Tangled in Vows (Tangled & Torn #2)

33. Holden

Chapter 33

Holden

Day 1190 without you: Knowing your dream came true gives me the strength to survive without you.

T alking about my regrets and failures never gets any easier. “I wanted to do what was best for you.”

I wish I could see her face while we talk, but it might be better this way. Some conversations are easier without eye contact.

“How so?” The question is quiet. She doesn’t sound angry this time, just curious.

And thank fuck for that. I can handle curiosity because she deserves to know what happened. That was never the problem.

But while we’re in a safe space now, or at least I hope we are, the words I need to say still twist my gut whenever I think about the past, the pain sharp and heavy. Weighed down by the fear of destroying me, or worse, us.

My pulse quickens, and I hate every second of it. “I knew things didn’t go well with your aunt and the community, but I always suspected there was more you didn’t tell me.”

She hisses quietly at my words, and I wonder if she remembers the nightmare she had that I witnessed and what she told me after she woke up.

“He . . . he . . . Felix didn’t listen and wouldn’t let me go. None of them would.”

This entire time, I’d hoped Felix had lied to me the night I met him. That he only said those vile words to taunt me. But while Olivia hasn’t brought it up again or told me the whole story, the little she said had destroyed the shred of hope I’d held on to. I purposefully didn’t mention it as I told her what happened with Felix either.

I brush my hand over her hair, needing to touch her, hoping to soothe her. “You deserved something good after all the shit in your life. You were so talented and had so much potential, clearly meant for great things. Being associated with me and a murder would have taken that opportunity from you before you ever had a chance to show the world how amazing you are.”

She moves off my chest and shifts until she’s on the pillow beside me. Facing me. Apparently, we’re having this conversation with eye contact, after all.

The bridge between her brows scrunches together. “But how did I never hear about this? And how did no one ever question me? We were married.”

“Still are.” The words slip out.

And you finally consummate the marriage after almost six years. Congratulations.

I push the thought away—bad timing.

Her gaze softens, and she nods. “Yes, we still are.”

That’s all she gives me, so I focus on her questions. “Archer deserves all the credit for that. Even back then, his hacking skills were off the charts, and he managed to alter my name in their system so that no one could trace it to you. I owe him a lot, but I’ll never be able to repay him for that.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” I sigh, thinking about the stupid fight I had with him earlier. “He’s the best. He still makes sure nothing resurfaces, so there’s no mention of what happened anywhere online. It was pure luck my trial never received much media attention back then because other, bigger incidents were happening. That made it easier for Archer to stay on top of things.”

Her lips make a quiet pop sound as she releases them. “It’s crazy he can do something like that, and a bit scary, but again . . . wow.”

I chuckle quietly. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

She looks toward the ceiling. “So, Holden Donahue never went to prison then?”

“Unmarried, and now deceased, Holden Dennis Donahae went to prison but not married Holden Parker Donahue.”

Her mouth drops. “Not to sound like a total moron, but wow.”

“You should hear him when he talks about what he can do. I’m decent with computers, and yet it still sounds as if it’s an entirely different language to me. He’s on a separate planet with his skills.”

She lifts her hand and rakes her fingers through my hair. Her fingernails hit my scalp and comb through the strands, causing my eyelids to close of their own accord. Thank goodness I left it untied earlier after I went to the bathroom because nothing is more soothing, more calming to me, than her touch.

“I’m so happy he’s got those mad skills, and what you did isn’t on your record.”

I’m about to agree but she continues.

“I’m also glad you were there the day Felix came for me. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been the one to run into him.”

My eyes fly open, staring into her misty eyes. “I didn’t mean to kill him. I mean, I wanted to, but it wasn’t the goal. But he kept coming for me and running his mouth, so I lost it.” I exhale loudly. “In the end, he did me a favor by stabbing me and fighting back because by the time the police arrived, I looked the part. He was a decent-sized guy who caught me when I was exhausted after my fight. Not that the cops knew about that part.”

Her throat bobs on a loud swallow. “I never thought I’d be glad for someone’s death, but I am. He was an asshole who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Sadly, he hid it well; everyone thought he was such a sweetheart. It was already too late for me the day he showed his true face.”

I reach for her hand and bring our intertwined fingers to my mouth to kiss her palm. While her reassuring words are a balm to my soul, any mention of her trauma sets me immediately on edge. The muscles in my neck turn into taut cords, and it takes every ounce of self-control not to grind my teeth. “I’m sorry.”

She huffs a humorless laugh. “My aunt kept telling me how lucky I was to have such a perfect guy for a fiancé. That I was an ungrateful brat. She brought it up so often that my cousins were jealous and hated me even more than they already did.”

The few times she’d talked about her past, about her life in the community with her aunt’s family, or her parents’ death, she turned pale, clearly trapped in a different place and time, in a labyrinth of her pain. I couldn’t bear to see her this way, so I decided not to bring it up to spare her the agony. But was that the right thing to do?

I kiss her soft skin again. “I wish I could have known about you back then. I would have gotten you out of that awful place immediately. Probably punched some people on our way out too.”

Her misty eyes crinkle at the corners. “It’s okay. I got out . . . eventually.”

“But not early enough?” Something inside me urges me to ask and push some more today.

She shakes her head, confirming my darkest fears. The floor beneath me gives way while the air around me seems to thicken, blurring the edges of my vision and trying to choke me.

“The night before I ran away, Felix told me he had something important to share with me and to meet him at the barn. Against my better judgment, I went.” She scoffs. “But he wasn’t there to offer me my freedom like I’d foolishly hoped for but to obliterate it. To take what he said belonged to him, to . . . to get an early taste. I don’t think he meant to go all the way, but I panicked and fought him, which only got him more excited.”

A chilling wave washes over me, leaving my skin clammy and numb. “Did he . . . did he . . .”

I can’t get the words past my lips, horrified at the sheer prospect of it. But I can see it in her eyes. In the way her lids lower and the corners tighten.

Maybe I should have known. After all, my sister was the living embodiment of “I’m fine,” no matter how often our mom’s boyfriends got too close to her.

“I promise I’m fine, little H. You know I always am. It’s just a small bruise that’ll be gone in a few days. It’ll be like nothing ever happened. The same as last time, remember?”

The remainder of my sister’s voice disappears in my mind, just as Olivia says, “In front of his friends.”

Her confession echoes in the air between us, raw and sharp, slicing through the peace we’d built. I couldn’t look at her for a moment, my shoulders trembling under the weight of her admission. My entire body is screaming at me to do something, anything.

I want to bring Felix back to life just so I can kill him again. I want to dig up his remains and burn them until they’re nothing but dirty ash.

That motherfucker.

I knew he was an asshole, but I didn’t think he’d do such an unthinkable thing to her. To my sweet and strong Hurricane. To my wife.

When I finally manage to speak again, my voice is low and ragged. “Did they do something to you too? His friends?”

Every word that passes my lips is a stab to my chest I know I’ll never recover from. But for her, I will bear these scars forever, mirroring her own.

She shakes her head, and the relief I feel is insurmountable. I’m sure my knees would have given out if I wasn’t already lying down.

“They only held me down for him. But they didn’t touch me otherwise.”

The way she says “ only” so casually, as if we’re talking about the weather, makes my entire body shake with blood-boiling anger. “I’m going to need their names, Hurricane. I want to know who every one of those fuckers are.”

Every word vibrates with barely leashed fury, but my gaze stays unwavering on her. “Please.”

She stares at me and mutters, “Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat the word, forcing myself to take deep, measured breaths in an attempt to subdue the burning anger that’s clawing at my ribs.

The silence is thick and heavy between us. So much has happened—not just today, yesterday, or even in the last few weeks since I’ve been with her. But also in the previous few years. We’ve unraveled so much of our past in such a short time that I’m sure it’ll take both of us some time to digest everything we’ve unearthed.

“What happens now?” she asks quietly.

I cup her face, tracing her cheeks with my thumbs. “Now you’ll let me take care of you. I say nap first, then food. We also need to catch Archer up on everything. Maybe the email to Ian is the final puzzle piece he needs to get a lead on who we’re dealing with.”

“Does he need to read the email?”

Her gaze strays away from me as she turns to her back and stares at the ceiling.

While I managed to cool the fire beneath my skin, it hasn’t gone away. It’s waiting and ready to reignite if I let it. Seeing her upset is definitely a trigger at this point.

But none of this is her fault, so I grind my molars and pull tighter at my control.

“I’m not sure how much he’ll see of it, but it’s Archer. He might be a big goofball sometimes, but he’s trustworthy.”

She sighs. “I know he is. It’s just . . . this song . . . ugh . . . it’s going to hurt. Just thinking about the lyrics makes me want to hide and pretend the world doesn’t exist.”

Her voice wavers, breaking in places like she can’t control the emotions from taking over. I want to scoop her in my arms and hide from the world with her.

My chest heaves at the other obstacle in our life, feeling as though my body is constantly stuck in fight or flight lately. “We can try to have the label drop the song. Everyone has a price or pressure point.”

The corner of her mouth moves into a sad smile. “I know, but these guys aren’t playing around. I don’t want to do this song, but I want to play with my career even less. The label has been good to me, and I’m grateful for that. In the end, it’s not their fault someone decided to fuck with my life.”

The tension in my jaw aches as I try to relax enough to speak. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long to find this asshole.”

She turns her watery gaze on me and places her hand on my waist.

“It’s not your fault. Whoever is behind this clearly has done their homework.” Her eyebrows draw together. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s more than one person, considering how scattered everything has been, how nothing seems to fit together. Do you know what I mean?”

I nod, having contemplated the same thing before.

“There’s just no rhyme or reason to anything. And what exactly is this person trying to achieve? What’s the goal?”

There’s only one conclusion that made sense to my brain. “To make you pay for something you did, to make you suffer.”

Olivia’s throat moves several times before she asks, “Make me suffer for what though?”