I’m distracted by something hard pushing against me from behind. I briefly forget how to breathe, lying here frozen like a statue.

Warm air fans over my nape, followed by a low grumble.

Holden.

It’s Holden.

Goodness. I take several deep inhales, giving my heart time to calm down.

Who am I kidding? The reality of being so close to Holden only excites the organ in my chest more, utterly ignoring the shouts from my brain that this is a terrible idea.

Who knew that news about my ex-fiancé being dead and never being able to track me down was not only the way back into my heart but also my libido?

It’s a strange kind of love language, but here we are.

That’s it? That’s all it took?

The irked voice keeps droning on about how stupid I am even to allow him this close.

Shut up. Just shut up, and let me have this moment in peace.

I close my eyes and bask in the comfort this rare physical contact brings me.

Maybe Holden won’t notice I’m awake for a bit longer.

He yawns quietly and stretches. The movement has not only his hand tightening on my stomach but also his erection pressing farther against my ass.

And good God, heat shoots straight to my core.

Just like yesterday when I found Holden in the kitchen in only a pair of gray sweatpants that sat dangerously low on his hips. I drank in the tattoos on his exposed back. The way his muscles moved underneath his skin. His firm ass.

Then he burned himself, and I got my first glimpse of his chest. My brain barely had a second to admire the tattoos, including a beautiful large script tattoo under his left pec, before the outline of his hard cock straining in his sweats stole my attention.

My breath hitches as the pulse between my legs intensifies at the memory.

I’ll probably regret this later, but I just want to feel for now .

A shiver rushes through my body. The movement is slight, but I’m positive Holden notices it. His hand flexes again, so close to the underside of my breasts that my entire body is buzzing with anticipation.

You haven’t been with anyone in ages. That’s the only reason you could ever react this way to Holden. Yes, he’s a beautiful man, but you hate him. Remember? He left you. Anyone would be craving touch after only getting a few hugs in the last few years, most of them from Evie.

Yes, it’s pure instinct. Nature is taking over. That’s all this is.

“Hurricane.”

My name leaves his mouth in a hoarse whisper. The raspy sound is so sexy, a series of sparks course through me.

His fingers move a fraction like he’s unable to keep them still, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

I know I should stop. I know I should have jumped out of his arms the second I woke up, but something is holding me here. Curiosity? A longing to be held? For once, I want to throw all caution to the wind, be reckless, and dive in headfirst.

What’s a little awkwardness added to our already shitty situation?

“Hurricane.” This time, his voice is sterner, the warning clear.

And what do I do? I arch my back and tilt my head in some twisted offering. “Mmm?”

“Damn it, I can’t . . . you don’t know what you’re asking. Tell me to stop.”

Since I stay quiet, his lips brush over my feverish skin, impatient kisses interspersed with hungry nibbles. The instant he licks over the column of my throat, I lose the last bit of control and moan.

Whether I want to be or not, I’m a goner for this man.

My nipples are tight, and I push my heavy breasts against his hold, wanting him to touch me. Desperate to feel him.

I open my mouth to throw caution to the wind and tell him exactly what I want him to do to me when a loud “Holden?” sounds from outside the slightly ajar bedroom door, followed by an excited bark.

Jax and Stormy.

Holden’s body goes rigid, and I exhale a shaky breath. He jumps out of bed, still wearing the same black sweatpants and light-gray T-shirt as last night. The material clings to his ass and thick thighs, emphasizing his broad back and muscular arms.

Why does his imposing build have more heat pooling between my thighs?

Maybe because although you’re tall as a woman and carry around quite a few extra pounds, his much larger frame still makes you feel petite next to him?

I must have completely and utterly lost my mind.

Why am I thinking about him like this?

“Holden?” The voice sounds again, this time more impatient. “Sorry, boss. But you haven’t been answering your phone.”

Holden hisses and stands in the partially open door, blocking the view but leaving enough room for Stormy to weasel her way through his legs, coming straight for me to greet me with morning kisses.

“Good morning.” I scratch her behind the ears, and I swear she purrs. “Did you have a good sleep?”

She leans into my touch as Jax tells Holden, “I’m sorry, but my calls and messages went unanswered, and I wanted to check on you guys.”

Holden curses under his breath. “Sorry about that. We’re all good.”

Jax clears his throat. “Heather is here. She said she meets with Olivia every Friday morning.”

My eyes widen, and I gaze at the clock on my nightstand. “Crap.”

It’s already nine o’clock? How is that even possible? I don’t even remember the last time I slept this long.

Usually, I’m up by seven or eight at the very latest. I go for a walk or run with Stormy, followed by strength workouts four times a week before I start my work day with studio time, photo shoots, meetings, songwriting sessions, or whatever else is on the calendar.

“Why didn’t you wake us up? Did you sleep in too?” I kiss Stormy on the nose and scramble out of bed.

I rush into the bathroom, shutting everyone out to take care of business.

Ten minutes later, I’m in fresh clothes, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and applied some moisturizer. My hair is still a haphazard mess, but that’s what happens if you fall asleep with it wet in a bun on top of your head. There might be no rescuing that bird’s nest until my next wash.

Stormy is already waiting for me downstairs, her tail whipping left and right. “Hey, sweet girl.”

She huffs a happy bark and bumps her head against my leg, waiting for cuddles and not leaving my side. “I know we’re late today, but we’ll go out soon, promise.”

Heather sits at the kitchen island while Holden is behind the stove. This time, he’s thankfully dressed more appropriately than yesterday morning. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Look who’s getting jealous again over this man.

I shake my head in a lame attempt to clear it and focus on my assistant. “Hey, Heather.”

She spins around on her stool, pushes her glasses up her nose, and quickly glances at her lap again. I thought her shyness would lessen after working with me for a while, but she’s still as shy as on day one.

“Olivia. Hi.” Her fingers fidget on her pants. “I am so, so sorry to barge in here. I didn’t realize you . . . and uhm . . . I wouldn’t have stopped by.”

“No, I apologize. I forgot to set my alarm, and my phone was on silent.”

She nods and peeks at me through her bangs. “We can postpone our meeting. You have studio time later, so maybe sometime tomorrow? If you don’t have other plans.”

Although work is the last thing on my mind right now, maybe it’s a good thing Heather is here to distract me from what almost happened with Holden. And I don’t even want to think about Felix’s death right now. I have so many questions for Holden, but I need to be sure I’m ready for the answers.

So I wave her off and give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. “Now is as good as any other time.”

Heather nods, grabs the coffee from the counter, and extends it my way. “Your usual.”

I accept the large caramel macchiato, something Evie got me hooked on, and take a sip of the sweet coffee drink. “Thank you, Heather. I really am sorry about the chaos this morning.”

She shakes her head. “It’s no problem.”

I tilt my head toward the couches in the living room. “Let’s get started then?”

“Of course.” She slides off the stool with her drink and bag in hand.

Feeling Holden’s gaze on me, I glance at him and mouth, “Sorry.”

He shrugs as if to say, “No worries.”

He pushes a plate filled with scrambled eggs and fruit across the island. “For you.”

Something warm blooms in my chest. While it feels forbidden, it doesn’t feel wrong.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Stormy runs to him, probably knowing he’s become a primary food provider. “I’ll take this monster out for a run.”

As if she knows he’s talking about her, she stands on her hind legs and puts her front legs on his chest, reveling in the rubdown she’s getting with a lolling tongue hanging out of her mouth.

Oh, I feel ya.

Holden’s words finally register. “You’re leaving right now?”

He studies me then nods. “Jax will stay with you.”

My chest tightens. What if something happens while Holden’s gone?

Tell him.

No, I can’t. I don’t want him to worry.

I smile widely and say, “Of course. No problem. I’ll see you soon,” like everything is normal. I pretend I don’t feel less safe without him around, and that we also didn’t just almost make out in my bed less than half an hour ago.

Everything’s just peachy, thank you very much.

He scrutinizes me. “Will you be okay? We’ll be back soon.”

I immediately turn into a bobblehead. “Yup. Yes. All good. Definitely.”

What are you doing?

I hightail it to Heather, who’s already settled on the gray two-seater.

Somebody open up a black hole for me, please. Why am I suddenly so awkward around him? He hasn’t even kissed me or touched me.

Holden leaves with Stormy, and Jax slips into the condo.

And I plop down on the couch beside Heather and empty half of my drink. Maybe some sugar will help cure me of this mess I’ve turned into.

Jax stays quiet and in the background, just like Luke was. Friendly yet very professional. More of a shadow than an active participant in my regular life.

Which is the exact opposite of Holden, who’s constantly near me. Too close. Too loud. Too much in my head. Too damn tempting.

“Olivia, did you hear me?”

Heather comes back into focus, and I rub my forehead. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with me today. I think my brain is still half asleep. What did you say?”

“Please don’t worry about it. You’ve got a lot going on.”

I snort. “You could say that. Things have been a bit crazy lately, that’s for sure.”

She plays with her long necklace, twirling the rose crystal between her fingers. “I still can’t believe you’re married.”

The moment the hushed words leave her lips, she clamps a hand over her mouth and stares at me with shocked eyes.

I chuckle. “I know what you mean. It’s crazy to have the whole world know about it now.”

I point at the tablet on her legs to save us more awkwardness. “Anything exciting going on?”

She clears her throat, probably grateful we can focus on work.

“Nisha said that Ian wants you in the studio next week, so I penciled that in on Thursday.”

I frown. “Did she say why? The album is all done.”

“Oh, um. One sec.” She clicks around, switching screens and reading something. “Something about an extra song to the album? She mentioned he was very excited about the lyrics you sent him. He talked to Wanda, and they convinced the higher-ups to let you add another song.”

I freeze because I didn’t send Ian an email with lyrics.

Dread and unease swirl in my stomach, and I’m concerned the coffee might come back up.

Her eyes go back and forth between mine, like she can’t quite decide which eye to focus on. “Olivia . . . are you okay? You’re as white as a sheet.”

I try to ignore the warning bells going off and nod. “Yeah. Sorry. I was just surprised. I’ll call him later.”

Her hand goes to her chest, and she lets out a shaky laugh. “I thought for a second I did something wrong.”

I shake my head. “Absolutely not. What else do we have?”

Her attention goes back to the screen, and she taps each day with the pen as she talks. “Nothing major. We have a lot of prep work for the festival in two months. Wanda and Nisha want to discuss the setlist, the setup, marketing, your appearances, et cetera. Harrison, Elise, and Eduardo are ready to talk about styling, hair, and makeup once you guys have the show figured out. Then, as mentioned, Thursday is studio time with Ian. Nisha blocked Friday, and you blocked Saturday, but neither says for what.”

My gaze zooms in on Saturday’s date—Holden’s sister’s birthday. Somehow, I never took it off my calendar.

I wonder why.

We hash out pickup times, locations, and other boring stuff until the door opens, and Holden and Stormy walk inside.

My crazy girl stops for the quickest ear rub in history before she sprints to the kitchen and her water bowl. She knows she’ll get her breakfast in about forty-five minutes, and then she’ll pass out for her mid-morning nap.

Which sounds pretty dang good today.

Chilly New York spring temperatures bestowed Holden with rosy cheeks, and I can’t look away from him. His conversation with Jax is too low for me to hear, but Holden laughs at something, and it’s as though the floor beneath me shifts. I haven’t seen his carefree side in so long, and realizing how much I missed it pricks my eyes with tears.

Heather shifts around next to me, pulling me out of my trance. “Well, I better get going then.”

She grabs her things just as my phone buzzes with a notification. It reminds me that I need to find the email I supposedly sent to Ian.

I say bye to Heather absentmindedly and focus on my screen, only half registering that Jax escorts her out, and Holden sits on the other side of the couch.

My heart plummets into my stomach when I see the email in my sent folder. The timestamp is from yesterday afternoon, and only one line is above the lyrics.

What do you think about an extra song?

Underneath it are the lyrics I wrote over five years ago. The same lyrics I never wanted a soul to see because these words were meant for me and me only.

This can’t be happening. I will wake up any second now, and this was all just a dream. Or rather, a nightmare.

I draw in a stuttered gasp, the ice-cold panic inside me threatening to swallow me belly first. A bead of sweat rolls down my neck and dark spots invade my vision, and I lean forward and put my head between my legs.

In the distance, I can hear Holden calling my name.

But I can’t focus on him right now.

My entire body is trembling, my skin too tight. I wrap my clammy hands around myself, trying to calm down the hurried breaths that burst in and out of my lungs. Pressing my knees against the sides of my head only increases the volume of blood flowing through my ears.

Will this be over soon? I’m not sure how much longer I can endure this insufferable pain in my chest that is trying to shred me to pieces from the inside.

A hand touches my back, and I jolt upright.