26. Holden
Chapter 26
Holden
Day 937 without you: Losing my freedom is nothing compared to losing you.
I finally emerge from my office with Jax, only to find Archer alone in the kitchen. I peer around the open space, then go to the patio doors to scan the backyard.
“She went to her room,” Archer says with a sigh.
I turn toward him, expecting a cocky smirk. Instead, his expression is almost solemn.
My brain is immediately on alert, and my heartbeat speeds up. “What happened?”
He frowns. “What do you mean? Nothing happened.”
Jax takes a bite of the brownie he must have picked up, his gaze ping-ponging between Archer and me.
My steps are loud in the otherwise quiet room as I cross it. I lean forward, placing my hands on the edge of the cool kitchen island. Closer to Archer. Narrowing my eyes at him. “Is she okay?”
Archer rolls his eyes. “Always so dramatic.”
“Don’t be an ass.”
He sighs. “She was okay when she went upstairs.”
I knew it. “But she wasn’t before?”
“I went outside, and she was crying. But I don’t know why. She didn’t tell me.”
I want to wrap my hands around his throat for not giving me this information the second we entered the room. And he knows it too.
He lifts a brow. “Don’t give me that look. Just because you want to get into her panties doesn’t mean you get the right to everything else about her too.”
It only takes me a few long strides to get around the island to Archer’s side. My hands connect with his chest in a hard shove. “What’s your fucking problem?”
Jax steps between us, holding a hand toward both of us. “Whoa, let’s calm down, okay?”
My chest heaves, filling with oxygen. I try to calm down, knowing I’m overreacting. I don’t even know why. If it’s about Olivia, I’ve always been slightly irrational, I guess. I told myself it was because I was protecting her and taking better care of her than my sister. If I said that out loud, Archer would laugh straight in my face. Rightfully so.
I stare at my best friend. He’s breathing like a bull, ready for a fight. I’m unsure if what happened with Olivia triggered him, but something is going on.
Taking a step closer, I try to get past Jax. “Is there something you want to say to me?”
“Fuck you.” He storms off, barging out of the patio doors and down the path toward the pool house.
Jax scrubs a hand over his head. “Shit. What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.” I grab my nape with both hands and close my eyes.
My brain is spinning, and I know what I have to do. Deep down, I understand why Archer is so upset, or at least one of the reasons, because I’d probably feel no different if the roles were reversed. We butt heads sometimes because we’re too similar—we are protective to the bone. I knew he’d get attached to Olivia in no time, the same way he did back then.
Olivia is easy to like, and even though years have passed and we’ve all changed, it was almost second nature to jump back into our old selves.
“Fuck.” My stomach dips just thinking about talking with Olivia. To the point where I’d rather fight a whole army and let them beat me to a pulp than bare my soul to her.
Because what if she sees me for the monster I am? I can’t lose her again after I just got her back.
Apparently, that’s the risk I need to take, even if I don’t want to. The payoff will either be worth it or destroy me entirely.
Jax washes his hands in the sink, never taking his gaze off me once. “Is there anything I can do?”
His voice grounds me, allowing me to push back my worries enough for my resolve to take over.
I need to do this. I have to.
I straighten and shake my head. “I’m afraid this is something I need to do myself. But thanks.”
He claps me on the shoulder in a supportive gesture and leaves the room. “I’m in the office if you need me for anything.”
“Thanks, Jax.”
That means I’m by myself again with my way-too-loud thoughts.
I push off the counter and set one foot in front of the other, making my way up the stairs before I can talk myself out of it. With each step, my heart threatens to jump out of my chest, and the apprehension buries itself so deep that nausea forms in my stomach.
But I continue.
This has to happen.
It’s been long overdue.
I stop in front of Olivia’s bedroom door, just as my phone buzzes in my pants. Since I’m a chickenshit, I use the interruption to delay the unavoidable for a few more minutes and check the new group chat messages from Phoenix and Evie.
Evie: How are you doing? Olivia told me she was okay after the car incident, but I wasn’t sure if she was downplaying it.
Phoenix: Any news on the guys who did this?
Me: Nope. And I’m not holding my breath O’Neal will find anything on the fingerprints either.
Me: And Olivia’s all right. A bit shaken up, but fine.
Evie: Good. I wish I could see her, but you two brutes must be overprotective again. Will you give her a hug from me, please?
My fingers fly over the keyboard.
Me: You bet. And I know you want to help, but I don’t want you guys anywhere near this. It’s stupid to put targets on you too.
Evie: I get it, but I still don’t like it.
Me: I know, but it’s safer this way.
Dots appear in the corner of the screen, then disappear. Surprisingly, Phoenix’s text message comes in next.
Phoenix: So, how are things with Olivia? Do you need to talk about her?
Me: Smooth subject change, dude.
Evie: Babe, are you offering Hold love advice?
Phoenix: Obviously.
Evie: Phoenix, honey, no offense, but you forced me to marry you to get revenge on me.
Phoenix: And look how that turned out for me.
Evie: Oh my God.
Me: Man, I miss you guys. You’re so entertaining.
Evie: Ignore him, Hold. I’m here if you need to talk. I know a lot is happening right now, but do you think there is something between you guys?
My fingers hover over the screen.
It’s time to stop beating around the bush. All or nothing. No pain, no gain.
Me: Yes.
Evie: Yes???
Me: You know very well I never stopped loving her. I don’t even know why you pretend you don’t.
Evie: Well, obviously, I was hoping that was the case.
Phoenix: She totally knew. If you weren’t already married, she’d be planning your wedding right this second.
Evie: Stop it.
Phoenix: No.
I stare at the closed door in front of me, the woman we’re discussing only feet away.
Me: Well, I’m glad you approve.
Evie: Are you kidding? Of course we do.
Phoenix: Definitely.
Me: I’ve got to go. There’s something important I have to talk to Olivia about.
Evie: Shut up. Are you going to tell her how you feel?
Me: No. I’m going to come clean about why I left her.
Phoenix: Holy shit.
Evie: Wow. You really do love her.
Me: Thanks for the confirmation.
Evie: This is big.
Phoenix: That’s what she said.
Evie: Oh, for fuck’s sake, Phoenix.
Evie: Hold, ignore him. Tell her. She’ll understand. And let us know how it goes. Good luck.
Me: Thanks.
I switch my phone to silent and pocket it.
This is it—the edge of the precipice where our current path ends. The new path is still hidden from me, but it has the potential to bring utter darkness and destruction.
I lift my shaky hand and knock on the door.
“One second,” Olivia calls from the other side.
She opens the door with a whoosh , causing a few strands of her hair to move in the breeze.
My fingers itch to brush them back. To touch them. To touch her .
And how easy it would be to let her distract me once again.
I shove my hands in my pockets to resist the temptation. “Hey.”
One corner of her mouth quirks up. “Hey.”
I let my gaze roam over her, noticing the slight red sheen still visible in her eyes. “You okay?”
She sighs. “Archer told you?”
My chest expands with thoughts of my best friend and how he stormed off. “Something like that.”
She stares at the ceiling as if she’s gathering the strength for whatever she will say next. “Listen, can we talk? There’s something I wanted to tell you.”
“I was going to ask you the same.” I swallow. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
The question spills out of my mouth. On my way up here, I told myself we’d sit down and just get it over with. But now that she’s right in front of me, I can’t imagine looking her in the eye when I spill my secrets.
Maybe that makes me a coward, but I don’t care. If I see how much this hurts her, I might not tell her everything.
“I’d love that.” Olivia turns toward the room. “Let’s go, baby.”
It takes entirely too long for me to understand that Olivia’s talking to Stormy, and not me. Despite this dire situation I’m about to propel myself into, my dick thought she meant me.
Stormy runs past us and down the stairs, and Olivia follows. I walk behind her, staring at how her hoodie swallows half her body— my hoodie.
I cling to the hope that she would have burned my hoodie if she truly detested me.
Everything’s going to be okay. She won’t hate you.
Once outside, we walk along the tall hedges that run along the entire property, which allows us the privacy we need now more than ever.
Olivia is the first to break the silence. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. “I know this probably sounds ominous, but you should share first. What I have to tell you is pretty big, and there’s a chance you might not want to talk to me anymore afterward.”
She makes a snorting noise and then covers her mouth immediately.
I stare at her, as if it’s the first time I see her. “Did I say something funny?”
“No, I’m sorry.” She shakes her head and avoids my gaze. “It’s just . . . I thought the same thing, that you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore once you know.”
I stop walking, and Olivia halts beside me.
The fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Trust me, whatever you tell me, it won’t be as bad as what I tell you. And I don’t mean for this to sound like a twisted competition.”
“Wow . . . Uh, you’re right, that does sound ominous.”
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t believe my revelation will be worse than hers, or she wouldn’t be poking fun at it.
How I wish she were right.
“Hurricane. Tell me.”